MOMMY GUILT - Whinings & Joys of a Working Mom

Music Meets Autism Awareness - Again

2007-05-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

It has always been a personal goal to combine my music with raising autism awareness. Many musicians already have done that in the past, and many more continue to do so. Red Thread shared this information with me about a band, Five for Fighting, that is doing that very thing right now:

The band Five for Fighting is generously donating $0.49 to AutismSpeaks for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies to help find a cure. When you have a moment, please visit the link below to watch the video and pass it along to your friends and family. They were aiming for 10,000 hits, but last time I checked the page the counter was over 20,000. So check it out before they shut it down and pass the link to all your friends! As April is Autism awareness month I suspect that the 30th will be the last day the hits are counted (speculation on my part) so check it and pass it quick!

Click here to watch the video or copy and paste this link into your browser. Please share this with all of your friends and family.

http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/213154

Autism Awareness Month may be over. As 99.9% of parents of children on the spectrum will tell you, this one month just isn't enough, but in that time, let's do all we can and then spend the other 11months reminding everyone again.

Motherly Bragging

2007-04-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

Hi all...I have a bit of motherly bragging to do about Girl.

Each year, as the final art project of the year, the eigth graders are required to replicate a masterpiece by a famous artist. Girl chose a piece by Salvador Dali, entitled, "Mae West as an Apartment." A few pieces were entered into a contest with other schools throughougt the Chicago and suburban area. I am very proud to say that her painting was awarded 2nd place, with other classmates also placing in the top 6.

Girl's piece, as well as all of the eigth grade class, is eligible to receive the school's masterpiece award. If she wins, the school will keep her masterpiece and hang it in the halls of the school for posterity. She would receive a replica of her masterpiece to keep.

As usual, we are incredibly proud of her.

I'm Here - AND THERE!

2007-04-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

Hi everone! I wanted to let you know I haven't dropped off the face of the earth! Some of you, actually, have managed to find me. I am writing as the parent-of-special-needs-child/working mom representative at Chicago Parent Magazine's online component. You'll know how to find me when you get there, I promise. Life is still as crazy as ever. If you read the post below this one, then you know that even our sacred "7th Day" is no longer ours. We've been busier than bees, running to this, that and the other - usually at the same time. The band is on a roll and is gearing up to complete our CD!!! Stop on by ChicagoParent and say hi! There are many posts in there that I'd love your feedback on. Leaving a comment is as easy as clicking in the upper right corner where it says, "Join," creating a username & password (kind of like here at blogger), and then just leaving a comment (also kind of like here at blogger). I'll keep writing here, too...no worries, just not as often!

When Did Sunday Become Everyone ELSE'S Day?

2007-04-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

I miss Sundays. Waking to the smell of sausage, bacon, & eggs, going to church with my grandparents...the day was ours, as a family, to do as we pleased. If we didn't feel like doing the church thing, we'd sleep as late as we wanted. Sunday was the day for family...large dinners, family parties, dinner with our own little family; as an adult, Sunday was a day for me to have dinner with my mother, relaxing, letting the kids run around, having fun just enjoying the day and spending time together. If we weren't spending the day with extended family, perhaps we were with friends, perhaps we were doing house work, perhaps we were just lounging on the sofa, or playing in the park with our children. We don't spend our Sunday's like that any longer. Sadly, we don't "own" our Sundays anymore.

Once upon a time, there were no infringements on spending family time together on Sundays, unless it was by another family member celebrating - with the family, or if it was by our own choice to spend our Sunday with friends. We used to be able to schedule our Sundays- or not schedule and be spontaneous; now our schedule is provided for us.

Girl plays sports for school and is also a member of one of our village's traveling softball teams. Typically, during the week, there are multiple practices and games, with the weekends reserved for an early morning practice or a late evening game, though some are smack in the middle of the afternoon. We just got Girl's practice schedule for softball. She'll practice three weeknights, once on Saturday and TWICE on Sunday...TWICE,not just once. They were considerate enough to at least not start the first Sunday practice until 12:45 so that we can still go to church (or sleep to recover from the rest of the week). She will have tournaments almost every week during the summer - to the point where we had to schedule her graduation party 6 months in advance to avoid conflicting with a tournament...but that goes with the territory of playing on a competitive traveling team. It's the twice on Sunday that's killing me.

Personally, I think practicing at all on Sunday is wrong, but I also understand that, as a traveling team, they do not have access to a regular practice space and have to take what they can get. I'm willing to work with that. My daughter is an athlete, and incredibly intelligent to boot. I'd like for her to be able to go to college with a little bit of help from a scholarship, so I'm willing to make the sacrifices...but TWICE on Sunday? 12:45 - 2:30, 4:00 - 6:30....Time for the family comes when? Time for the rest of the family to do anything comes when? Time to spend time with OTHER family members comes when? Nope, not during the rest of the week, there is practice then, too.

SmallBoy is in Cub Scouts. We have our big giant pack meetings one Thursday evening a month. This typically conflicts with SmallBoy's OT, but the Scoutmaster is aware of this and is totally fine with us being a tad late. Flexibility. Wonderful! Our individual outings as a den, though, are typically held every other Sunday afternoon at 2 or 3:00. Again with the Sunday. Mind you, SmallBoy loves scouts and our leader is phenomenal, plans amazing activities for our boys (they're learning how to rapell for their next hike), and the boys get a LOT out of each meeting...but SUNDAY?

This week, SmallBoy is starting in an instructional basketball league at school for our 4th graders to get them ready for next year when they really play organized basketball. I'll give you one guess when it is....YEP. Right on the nose. Sunday...sometimes at noon, sometimes at 1:30, sometimes at 3:30. Again, Sunday's the only time they can get the gym for practice, so I understand, but this is getting a little much.

I sound like I'm complaining quite a bit, but when did my family's time get turned over to everyone else without my permission? I'd like to say,

"No, my child isn't going to be there for practice (or meeting or game) because it's Sunday, and that's the ONE day that we get to spend as a family doing family things,"

but then the coach's response would be,

"Ok fine. Then Girl/SmallBoy won't get the opportunity to play,"

or the scout leader would say,

"Ok, but then SmallBoy won't be eligible to receive the badge for this particular activity."

My children attend a Catholic school. Within the last couple of years, they instituted a rule, due to parents' complaints about Sunday practices, that no sports - practice or game - could begin before noon on Sunday, to allow families the chance to at least attend mass together. The coaches obliged. Practice starts at noon, with players required to arrive 15minutes prior. Go figure. 11:46 is late.

So we're stuck at the mercy of everyone else. I feel bad because I get so upset by this and, unfortunately, the kids feel it because it is their activity (that I want them involved in) that is causing this massive upheaval.

I won't ever pull Girl from sports, she loves them, she excels at them, and she has scholarship potential. I won't pull SmallBoy from Scouts or sports. He loves them, he needs both to help him learn the social pieces that are so difficult for those with Asperger's and autism.

I'm calling out to you for advice, for words of wisdom, for lessons learned by experience...is it worth it to say something to the coaches, or just suck it up? Should I keep the kids from doing the things they love because we, as a family, don't have any time together (bear in mind that we rarely eat dinner as a family during the week either)? Should I petition for a 4-day work week so that we can have ONE DAY, a measley 24-hours without having to do anything with/for anyone else but my family. Yeah, pipe dreams. What do YOU have to say?

'Tis the Reason for the Blog

2007-03-21T07:28:00.000-07:00

According to the Washington Post Article, posted yesterday, March 20, our "Mommy Time" with our children has increased since the 1960's from 10hrs/wk to 14hrs/wk....That is supposed to somehow ease our mommy guilt. I'm not certain I agree. Read the article and then we'll finish this story.

Mommy Guilt
by Washington Post
3/20/2007
For all the rush of modern life, recent research suggests that mothers are actually doing a better job than they may think, at least by historical standards.According to a University of Maryland study, today's mothers spend more hours focused on their children than their own mothers did 40 years ago, often imagined as the golden era of June Cleaver, television's ever-cheerful, cookie-baking mom.In 1965, mothers spent 10.2 hours a week tending primarily to their children -- feeding them, reading with them or playing games, for example -- according to the study's analysis of detailed time diaries kept by thousands of Americans. That number dipped in the 1970s and 1980s, rose in the 1990s and now is higher than ever, at nearly 14.1 hours a week.

This is especially striking because it is at odds with how today's mothers view their own lives: Roughly half of those interviewed said they did not have enough time with their children.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/

The last sentence says it all. Think about it: 14.1 hours spent with our children in a 7 day time period??? That just doesn't add up to me. I spend tremendous amounts of time with my children - almost all of my waking hours when I'm not at work, and that still doesn't feel like enough. We have sports, scouts, therapies, extra time spent at home on projects, studying with my children, at-home occupational therapy that WE do with our son. All of these things take a heck of a lot more time in the week than 14.1 hours, but I, personally, don't feel like it's cutting it. Hence the title of the blog.

I'm taken aback at the stats from the 60's, though. We thought June Cleaver was the bomb! Donna Reed - I mean, who wouldn't want those mothers? They were always there at the ready, cookies baking, dinner ready, blah blah blah, and some of those images make the feminist in me cringe, but still....how did all of THAT time only amount to 10 hours a week?

I would give almost anything to be able to stay at home with my children. I've said it before, I'm not a working mom by choice, but by necessity. If I was able to stay home, my GOD - I'd be able to spend so much more time with my children - or so it may seem. But really, would I?

All three of my children are in school. LargeBoy is a sophomore and is very independent. When he is home from school or not with his friends, he's usually hanging in his room with his iPod - either playing his guitar or bass, playing video games, or working on his next book idea (I wanted to say "novel," because they truly are "novels"). Girl is in 8th grade and quite the social butterfly. When she's not at school or with her friends, she's either at a sporting event - practicing or participating (in which case I'm there, but not WITH her), at a rehearsal for drama club, at a student council meeting, studying, on the computer, practicing the viola, or planning the next social event. SmallBoy, I will admit, gets a lot more of my time. I do most everything with him, but still, when he's not with me, he's playing video games or drawing - two of his favorite things. Would I really be spending more than 14.1 hours a week with them were I a stay at home mom? I don't know.

I suppose, when you look at the big picture, it does boil down to a few short hours per week. And no, that does nothing to ease my mind and make me feel less Mommy Guilt. I'd love to hear your comments & feedback.

Music Meets Autism Awareness

2007-03-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

VH1 Classic Plans to 'Rock Autism'<

VH1 Classic announced on March 13 that it will launch its first-ever pro-social initiative geared towards raising awareness about autism. The "Rock Autism" campaign will kick off with a music star-studded public service announcement, or PSA, on April 1 to mark the start of Autism Awareness Month.

"Autism is such a devastating disorder for so many families, and its rate of prevalence is increasing at an alarming rate," said Tom Calderone, executive vice president and general manager, VH1. "VH1 Classic has dedicated itself to making an impact on autism because many of our viewers are parents who are now dealing with this issue. We've also found over the years that this disorder has touched the lives of m any of the artists and musicians that we work with at VH1 Classic."

"Rock Autism" will use the influence of VH1 Classic and its connections with classic rock artists to make a measurable impact in this field by bringing awareness to the facts about autism, and by raising funds for autism organizations. The first 30-second PSA features a lineup of classic rock legends including Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith, Roger Daltrey of The Who, Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin, Tommy Lee and Vince Neil of Motley Crue, Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons of KISS, Rob Halford of Judas Priest, Ronnie James Dio, and Dee Snider of Twisted Sister.

The campaign will feature both on and off-air components, including public service announcements, VH1 Classic news breaks, and on-air fundraising stunts. The April launch will also include "Pay to Play," a fundraiser where viewers can go online and make a donation in exchange for VH1 Classic playing their favorite classic video. Proceeds from this element will benefit Autism Speaks. VH1 Classic previously used "Pay to Play" as a fundraiser after Hurricane Katrina to raise funds for Mercy Corps, an international humanitarian relief organization. This partnership with Mercy Corps was VH1 Classic's first public affairs effort and successfully raised over $150,000 for hurricane relief.

In addition, a website will be created at www.rockautism.vh1classic.com where viewers can access information on autism, link to autism organizations, and learn about upcoming fundraising events and auctions in conjunction with the initiative.

Autism Research Survey that YOU can Participate in

2007-03-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

II hope that some of you are able to utilize this and help aid in the research. There's a brief bio below on the woman who is doing the study and compiling the data. I promise I'll get back to posting more once this New Country Starcontest with the band is over (which reminds me, click HERE to vote!)

Informal Survey on Therapeutic Approaches in Use By Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders
Launched March 15, 2007
Please Respond by April 15, 2007

Three Ways to Respond: Email to: info@bethclay.com Fax: 1-202-318-7557 or Mail: 3470 Olney Laytonsville Road #187, Olney, MD 20832 USA

Beth Clay became involved in autism policy in 1999 when she led the Congressional hearings and investigation with Congressman Dan Burton. Now in the private sectgor, she is conducting an informal survey to learn more about the therapies that families living with autism spectrum disorders are using. The findings of this informal survey will be made public by year’s end. Please post this survey on your discussion groups and share freely with families living with autism spectrum disorders. Thank you in advance for your assistance.

I. Responder Details:
Survey Responses Prepared by: ___ Self ___Mother ____ Dad ___ Grandparent ____ Other Caregiver

II. Individual: This individual lives in _____________________ (City, State, Country)

Actual Diagnosis: ______________________________________ Current Age: __________

_____Classical Autism (from Birth) or _____ Acquired Autism (Age of Onset ____)

Other Medical Conditions Diagnosed: __________________________________________________________

Age at Diagnosis: ___________ Gender: ___Male ___Female
Culture/Race: _______________________

Verbal: ___ Yes _____ NO ____ Limited

How Many Siblings ___ brothers ____sisters
If so: Are any of these siblings diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder? ____ or ADD/ADHD? ____

III. Behavioral Therapies Currently in Use:
1. Please list the current behavioral conditions (such as Lovvas or ABA).

2. Provided by _____public school system _____ private school program _____ in the home _____ in a medical or treatment center _____ by parent or family member
3. Payment _________ covered in IEP __________ covered by insurance _____ covered by MEDICAID _______ paid for out of pocket _____ services donated
4. Explanation if desired:

Behavioral Therapies Previously Used:

5. Please list the previously used behavioral conditions (such as Lovvas or ABA

6. Provided by _____public school system _____ private school program _____ in the home _____in a medical or treatment center _____ by parent or family member
7. Payment _________ covered in IEP __________ covered by insurance _____ covered by MEDICAID _______ paid for out of pocket _____ services donated
8. Explanation of why treatment was suspended or changed:

9.What objective measures do you use to measure success of behavioral therapies? (i.e. additional words in vocabulary, ability to dress, use the toilet, etc.)

IV. Dietary Supplements
Dietary supplements (vitamins, herbs, minerals, etc.) are widely used in the autism community. Please provide a list of products current being used and specific condition or behavior you are using the product to address (vision, chelating metals, behavior, specific diagnosis, etc.)

10. In Current Use

Product Dose per day Brand Condition

11. Previously Used:

Product Dose per day Brand Condition Age and Duration

12. If you previously used products that are no longer in use, did you suspend use because the condition __was resolved, ___ because you felt the product didn’t work, ____because of an adverse reaction to the product, or other reason? Please explain:

13. How do you generally decide to use products?
_________Prescribed by a Physician _________ Prescribed by another health care professional _________ Recommended by a friend _________ Heard about it on the internet _________ Heard about it at a Conference ____ Speaker ____ Booth ___ Attendee _______ Read about it in ____ book ____ magazine ____ newspaper ___ catalogue
Other, Explain if desired:

14. Do you want the National Institutes of Health to conduct or fund research evaluating the _____ safety and/or _____ efficacy of dietary supplements in relation to autism spectrum disorders and related conditions? If so, on a scale of 1 to 10, how high a priority is this for you? ___________

15. Do you want the autism and disability philanthropic community (such as ASA, Autism Speaks, etc.) to fund research into the _____ safety and/or _____ efficacy of dietary supplements in relation to autism spectrum disorders and related conditions?

16. Do you have a priority for specific products you would like evaluated? ___ YES _____ NO
If so, which product(s):

17. Current Approximate Monthly Cost for Dietary Supplements: __________
18. Is this more or less than this time last year? __________

V. Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) Therapies
19. Do you now or have you every included CAM therapies in your treatment regimen? ___ YES ____ NO

Please check if the following therapies are being used or have been used and the approximate age of use and whether you had a positive outcome with the treatment. (Feel free to elaborate as to desired outcomes, actual experience with practitioner, and other details as desired.)
20. Approach Age Positive Outcome?
_______ Acupuncture
_______ Biofeedback (or Biofeedback accessory devices)
_______ Chiropractics
_______ Homeopathy
_______ Music Therapy
_______ Massage Therapy
_______ Rolfing or other body based therapies
_______ Hyperbaric
_______ Reiki, Touch Therapy or other Energy Healer
_______ Ayurveda
_______ Sweat Lodge, Sauna, or other sweat inducing protocol
_______ Traditional Oriental Medicine
_______ Traditional Medicine of another culture ______________
_______ Colonics
________ Other, please detail:

21. Do you want the National Institutes of Health and its National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine to conduct or fund research evaluating the _____ safety and/or _____ efficacy of CAM theraies in relation to autism spectrum disorders and related conditions?

22. Do you want the autism and disability philanthropic community (such as ASA, Autism Speaks, etc.) to fund research into the _____ safety and/or _____ efficacy of Cam therapies in relation to autism spectrum disorders and related conditions?

23. Do you have a priority for specific therapies you would like evaluated? ___ YES _____ NO If so, which ones:

24. Where you referred by: ____ Physician ____ Other Health Care Professional ___ Family Member ____ Other Autism Parent ___ Conference _____ Online ___Self Referral____ Other Please Explain:____________________________________________________________________________________________

25. Where these treatments paid for by _______ Insurance ________ Medicaid ____ Out of pocket _____ donated __________ Other, Please Explain: __________________________

26. Was the use of a CAM therapy specifically for the diagnosis of autism? _____ YES ____ NO
(Chiropractic for back pain for example would be a non-autism diagnosis) .
27. Approximate Cost for last 12 months for CAM therapy Use: ________

VI. Special Dietary Approaches
28. Is the individual currently on a special diet? ______ YES _____ NO
29. Type: ____Gluten Free ______ Casein Free ______ Organic Other: _______________
30. How long on the diet? ________ Are their noticeable improvements in symptoms? ______ YES _____ NO
31. Is this diet the result of a diagnosed food allergy (i.e. celiac disease) ______ YES _____ NO
32. Have you previously tried a different dietary approach? ______ YES _____ NO
31. How long was the previous approached used? _________________
32. What precipitated the change? ______________________________________________________________

VII. Physical Therapy and Exercise
33. Are any physical therapy, occupational therapies currently used? ___ YES ___ NO Please describe:

34. Trampoline ___ YES ___ NO
35. Participate in any Team Sports ___ YES ___ NO Please describe (including where offered – i.e. school, club, non-profit like NYFAC or YMCA, etc.):

37. Individual Sports ___ YES ___ NO Please describe:

38. If school age, has the individual involved in any sporting events in school? ___ Yes ___ NO

VIII. Spirituality and Religion (for parents response only)
39. Do you consider yourself a religious person? ______ YES _____ NO _______Spiritual but not Religious
40. After having a child who was born with or developed an autism spectrum disorder, did your church attendance change? _____ YES _________ NO (______ Increased ______ Decreased ____ Ceased)
41. Do you find comfort in prayer? _____ YES ___________ NO

IX. Prescription and Over the Counter Drugs 42. Are Any Drugs Currently Prescribed? ____ Yes ___ No Please List:

43. Approximate annual cost for medical serivces, drugs, and therapies. _________________
a. ____ % insurance b. ____ % MEDICAID c. ____ % out of pocket d. ____ % donated

X. Please check all that apply 44. I believe this individual developed autism as a result of a vaccine injury. ________
45. This individual has been diagnosed with mercury toxicity. ________
a. Other metals as well. ______________ (Please List.______________________________________________)
(Please describe how verified.______________________________________________)
46. This individual is using or has utilized a)___ Chelation Therapy. __________ b. ___ IV Chelation c. ___ Oral Prescription Chelator d. ___ Oral Dietary Supplement Chelator e). ___ Topical Chelator f. ___ Suppository Chelator g. ___ Other (Please explain)

47. This individual has been diagnosed with an inflammatory bowel condition. _____
48. This individual has been diagnosed with post MMR measles infection. _____
(Please describe how verified.______________________________________________)
49. This individual is currently on a Medicaid waiting list? _____
50. The parents of the individual with autism remain married (or together). ________

Please Respond by April 15, 2007 Three Ways to Respond: Email to: info@bethclay.com Fax: 1-202-318-7557 or Mail: 3470 Olney Laytonsville Road #187, Olney, MD 20832 USA You assistance in this is greatly appreciated. All individual-specific information will remain confidential. Please do not worry if the formatting becomes distored. Feel free to insert additional lines or information. If you wish to receive information as a follow up, please insert an email address here: _______________________________________

SHAMELESS SHAMELESS Band Campaigning

2007-03-14T12:13:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys! I know I've not really been around, but I've been busy doing band stuff, SmallBoy stuff, work stuff, and well, life stuff. Head on over to my NEW CHICAGO PARENT blog for the latest on SmallBoy at the Bulls game - I'll post it here sooner or later, but if you want to read it sooner, pop over there!

In the meantime, I need to do some shameless campaigning for our band. One of our fans thought we were pretty good and entered us into a contest to be New Country Star's Favorite New Country Artist/Band! You can listen to a bit of our song, "Pick the Tune," written by our bass player, Peter, and if you love it, you can vote for our band once every hour through the month of march.

There is a great deal of phenomenal talent in this contest in all categories, Female Vocalist, Male Vocalist and Band/Duo. Click on the link above or on any of the pics below (or even of the pic of PC & me on the sidebar) and vote. A lot. Here's the band!

CHRISTINA

MIKE

SCOTT

PETER

JOE

Get Your BookMarks & Your BookClubs Set

2007-03-06T18:18:00.000-08:00

It's getting time to pull out the summer reading again, and boy do I have a great one for you! Following up her first book, Confessions of A SuperMom, Melanie Lynne Hauser is releasing SuperMom Saves the World. Super Mom picks up after the Horrible Swiffer Accident, and has our main character, Birdie (and her alter-ego, SuperMom) struggling with many things: The Phantom of the BallPark and the Secret Super Duper Swiffer, her ex-husband, her fiance, the Astro Park-O-Dome that seems to be an all consuming thing for the town, and a teenager who drives.

I haven't finished yet, but reading it is so much fun, I hate putting it down. I MUST go back and read her first book! What I really enjoy, aside from the fact that I can relate to Birdie, as she tries to do 12 things at one time. Go to Amazon NOW and order this book!!!!

My next MUST HAVE book, I recommend on a personal note. I know the author well and can tell you, without ever having read the book that it's fabulous, because I'm extremely familiar with the story. The book is called, Daddy's House by Jane Meadowcroft. It is the story of a little girl who lives with her mom. She visits with her daddy every weekend. Jane's book tells about all of the adventures the two have in their precious time together. It is the story of a beautiful relationship between a girl and her Daddy. It is a story of love, unconditional and from a bit of a unique perspective. This is a perfect book for families with children who travel between two houses. Check out Jane's book. You can buy it at Author House. This book is soon to be followed up by the story of a Prince Charming who sweeps an exhausted over-worked, underpaid mother of three (with one child on the Autistic Spectrum) off of her feet, and how they all begin, as a family, to grow together and create a whole new life.

I have more - but I haven't finished. I've been trying to read multiple books all at the same time and am still finishing a few. I'll keep them coming for you, though, I promise. Check out these books and let me know what you think!!!

Can They DO This?

2007-03-01T12:25:00.000-08:00

"They" being the legal system, the special ed teacher, the school. I found this through the myspace site that I write on and was just floored. Can they REALLY do this?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Evelyn Burgo
Patricia Genders

6-Year-Old Autistic Boy Charged with Assault II
WHO: Evelyn Burgo
WHAT: Disabled child charged with Assault II for jumping on teacher
WHEN: February 26, 2007
WHERE: Kailua-Kona, Big Island, Hawaii
WHY: Child attacked special education teacher after repeated warnings from mother of his violent nature

On Monday, February 26, a 6-year-old autistic boy was read his rights and charged with Assault II for jumping on his special education teacher. This arrest was made when he and his mother went to pick up some files at the Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Police Department.

This same special education teacher took out a Temporary Restraining Order against this student and his mother.

Ho'okena School, as well as the teacher and the District Superintendent are well aware of this child's violent outbursts. In the past, he was moved out of a summer school class because he attacked other students. Prior to jumping on his teacher, he was removed from his current classroom because the staff was worried he would hurt himself or others, and kept him in time- out from 10:55 a.m. until his mother picked him up at 2:00 p.m. The school has been asked repeatedly to at the very least provide a one-on-one aide that is trained in the art of dealing with autistic children, or move him to a school for autistic children.

Even with all of this, the school contends they can handle him. All the testing says that this child is at a pre-K level. But he should be at a first grade level.

His mother, Evelyn Burgo, says: "I am at a loss as to what to do. I feel my son needs help, not punishment, and he needs it now, as the window of opportunity to help him is running out.

Many people have told me that I need take this to the media to finally get the help we need, and that is what I hope to do. I have done everything the school has asked and tried to work with them, to no avail. Now, here I am with a disabled 6-year-old with Assault II charges against him.

We are filing for a Fair Hearing. But I understand this will take months and my child is not being educated nor is the school providing any help with his education, even though they know neither he nor I are able to go on school grounds because of the temporary restraining order."

What can Mom do? Anyone? Forgive my ignorance, but wouldn't this be something for which the special ed teacher would be prepared, especially working with kids on the spectrum? I'm appalled.

I've Been Meaning to Write...

2007-02-23T10:41:00.000-08:00

...but life just keeps happening around me and not leaving much time to breathe. I've been meaning to write about the things that have been coming home in SmallBoy's notebook, good & bad. I've been meaning to write about Girl's latest round of injuries (none due to her insane sports schedule, believe it or not). I've been meaning to write about LargeBoy's first "big purchase," and I don't count the iPod, since that was gift money. I've been meaning to write about the new paint job in the house so that we can jack up the equity and hopefully get a good re-finance rate. I've been meaning to write about how North Country is just crashing onto the scene. I've been meaning to write about SmallBoy's sleepover, when his bestest bud, PQ, stayed, and how the whole social thing played out. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK....I've had a lot to write about, but no time. When I manage to find the time, either someone else is on the computer, I'm insanely busy at work, or my laptop is busy crashing for the 10th time in 4hrs (no virus, it just hates me).

Let's start with SmallBoy, though, since he's the important one in this whole posting. I've mentioned before what great success we're having with the notebook that we're using to communicate between school and home. It's been helping all of us - SmallBoy, the teachers, and us, of course, to keep track of SmallBoy's comings and goings, send suggestions back to the teachers, send notes from J the Fabulous OT, etc... I've made smaller, one page, mini-notebooks for the teachers that he sees for the specials - music, art, Spanish, computer, library, gym. It truly is an amazing tool and I can't believe it took so long for me to pick up on it.

Every once in a while, though, I seem to be unprepared when the notebook comes home saying that SmallBoy had a bad day, even less prepared when he's had an awful day, and just dumbfounded when he's had an atrocious day. Why? Don't know. Last week, after having just a terrible week or so prior, due to schedules, Ex being a schmuck, SmallBoy feeling under the weather and just down on himself in general, the notebook came home and I was prepared. All week I had read about the difficulties that he had been having and sending the notebook back the next day with my tips and bits of SmallBoy wisdom. I didn't expect this entry to be any different than the rest, but was hopeful for something good. HA. I wish I could quote it verbatim, but I don't have it in front of me, but the premise was this: the teachers were chatting and thought that perhaps SmallBoy could also have ODD (for those of you not in the land of abbreviations, learning disabilities, and spectrum disorders, who just happen to be popping by for the first time, ODD is short for Oppostional Defiant Disorder). She asked if this is part of Asperger's, if it is something completely separate, etc. I've gotta tell you, I had that same, WTF moment that I had the first time the school suggested that there was something "wrong" with my child.

ASD, yes, maybe even a little ADHD when his engine gets really revved, but ODD???? Knowing now, from experience and learning, what I didn't know back then, I tried to push out the immediate reaction and attempted to look at it from the teacher's perspective, and consider everything that's been going on with SmallBoy. He's been melting down more frequently in class, especially when he has to make corrections or is overloaded on directions, etc...He's been not "showing respect" to the teachers in the school by speaking to them as he would a friend or a brother & sister when he disagrees with them. He's been melting even further if the teacher gets a little frustrated when he tries to leave the room during the middle of an assignment or classroom project because he's melting down. He's being loud and vocal in his objections to things. He's getting up from his seat and moving around more frequently. He's JUST NOT getting it with some of his assignments and getting upset by that.

Ok, I could see some of his behaviors mimicking those of ODD, but these behaviors are not exhibited outside of the school, and if they are, we understand why he's doing what he's doing and act appropriately, in ways, I suppose, they can't (or won't) at school. Don't get me wrong, I'm not speaking against the school or the teachers, I adore them, they're doing a wonderful job, and were it not for the notebook going back and forth, this situation could have gotten MUCH worse. I knew, again from the experience and scads of books that I've read, that ODD was NOT what we were looking at. The teachers happen to be with SmallBoy for some of the things that set him off the most - FRUSTRATION: due to comprehension issues with reading, due to not knowing how to handle his own disappointment, due to not being able to self-manage a meltdown, due to not being able to sit still, due to his need to be perfect to be "accepted," (gee, I'm pretty sure that I know from whence THIS came, Ex's lack of acceptance of him because in his eyes, SmallBoy is less than perfect?).

I wanted to be certain that I wasn't seeing this with the eyes of denial, as I did initially with the "something's wrong, we need you to have SmallBoy evaluated by the school district," conversation, so when we went to OT that night, I talked to J about the teachers' thoughts. She completely disagreed with the idea of ODD, but agreed with me, that yes, indeed, the teachers are with him for most of the things that will "set him off." She offered suggestions to the teachers, (ie: visual directions on the board in addition to oral directions to the class, allowing him to leave the classroom to a predetermined spot in order to self-manage a meltdown with the caveat that he must ask permission first, and a few more which I'll expand on in another post), and to us on helping SmallBoy learn more self-management techniques.

I am very pleased to report that since this "conversation," things have been better for him. Granted, he's still forgetting assignments, still having outbursts, etc, but he's learning to manage them MUCH better. One such instance happened just last week at an all-school mass. It was a LONG service and, in addition to the homily, there was an additional speaker. A 45-minute long mass is difficult on ANY child his age, especially when expected to act in a "proper" manner, but put this on an ASD-er, and then add an extra 15minutes for a speaker and the scene is set for trouble. Well, our SmallBoy, bored off his rocker with this ridiculously long service, let it be known that the speaker was taking WAAAAAAAAAYY too long! Everyone, of course, turned around to look and, instead of freaking because now everyone was staring, he used that moment of embarrassment (or the "oh-shit-moment"), to self-mange and compose himself. I have to applaud him for that! Since then, he's been fantastic! I'm SO proud of him.

To finish off his "lovely" week, SmallBoy had his "bestest bud" sleep over on Friday night. PQ is SmallBoy's rock and helps keep him on an even keel. He's a truly wonderful kid, we adore him! SmallBoy, as excited as he was about this sleepover, was off in SmallBoy Land. Oh yes, the boys definitely played together for quite a while, but when SmallBoy got bored, that was that. He would go off in another room and hole up with his GameBoy. PQ tried, I tried, PC tried...we all tried to get him to participate in fun things with us but all he wanted was his GameBoy. Perhaps this was his release for all of the stress from the week, because normally, he will come out of SmallBoy Land to hang with PQ and his buds, especially if it's on his turf. Not this time. He'd come out if he felt like it, or if they were playing the Game Cube, but other than that, it was a battle.

The next morning started off very well, the boys got up and played and were happy as clams. They discussed going out in the snow, since we had TONS of it outside. They played video games until I told them to stop. Yeah. That's when it got a little hairy, again. I asked them if they'd like to come and help me make breakfast, to which they both boisterously agreed. They wanted scrambled eggs, and we were going to make biscuits - something quick and easy, and something fun and tactile. I made the eggs and had the boys do the biscuits. Well, this time, SmallBoy was so upset with me for making him come and participate and turn off his game, that even the sensory that he loves so much of handmixing the biscuit dough and squishing it and getting it all over his fingers, was just way too much, but we got it done. It was time to roll and cut. I figured this would be fun, and it was. Each boy took turns rolling out the dough and using the glass to cut the biscuits. We got the biscuits out of the oven just in time for PQ's mom to arrive. We sent them on their way with half a dozen steaming biscuits fresh from the oven and all was well. SmallBoy, after PQ left, was totally bummed that his bestest bud was gone. Though I see this on a regular basis, I'm constantly amazed by the fact that, though SmallBoy wanted more to play with his GameBoy or Game Cube independently, and only interacted with PQ minimally, that he missed him so much when he was gone. What are friends for, though, right?

Ahhhh, m'ijita, my wittew goowah, Girl, in all her glory has managed to injure herself not once, but twice in different parts of her body over 4-day span. This used to be a regular occurence when she was little; we had a pool going on the block to see how many times in one summer she could skin her knees - no, seriously, we did. This time was beyond knee-skinning, however. This time, she was going for something big like "contusions" (she's rather fond of those). That's my Girl!

It all started on Friday at Mission Day, the school fair that benefits the Ursuline Sisters Mission. This is a big deal at school, and, being in 8th grade, it was her last one. She went all out. She won the "sacred" goldfish (long standing tradition - ring toss game, I think), and won a white cake, with chocolate frosting, topped in snow caps candies!! YUMMO!!!!! As the storm on Tuesday had dropped quite a heavy blanket of white fluffy snow upon us (not to mentione dropped the temperature quite a bit), the ground, as you can imagine, was quite frozen. Girl, SmallBoy, & Snood were getting a ride from Snood's father and, on her way to the car, she slipped. In the process of falling, she dropped the cake (which was saved by Snood's father, who would never let anything bad happen to chocolate), and tried to stop herself with one arm while attempting not to drop the goldfish bags. Let's just say the goldfish was in one piece.

(Update: I am now starting day 2 of this post) I was hopeful, when she called me at work and told me she fell, that she had just banged up her funny bone, because we all know what a sting that leaves. Those hopes were dashed when she delivered the next line, "Well, I can't really move it, and my arm is hanging funny." Thankfully I was at the end of my work day, so I bypassed my workout and went straight home to don my Dr. Mom hat. Her arm was definitely hanging funny, but I'm fairly certain that was due to the gigantic swelling of her elbow. She was able to bend it up and touch her shoulder, with pain, mind you, but she could do it. That pretty much quelled any worries I had about it being broken, but you never can tell. I thought about taking her for "just-in-case" x-rays, but they would have been fruitless with all of the swelling. Instead I plied her full of Ibuprofen and the heat/ice treatment and just made her rest. I kept her home from softball practices all weekend, and, thankfully, there wasn't much in the way of basketball. Within a couple of days, the swelling, and the pain, had gone...

...just in time for the 8th grade ski trip. Yep. I said "ski trip." This was a MUCH anticipated trip that had already been cancelled once due to the freezing temps with an even more freezing -30degree windchill. Fortunately, the two week span allowed the sun to awaken from its winter slumber and force its way out from behind the dreary gray winter clouds to warm the earth, or at least out little part of it, to a beautiful 35degrees. The ground was covered with many more inches of snow due to a massive snow storm earlier in the week (see pic at right), and the kids were more than willing to get up at the crack of dawn on their day off to hop on the bus at 6:30 in the morning. They skied all day, somewhere up in Wisconsin or Michigan and finally called around 8:30 that night to say they were almost home, exhausted, but exhilirated. When I spoke with Girl, I asked how the trip was. Her answer, "Well, mom, the first two hours were great, but I hurt my ankle and spent the rest of the day in the lodge. I'll tell you about it when I get home."

My immediate thought went to how lucky she was that she hadn't broken her elbow a few days back, and that I hoped we weren't tempting fate. After hobbling through the door with PC & ET, we did the ibuprofen heat/ice thing (again) while we listened to her tale of woe. The story began with her all so brief lesson on the bunny hill. She quickly ascended through the ranks and graduated from her 20minute course with flying colors. Next she moved on to the beginner hill, which she conquered with ease. Feeling bold, as she is want to do, she took to the intermediate hill. She was cruising along, and was almost to the bottom when IT happened: her ski fell off. Thankfully, she was pretty much at the bottom and was preparing to stop anyway. Unfortunately, the lack of ski left her a little out of control and as she tried to stop, she tumbled into a woman who had already finished the hill. If someone had a video camera, this would have made perfect fodder for AFV, as, after Girl fell into the woman, a classmate came down the hill and fell onto them. I'm not going to get into how rude and uncaring the ski patrol guy was because that's another story, but we'll just leave it at the fact that he was a very incondsiderate jerk who told my daughter that he could have her thrown in jail for being out of control on the ski hill...even the woman she fell onto was defending her.

ANYWAY, of course she did something in the fall to injure herself. We're still not quite certain what it is, but she wasn't swollen this time. Perhaps x-rays would have been helpful, but, nah. We think that she pulled a ligament or something. Thankfully, some pain spray and a couple of really hot baths helped to work this out and she was back at basketball practice the next night. Wearing the Smart Mom hat this time, I intercepted one of the coaches who, thankfully, had already heard the story, and let him know that she was insisting on practicing, but not to let her run. She's fine now, just home with the flu, or something normal like that, now.

LargeBoy - my child is growing up on me. Many moons ago, he played the cello and has since abandoned it for the bass guitar. He is quite accomplished in his songwriting (and novel writing), and has also taken up the acoustic guitar. Taking after his mother and step-dad, he and his buddies are working together to write music (I'm beaming with pride). LargeBoy's had a few issues with his bass, as it's old - I bought it used for him in 2002. It finally cashed out on him last weekend while he was at his friend's house writing. He called me and said, "Mom, is it ok if I buy a new bass? I've got the money, and I've already called the store and they've got one for $500, one for just over $200, and a couple for $99. I'm not even thinking about the $99 ones and I can't afford the $500 one. So, since I have the money saved up, can I go buy it?" We had a conversation about what he was saving the money for, originally - and is still saving for, an Outward Bound trip, and came to the conclusion that, well, it's his money, and he can spend it as he chooses; that he won't be going on the Outward Bound trip for at least another year or two, and that gives him time to save up again. For the most part, just the fact that he called me to ask my permission to make a major purchase, even though it was with his own money, showed me how incredibly responsible he's getting. He'll have no problem saving up the money for his trip! I'm so proud.

I was hoping to have the pictures of the new paint job that we did up already, but they're still in my camera and my laptop is just being stupid, so I haven't loaded them, but I promise I'll try real soon. The colors are fab!

Finally, the band is just bursting out into the world right now. This is keeping us oh so busy, and we're loving it. We've been writing, recording, promoting and haven't had a whole heck of a lot of time to do much else. We put together a demo of a few of the songs we've written, and a couple of cover tunes, and made a fabulous, professional looking insert for it....just tickles me pink. This is so much more than we ever got done with the previous band - and North Country's only been together since January, really. We've received airtime on a few internet stations, including the Susie Doo & Mandy Too Show on Thursdays 1:00 on HomeGrown Radio. Next week we'll be doing a live interview on the airwaves between 5 & 7 CST. See the widget in my sidebar for more info. I'm blanking on the station's .com, but I'll have that and post it ASAP. AND, if you haven't already, click on the little box off to the side here, to listen to our originals. We're extremely pleased with them. The most recent, Pick the Tune, was written by our bass player on Feb. 12, recorded on Feb. 13, and given to his wife as a Valentine's gift the next day. Click here to find out when and where you can hear and see North Country. I can't begin to tell you how incredibly exciting this is!

In the meantime, since I've "talked" your ear off, I'll post this and go back to doing my day job (since I'm sitting at my desk in my office on company time).

Family of 5 Autistic Children on Extreme Home Makeover

2007-02-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

I read this through my myspace site and wanted to share it with you.

Also, thanks so much to the outpouring to my previous post. Cherie was quite thrilled by all of the responses and support from the community. You can check in on her blog to follow the progress of the IEP, as it was rescheduled (which seems to be the way IEPs go). I'm so very proud to call all of you my friends.

Now, check out the bulletin below!

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: AUTISM CONNECTIONS
Date: Feb 13, 2007 3:38 PM

Family With Five Kids With Autism: Extreme Home Makeover Feb. 18

Next Episode: Sunday, February 18, 8/6c "O'Donnell Family"

The only documented family in the U.S. with five autistic children will receive a much needed home. Country music star Trace Adkins performs at a benefit for the family. Click here for more info: Family of Five Autistic Children on Extreme Home Makeover

For A Friend in Need

2007-02-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

Hi my favorite sources of support and sanity! I have a friend from my myspace site, Cherie, who is in need of some advice. She lives in Ontario Canada and has a sweet little 4/5 y/o boy named Aidan. He's on the spectrum. Mom is making no headway with the schools and is pleading for advice and suggestions. I'm reposting one of her myspace blogs here and asking for your comments and ideas which I will, then forward on to her (unless, of course you have a myspace account - then you can reply directly to her myspace blog).

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 8:02 PM

It all begins... I knew the day was comign but didn't expect this...

This is going to be a long blog, so grab a cup of tea and sit back.

So this is where things are at:

Aidan attends nursery school three mornings a week for two hours at a time. During this time the nursery school has a schedule and Aidan has done really well in learning how to do all of these activites and transition from one to the next without much difficulty.

The children have 30 minutes of free time a day and during this time Aidan is given about 5 activities to do. Even if he hates the activity he iss till forced to do it. This is something I was not aware of, and it was also not shared with me until today that Aidan was literally having meltdowns after he was being forced to do these things i.e. a puzzle.

So Friday afternoon their is a case conference regarding Aidan being held at his nursery school. At this time his preschool resource witll be there. (This person goes into the nursery school and works one on one with Aidan once a week, and gives the nursery school directions on ways to help Aidan etc... p.s. might I add this woman has been working with Aidan for 1 year now and has done no training with autism...)

Aidans SLP (Speech Language Pathologist) will be attending to give the nursery school different suggestions on how to promote communications with Aidan and activities etc. to keep him using speech. (This SLP has only seen Aidan 3 times and that has been once a month and nothing hands on has happened with her. So I have demanded more one on one speech therapy with Aidan once a week, instead of this once a month for an hour crap.)

All nursery school staff will be present (3 of them) They are great ... really! I swear to god they are all Mary Poppins. Always happy and cheerful... kinda makes me sick haha.... no really they are great.

Anyhow... Aidan SSAH worker (Special Services At Home.... same a s Respite just more hours and she does what I need her to with Aidan. Currently we get about 12-15 hours a week, and we have been concentrating on socializing Aidan out in public, swimming and any activity I feel he needs help with i.e. crafts, task completion activities...etc.)

Of course I will be there as well. I guess I am having a bit of a bitch fit right now, because Aidans Preschool Resource worker has a horrible habit of trying to run the show. It's like she assumes I cannot do it. Trust me, this mamma can more than handle it... infact it is always me giving the sugegstions or getting the tools... I am his advocate. Now I am silly to even say this because we all do this so you know... but these people just don't get it sometimes.

It is important to point out that the Preschool Resource works with all children from all different areas... NOT specifically children with Autism... infact on her caseload,...she has maybe 2 out of 50 that have autism. Ya seriously. She also has not educated herself with autism, learning tools or ways to help Aidan so she in turn isn't able to give those suggestions and advice needed to the nursery school because she doesn't have the training to do it. to me it seems like she is using all methods to teach Aidan... sorta seems like treating a broken leg with a bandaid... She just doesn't have the training necessary. Also being as this is a rural area 2400 people... my options of switching her is pretty limited.

So the preschool resourse phones me at home today to say, "I think we need to video tape Aidan, and send that video in to have him re-evaluated for IBI / ABA" Ok... now in Ontario, Canada only those children who are on the severe end of the spectrum even qualify and Aidan was diagnosed as being mild. Aidan also is past the stages of IBI / ABA and the entire PECS program because he is so verbal, he makes requests, he knows his ABC's, 1-20, Colours and is able to put a few 2-3 word combinations together.

Aidan was seen and assessed by a child psycomotrist (who only deals with autisitc children). I phoned her today as she is the one that the Preschool Rescource wants to haev the video tape sent to. She was as angry and appauled by the suggestion as I am. She said, "Cherie, no matter how many times this child is assessed... he will never be severe... and he defiantly will not benefit from IBI / ABA because he is past that... the skills taught using IBI / ABA ... He already has those skills."

It seems like Aidans Preschool Resource is seeing IBI / ABA as the be all end all therapy to cure this child and that is just not the case. She drives me crazy. I have had to limit her time around me because she seriously makes me want to beat her. I realize that a large portion of her clients parents, ... do not know who to contact or what services to access. A lot also are not really great parents and lack skills, like the ability to do laundry, wash a floor or cook. These are all areas I do NOT need help in. This she knows.

So back to the Nursery School and Preschool Resource. So I am being told when Aidna is at the nursery school that they are having a hard time transitioning him from one task to the next and that he is having meltdowns, or it is taking two of them to physically move him to the next activity.

What are your thoughts???

I am thinking...

1) He isn't getting enough 1 on 1

2) He is being given to many options and is overwhlemed

3) Aidan is being forced to do activities he hates (don't get me wrong of course he has to be pushed and forced to try new things but is in necesssary every morning that he is there??)

4) 3 mornings in a row Aidan has cried when I have dropped him off... this is something that he never did before... why is he doing this???

Again we have a meeting Friday so any imput you could give me or suggestions... hit me with them, because I want him to continue at the nursery school but I also want everyone else to get it together and put some emphasis on Aidan and the fact that he does have autism..... nott hat autism is everything but he does have it.

Ok... what has worked for you guys???

I feel lost...

Gees I hope this makes sense... lol

I know you guys are full of resources & suggestions. This is what I wrote in response:

Hey Cherie -
First, I want to applaud you for YOUR restraint for not beating the crap out of that woman! Secondly, I also blog at MommyGuilt with a group of wonderful parents of kids on the spectrum. These people are from around the globe, from different population sizes, different school systems, etc... I urge you to also pop over there and start reading and checking out their blogs. A couple of bloggers you should check out are Kristina, whose Charlie is more towards the severe end of the spectrum, andKyra, whose 5 y/o "Fluffy" has Asperger's. Both are fountains of knowledge on programs, schools, resources, helpers, etc. Pick their brains and tell them I sent you.

Extremely important:-YES, YOU are Aidan's advocate! You know what strategies work best with him. Try to, without seeming on the defensive, push this to the teachers, perhaps by writing a "manual" or an "about me" from Aidan - I'd be happy to send you a couple of the ones we did for SmallBoy. Also, very important, especially if the school staff seems to feel the need to take charge of the meeting and push you off to the side. See if the psychomotorist is available to either attend the meeting, in person or via conference call.

In answer to your questions:
1) He isn't getting enough 1 on 1 - Probably not, but from the way it sounds, it's because the school, as we all say, doesn't "get it." They need education from YOU on the best things to do for Aidan.
2) He is being given to many options and is overwhlemed - Absolutely. I hate to use this analogy, but it might be the simplest for the teachers to understand....it's like when your computer is taking too long to process your commands and then overloads because you keep pushing the buttons over and over trying to make it respond...Same theory in play here.
3) Aidan is being forced to do activities he hates (don't get me wrong of course he has to be pushed and forced to try new things but is in necesssary every morning that he is there??) - No, it's not necessary, especially at his age. If they could choose, say , one activity a week to have him work on and let the other ones slide for that week, then perhaps he could slowly be worked into them. Also, if the teachers help him do the activity in a "fun" way....in a way that they are doing it together, that sometimes helps. Look into RDI (Relationship Development Intervention). That sounds like the track that you guys should be doing, particularly if he's well past ABA and is verbal.4) 3 mornings in a row Aidan has cried when I have dropped him off... this is something that he never did before... why is he doing this??? - It could be a number of things: stress, anxiety in anticipation of being made to do something he doesn't want to or doesn't understand.
Oh and back to the meltdowns: If those teachers had any clue, they'd understand that he's in nursery school and he's on the spectrum....of COURSE he's going to have meltdowns. What you need to do now is find a plan to help him work his way out of the meltdowns, either on his own or with their assistance.

Check out my MommyGuilt blog and get in touch with some of the wonderful people on there. They'll give you some guidance and some suggestions. They're great great people.

She needs your suggestions. Thanks guys!

Little Drummer Boy

2007-02-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

Thursday and Friday gave a different appearance to my living room. Drums, obviously, recording equipment, etc....The band was doing some recording for our site and for a demo. Needless to say, things were a little different. As you can see from the pics, we moved the coffee table into the tv room and landed ET's drum kit smack in the middle of the front room. We dropped in microphones, recording equipment, chairs, wires, guitars, and all of the necessaries, all of which required precarious stepping when maneuvering through the room. I was hoping that this wouldn't throw off the rhythm of the Not-So-SmallBoy. Oh it certainly did not. He was LOVING having all of the music in his house. He tried out the microphone, helped us check levels and popping p's, come to think of it, checked out the recording equipment, watched with great intrigue as the recording was done. We were a tad concerned, since the mics were live and we were recording in the living room as opposed to a quiet little studio somewhere, but everyone kept their noise to a minimum and we were fine (except when PC was dancing and none of us could hold back our laughter).

We watched as SmallBoy took "notes" on the recording board - lots of buttons, lights, sliders, and dials. To observe him, one would think that he was taking mental photographs of the board so that he could sit down and operate it after just one lesson. He was so intent, hovering over the board, trying to glean as much knowledge as he could. It was amazing. His eyes were ablaze in wonderment and focus...oh yes, he was incredibly focused, especially as he watched our friend, Colondo - who was recording us, use the board. I've only ever seen him focus like this on video games, it was amazing. Oh, you should have seen him. But it was the drums that drew the most interest. I've already got a baby grand piano in my living room, I hope this is just a passing thing...or do I?

It was with the same focus and hunger for learning the recording board that he listened and watched ET show him what to do on the drums. ET showed him how to hold the stick properly, what part of the cymbals to use, how to use the high-hat and the kick pedals, what the snare is for, and away he went. He was happy as a clam. He PLAYED...he didn't just bang away hitting random drums. He was making rhythm patterns...music. This child has never played the drums before and it seemed almost natural to him. Sure, ET kept guiding him, but everything ET said, he absorbed, like a sponge, and applied. He wanted to play those drums all night. He was doing great!

"What a great resource," I thought to myself. A new tool for OT, perhaps? Could this be something to help when his engine is too high, and to help him with the musical blood that runs through his veins to reach its potential? Hell, he can sit down at a piano and make music - he can't play, per se, but he can find chords and patterns that make musical "sense" and that sound good together. He's got a knack for this music stuff. I know they say that kids on the spectrum tend to be really good in areas of music/math, and SmallBoy most certainly is. Hmmm....makes me wonder....should I get him a small drum kit for his room? A drum pad crossed my mind, but it won't be the "same" for him, know what I mean? Anyone have any thoughts on this?

The Notebook

2007-02-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

No, not the movie, sillies, I'm referring to the communication notebook between home and teacher. I have spoken about it before and how helpful it has been. I encourage all of you, especially if you have difficult time getting information from the teachers/school - for whatever reason - to encourage its use. We don't have it mandated by an IEP plan, we just do it because we don't always have time to chat on the phone each day. Mrs. M writes to me each day, just a blurb or so if it's easy, and a bit longer if it's been a rough one, then I respond with what we've done in response to her entry, and add in if he's having a high/low engine morning, what might have happened at home since coming home from school, if he's frustrated over homework, if he's not feeling well, etc...you get the idea. It's an invaluable tool for us.

The notebook is not without its downside, however. Ocassionally, SmallBoy, having had a particularly rough day, will go through the notebook and scratch out (with pencil...LOL) what the teacher had written in the hopes that I won't read it. He'll also forget the notebook - although, I've decided that's not always intentional since he has difficulty remembering to bring home lots of things. Other times, I'll send it back and it won't get to Mrs. M. What particularly gets me, though, are the times when we've had a week of "Great day today," and "Wow! SmallBoy worked himself out of a meltdown and had a fantastic day," and then get one that says how he got upset and refused help and melted because he couldn't understand the assignment, but wouldn't listen when the teacher explained....

I know, we all have them and they're so much fewer and farther between, but it's like we had finally picked up speed and then SLAM!, right into the wall. We work through them, we write our stories, have our discussions, and all comes out in the wash. It seems though, that I have a much more difficult time getting past these than does SmallBoy. I suppose it could be that I see the progress and the great reports and I get this motherly feeling and, perhaps, false sense of security that all is now on the right track to be right with the world and then, when it comes to a halt - or at least a temporary slow-down, it throws MY rhythm off. Perhaps it is because there are SO many other stressors in my life right now - ok, well only a couple, but they're pretty big stressors. Perhaps it is time, like J The Fabulous OT told us last night, that SmallBoy learns how to deal with these things on his own for times when we can't be there to help him out or when no one around him is really quite sure what to say or do to help him when he's so far gone in one of his meltdowns. Perhaps I need to let go. Perhaps I need to start my own notebook to SmallBoy:

2/2/07: Mom had a rough day today. Making lots of phone calls about stuff that gets me frustrated. Had a minor meltdown, but took a big breathe and focused and pulled out of it.

Hey, you know? That sounds like good idea - then HE has some idea of what WE are going through and HE can write back to us:

2/2/07: How about a squish, Mom? Will that bring your engine back to just right? My engine was too high today and it needs to come back to just right, too. Had a good time at the volleyball game (teachers v 8th graders), but had a bad time in Social Studies, or something to that effect. Ya think?

I'd love your feedback on this Parent/Child Communication Notebook idea.

No School, North Country, New Things

2007-01-29T13:08:00.000-08:00

I have a love/hate relationship with the kids' days off from school. It makes my mornings SO much easier when, in my rush to get off to work, I don't have to stop mid-routine and wake up one, then the other, then another (repeatedly). Then again, Girl wants to go shopping, LargeBoy has school....what to do with SmallBoy? Granted, he's 10, and, were he NT, he could probably stay home by himself, but I don't think I'd be too comfortable with that ~ a dilemma with which working parents grapple each time the school calendar bolds those two words: NO SCHOOL.

Today we worked out a compromise, Girl didn't leave to go shopping until almost noon, and PC was going to be home around 3. I work 7minutes away, so I can get home in an emergency. We briefed him on what was going on. He's been home alone for 1/2hr/45 minute stints before, when he gets home from school and his brother and/or sister haven't arrived yet. He's fine. He gets up in the morning WELL before we're ready to and is able to occupy himself, although, it's usually with the TV, the computer, or video games...but the point is, he's able. I called a few times to check on him, but he never answers the phone which, I suppose, is for the best. He's fine. I'll be more fine when I get home.

Saturday night the new band, North Country, made its debut. I will have to admit that, although I attempted, and probably pulled off, an air of calm and don't-worry-be-happy, I was PETRIFIED....not because I wasn't confident in the band, I knew they'd rock, but because it was a first. I took for granted the comfort that comes with knowing where everything's going to fall, how people will interact on stage, what people have come to expect of the band...but it was fine. We had a few glitches, but whatever we encountered, we overcame and laughed off, especially our double - time song, Redneck Women (Alvin & the Chipmunks Style). We had a riot, though. I absolutely cannot wait to do it again. These people are so talented and so professional, and we were all right here under each others' noses.

I also had the good fortune to meet fellow autism blogger, Wade and his daughter, L, who had the great timing to be in town over the weekend. I can't tell you how cool it was to finally meet him (THANX FOR COMING - and staying longer than you had planned!) It was really nice to finally put a face, and a voice, to the amazing, "discussion - inspiring" posts over at Injecting Sense. I gotta tell ya, he's really cool! You gotta meet him!

In addition to the band, there are a lot of new things going on in our life, but I'll speak to the most important - that being the Not-So-SmallBoy. He spent Saturday night with my mom (GR), because Girl & LargeBoy were at Ex's. SmallBoy has a great time when he's there, he has a place to chill, sans all the distractions that our house and our schedules and our lives have to offer. Just SmallBoy & GR. When he got home, his engine was nice and regulated, as were mine & PC's, but, of course, as the afternoon rolled on and things got back to "normal," everyone's engines revved up high and we all got a little irritable.

SmallBoy ended up in his room cooling off/arguing with me over his GameBoy until I told him he had to clean his room. That, as you would expect, was met with a great big, "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!" As we sat and talked together, I explained to him that I did not expect this Herculean task to be done all in one session, and made him a list of what he needed to do - Lists are beautiful things! After a few more trips up the stairs by PC & me, and some gentle prodding, the task got done. We had also turned on some of his Listening Therapy music (btw - the frequencies still play on the boom box the way they do in the headphones). His engine came WAY back down. I went up at 9 to check on him and he was, for the most part, done with the list I had written for him. Of course there is still some work, I called it "fine tuning," to be done, but he had finished what I had set for him. Dressed in his blue fuzzy sports robe and his boxer shorts, he was ready to come back down stairs and join us, but stopped before he did so. We are keeping Snood for a few days while her parents are out of town, so SmallBoy has an extra sister, and he knows that, even though she is at our house so much that she is practically another one of our family, she is still a guest. He stopped and said to me, "Mom, I need to put my clothes back on. We have Snood here and I can't go downstairs in my robe & sleep shorts." COOOOOOOL!

We have been trying, for a LONG time, to get him to grasp the concept of being dressed appropriately when we have guests, even when it's bedtime. He would always come down in his tighty whities when he was getting ready for bed, or if he got up first (which he usually does). This time, though...it was as though something clicked. TaDA!

I'm going to try and write more again, but we're making some huge decisions in our life right now and they're wracking my nerves a bit, but hey, that'll be something to write about, won't it. Tonight, though, I don't think I'll get to it. My goal is to get the DAMN TREE DOWN! Yes, my Christmas tree is still up. I just haven't had time to get to it. It's never an easy thing, and it's never even close to as much fun and festive as putting it up. One year our tree was up til Valentine's Day (and beyond~~~sorry, my brain was invaded by the spirit of Buzz Lightyear). It WILL come down tonight. We actually discussed putting a drop of superglue on each ornament and just carrying it out to the garage...LOLOLOLOL. We also thought of telling people that yes, in fact, we had already taken our tree down, but that we looked at our calendar and saw that we have no time between now and next Christmas to put it up again, so, the only logical time to put the tree of for Christmas 2007 was, well, now.

I need coffee....anyone have coffee???????

"You Must Respect My Authoritah!"

2007-01-26T15:37:00.000-08:00

For those of you who abhor South Park and all of its content, I apologize, but considering the post, I think that was a very appropriate opening line. For those of you who LOVE South Park, you'll understand. For those of you asking, "Just what the HELL is she talking about," well, just keep reading.

At the beginning of 2nd quarter, we started sending "the notebook" to and from school - the Communication Notebook. It's been a lifesaver for both PC & me and for SmallBoy's teachers. It has become something that we NEED...I need that notebook when I get home to find out what happened during the day; Mrs. M needs the notebook first thing in the morning to find out how he's doing, where SmallBoy's engine is, and how his spirits are, if he's having issues with homework, behavior, whatever.

The end of last week and beginning of this week were great. The only thing the notebook said was, "Great day today," or "Another GREAT day." I was SO excited, we were on a roll after coming out of a slump that, I believe was fueled by the bug that was visiting our house, anxiety about a test, and the stress around the house of trying to be in 12 places at once. The last couple of days, however, the notebook has said, "Great morning, but this afternoon at the all-school assembly, SmallBoy got upset when not picked by the presenter for an audience participant. Ms. B (the principal - also a lifesaver), had to take him out into the hallway and calm him. After the assembly, he joined us back in class." Yesterday, I ran into Mrs. M after work, we occasionally cross paths where we exercise....she decompressing from a day with high strung students, including SmallBoy, and me decompressing from a day with high strung students, a totally silly corporate system, and getting re-fueled to go home to SmallBoy and to play cab driver to all of Girl's sports (it's playoffs this week). Mrs. M said to me yesterday, "We had a FANTASTIC afternoon, but the morning was terrible. He's having a problem with being disprespectful."

I wanted to be surprised and say, "NO, not MY SmallBoy. He knows better. He has been taught to respect those in authority roles," but I knew that what comes out of an ASD mouth can VERY easily be taken as disprespectful, though it is not. Angry outburst, inability to pre-censor and think twice to rephrase and change the tone of voice....yeah, that can very easily be taken as disrespect.

I guess what happened was that Ms. R, the Social Studies teacher, had given them homework for that night, and SmallBoy wanted to do it right then and there. She told him that it was HOMEwork to be done at HOME. He was not satisfied and asked if he could go out in the hall and do it. She stressed to him, again, that this was classtime to work on the lesson, not homework time. I guess he then got extremely upset and threw a marker across the room out of frustration, and proceeded to have a bit of a tantrum.

We had a little talk when I got home last night. SmallBoy was very aware that what he had done was not appropriate for the classroom. I applauded him for being able to tell me WHY he had gotten upset (and identifying that he was, in fact, upset - AND SORRY). I asked him why he had behaved the way he had and he told me, simply, "Mom, I wanted to do my homework then, not later and I got angry when I couldn't get my way."

WOW!!He told me that he was angry and WHY he got angry. I was so happy I wanted to hug him and tell him how awesome it was that he did that, but it was time for me to play the bad cop. "SmallBoy, who is in charge at school?"
"The teachers and the other grown ups."
"SmallBoy, when you're at school, does anyone else get their way by throwing things, yelling, or having tantrums?"
"No."
"Does anyone else yell at the teacher?"
"No."
"SmallBoy, what did we just learn?"
"That the teachers are in charge, not me."

What a wonderful insight. Let's just hope that he remembered that past 8:00 this morning and then, was able to find that tidbit in the file cabinet of the Asperger's mind. I think this is something that should, perhaps, be a social story, or, at the very least, written on a notecard inside of his folder or desk.

Comments, suggestions, ideas? Anyone have a bottle of Pinot Noir?

Asperger's Online "Test"

2007-01-24T09:50:00.000-08:00

Thank you for filling out this questionnaire.

Your Aspie score: 39 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 163 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical

Perusing through my myspace site, I came across a bulletin from my friend Woofie Bones. Woofie had posted a test that he had found online. Out of curiosity, I took it.
Of course, it was easy for me to answer these questions, as it was clear what each question was seeking. I was surprised, however, by how many things I answered that could have been considered "traits". I'd like to have SmallBoy take this quiz, but there are some questions based on sexuality and how you feel about this, that, and the other that I don't think he would understand yet, without my explanation, and I'm SO not ready to go there - debunking the tooth fairy and Santa were enough, but not sex.
I may go back and answer from my home computer how I think SmallBoy would answer. You can only submit once from each computer, as it saves the IP address. Go there. Try it. Let me know what you come up with.

Adolescence & the Spectrum

2007-01-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

Made you laugh, didn't it? Sometimes I need something absolutely hysterical like that to keep my head from drooping on the days when I feel totally overloaded. There are still many of those days, but as far as Asperger's is concerned, those days are coming fewer and farther between. While reading Kyra's post on Talking About Autism, I completely related to her feeling that somedays, she just doesn't feel like writing, because she doesn't feel there's anything to write about. I am, however, closer to a new aspect of Asperger's than she, and was inspired, by her post, to write about that - the OTHER "A" word - Adolescence.

SmallBoy is 10. Mentally ready for adolescence or not, it will be happening soon. Fortunately, I have the experience of having 2 children, one boy, one girl, go through this already, so I will be prepared and be able to read the physical signs - the hormone fluctuations, the changing voice, the skin issues, the moodiness - noooooo wait! That's something we see all the time. Moodiness, at least as far as we've experienced with SmallBoy, can be akin to teenage puberty moodiness. This leads me to wonder what other things we may miss or "gloss over" because we are so used to them as part of ASD and not take notice to them as what they are - warning signs of a teenager!

I'm tempted to reach out to those of you who have gone through adolescence with an ASD child and ask for advice or a list of "what to watch for," but, as well all know one child on the spectrum will experience and have different reactions to things than another. How then, is a parent to find their way through puberty with a child on the spectrum? The same way you got through early childhood - you feel your way, you lean on other parents, you ask for help, you vent, you celebrate, you question, you problem solve, until you've reached the point where Kyra and I are now...on an even enough keel to feel like you're above water more often than not. And guess what? When you get to that point, it will more than likely be time for your child to be hitting adulthood and all of it's issues.

For now, though, I'm not going to look too far ahead. I'm going to look at the strides we've made in the last couple of years and rejoice. I'm going to start looking ahead to the puberty years so that I can, at least for my own sanity, have SOME kind of an idea of what I'm about to enter. At the same time, I'm going to remind myself of some of the lessons that I have learned: acceptance, love, how to avoid a mommy-meltdown, and doing things for myself, for PC and me, and for Girl & LargeBoy. I am, though, open to suggestions, advice, anecdotes, horror stories of adolescent ASD....no time better than the present!

Cross Promoting Music & Autism Awareness

2007-01-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

PC and I have, for a while, been wracking our brains trying to figure out a way that we can use our music to benefit autism and autism awareness. We finally figured it out. With our combined resources and networking from here and from our multiple myspace sites (North Country, PC's site, my site), we discovered there are a multitude of sources who can help us to organize a benefit, perhaps an afternoon or evening of entertainment, music, comedy, fun stuff! In that light, I'm going to repost our call for help in the hopes that all of you phenemenal folks, ASD parents, music lovers, etc....may have some ideas! Please feel free to send us your suggestions - we'll take as many as you come up with. Also, if you'd like to help, from near or far, we would be SO happy to have you on our team!

Cross promoting North Country & Autism Awareness

Hi all! I'm reposting a message from North Country , the band that my hubby, my bro-in-law, and I are in, in the hopes that perhaps somewhere out there, someone has the knowledge, the willingness, and the time and committment to help us put together a benefit concert/evening of entertainment to help raise Autism Awareness and do some fundraising while we're at it! Thanks for your support!
MommyGuilt

We here at North Country would like to thank everyone for joining us on our site,and welcome those who are new to the gang! We've gone through a lot of changes in the last month, some that can be really nerve wracking,and we can't thank you enough for your support!

We promise that, in addition to the video clip, we will have music up on the site soon. We have a gig Jan.27th and will use the live recordings on our site until we get into the studio. The live discs will be available to those who want them for a nominal fee. Keep in touch and we'll see you all really soon!

Also, we are interested in forming a benefit concert for Autism Awareness in the near future. Would anyone be interseted in helping out? Let us know! Until then, you know where to find us!
Thanks again!
PC

Were You a Little Girl in the 70's?

2007-01-18T09:17:00.000-08:00

Hi Guys! I've missed you. Been crazy busy, and fighting getting sick, so I haven't been posting, or even keeping up on the Chia (which, is still alive, btw). I got this email from my aunt (she's only 3yrs older than me), and I knew IMMEDIATELY that I had to post it for YOU. It's such a flashback that it will make you laugh, and, temporarily relieve you from whatever stress you may be having - work, ASD, money, schools, life in general - so here you go! I've taken the liberty of adding in my own comments.

IF YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE 70'S......

You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked. (It was SO cool!)

You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it. My bike was purple sparkle, and the seat was white with really bright flowers (and matching basket)

You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels. And then I graduated to "gym shoe skates".

You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!) I'll never admit it! I did, though, always want to be Julie.

You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island. Nah, I just considered myself lucky that I got to stay up and watch it.

You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days. YEAH! You owned a "Slip-n-Slide, on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once. Oh and mine were hideous, but I had them!!!!

You owned "Klick-Klacks" and smacked yourself in the face more than once (or constantly had bruises on your arms!) I remember these, but I think they were my friend's.

You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie", not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill". People sometimes thought you were a boy. Sadly, mine was neither, but a "repair job" to fix what I had done in 3rd grade when I decided to play beauty shop with myself as client & beautician. My hair's never been the same.

Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession. Oh how I LOVED my Holly Hobbie sleeping bag!

You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers. I have this aversion to the gauchos, which, of course, are now back in style...but I wore them as hand-me-downs, so by the time I got them, I was the ONLY person wearing them. See why I have a problem with them now?

You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon. Ah, yes...had the mini version, too. Turns out, this is a GREAT game for SmallBoy - involves following patterns, which ASD kids so thrive off.

You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits, or the sunshine family. Sure did. I had D&M, and my sister had the Sunshine Family. Would you believe I had Donnie and Marie albums, too? I bet you did. Come on, admit it.

You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once. I had a HUGE yard when I was a little girl. It was my own little world, my stage, my playland...it WAS my imagination! And yes, I had a swing set with a trapeze. Don't think I ever tipped it completely over, came close a few times, though.

You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color. (Oh yeah!) Especially in school colors!

You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle). You also had a pair of salt-water sandals and clogs. Sure did.

You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson! Oh Lord, don't remind me about the school pics!

You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink! Yes, but I was a dor..never happened.

Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket. When you walked, the "wings" flapped up and down, looked like you were gonna "take off." I tried so had, but cursed with bad hair, and growing out the awful "correction cut", "wings & feathers" were just a dream for me.

You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie. Heh Heh....I still buy Strawberry Shortcake stuff for my sister. It's hard to find the originals, though.

You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic. With the thermos inside some were glass inside and broke the first time you dropped them. I didn't have Muppets, but I did have Holly Hobbie on my metal lunchbox!

You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend. Now look at them, who'da thunk?

YOU had Star Wars action figures, too! Oh yes, indeedy! I had a sheet and comforter set for my bed, too!

It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags! What's really cool is that now, even though it's on DVD and we can watch it whenever we want, it's still a HUGE event when it's on TV!

You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry. Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassidy?" Oh Shaun Cassidy, baby, all the way!

You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album. And boy did I!

You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom. I loved that plastic loom! I wasn't very crafty or skilled at the other stuff, but I had a blast with my plastic potholder loom! (Yet another thing that's good for ASD'ers - developing the fine motor skills.)

You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts! To this day, I still have a shrinky dink ornament that goes on my Christmas tree every year!

You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker. Definitely. Did you also make your own "demo tapes" by singing along into the microphone while recording off of the radio? Oh, wait, that was probably just the beginning of my NEED to be on the stage!

You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat. Posters plastered all OVER my walls!

You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books. (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.) Thank GOD for Judy Blume. I remember reading about pads and belts and being horrified, and the book was already outdated!

You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics. (?? its not??) Well, isn't it? Hee hee hee

You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs. Rainbows, I believe - or school colors!

You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer. Hell, I even had the outfit!

You drowned yourself in Love's Baby Soft - which was the first "real" perfume you ever owned. Is this stuff even out there anymore? I'm dying to get some for Girl....although she's well beyond Love's Baby Soft...but it's just sort of a teen age girl thing!

You glopped your lips in Strawberry Roll-on lip-gloss till it almost dripped off. Yes, yes, but did you also go for the flavored Bonnie Bell Lipsmacker sticks? Jumbo size?

Oh, please share your memories with me!

Quick & Easy Today!

2007-01-14T09:41:00.000-08:00

GO BEARS!!!!

Back to School, Big Block of Wood Day Arrives, and SO Much More

2007-01-08T11:44:00.000-08:00

Everyone goes back to school today! WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I'm having very mixed emotions about it - ecstatic because life now returns to some sense of our chaotic normalcy, making things more structured for our SmallBoy, yet distressed, saddened, disappointed because now things get crazy, SmallBoy might begin stressing again, more demands on our time (like there aren't too many already), but you know...today is the first day of back to school, yes, but it's one day closer to summer vacation!

SmallBoy's Party
Break went out with a bang, and a with feeling of perpetual motion. I don't recall sleeping very much this weekend either, and not for many really good reasons. Friday night, SmallBoy had his end of break sleepover with his friends. It went very well. SmallBoy was just happy that they had "ulimited" video game time. What they didn't realize was that we would periodically interrupt video time to do something else. Not too many meltdowns, not too much of "SmallBoy's rules only," and NO couch jumping! I think there was actually a time when they were all quiet. Sleep did not come easy Friday not, but, surprisingly, the four 9 & 10 yr old boys were not the reason, granted they were awake. The young college sophomore who lives next door to us was also having an end of break party. Loud, yet courteous, TONS of people, yet very polite, but loud - more the music and the talking outside. Our houses are so close that I could look out my window and feel like I'm in the room with them. The boys didn't sleep much either, but I think that was more due to the fact that I had forgotten to send the video game systems with LargeBoy when he went to bed.

For Christmas, we had given SmallBoy two games which he became familiar with while at OT, Tricky Fingers and Rush Hour Deluxe. Both games use problem solving and small motor skills (Tricky Fingers takes Small motor down to fine motor, though). Tricky Fingers consists of two square (ish) boxes filled with colored marbles. The bottom of each box has holes the size of the marbles. The object of the game is to manipulate the marbles with your fingers to create the pattern shown on a game card. What's spectacular about this game is that it can be played alone, or, in two different ways as a challenge - both players using the same card or each with his own. We pulled this game out as the kids were gathering their belongings and waiting to be picked up. It took a while, but once I got them interested in how "cool" this was, they were happy to turn off the video games to come and check it out.

The other game, Rush Hour (we have the Deluxe version), takes "puzzle" to a new level. The game is a grid of squares, "gridlock" cards at varying levels of skill, and plastic vehicles. The vehicles are placed on the grid according to the pattern on the card. The object is to clear a path so that the main car (in the regular version it's an ice cream truck, in ours it is a shiny red car) can make its way off of the gameboard. This game makes you think - the cars cannot be picked up and moved, nor can they turn - they can only move along the line of the grid upon which they rest. I have managed to get through the beginner stage with relative ease, and moved on somewhat successfully to the intermediate stage, while LargeBoy sat down and completed all 15 of the Grand Master skill level cards. SmallBoy LOVES this game, and loves to come and help me out of my "jams" too. It takes the whole Temple Grandin theory of thinking in pictures to a new level. I sort of saw that this game would definitely be one that would involve the visual-ness that our ASD'ers so often use, but it wasn't until I was stuck on a puzzle last night and LargeBoy enlightened me with "Well, Mom, you sort of have to think of it as a picture and work backwards from there," that it clicked and the lightbulb switched on. I HIGHLY recommend these games! They'll be good for the kids, but trust me, you'll find yourself drawn to them.

New Band
Saturday afternoon we finally had the opportunity to rehearse as a full band: PC, ET, Joey Pinks, Dreverb, and me. We had done a couple of mini-rehearsals with Joey Pinks so that the guitars would be on the same track before we went into a full rehearsal, so it wasn't a totally foreign thing, and for one, we had ET there banging on some congas (in lieu of a full drum kit). Saturday afternoon though, we gathered in the basement with all of us, all of our equipment, and amps, and we sounded, not like a band playing together for the very first time, but like a band that was ready to roll. We just gelled and it all came together: the personalities, the talent, the outlook on what we each wanted to do and where we wanted to go with the music. It was fantastic. We topped the night off by going to hear Joey Pinks play in one of his other bands (he's very, well, busy). Phenomenal!

Happiness
We were all completely wiped out by late Saturday afternoon, between SmallBoy's lack-of-sleep over party, the party next door, and rehearsal, that when we returned home from rehearsal, all of us just needed to crash. PC went to take ET back home and SmallBoy was craving some snuggle/squeeze time, not to mention that he was dead tired, too. LargeBoy was on the couch playing video games so SmallBoy and I snuggled up, also on the sofa, smushing Largeboy into a corner. We snuggled and relaxed. Before I knew it, my sweet angel was asleep. My arm was dead asleep underneath him and my neck was kinked badly from the awkward way that I was laying, but I was so content. The combination of SmallBoy's "sleep breathing" and his little heart just beating away made it feel like he was purring. It's been a long time since he's fallen asleep on me like that - without being sick and suffering through an asthma attack. This was pure bliss. I was so content, and having such the "happy mommy" moment, that I forgot all about the dead limb and the krick in the neck, and dozed off right along side him. Peaceful.

Big Block of Wood Day
Sunday, the day designated as the day of rest, the final day of winter break for the kids, the day that's meant to be the one on which you either sit around and do nothing, or you cram in everything that you didn't get done during the rest of the week. We spent Sunday running non-stop. Girl had softball practice, now mandatory, from 11:30 - 12:45 at one of the local private high schools' gyms, SmallBoy had to be at school by 12:30 for the official weigh-in for the Pinewood Derby, and then Girl had to be back at our gym by 12:45 for a basketball game against the rivals from the rich suburb to our immediate west. It was sheer insanity, but we made it work. The only other thing we had to juggle was how to be at SmallBoy's derby and and Girl's game at the same time.

The Pinewood Derby runs by Den, starting with the youngest, the Tiger Scouts. SmallBoy's den, Weebelos I, is the second oldest, so they run second to last. The race, that was supposed to begin at 1:00, finally got underway at 1:45 after all of the rules and all of the admonishments for "stepping across, or crossing the plane of, THE LINE with any body part were laid out, and where the scouts were allowed to sit and where they were not allowed to even breathe near (given of course by Mr. Former Cub Master - you know, the one who said and did those mean things to SmallBoy at camp). Girl's game started at 1:30. While the race got underway, I bolted down to the gym to watch the 2nd quarter of her game, as it was clear that SmallBoy's den would not be running for a while. The girls were playing the team that everyone wants to beat. They played them and lost over break, once before break, and will play them again for the final home game of the regular season - which is our big spirit night. When I arrived, we were down by 9 with 3minutes left in the half. All of a sudden, one of our girls hits 2 three pointers and then hits a jumper with a foul. She missed her free throws, but suddenly, at the half, we were only down by one point, there was hope. I bolted back down to the derby, filled in the other parents who were also trying to do double duty (there are a lot of them at our school), and sent PC back to the gym. At 2:15, SmallBoy's den still wasn't close to running, so I talked to him and to a couple of the dads and went back down to the gym. Sadly, the girls ended up losing, but they played their butts off.

FINALLY it was time for our den. PC and SmallBoy had this nervous energy just exuding from them while I tried desperately to conceal - and manage - my anxiety pangs as I strategized in my head, and with PC about how we were going to handle the meltdown if he lost, crashed, or didn't make it to the finish line. First three boys raced. There was a wreck, it was beautiful, every one laughed and the race was re-run. Then it was SmallBoy's heet. We inhaled, 3 - 2 - 1...car one pulls away, car two comes up from behind, car three rolls to a stop on the straightaway, that was ours. We watched as SmallBoy's frustration level went up and he put on his mad face (and it's a doozy). I said to him, "SmallBoy, BREATHE! BREATHE!" And he did. He was pissed off, but he was ok.

Phew, round one done. Two more heets and it was our turn again. I prayed, promised God I would sing 7:30am mass for the rest of my life, inhaled and watched the whole scenario play out again, only this time, our car was in a different lane. Still stopped on the straightaway. I guess God knew that I had no intention of doing a year 7:30 masses. Again, "SmallBoy, BREATHE! The frustration rose even higher, and it was MUCH more difficult for him to manage his impending meltdown, but he did it. The leaders told us that we could make repairs to our car if needed. In our case, it was the tire. It hadn't cracked, it hadn't fallen off, it wasn't wobbly; no, it was something about the physical tire itself. It needed to be changed, but there was not enough time. PC and SmallBoy worked together to see if they could do ANYTHING AT ALL to make the car at least cross the finish line in the final run. If you look closely at the pic, you can even see SmallBoy is smiling.

Third run, different lane, same result. "WHAT?! I DON'T GET IT!" Oh, he was SO NOT a happy camper. I followed up with more directions to breathe, which he did. We was SO mad, but he did it, he pulled himself out of it and went on to cheer on his friends, including Dreverb's son, who was also racing that day, and, whom he had met for the first "official" time yesterday. As stressful as the race was for all of us, I was incredibly pleased to see that all of the prep work that we had done with SmallBoy and, invariably, with ourselves, paid off. I would definitely call it a success.

MaizeyCat Sunflower
Those of you who are at least my age might have some kind of a flashback to the words, "Klondike Cat Alwaaaays gets his mouse!" Anyone? Anyone? Klondike Cat, as I remember, was one of the cartoons on The Underdog Show. He was tormented by the mouse, Savoir Faire and his classic howl of escape, "Savoir Faire eees everywhere!" This phrase has been running through my head since yesterday when my lovely OCF FINALLY caught and killed the mouse. We had to take it away from her because she was planning on having it for a snack. Now, I know that cats eat mice all the time, but this was just to gross for words, so we decided to nip it in the bud. Once we had all settled from our mouse-capades, Maizey appears with ANOTHER mouse in her clutches. This one was just a little baby and I was having some serious mommy issues, but I quickly got past them. Sadly, we were a tad too late in taking it from her, and she'd already begun to partake of the mouse. We were only able to throw out half of it, the other somewhere in cat-land. I think, I hope, that the other mice have learned from this, but I am so glad to know that IF they get in, I've got a damn good mouser. See how happy and contended she is in this pic. All curled up like a little fluffball. Good Girl Maizecat.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia
And before I leave you, after this LONG post, I wanted to introduce you to the newest daily post, at least for the next two weeks or so. SmallBoy received a Chia Pet - Garfield - for Christmas. We started his seeds on New Years Day and applied them on 1/2. The other day, we decided that we would start tracking its growth on a daily basis - it really IS amazing how this works and how quickly it grows. I leave you with yesterday's pic and the one from the day before. Tomorrow, I'll post today's picture. If nothing else, it's something fun to start the new year!
Saturday's Chia - 1/6/07. Girl is fascinated with the Chia and is obsessed with touching it - think it's a sensory issue? Nah, just Girl, she's silly that way!
Sunday's Chia - 1/7/07 - See! Look at this progress, it's amazing. Hours, maybe 4, later, it had already gotten a bit fuller. I've always joked about Chia's, but it's really kind of fascinating, and SmallBoy's totally getting into it, too, which is truly the best part!

Update: Girl stayed home with the flu today. I was going to send her to school - she's been headache-y for about 24hrs, couldn't sleep last night, but she's tough. I knew she'd be able to hang in. Then she hurled. Needless to say, she's home, on the couch today, watching movie after movie after movie, extending her break by a day (but what a crappy way to get an extra day - YUCK!)

Big Block of Wood Day (and a Cat vs Mouse update)

2007-01-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

It is time, once again, for the Cub Scouts to have their annual Pinewood Derby race (or, as I like to call it, "Big Block of Wood Day,". Last year, was SmallBoy's first run at this, so he and PC diligently spent hours upon hours preparing the ultimate car for racing. On the first run, SmallBoy's wheel fell off and the rest of the afternoon was spent melting after each race until, finally, SmallBoy's & PC's car won 3rd place for design in his Den. It was a rough one.

This year, though, we are prepared. How prepared? The weigh-in is tonight. The boys (SmallBoy & PC, that is) are spending today cutting, sanding, & painting. After the weigh-in, they will make any minor adjustments (like attaching the wheels - we'll weigh it with the wheels & nails resting on top of the car). We've spent quite a bit of time recapping last year's race with SmallBoy to stress and restress the importance of participation in the activity over WINNING the activity. We discussed and got him to remember how MANY other cars also had "technical difficulties" and didn't win a single race. We also reminded him that, although "The Shadow" (this year's car) is going to be REALLY cool and perfectly designed, there's still a large chance that it won't win - and THAT'S OK.

I think he'll have a better time dealing with that this year. It's been a year of growth for all of us. We've ALL learned how to handle things - be it extra preparation, an extra glass of wine for ME before the event so that I stay calm if he melts, learning from experience, etc....Also SmallBoy had the opportunity to participate in a basketball tournament over break. The school holds a 3-on-3 tournament the last week of winter break for the students. The teams are structured with kids from 4th - 8th grade - with one representative from each grade on each time, both boys and girls (sadly, siblings cannot be on the same team). To encourage the older kids to pass to the younger ones, the points work in such a way that a basket scored by a 4th grader is worth 5pts (10 in the last 2minutes), whereas a basket scored by an 8th grader is only worth one point. The 8th graders are not allowed to block the 4th graders either. It's a wonderful thing.

In this tournament, SmallBoy's has lost all but one game and, today in the single elimination playoffs, lost to his sister's team by a score of 76 - 46 (OUCH). But he scored A LOT! He's also learned about playing a game with a team, and by pre-set rules that he cannot change to suit him. The first game that he lost, he melted - bigtime. His sister and one of the teacher's (who knows our family very well), helped him out of it and he was fine. He had a mini-melt (as we like to call them) another time, and handled it all by himself. He's doing better at those - when he wants to. I told him how proud we are of him and that pleased him greatly. I am crossing my fingers (but not holding my breath) that this experience will carry over to the Pinewood Derby and will help build his confidence in himself and his ability to deal with his "Aspie-ness". I'll keep you posted.

Tonight, after the big weigh-in, SmallBoy is having three of his buddies, PQ, GC & GV over for a sleepover - he's calling it "The Last Bash of Winter Break." Girl & LargeBoy will be, in theory, with their father this weekend (though even that is becoming less frequent - did I mention New Wife is expecting AGAIN?). SmallBoy, then, will have the run of the house. He's got elaborate plans for a video game-a-thon (GOD HELP ME!), but he'll be having fun. I'm excited for him. Hopefully we won't have any uninvited furry friends again.

Maizecat went on the prowl again yesterday and caught the escaped mouse. She did not learn from her lesson , though. She kept letting it go and batting at it. She kept this up for over an hour - silly kitty. When the poor mouse was last freed, we're assuming it ran off and died somewhere, hopefully outside, because we didn't see a mouse corpse anywhere in the house - YET - and, the cats were very content last night. They moused for a bit, but then curled up and snoozed, as they do, and Maizey spent the night in bed with us, as she does. Check out the previous post if you missed our first adventure with the mouse - Ooh ooh and if you did, you can also see the "video" of PC, JG, and me (3 of 5 North Country members) performing - at home - a newly arranged version of the song that PC has written, Blue Star Highway. GO. NOW. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease! See, I've given you LOTS of links!

Learning From Mistakes and a Lesson in Mousing

2007-01-03T22:21:00.000-08:00

We gathered tonight to prepare for our first gig as a newly formed band. We also had a small furry little univited guest in our home. This made for an interesting night of fun and adventure. Before I expound upon MaizeyCat's adventure, I wanted to show you a specimen of learning from and correcting mistakes. While we were rehearsing tonight, we decided to give it another go with the mini-cam and take a new video of the newly arranged (and still being re-arranged) Blue Star Highway. It looks spectacular. We realized that there were some issues with the viewing of the last video and, when copying the code from the site, I realized that I had chosen the option of not allowing external sites to embed or, even view, the video - which explains why you could see it sitting there on my site (if you were lucky), but it would merely sit and display the ever-frustrating "LOADING..." message for an eternity. Here's our next attempt. It plays on MY computer, as did the last one - and on all of my sites - as long as they were viewed from MY computer. I hope that you can see this one!!

Back to the Mousing Lesson: Picture two cats - one black & white, one brown tortoise shell and extremely furry sitting watch for DAYS in the same spot - a hall doorway that connects that addition to the rest of the house. Imagine the black & white cat, the elder of the two, letting her vigil lag a bit so that she can observe and tutor the younger furball. Two cats. Sitting. Patiently. Watching. Waiting. Until SUDDENLYthe furball darts from the room like a lightening bolt. Those of us observing this thought that perhaps she had found some stray catnip lying around and had a little Cat Party of One. Then I saw that she had something in her mouse. Without looking close enough to identify the object, my gut told me, based on their actions of the last few days, that the unfortunate victim was the hunted mouse. We were ecstatic for our little OCF - she had caught her first mouse (that WE were aware of)! I, out of some sick instinct, screamed and jumped on a chair - I'm SO ashamed -, while PC sat right down and watched her, with the pride of a father watching his child master the skill that he had been teaching since the child was old enough to walk. He had the camera out, the words of encouragement. When Maizey would drop the mouse from her jaws to bat at it, the mouse, scrambling for any hope of escape and, its life, bolted with a brown-black ball of fur bolting behind at break-neck speed. The poor mouse would run, Maizecat would follow - except the one or two times she lost track of Sir Speedy. When that would happen, PC would direct her to the poor little varmit and encourage her not to give up the hunt.

This went on for quite a while, unfortunately with Mr. Mouse escaping into the scads of plastic grocery bags that we save for any number of occasions. Oh she was SO pissed off! All that, and no mousey for snack. We rewarded her for her effort with a tiny piece of turkey lunch meat. She sat. And watched. And waited. And is still waiting 5hours later. I don't think she'll be nestling her furry little face in my nose tonight while I'm sleeping. I bet she'll be up on patrol.

SmallBoy did ok with the mouse. Don't get me wrong, he freaked when he realized that Maizey had not killed and devoured the critter, so freaked, in fact, that he got to the point that when I sent him to brush his teeth, he was convinced that the newly drippy tub faucet was mice and refused to go back in. I assured him, hopefully without lying, that the mouse was no longer in the house - that if, indeed, it was still in the house, that MaizeCat had caught it and was having a nice little snackypoo. Outside of this episode, though, he was better at this mouse-in-the-house thing than I.

Ladies and Germs, I must hasten to bed, as my dearest husband is anxiously awaiting my arrival, and my head is very heavy. Let me know if you experience any problems with the video. As with the last, I linked it up on North Country's myspace. TTFN, my loves.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

2007-01-01T22:35:00.000-08:00

PC & I got this cool new mini cam corder from GR for Christmas. We're also in the process of giving birth to our new musical child - no no no, not that way, new band. We played with our new toy tonight to introduce our new band. Here's the child - then go over to our myspace and see what's new!

My Christmas Vacation Essay:

2006-12-28T08:01:00.000-08:00

I have been on vacation from work since I got off on Friday. I, sadly, will be returning back to the real world next Tuesday. This week is flying past before I can blink and I realizing that I should have requested two weeks off so that I could maximize the time with my family. This week, busy as it has been, has been terrific, exciting, fun-filled, and, at the same time, completely exhausting, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. You know that I'm a picture geek, so just be prepared, I've got a lot of catching up to do. Let's start with Christmas gifts (I know, it's materialistic,but I want to show off what I got!). This beautiful watch I received from my beloved PC. I am always needing to know what time it is, and without a watch on my arm, I'm lost. For the last year, I've been watchless. This has kept me from leaving the office on my lunch hour, for fear of coming back late. Isn't it beautiful? And it's a silvery, antique looking, very feminine watch to make me feel very lady-like (I need help with that sometimes). He's such a love, only finds the best for me!

I got another Marti piece from my MIL. I now own three "Martis" and I love each. This particular piece is called "Bo Peep." It's a sweet little necklace, very innocent, and subtle, yet making sure it's noticeable that people say, "Wow! Great necklace, where did you get that?" You know me, I can't resist the urge to plug a sister blogger, let alone a sister blogger who is family! I proudly say, "OH! It IS wonderful! Let me write down this site for you. Each piece is individual, so if you find one on her site that you enjoy, snap it up right away, because it may not be there the next time you visit." Had I better photography skills, this might have been a little closer of an image and you could see the detail of the sweet little flower pressed into the round clay of the pendant and the bit of bead detailing leading up to the chain. If you've not checked Marti's site out in a while, GO NOW (then go check out her blog)! You'll fall in love!

After reading the post by Mom-NOS, I knew that I MUST have this book and put it so far at the top of my Christmas list that everyone wanted to go out and get it for me. I received George & Sam from my father this year and I can't wait to dive in. I'm terribly excited, as I received two autism books this year - this and Al Capone Does My Shirts (from Meem). I'm very excited not only because I've been dying to read this books, but because they'll give my poor brain a break from doing sudoku every day at lunch!

This beautiful bookmark, from Auntie, will help me keep my place. I don't get to see Auntie very often, but she's always so thoughtful and loving and generous. My memories of Christmas with Auntie are so wonderful. When we were kids, my family would always spend Christmas Eve at Auntie's doing the big Italian Christmas - mostaccioli, sausage, meatball, and my grandfather's calamari. We got stuffed, opened presents, spent wonderful, memorable evenings being big goofballs (never once making a nice, straight face in our pictures), and having a blast. As adults, we were there telling our children to make straight faces and not be goofs, policing up the gift wrap, keeping the children from running amok, and snarfing fabulous food! I miss Christmas at Auntie's, but we're "all growed up" with kidlets of our own now, and lots of places to be all at the same time. Auntie always keeps us close to her, though. Thanks, Auntie, I love it!!!!! Merry Christmas! (Can you see the charm? It says "#1 Mom"!!!)

Lots of wonderful presents were given and received. Girl made me some wonderful soaps and a coupon book - my favorite coupons being, "A whole day of the computer all to [my]self," "One free Scwatchy," and -this one's hysterical, "I will pee for you," because I'm constantly asking people to go for me because I'm usually too busy to stop and do it myself.

Meltdowns were at a minimum for the SmallBoy for Christmas, at least with me. He did go to Ex's, but they were not there for the whole weekend - because they were all sick - RIIIIIIGHT! Oh, and we also found out that there will be another new addition to Ex's family, so we know that SmallBoy will never be visiting Ex's house for any extended length of time.

We made it through Christmas day, miraculously meltdown free - I sent him off to Ex's with NO game system, but promised him that I'd bring it for ours. When they got to Meem's I let him have it and let him play to decompress before we bolted out of there (sadly, didn't have time for dinner because we had to get to MY family's in time for presents). We went on to my aunt's house, opened presents, and went home. NO melting - there was a lot of boredom and wanting to go home, but no meltdowns - til Tuesday at Dad's, and even that wasn't bad, that was just speaking out loud and inappropriately about how he didn't like his presents - he wanted video games, I told everyone not to get video games, gave them lists - weighted balls, boxer shorts, board games, cool light up toys. He really did want these things, and was glad to have them once he got over the fact that there were no video games. We had to get through the, "but I don't WANT these! I didn't ASK for these!", but we did. When we left my father's though, we got to take KR home with us!

I'll put together a slide show next time I get the computer, but here are some of the fun things we did. We spent the day in the city yesterday, KR, PC, SmallBoy, and I - enjoy these!

Our first stop after we got off the train was to go see the windows at Marshall Field's (I refuse to call it the "M" word). The theme this year was Mary Poppins. It was cute, but the characters looked kind of creepy - but the children watching it were SO excited! You could just see the light and the wonder in their eyes as they looked at THIS window - trying desperately to figure out how they got the display to float, as in the "I Love to Laugh" part of the movie.

We had a BLAST when we went inside Field's and hit the hat section! Here are SmallBoy & KR modeling! We had some silly moments and some people who just looked at us like we were totally off our rockers!

Off we went to Millenium Park and goofed off for a couple of hours. We were going to go skating, but the line to rent skates was over an hour long. Instead, we looked for some snow for KR - keep watching for the slide show to see what happened with the snow!

In a couple of hours, we have to return KR to her mama :-(. That's my pout. We are very fortunate to have been able to steal her away for a few days all to ourselves. That was truly a wonderful Christmas gift! Now, though, I'm going to find some breakfast!!!

Merry Christmas to All, and to All, a Good Night

2006-12-24T14:56:00.000-08:00

Heading off to sing at Christmas Eve Mass, but wanted to get my Happy Holidays in to all of you. Pseudo-Supermum is already setting out the gifts, and heading off to bed, some of you are still hitting the malls for those last minute "OH SHIT!" gifts, tape, wrapping paper, stocking stuffers, and some of you are calmly prepared, and kicked back just waiting for the kiddies to go to bed.

Are we all prepared for an ASD Holiday, probably as much as we can be. My holiday wish to all of you, then, is for as stress-free of a holiday as possible, happiness in your family, and all that you deserve.

Have a Very Merry Christmas!

Love,
MG, PC, LargeBoy, Girl, & SmallBoy

Remember When I Said...

2006-12-22T15:40:00.000-08:00

...that I felt weird for writing about nothing Asperger's related? Well last night was meltdown extraordinaire. As is usual for us, we had a busy night. It was only two things, OT & Scouts, but they started almost as soon as we walked in the door from workat 5:00, and lasted until about 9:00. In the door, grab a piece of pizza, change out of work pants & shoes (no time to find a new shirt), and head off to OT.

We had a blast at OT, even PC & I got into the act. J the Fabulous OT had SmallBoy working on a crib mattress set on top of some foam rollers. He had to maneuver his way back and forth taking an item out of a bag on one side of him, using his arm muscles and his balance to pull himself, via rope, to a bucket on the other side to deposit the item. It was a lot of work for him, trust me, I tried it. We are fortunate enough to have a wonderful OT who lets us take part in the activities so that we can get a feel for what he's doing in order to replicate or duplicate as close as possible, those actions, activities, exercises at home. As SmallBoy's had OT off and on for the last month, he was ready to roll. His engine was way high, and he needed this session desperately - not to mention that we were going to a scout meeting right after OT. He worked hard, he was focused on the task at hand and he did a great job. We are so proud of him! She helped SmallBoy to bring his engine down to a nice moderated level. He did a lot of balancing for the vestibular, and a lot of upper body work to work on his muscle tone. His focus today was unreal. She had him up in the lycra layers and was having him use clothespins to attach some of the toys to each side of the layers. Every time he fell, she told him he would have to do sit ups or pushups. Well, he was concentrating so hard on the task at hand, that we could see his legs shaking. He was ready. He was calm, he was focused, and his engine had come down just below a regular, moderate level. I expected it to go back up at scouts, so a little below "just right" was just fine with me.

OT was over at 6:15 and Scouts started at 7. This meant that we didn't have to rush from one to the other, since OT and Scouts are, literally, a 2minute ride away. We had brought SmallBoy's scout uniform to OT so that he could just change there before we left, but we still had to stop home and pick up Girl for basketball practice. This was one of the few times that she didn't have a friend also needing a ride, so when we got back to the school, it was only 6:30. Girl had no problem with that, as the boys' basketball team had a game that she could watch until her practice started. We, on the other hand, had a half an hour to kill doing a whole lot of nothing. Instead of just sitting in the car, or wasting gas by driving around, we went inside. Thankfully, the Boy Scouts were there, as the were setting up and practicing the flag ceremony for the meeting. This meeting was a combined meeting/Christmas party with the cub & boy scouts. Everything was going swimmingly. GR even came to watch the skits that each scout den was performing. SmallBoy's den did this cute scene in which each scout had a letter spelling out "Merry Christmas", starting at the "S" and working backward toward the "M", each boy saying what part of Christmas their particular letter represented. SmallBoy's "R" stood for reindeer.

The show was wonderful and, as you can see from the pic, he's not shy about using a microphone...I wonder where he gets that?. After the skits, the boys had the privilege of throwing a pie in the face of the Scout Master (the new one, the one we adore) as a reward for meeting and exceeding the popcorn sale challenge he had set for them. Everyone was in a great mood, the room was loud with happiness and anticipation and excitement. The troops received gifts, with SmallBoy's troop receiving flashlights for camping that wind up - no batteries or electricity needed. This flashlight was the downfall of our evening.

SmallBoy, after receiving his, immediately brought it to me and asked if we could open it for him. After looking at the clock and realizing this meeting only had moments left, I told him no, that I didn't want it to get lost, that the meeting was just about over and that he could have it when we got home. Ok. No problem. He ran off to play. PC was running outside and asked me if I wanted him to take it. I told him not to, because then SmallBoy might notice it missing and meltdown thinking it got lost or "stolen." I should have let him take it to the car.

I walked away for a few moments to take pictures of the newly "pied" Scout Master - he ended up wearing three cream pies, chocolate, I believe. When I walked back, GR said to me, that SmallBoy had come back, seen the flashlight package on the chair (I must have missed the bag) and walked away with it. Damn! I fought with myself, having the non-stop internal arguement as to whether I should let it slide for the next 3 minutes while we finished up the meeting, or if I should make it a point to dole out consequences for the action and risk a meltdown, thus, ruining SmallBoy's night - because no ASD meltdown is a "good" meltdown. I went with option B, and went up to SmallBoy and asked him for the flashlight back. I explained to him that I had previously told him that he could not play with it because I didn't want it getting lost or broken.

"But, Mom, all the other kids...."

"Yes, my love, I know, but the meeting is almost over and I've already told you no. Why did you take it from the bag without asking?"

"Because I wanted it and everyone else has theirs."

This was true, they were all running around like crazy, having fun, playing, SOCIALIZING. I found myself, again, arguing within my head about what the best, most practical solution would be. Again, I chose to lay down the law. I told him that he had to give me the flashlight as a consequence - of course I explained this three or four times, in language easy to understand when his engine is skyrocketting. He got angry and just started crying, baby-crying, not crying like a 10y/o - more of a WAAAAAAAAH, than anything. And he wasn't faking either. He was upset, he was angry. This went on for a good ten minutes until he finally just shut down. It's very rare that he completely shuts down on me. I didn't know what to do. I was at my wit's end, partially because I knew that we never should have gone to the meeting, because we haven't had ANY down time all week and partially because I knew that he was fried and had already been to two scout meetings this week, plus school, plus just overstressed from us being stressed.

"I'm done doing the big pack meetings. This is just too much for him, and it's too much for us. I think we'll just go to the den meetings."

That was my big pronouncement. Now, you know that's not going to happen, because he needs the socialization, he needs the recognition of getting his awards and achievement badges in front of the whole pack, he needs all of it. But I, too, was fried beyond belief. SmallBoy and I had both finally, after many weeks of holding it together - JUST barely - cracked. We were done. I wanted to cry, he was already crying. Instead, I held it together just a little bit longer to show a friend SmallBoy's sensory tunnel and body sock, and to let her son, who is ADHD, try them out. We also gave them a copy of "The Book". I wanted SmallBoy to show T how to use the sock and the tunnel, but he was angry and upset at me, still, and went and laid on the stage to sulk and be mad. Most people just thought he was tired, but when he became unresponsive to their prompts and chatter, I had to step in. It was time to go. We almost had to drag him out, because he wasn't going.

I don't think I've ever experienced that with him. This is something new, for which I was not prepared. Given the circumstances of the last couple of weeks, though, I'm not surprised. I would be more than content to not have to go to multiple places on Christmas, but you know, Christmas just wouldn't be the same without all of the hustle and bustle, now would it? So, we'll suck it up for a few more days and it will all be over. I think I'll sleep through 2007 to make up for all of the stress of the last 2 or 3 weeks though.

Pseudo-Supermum, never fear, I will de-stress!

T Minus a Day and A Half and Counting

2006-12-21T08:35:00.000-08:00

....because I'm not setting foot in a shopping mall, strip mall, grocery store, drug store, nothin' after tomorrow night. Now way. No how. Nuh UH! My poor, yet wonderfully caring and selfless husband is free today, so he's out with my list. I have called him so many times now, adding to the list that I think he's finally turned off the cell phone. Really, I think he has. He's probably thinking, "It's the last time I volunteer to go do the shopping!" No, he's wonderful for that.

In addition to getting that off my list, SmallBoy and I got our haircut on Tuesday and decided to commit our great cuts to posterity. Once again, PC demonstrated his compassion and selflessness (LONG word!), and took many many pictures on multiple settings and lightings until SmallBoy and I were satisfied with our own appearances AND the ethereal light of the beautifully decorated tree AND the lighting in the room. Why PC didn't just give up on us, I'll never know - perhaps because he loves us. The kids and I decided that my fresh-from-the-salon do made me look very much like Jane Kaczmarek - or, as we call her, Mrs. Malcom's Mom (from Malcom in the Middle, also married to Bradley Whitford from The West Wing, and both very very AVID supporters of Cure Autism Now).

I still feel just plain bleh, but keep putting that aside for all of this Christmas-ing and regular madness. I think perhaps I might just allow myself to get sick on Jan. 2 when I have to go back to work, cuz I'll be damned if I going to spend MY Christmas break in bed with a fever. Nope.

Tonight we have OT and cub scouts - complete with Christmas festivities and our first time together with Former Scout Master and Son of Former Scout Master (joy oh joy...GR will be there to watch, too!) {insert evil cackle here}. Cookies, juice, screaming happy boys excited about winter break, parents with throbbing heads and empty wallets begging for some peace and quiet (and maybe a glass our their own "juice"). Perhaps I'll do that while I color my hair and then slide down into a hot steamy bath......ZZZZZZzzzzzz

Sorry, nodded of there. Speaking of baths, I've had some great fun taking pictures of Charley cat in the bathtub. She has this thing for licking the water out of the tub, even if the tub, itself, is dry, but the faucet still has a drip or two. We have a beautiful white claw foot tub. Chuck, as we affectionately call her, is a white & black cat. Took the pics in black & white. Pretty cool, huh? Can you see why we call her Charley? It was either that or we named her Adolf - and, well, I didn't think that would be such a good name, now, don'tcha know.

And while I'm on black and white photos, I'll add in this one me and my wittew goowah. It sure feels like I'm trying to write something other than Christmas or Asperger's or the chaos that is our schedule, doesn't it? M'ija and I had fun with this pic. Again, being the perfectionists that we are, we re-took this self-portrait several times. Unfortunately neither of us could agree upon one in which we BOTH looked good, so we settled on this one. I think it's cool, though, so I'm not complaining.

It's almost 3. Think I should do some work - especially since that's where I am? LOL. Have to have all of my year-end stuff wrapped up by tomorrow since I won't be here the week after. Just don't feel like working, though. Maybe I'll go read all of your blogs instead!

Uh....OH MY GOD...Prepare for PANIC!

2006-12-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD!!!!!! Have you SEEN my list? CRIKEY! Whatever shall I do? Call in sick for the rest of the week? No, too much to do at work. OH! I know...I'll cancel all of our evening obligations this week - haircuts, basketball, work on reading with SmallBoy, driving with LargeBoy to prep for on-road driving test (GOD HELP ME!), work on reading with SmallBoy, basketball, OT, figure out if Ex is taking them at all for the weekend or just on Christmas Day proper, work on reading with SmallBoy, scouts, basketball, work on reading with SmallBoy, basketball, basketball, gig with the band. Nope, too much to do with that too. I see that my only solution to this problem is not just calling in sick - that will only delay the inevitable. I must call in DEAD. Somehow, though, I don't forsee having a problem pulling that off. I'm not sure how I'm actually even conscious right now. Must be that ethical part of me that won't allow me to sleep on the job even though there is no one here but me and I can count on less than two hands how many times the phone has rung today.

Tonight - haircuts basketball sleep. I will not stop in between. I'm on a mission. I haven't slept well, I've been snapping at the kids and at PC. My to do list is made and organized into what I need to do in the next - OH MY GOD- 6 days:

SHOP FOR:
Mom
Dad
BMD
KR
Chica
Cousin in grab bag
random adult in grab bag
1 more thing for LargeBoy
ET
something else for Princess
stocking stuffers
posterboard - MUST GET TONIGHT

Can anyone do this FOR me? I haven't anytime unless I don't see any of you for Christmas and just plain old shop on the holiday.

I feel yucky, oh so yucky. I feel yuck, and ucky, and bleh.
Eyes are burning, stomach's churning. I don't want to do much else but sleep.

Ok, I better stop there before someone hurts me.

Update: Really, this IS yesterday's post, but I was a good girl last night and went to bed as soon as we got home from basketball - without even stopping by MommyGuilt first. We got the haircuts, we got the posterboard, we even managed to get the gift for the cousin in the grab bag! (Walgreen's is a beautiful thing - no, the haircuts came from the shop across from my office).

Girl's game was a heartbreaker, but they played one of their archrivals - and they're equally as good as we are. Let's just say that for MOST of the game, it was all defense, until the other team's offense kicked it into high gear and the refs started calling jump balls instead of fouling out the other team's leading scorer (though we drove to the hoop and drew foul after foul after foul on her - she should have been fouled out at the beginning of the 4th quarter had the refs been calling).

So that's where we are. I still feel yucky, but today it's not the burning eyes and the yucky stomach so much as a sore throat. Better heed my mother's advice and take my vitamins!

Let's See If I Can Stay on Track Again

2006-12-18T12:17:00.000-08:00

Last time I made myself an outline I stayed, relatively, on track. Think I can do it again? Hmmm...I want to tell you about so many things that have been going on, that I think I should make THE LIST again. Darn, my snowman's not moving. Well, you get the idea. Ok, let's see - what do I need to tell you about?
Scouts and the camping trip
SmallBoy & school (OY)
Christmas chaos
House...GRRRR
Cookie Day
EXHALE!!
I think that's it! Let's start at the top - and I don't know that these are in order at all:

SCOUTS & CAMPING
The first weekend of the month, PC & ET took SmallBoy on a campout with the scouts. The Boy Scout troop invited all of the boys in SmallBoy's age bracket (Weeblos I & II) to join them on a camping weekend. They planned on doing many activities to help the boys earn badges - and lots of them. From our den, only three other boys/dads went on the trip, as it was RIDICULOUSLY cold - my guys were brave! From the Weeblos II den, a few other father/son teams went along, including the man who, until last year, used to be the Scout Master of the whole pack and his son.

When my guys finally arrived up north in Woodstock, IL, they were ecstatic to be alive. The snow had hit two days before, but up in the rural country of the campgrounds, the roads were barely passable and they thought the certain death was imminent. As they exited the snuggly warmth of our little Honda, they were slapped across the face with the cold biting winter wind reminding them that, indeed, they were roughing it for the next 24hrs. My guys were prepared, dressed in layers and "toughness." They schlepped their gear to their cabin, geared up for the day, and headed out to meet the boy scouts of our troop. Their journey into the "arctic," as it seemed, came to a temporary screeching halt as a troop of boy scouts pulled up to the cabin, also to unload. These scouts had previously given up their reservations due to the weather and now, apparently, had changed their minds. Good, caring gentlemen that our troop are, offered to share the cabin, which had two separate floors, and plenty of room. The other troop was thrilled, and began to unpack their cars, from which they carried in at least 10 television sets, multiple video gaming systems, stereos and mp3 players - all contraband in the eyes of the scouts. Clearly this troop had no intention, whatsoever, of "scouting" for the weekend.

Giving it only a second thought, my guys continued on with their days. There wasn't much going on in the way of earning badges, but the boys were outside having fun. They did, however, hone their hunting/seeking/retrieval skills through a 3-Man Slingshot challenge. PC, ET, and another dad took frozen oranges and shot them out of a 3-Man slingshot into the deep deep snow. They scouts were instructed to follow the orange by sight, and then to listen for the thud when it hit the snow. Then, they were sent to retrieve it. Not an easy job in 2ft of snow out in the country, but they had fun. Sled hills, snow, boys - yeah, lots of fun, minimal badgework.

Unfortunately, SmallBoy got targeted by Former ScoutMaster (who is NOT a very nice man, thinks he's a drill seargent), AND Son of Former ScoutMaster. The son is a year or two older than SmallBoy, and they go to school together. This child has a reputation for harrassing other kids, pushing them around, and just being a general pain in the behind. This child also has an underlying learning disability, so, being the open minded person that I am, and not his parent, always turned a semi-blind eye to the behavior (shame on me). That is, I always turned one until now. The boys were down at the bottom of the sled hill when one scout came back up and told PC that SmallBoy was crying and he thought that SmallBoy was hurt. As it happened, this was the scout's way of indirectly ratting out Son of Former ScoutMaster who had SmallBoy face down on the ground grinding his face into the ground. PC didn't even hear him screaming until Son of Former ScoutMaster lifted his head up for a brief, oh so brief second, so that he could breath, and then promptly smushed him back into the snow. Where, oh where was Former ScoutMaster? In the cabin playing cards with some of the other fathers. Another lovely incident was when the boys were actually outside working on a badge project. SmallBoy told PC that he needed to use the bathroom. PC told him that he had to go to, and that he'd go with him. Well, Former ScoutMaster, abusing his former power and his "power" as the only leader there from our Pack, told my SmallBoy, "You're not going anywhere. You PISS IN YOUR PANTS!" First of all, NO. Second of all, NO. Thirdly, NO! You don't tell a child, especially one that doesn't belong to you, to PISS IN HIS PANTS. You don't tell MY child, with or without an accompanying adult, to PISS IN HIS PANTS. You don't tell YELL at a child on the spectrum, you don't SWEAR in front of all the other boys, you don't humiliate MY son, nor do you outrank my husban who is with my child and knows exactly how to take care of him.

The next incident was at dinner. The boys were all neatly lined in 2 lines waiting, believe it or not, quietly, for their food. Mr. Former ScoutMaster decided that he did not like this arrangement, made the executive decision to make it a single file line, then grabbed MY SON and another young boy by the scruff of the neck and told them that they had to go to the end of the line. Again, a child on the spectrum who is at the beginning of the line AND being patient and quiet is a very wonderful sight to behold. YOU DON'T MOVE HIM. Also, you don't GRAB a child, particularly a young one, and one who is behaving, by the scruff of the neck and yank him out of line. It's been a couple of weeks since this incident and I'm STILL FUMING. Later, Son of Former ScoutMaster told ET that he didn't like SmallBoy because he was stupid and an idiot. Honestly, I don't know HOW ET held himself together and didn't just go off on this kid - perhaps because, being a phenomenal father himself, ET is smart enough to know that know matter how much of a jerk someone is, particularly a child, you don't go off on them. I can't remember exactly how he responded to this boy, but it was completely in defense of SmallBoy along with a "don't you ever...."

OH, I almost forgot about the other troop with the televisions and video games. Loud boys upstairs. They stayed up, well after our troops had lights out, and played video games, loud music, furniture rearranging, jumping, you name it, until 3am. When the guys arrived home the next day and relayed the goings on to me, I was LIVID. I am not one to put up a stink to a higher-up, but this time it involved my child. That's going over the line. I got on the phone with the current fantastic ScoutMaster who has a son in SmallBoy's class, has different issues, but uses the same OT as SmallBoy, ScoutMaster who understands SmallBoy and treats him with equality, but with the little differences - and respect, that he deserves. He was livid. ET wrote an email to the Boy Scouts of America who assured us that this would be looke into. Boy do I feel like I opened a nasty can of worms. We get to spend two of the nights this week at scout outings with Former ScoutMaster and Son. Should be interesting.

SmallBoy & School
Meltdown city. Oh LORD! School's been incredibly trying these last couple of weeks. I have spoken more in the last two weeks to SmallBoy's teachers than I did all of last year. My poor guy has just been having such a difficult time. He's not been wanting to do the work, he's been complaining that it's either too easy or too hard, he's not been wanting to do the assignment as given, but his own way. He's been exploding in class and the kids, who have been SO incredible with him, are now all afraid to even speak to him for fear that he may blow up again for reasons unclear to them - and even to SmallBoy.

We all know that with a spectrum child, meltdowns can come on out of the blue, or over the smallest little thing. We also know that, odds are, it isn't the smallest little thing that causes the melt down, it just happens to be the spark on the powder keg that's been waiting to go off, filling more and more with powder - enough to fuel a HUGE explosion. I've been at my wits end, trying to hold it together and not burst into tears at the office after talking to Mrs. M. I've broken at home, only for a bit, to let a little bit out, whild trying to remain "SUPERMOM". I've lost it at home, melting on my own - venting at everyone in my house for stupid stupid things - things like, "Mom, I need posterboard tomorrow," (oh crap, she really does), things like, "Geez, will you look at the calendar?! How are we supposed to be in all of these places that require us to be there all at the same time? And HOW, if we're supposed to be in those places, are we supposed to get our holiday shopping done? Our laundry done? Our house clean? My flat tire changed? Homework done? Lunches made? Spend time as a family?" Oh my head hurts.

My poor guy has been having his own struggles and meltdowns and, without realizing what I was doing, he's been stressing out worrying about ME. My Not-So-SmallBoy has been worrying about ME. Love him to pieces. He's worrying about himself, about making friends - he's feeling the "excommunication" from the group, he's associating that with what Ex is doing to him, he's struggling with reading comprehension at school, and now he's worrying about me. What a schmuck I am. Totally unthinking sometimes, but I am so grateful to have a family that will help me see what I'm doing and where I'm going.

SmallBoy and I increased our intensity on our reading program that we're doing at home. I'm not sure if I posted on exactly what we're doing, but we're using one of the programs that we do at our center at work, and helping him learn to visualize and make pictures for everything that he's reading. This will help him to build comprehension skills in order to understand what he's reading, and to build an even greater vocabulary. We were doing it just a little bit, which, I should know better, isn't nearly enough. Now we're working on our own little deal: He works really hard and gets x amount of stars. If, by the end of the week he has earned 50stars, he gets to teach me one of his video games. This works out well for both of us because I'm teaching him, and then he'll get to teach me. It's just really really been breaking my heart to see him hurting like this.

Christmas Chaos
This should be a little shorter of a blurb. Are YOU done yet? Religious affiliation aside, everyone celebrates SOMETHING this time of year - Solstice, Hannukah, Christmas, Kwaanza - all of which involve preparation of something, joining with loved ones, sharing of something, usually, some kinds of formal ceremonies - be they at church, temple, home, etc....This year, we have Christmas parties, Christmas baking, elongated Christmas celebration, transportation of the children ON Christmas, deciding who will have them when and how they will get where on Christmas when we're not even certain what time we'll be where on Christmas. And that's just Christmas DAY! Christmas Eve, SmallBoy will sing with the youth choir at mass and I'll be the cantor, so we'll be singing together. Then we'll be having some family over and beginning a new tradition. Christmas Day, we'll do our thing in the morning, Meem & FIL's for food and gifts, then to my aunt's for more food & gifts, then home to collapse. Day AFTER Christmas, we'll spend at Dad's with KR and then bring KR home with us for 2days!!! WHOOT WHOOT!

If I live that long, I have a feeling I'll enjoy it. I haven't finished my shopping, and I still haven't shopped for my mother, my sisters, my father, my father's wife, ET - and I think I still have some stuffers to get for the stockings - OH GOD! I haven't found the stockings yet! And I have NO time this week. Tonight - Scouts/Basketball Game/Reading with SmallBoy/Passing out. Tomorrow night - basketball/Reading with SmallBoy/promoting Code West's gig for Saturday night/passing out. Wed night - Basketball, something else...you get the idea. Somewhere in the spare moments between all of these activities and the important things like sleeping, eating, bathing, and just plain dropping dead, I can find time to do all of the rest of the stuff that still has to get done - oh yeah! And I have to color my hair and find time for haircuts too! EGADS!

Dear Santa:
All I want for Christmas are a few more hours in the day and an extra day on the weekend that are reserved soley for me, that cannot be taken up by obligations for OTHER PEOPLE, other things, work, or anything that I do not care to do. I have been a very good girl this year. This gift does not involve spending any money or creating a brand new toy or video game. I would say this is a relatively simple request. Thank you for taking the time to carefully consider my Christmas wish.
Yours truly,
Me

HOUSE...GRRRRR
Saturday, in the mail, I get a letter from my mortgage company telling me that because I had a nasty little spell with paying for my house, that my escrow is so far down, they are now DOUBLING my mortgage payment, effective Feb. 1. First of all, this house is so NOT worth that amount of money each month. Secondly, if I really and truly could afford to spend that much money on my house each month, I'd live on the richy rich side of town...or at least in a larger house in the comfortable side of town. Can you say REFI????? Seriously, do mortgage companies actually think people will settle for this and just pay it? No. But I've got to do it fast, cuz Feb 1 will come up soon. I don't make that much money in a month. Seriously, I need to sell my house, but it's not ready to be sold, plus stupid Ex will put up such a stink that it would be unbearable if I tried to leave this town of "wide lawns and narrow minds," (E. Hemingway on this town in which I live).

Electrician is coming tomorrow to see what he can do to fix this awful thing. Our house is still on the original fuses and is totally stupid. Our house is sinking on one side, my stairs are falling apart, my garage is falling apart, my insurance company changed my policy and now, get this, they no longer cover any damages to the house caused by the weather - so if a tree falls on my house - nope, if we have a tornado and my house blows to Oz - nope, if we get so much snow that my roof collapses -nope. Can they DO that?????????

Cookie Day
We made scads and scads of cookies, I took scads of pictures. We baked from 10:45 until 6, propped the TV up so that we could roll and decorate cookies while watching the Bears almost blow it against Tampa. We made Grandma Rosie cookies (secret family recipe, roll out dough), butter cookies, gingerbread cookies, butternut snowballs, peanut butter kiss cookies, apricot delights, almond crescents. There were about 21-25 of us (and we were missing several people), and we rolled and decorated and spritzed and baked. I tried desperately to post a slide show of the pics, but they moved my entire blog around.

Cookie day was at my mother's house this year, we rotate every year. My mother lives across the street from a forest preserve. As we were walking up to her house, we noticed a few deer at the edge of the forest. Surprisingly, they stuck around all day. We all walked down there at one point or another over the course of the day and looked at and admired them. I believe there were five total - 2 bucks, 2 does, and a fawn. Amazingly, the bucks were not fighting. (I know, could have cropped a little better, but forgot). We arrived at around 11:15 and the last time we saw the deer outside - you could see them just by looking out of the window, was just before it got dark. I'm impressed, and surprised that they hung out that long.

These are just a smattering of our end result. We baked. A lot. Of Cookies. Somewhere in my spare time, I will bake some more, when, though, I'm not certain. To more pics from cookie day, either peek over at the sidebar, or, to see them larger, head over to my myspace blog, where the slide show is considerable larger in both height & width. I think I'm finally done with this post now. I stopped in the middle of the Christmas Chaos part, went home from work, snarfed down some food, did some reading work with SmallBoy, went to scouts, came home. It's now 10:00. I think that I may just go crack a beer (another beer) and go color my hair. Of course that means, no sleep until at least midnight, but then at least I will have THAT done! EEEEEK. Ta Ta my Friends. Sleep tight.

Test Post

2006-12-18T09:52:00.000-08:00

Is it me, is it blogger, or was it because I was trying to put the fabulous cookie day slide show into the post. (check the sidebar to see it - or go to my myspace blog to see it bigger!). I'll blog some more in a bit...trying to work this bug out and, believe it or not, I'm actually busy at work. YIKES

Short , for Me, and Probably Missing LOTS of Important Stuff

2006-12-16T23:54:00.000-08:00

I made it, somehow to the weekend. I think I have the flu, SmallBoy's just been having the most awful week, life is insane, and tomorrow's cookie day...oh, wait, this morning my alarm went off at my weekday wakeup time, entirely too early, I was convinced it was Friday until PC told me it wasn't, and then, I couldn't get back to sleep. WRONG.

I'll post tomorrow or Monday about my Not-So-SmallBoy, but I'll just suffice it to say that the hyperlexia - weakness in reading comprehension - is REALLY getting to him. When that's added onto his already overful plate, full of stress, social struggles, Ex being an asshole issues, lack of time to do what HE wants to do (video games), it just makes things incredibly difficult for him. So today, in the few hours that I didn't feel like total and complete crap, just partial, incomplete crap, SmallBoy and I made a couple batches of cookie dough for our big giant family Cookie Day - which I'm pretty sure I mentioned in the post below. That kept him focused and happy for a while. He's just been SO sad and pained lately, so it was nice to see him genuinely interested in doing something and being happy about it.

Girl's Christmas program was Thursday night and I never got pics up from it, so here are a few:

She had a basketball game today, well, two, but only played in one of them. Thankfully I was still feeling somewhat ok - tired cuz I couldn't go back to sleep this morning, but relatively ok. Took some pics there, too...can you tell I don't feel like writing, but want to post SOMETHING?

She made it, we won - of course. Low scoring game, but we won, and that's what mattered. Second pic was from the half time shoot-around.

OH....DUH....Meem is in the process of publishing a children's book about Princess & ET, it's called "Daddy's House." PC built her a myspace to help promote. There are no pics or blurbs up about the book yet, but it's going to be wonderful. The book is a story about a little girl who lives with her mom, but visits her daddy every weekend. It tells about all of the fun things they do when they're together, their adventures, and their love for each other. Obviously, I'll keep promoting it here, too, but hop over there and check it out - say hi, whatever. Don't worry, I'll let you know as soon as we know when it's going to hit the shelves!

Alright, Loves, it's almost midnight, I feel like crap and we've got a busy day tomorrow! Smoochies. Good night, sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite!

Is This Week Over Yet?

2006-12-15T05:55:00.000-08:00

Lord, what a stressful week it's been! No basketball to be running around for, but just a whole bunch of stuff piling up at one time creating tension beyond belief. The posts below (yesterday, Wednesday) describe the stress the whole Santa thing has placed, not only on SmallBoy, but on the rest of us...and here, I thought I was doing a GOOD, POSITIVE thing. My computer at home decided to, quite literally, take a dump. Just shuts down, all my memory is taken up...YO! JH! I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!! Thankfully, I managed to save all - most - of my pictures before that happened. I didn't get them cleared out of the computer to see if it was memory thing, but at least I have them saved this time.

To add on to that, we're trying to get all of the Christmas things going, purchased, wrapped, YIKES - craziness all in its own right. Then there are all of the things that go along with the holidays: school programs, parties for this group, that group, and the other group, secret santa, our own family traditions - Cookie Day. You know, of course that trying to cram all of these activities into just a few short weeks, on top of all of the OTHER things that are already on the schedule, creates massive havoc and more stress. (Kyra, I really think your solstice idea is a great one. Too much with Christmas. I can't find the link to the post, but if you want to read Kyra's solstice post, click on her link, then go look in Nov. 2006 for the "Lanterns" post).

Last night was the school's annual Christmas program. The 1st-3rd graders sing, the orchestras (varying age groups 1 - 8) play. SmallBoy was not in the concert this year since he's in 4th grade and does not, YET, play an instrument (viola or violin for Christmas), but Girl played her last Christmas program (Hopefully I'll be able to post some pics for you later - or tomorrow). It was lovely. We had no OT yesterday since J the Fabulous OT was sick, so I was quite relieved when SmallBoy said he wanted to stay home and have some "brother time" with LargeBoy (I know, that sounds awful, but I know you all understand). Tonight we run to get a Secret Santa gift for Girl's Girl Scout Christmas Party, which is tonight, because we haven't been free to do it any OTHER time. Tomorrow, I THINK, all we have is Girl's game and taking LargeBoy shopping and driving. Sunday, though...is insane.

Sunday - our annual Cookie Day. This has been a tradition in my family for, probably 25-30 years. As many of us are available, and we are a LARGE family on my mother's side, get together for a day of baking, decorating, and eating cookie dough (yes, we're bad). Everyone brings a batch or two of their favorite cookie dough and we make gobs and gobs of cookies - all day! I made it a point to not be singing at mass this weekend so that I can get there early and maximize cookie baking & decorating. This will be the first weekend in about 7 that I haven't had to cantor mass. Well, as it turns out, Girl's string quartet is playing at a breakfast for the parish that morning. Granted, it's only 45minutes, but she won't be done and ready to roll until about 11:00, but then we don't get to mom's and in the swing of things til 11:15/11:30.

In the middle of all of this, SmallBoy has a scout meeting. 2:00. Smack in the middle of the day. Sunday meetings usually run about 2 hours. I thought about having him miss the meeting since he's been looking so forward to cookie day, but after talking to his den leader, who knows SmallBoy very well, we decided that it would be best if SmallBoy goes to the meeting. The boys will be earning a badge, practicing a skit that they'll be performing at the Scout Christmas party on Thursday night, having a uniform inspection (guess what I'm doing tonight - sewing badges, UGH! Laura, how fast can you do this for me - LOL), and doing something else that requires his presence. Cookie day can be a bit overwhelming, though, so it's probably a good thing for SmallBoy to take a break in the middle of the day and go hang out at Scouts with PC, more bonding time for them, too. I just worry that SmallBoy will be spending the entire time at scouts thinking about what he might possibly be missing at Cookie Day - will all the good cookies be decorated already? will all the good decorations be used up already? will somebody take home (or worse, eat) the cookie that I decorated especially for me? JUST a little much for me. I suppose, though, that if I dwell on it, he probably will, too. So, I won't. I'll just trust that I'm making the right decision.

After all of that is said and done, we go back home, take showers, make lunches, pack backpacks, go to bed and start the next week all over again. I think I need a glass of wine (or a cup of coffee) now.

How Do You Spell Oy Vay?

2006-12-14T08:36:00.000-08:00

The keeping of the Great Secret of Santa has proven to be an extremely, unbelievably difficult task for my Not-So-SmallBoy. I wrote yesterday about how we had given him something to keep in his pocket to help him keep his lip zipped whenever he felt the urge to share the news. At the time, I thought that was a BRILLIANT idea - and it was. What wasn't a good idea, was re-stressing the importance of not telling. My poor little guy had a REALLY awful day yesterday because of it - or at least, that's my theory.

About 3:15 yesterday, I got a call from Mrs. M, SmallBoy's teacher. She had started writing this in his communication notebook, but as she hit two pages (and she writes small), she figured that calling me was the better idea. The trouble started in social studies class, which he has with a different teacher, Ms. R. Ms. R is a wonderful teacher and is cued into all things SmallBoy also. PC and I went in to her classroom last week and presented the book and Asperger's to the class. As we did the first time, we were well received and the students were glad to have a "reason" that SmallBoy is the way he is and acts the way he acts. Kids are still kids, though, and, unfortunately, in social studies class, Ms. R. had them work in pairs, pairing SmallBoy with someone who likes him, but doesn't "get" him. They had a difference of opinion about which page the assignment started on, and SmallBoy melted - BIG TIME. Crying, yelling, your basic SmallBoy-having-a-really-shitty-day meltdown.

After class, Ms. R spoke with Mrs. M who suggested that she always, always, always pair SmallBoy with his best friend, his rock at school, PQ. PQ is such a wonderful boy and somehow, just knows how to read SmallBoy. I spoke with SmallBoy last night and questioned him, gently, about what he should do if he and his partner disagree on something - ask for help from another classmate or a teacher. He said, yes, he agreed this was the right solution.

That was just the first time. Once they were back in Mrs. M's class, they were starting Language Arts. In preparation for the next part of the lesson, she told the class to take out their practice books and put them on their desks, but not to start working in them until she gave the assignment. Yep, you guessed it - SmallBoy started working in the book - he knew the assignment, it was on the board. Mrs. M was fine with that, saw that he had started working and turned a blind eye - she's good with him that way. One of the other students, however, saw that SmallBoy had begun to work in the practice book and ratted him out. Of course, Mrs. M had to say something then, she couldn't just ignore it. Well, now the attention was drawn to him and he got upset. He got loud, yelled, didn't understand WHY he couldn't work in his book if he wanted to. Mrs. M explained that because she had given the directive NOT to work in the books until she said to, that the class, as a whole, including SmallBoy, had to wait.

He wasn't satisfied with that answer and laid down on the floor next to his desk - and continued working in his book. Mind you, he's not disturbing anyone, but he's not following the directions. Again, though, Mrs. M was willing to let SmallBoy be, as he was now quiet. A second student ratted him out this time. And that was that. Nuclear Meltdown.

He screamed. He cried. He yelled. He went under a desk in the back of the room - the quiet desk - still working in his practice book. Mrs. M told him that it would be just fine if he wanted to work there and cool out there, but that he had to end the yelling and crying. She asked if he'd rather lie on the floor in the hallway, but he wanted desperately to be in the classroom. All of a sudden he let out a yelp and started crying again. It turns out that he burned himself on one of the pipes in the classroom. The classes have radiator heat on that side, and Mrs. M always makes certain that once the students are in the room, the radiator is off. Unfortunately, the pipes that lead to it are still holding heat and steam. It wasn't a bad burn, just a little one, like if you brush your hand across the cookie sheet, but sensory issues plus already being in a "bad place" with his meltdown and his day, he was just lost then. I dont' remember how she finally got him to cool off, because by the time we had gotten to that part of the conversation, I was somewhere else in my head. I did manage to formulate a thought that perhaps, the behavior issues yesterday were linked somehow with SmallBoy focusing ALL of his energy and strength on NOT spilling the Santa secret. Mrs. M concurred, as did PC, that it's a very likely theory. He used everything he had to contain that, and just couldn't hold himself together any longer.

SmallBoy has been talking about how he's having a very difficult time with making/keeping friends at school and Mrs. M confirmed that yesterday. She said it seems as though the other students are keeping him at a distance because they never know if/when he's going to explode and what is going to set him off. I wish that I could be there with him so that I can head these off. I see them, I know how to handle them and bring them down, sometimes before they start. Nope. Gotta work. That sucks. I mean, I know he has to learn these things on his own, or he won't learn them for later in life. My heart just ripped in half, and I think my legs were wobbly until about 8:00 last night. We have OT tonight, so I'll mention it to J the Fabulous OT and see what suggestions she has.

Update: J the Fabulous OT just called- she's deathly ill. No OT tonight. CRAP! Not sure what to do. SmallBoy needs it desperately. I really do need to find somewhere in my house to put an OT studio - or to at least convert his bedroom into one.
<br>We also have the school Christmas program tonight, so it's going to be rush rush rush from one activity to another - but we've had a quiet week, so that's just fine. This year, will be our last year. We've had one child or another in the program for the last 10yrs or so. The children in grades 1 -3 do a little concert, and the three different orchestras play. The whole thing lasts maybe an hour, but it's a BIG DEAL. SmallBoy won't be in it this year, since he's in 4th grade, but Girl is playing with the orcestra. As an 8th grader, this is her last Christmas program. Hopefully we can get there in time to get good seats. This is SUCH a big deal, that the front 2 or 3 rows of center pews in the church are auctioned off for this program at our annual school auction - and they go for upwards of $800 - $1000 - THAT's how desperately people want good seats. The kids are adorable, though. Usually the entire first grade is missing teeth.

I'll bring my camera and hopefully get good pics of Girl playing. My new camera has a setting that lets you take good pics even in places you need a flash but aren't allowed to use one. I can't wait to show off all of the pictures that I'll be taking - once I learn all of the fun stuff. I'm not one to sit down and study manuals, but this camera has SO many cool features, that I would definitely be wasting my time and my money by not learning how to use everything. Posting my pics, however, proves incredibly difficult since I NEVER get to use my own computer. MOST of my posting is done at work because my computer is constantly in use by other people. I usually have to wait until midnight or later to get on. Last night, I fell asleep on the couch waiting for my turn. PC took this hysterical pic of me sleeping, and one of the OCFs all snuggled up next to me. Hopefully, someday, I'll be able to get another computer - one I can use - JUST for me. I bought this laptop so that I could write my book. Now there's about a smidgeon of memory left, creepy things that pop up, in, my "d" key sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, and out of my computer, the lap top mouse doesn't work, so I had to use one of my USB ports to plug in a mouse, and the other port is almost always in use charging someone's iPod. EEEK - and the damn thing's not even paid off yet!

Boy, I'm getting way too stressed, and it's barely 9am!

New Band & Stuff

2006-12-13T09:39:00.000-08:00

Last night we met, again, with JG and another gentleman to work on forming ANOTHER band, to supplement what we're doing with Code West. We're looking to play a LOT and a similar, yet different form of music. Hoping a lot of good will come out of this. Tonight, we're going to start recording one or two things and get them sent out and ready to be put up on North Country's myspace. We'll be doing some bluesy rock, a little bit of jazz-ish kinda stuff, and, well, having a grand old time doing it. What I really like is that everyone is willing to do what we have to in order to get moving and start out from the gate running! It seems that everyone has the same ideas on how and what we want to do, and three of our 5 already have some originals written!!!

Oh, I should plug: If you're around on December 23, Code West will be playing at the Pioneer Tap in Forest Park. Click on our myspace for more info. I know, I know, it's the night before The Night Before Christmas. Hopefully by then, you'll have everything done and will be ready to go out and relax before the holiday chaos. Or, if you're like me, you'll need a break from the fact that you're STILL not done. SO, if you're around, come on out! It'll be a blast.

Kids - yes, kids! I'm feeling particularly old today. Girl went to school with LargeBoy today for a shadow day. For those of you not familiar (and I certainly wasn't until very recently), the shadowing day is a day when 8th graders can visit the high school and follow a student around to get a feel for the school, the classes, the structure, the enormity of the school compared to the school they came from. She is shadowing her step-sister, not LargeBoy, because neither of them thought that would be "cool."

I think this is a wonderful process. I have no idea if this was around when I was going into high school, oh so many years ago. If it was, it certainly wasn't something that was brought to everyone's attention as it is now. So, this morning, on our runs, we dropped of TWO children at the high school. THAT was our "shadowing" - getting a feel for how it's going to be with two high school children. EEEEEK!

SmallBoy will be the last one at his school - from our family, that is. I thought he might be worried about not having his sister there anymore, but he was totally gung-ho about the idea. I believe he said something along the lines of, "Yes! Girl won't be there anymore!" It was kind of funny.

What's nice about that, though, is that it's giving us a good feel for how HE feels about his independence. This year began the walking home alone in preparation for next year. I didn't think he's be ready to be on his own next year, but apparently, that's not going to be an issue.

He IS having difficulty, though, with the revelation about Santa. I got a note yesterday in his communication book from his teacher saying that he had had a great day overall, but that he's having a very hard time not sharing his "Santa Secret," and could we please discuss this with him. I was surprised, yet not surprised. I thought that, being in 4th grade, he would be one of the last kids to know. I found out in 1st grade. So I was very surprised when the teacher's note came in. I'm not nearly as surprised, however, that he feels this need to share his new found knowledge with everyone he can. It gives him a feeling of confidence that he knows something that not necessarily everyone else does.

We expressed to him how incredibly important it was to keep this secret to himself, because there are many kids older, his age, and younger, who don't know yet. We told him that it was up to their parents to determine when was the right time to let them in on the secret. To help remind him, and deter him from blurting it out, we gave him a little something from our dishwasher project (something else he's fascinated with) to keep in his pocket during the school day. We told him that whenever he felt like telling someone about Santa, that he could reach in his pocket and hold this bolt-y thing or that he could take out the bolt-y thing and talk to the kids about THAT instead of about Santa. He laughed. He thought we were totally silly, but at least this way, he won't be perseverating on the fact that, "I can't tell I can't tell I can't...oh I GOTTA TELL!"

If anyone has any other wonderful ideas on how to dissuade the sharing of the secret identity of the Jolly Red One, I'd LOVE to hear them!

CAN WALK 2007

2006-12-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

I missed it last year because I had to work, I think it was our spring open house - probably will be again this year. NOT missing it this year. This year, in Chicago, the Walk will take place on May 20...I believe, at Soldier's Field. If you'd like to support Cure Autism Now, you can make a donation either directly to Cure Autism Now, or by joining Team SmallBoy - as a member of our walking team, by making a donation, or both.

When you click on the link, it should, in theory, bring you to a page with a pic of SmallBoy in a tree. From there, you can make a donation directly, or click on the link to join our team - where you can join the team and make a donation at the same time.

Please spread the word to people you know, people in YOUR state, people who, like me, didn't know about the walk last year until it was too late and may still not know that they can help support such a great cause. I know, still a short post today, but worth it all the way.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

2006-12-10T15:45:00.000-08:00

I've made the switch over to beta, figured out what I'm doing and am finding this new format to be pretty cool so far. I discovered the "label" feature and am in the process of going back and labeling all 409 posts. As I went through the month of November, to mark them all as NaBloPoMo, I discovered that somehow or other, I MISSED November 4th - two posts on 11/3, but nothing on the 4th. I was SOOOOOOOOOO diligent about getting them in. I threw my children off of the computer, "GET OFF! I NEED TO POST!" I can blame it on I thought I was posting after midnight and apparently didn't. I can blame it on a different time zone (but I wasn't in one), or I could just suck it up and say I didn't get the post in for some reason, and just never realized it. AAAAAAARRRGGHHH!!!!! Well, next year. Unless you guys, Laura & Kyra, really want to try and get a NaBloJanMo going - even if it is only the three of us.

This weekend went by entirely to quickly. Anyone agree? Ex had Girl and LargeBoy, of course NOT SmallBoy, for the weekend. Friday night we stayed in and made some music. We are in the process of forming another band (in addition to, not instead of Code West). So, ET came over, as did JG, who will be our other guitar player. We hung out, made music (and merry), and had a blast. SmallBoy hung out with me while the guys did their thing with their guitars and bongos. He taught me a couple more games and played just with me for a while. It was very nice for both of us, I think, especially since it was a weekend when he had been, once again, excluded from visiting his father.

Saturday was a very busy day from start to finish, yet it didn't seem overly crazy, like it usually does on the weekends. We had promised LargeBoy that we would take him out driving to log in some more behind-the-wheel time. Ex refuses to do this with him (Why? I'll never know.), so PC took him out for a couple of hours first thing in the morning, when traffic was relatively light. He's really doing a wonderful job. I'm still terrified, and I'm sure I will be for the rest of my life when I know he's behind the will (right, Mom?), but I'm much more comfortable with him driving than I was in September. New element in the equation now, the snow, but he's got to learn somehow.

GR had called and asked if SmallBoy would like to spend the night. She likes to have GR and SmallBoy nights when she knows that Ex has the other two. SmallBoy was THRILLED and had his bag packed within seconds. I told him that it would probably be mid to late afternoon before GR picked him up, because she had things to do, and we had Girl's play to attend. He was quite fine with that, as he was ecstatic that he was going to GR's and that he was going to see his sister's play.

The play was fantastic. The drama club performed a play based on children's books including Courduroy, The Grouchy LadyBug, Horton Hatches an Egg, Lon Po Po, Pierre, The Rough Faced Girl, and a couple others that I can't remember. The play began with a group of kids in the library talking about just how TOTALLY LAME it is to read. "Boring!" "Reading? Um, no." With that, one of the girls knocked over the table where the books are displayed and out rolled the Grouchy Ladybug. The librarian told the girls that to make up for losing the ladybug, they would have to read all of the stories until they found the one in which she belonged, and returned her to her story. The performances were wonderful. The play was written to have a narrator reading the story and then the story book character reciting their "lines." Girl was in 3 or 4 of the stories. In this pic, she was the wolf in Lon Po Po - a story similar to the mother goat and her three kids. Mother goes to visit grandma and tells the kids not to let anyone in no matter what. Big Bad Wolf (Girl) poses as Grandma and enters into the house, the kids finally discover her identity and then set about getting rid of the wolf. In Horton Hatches the Egg, she was the Ringmaster at the circus. Now, the costumes are never too elaborate, it's junior high play in a Catholic School, so you know that it's all volunteers, but the kids always manage to pull them off. She came out in a "ringmaster" jacket and a hat and looked fantastic. She already had her nose and eyebrows on for her Lon Po Po character, so she looked extra adorable. She came out and with all of the confidence in the world, like she owned this role, like she was meant to be a ringmaster. She was graceful, elegant, and Seuss-ian. PC and I were terribly proud of her. I really want to put more pics in this post, but I'll add them to the slide show in the sidebar instead. In the Grouchy LadyBug, Snood played the ladybug and Girl played one of the animals that the ladybug kept challenging to fight, in Girl's case, the rhinoceros. I tried to get a good pic of the two of them on the stage together, but when I finally got into position, Girl was the one and only character that came out stage left. Go figure.

After the play, GR came and picked up SmallBoy. PC and I were home alone with nothing to do - at least for an hour or so before we headed out to Girl's basketball game. It was against the rich snooty kids from the next village over. They had all been "myspace-ing" each other all week and trash talking each other. Our girls were pumped. It was the other school's Pack-the-Place, the school spirit game - the BIG rivalry. Sadly, our girls did NOT win, but their record for the season, so far is 15-3, so we're not complaining. Between the coaching, the shots just NOT falling, bad defense, bad calls & non-calls, it was not a pretty game, but they fought hard. They've got a great record and we're all proud of them. After the game, PC and I had SUCH a craving for sub sandwiches that we stopped at one of the best joints in town, SubTender (or SubT, for short), grabbed some subs and headed home - to our empty house. Gee, what should an exhausted couple that hardly ever gets alone time do with a house to themselves - no kids, no obligations - do for the evening? What any couple would do in this situation; we plopped ourselves on the sofa with our sandwiches and popped in the first disc of the second season of The Office. I nodded off by about episode 4, PC was out by episode 6. We were in bed, asleep by midnight.

That actually served me well, as I had to sing 7:30 mass at church this morning. I so had hopes to go back to bed when I got home, but by 8:45, I was awake. PC got out of bed, we made some coffee, and discussed our game plan. We both had a craving for biscuits and gravy for breakfast, so we headed to our favorite breakfast restaurant - Page's, in Hinsdale (GO THERE!!!!). We pigged out. Out to GR's we went to pick up SmallBoy and go to Cub Scouts. We were doing an outdoor 3 mile hike today, so we knew we'd walk off breakfast. The weather was relatively decent (for Chicago in December), especially compared to the great freeze we had last week. PC ad SmallBoy, fresh from the frozen camp out last weekend, were well prepared with their layers of clothing. I did pretty ok, too, but by about 5 minutes into the walk I was wearing both my hat and PC's hat (which technically IS mine anyway). The boys goofed around, explored, got off task, on task, followed, passed, lagged behind, but had a great time. Every so often our den leader, Mr. G, would stop the guys and have them massage their feet to warm them, take a hydration break and, believe it or not, cool off. We got pretty cozy warm while hiking. SmallBoy got so warm that he wanted to take off his hat (especially since some of the other scouts had). I, not thinking in ASD mode, ended up arguing with him about keeping his hat on. DUH - after going back an forth for about 45 seconds, I told him that he could take it off for 2minutes but then had to put it back on. After 2 minutes, he put it back on - no arguements, whatsoever. LIGHT BULB! I told him then that, absolutely, when he got too hot, he could take his hat off for 2 minutes to cool down. Bam! He put it back on each time!

The boys hiked along doing 1.5miles out and 1.5 miles back. They were fortunate enough, on the way back to spot a fawn - then an 8-point buck and the doe (can you find him in here?). We were considerably closer than this picture represents. It was really fun watching the boys saying, "COOL! Deer!" and knowing that the deer were probably thinking, "COOL! People!" We stood and stared at each other for about 2 or 3 minutes before we moved on. The deer, surprisingly, never bolted - I expected them to take off at the noise and sudden movements that the boys made, but they stayed, and we moved on.

Our long, cold afternoon came to an end as we dropped SmallBoy off for a whole whopping hour at his father's. He insisted on having SmallBoy for a little bit of time this weekend, even after I explained his incredibly busy schedule for the day. Had I known HOW little time he would have him, I would have just said no. Literally, it was an hour, and then he came bounding through my door again. I asked him if he had a good time at his father's and he told me about what he and LargeBoy did for the hour - worked on a Lego toy he has there.

Now, we're all home - except Girl, she's at a softball tournament (don't worry, it's indoors). Snat and a friend are over trying get our dishwasher to work, the boys are watching a combination of The Simpsons and football. LargeBoy is DESPERATELY waiting for his turn on the computer. He's got some CDs to burn into iTunes, so I should be a nice mama and let him have it. Perhaps later I'll get the rest of the pics from the play and the scout outing loaded into the slide show for your entertainment.

Ok - Switching Now

2006-12-09T09:10:00.000-08:00

Somehow, I managed to make the switch to beta. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get all of my cool stuff back - you know my slide shows, my links, all that jazz. In the meantime, bear with me. The kids are at their dad's this weekend, so I only have to work around everything else we're doing today in order to get computer time.

Stick around. I'll figure it all out soon!

She's at it Again!

2006-12-08T07:08:00.000-08:00

I am still receiving congratulations from parents at school on Girl's award. I am still bragging and saying, "Yes, we are terribly proud of her. She truly IS such a wonderful Girl." Everyone asks how she does it? What is it about her that makes her so wonderful? Well, obviously she gets that from me, and I got that from my mother (you're welcome, Mom). In this pic, she's gathering the food that they collected during a food drive at school and getting it ready for delivery to the local food pantry. How DOES she do it? She's in 8th grade and already more overextended than I...ok, she can't be MORE overextended since most of my overextension goes hand in hand with her crazy schedule, but for a 14yr old girl, she is overextended. Tell me if this doesn't make you want to collapse (and this is just a normal week):

Drama Club after school 1 - 2 days/wk, orchestra at lunch 2 - 3 days/wk, student council (I have NO idea when THEY meet), yearbook committee 1/mo at 7:00am, Girl Scouts 1 -2 x/mo, more at the holidays, basketball practice/game 6 out of 7 days/wk, softball practice/tournament 1-2x/week, babysitting - standing 1/wk after school gig...and seriously, the list goes on.

With all of this, she still manages to find time to achieve High Honors at school, to be a force of nature in life, on the court, field, diamond or whatever sports venue she's playing, be a phenomenal friend, an amazing daughter, and an absolutely supportive sister. She is sandwiched by her brothers, and keeps up with them both. She "gets" SmallBoy. She knows how to work with him, anticipate situations, handle meltdowns. She takes what LargeBoy, as the older brother, dishes out - and gives right back.

She's a strong girl. She's gone through this horrible crap with Ex - through the divorce, through her father's coniption fit about my remarriage, through all of the crap Ex is pulling about SmallBoy, through the crap he's pulling now about taxes. She's seen the ugly side of life, the real, the unfortunate, the underprivileged, those who make us look wealthy (and we are SOOOOOO not). She appreciates what we have, even if it's not as much as we'd like. She has compassion. She stands up for a cause and for her beliefs.

An example of that would be the viewpoint/opinion blurb that was printed in one of our local newspapers on Wednesday. I can't link it for you because it's been removed from their website. Our village is up in arms over playing night games on the football field at the high school. Various reasons include the proximity of the residents to the blaring lights, their concern over people "lingering", parking issues (which, are a joke in this town to begin with), and the race/achievement gap that seems to be ever present. This particular viewpoint was posted along with a picture of the students of our high school marching in support of lighting the football stadium. The students shown marching in this picture were of mixed races - black, white, yellow, purple, green, whatever - it shouldn't matter. One African-American student, representing the football team, in his school jersey, was walking to the right of the student carrying the a sign in support of lighting the stadium. This student was making the peace sign across his body with his right hand at the sign. The viewpoint/opinion blurb that was written by one of the residents in our village accused this student of flashing gang signs in the picture, thus pointing out that we shouldn't light the stadium, because it will attract gangs. He also stated that this photo confirms that our high school has a gang problem. Not only that, but he, through that, accused this student, who he does not know, of being a gang banger. Well, you can imagine the uproar and outrage from the school community, the residents of the village, and the student's family.

This accusation affected not only the school, but the student and is family directly. Regardless of the outcome or anyone's opinion, my point is about my daughter. She, being the wonderful person that she is, listened to LargeBoy explain the whole situation clearly, listened to LargeBoy's letter to the editor (the whole school is writing letters - LargeBoy's is amazing and extremely well written, btw, and, if I find a copy, I will post it for you), and then immediately went online and responded to the paper directly with her own letter of disgust, disappointment, and apology, as a resident of our village, to the football player's family. This from an 8th grader. I'm so proud. She fights for what she believes in.

She's always doing something for someone. She's totally selfless - ok, not totally, she IS a teenager, but you get the idea. I'm so proud of my children. They are amazing. What a wonderful gift I was given.

Lord, Help Me Make the Switch!

2006-12-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

THIS is how I'm feeling right now. I've been trying to make "the switch" to blogger beta, since, whether we want to or not, we all will ultimately have to either make the switch to blogger beta or to another host. Simple enough process, I figured, since Blogger pretty much walks you through everything. It's geared towards severely technologically impaired people like me who either like to do things simply, without worrying about formats, codes, and all that stuff or those, me included, who just don't get all the mumbo jumbo with html and blah blah blah. Sure, I'll make the switch tonight, and tomorrow I'll have this great new blog.

Not so, my dear friends. It keeps asking me to create a user id and password...which do. Then it tells me that my password is incorrect (not that it's too short or doesn't meet their specifications for a password). Ok, fine. I created a different password. Then it tells me that my email address is missing the @somewhere.something part. Ok, fine! Since it didn't tell me what to put as the @somewhere.something part, I just used my regular email address (because it said it had to be an existing email address). Nope. Not good enough. Guess why. Come on, I dare ya. "That email is already in use by another user." Yeah! ME!

I'm stressed. I'll try again tomorrow. Sadly, though, this has totally blown my post for today...and it was a good one, too, though I don't remember what about. GRRRRRR - oh, yeah, that's right -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!!!! TE AMO!!!

'Tis the Season for Dispelling THE Myth

2006-12-06T06:57:00.000-08:00

I finally had THE talk with SmallBoy. You know, the one about the jolly old guy with the white beard. The guy who wears a red suit and stays out all night flying high as a kite, going into people's homes and eating all of their cookies, and then leaving gifts in return. Yeah, that's the guy. The big S.C. I wasn't too certain how the conversation was going to go or be understood. Granted, he's 10years old and in 4th grade, and I'm surprised he hasn't found out from peers or from spoil sports wanting to ruin the fun, but it was the Asperger's reaction that I was concerned with. I wasn't certain how knowing this reality was going to affect his trust in us.

Let me start at the beginning, though, and tell you how all of this came into play. On Monday, I had put up several posts, which, for me, is unusual, but I was having fun. In one of the posts, I had put up a funny "music" video that I had seen on Bloggg's site. It was the cast of the Christmas Charlie Brown video doing the dance that they do, only it was set to the song, "Heya". The whole family watched this video and rolled on the floor in hysterics (go check it out, you'll pee in your pants). As I was addressing Christmas cards last night, SmallBoy hopped onto the computer and checked into my site to watch the video again. I don't usually let him read my site without my knowledge, because I don't always say very nice things about how his father treats him or his other two children or me, for that matter. This time, though, SmallBoy was sitting right next to me. and I knew what he would be looking at. Perfectly harmless, or so I thought.

All of a sudden, I hear him say,

"You got me MOON BOOTS?"

OOPS! I knew exactly what had happened. When he was watching the video, he had scrolled far enough that the beginning of the previous post was showing. Guess what that one was about. God! You're smart! Yep, I had posted about what would be great Christmas gifts for SmallBoy - things that would help his sensory issues, his spatial awareness issues, and would also give him a way to use up a lot of his energy to help when his engine is too high or when he's feeling particularly upset or stressed. At the VERY beginning of the post, though, I mentioned that I had bought him some moon boots for Christmas. There's a story behind that for another post, but for now the door was open for the Santa conversation. How to begin?

I took a moment to argue with myself about whether or not I should just leave well enough alone. Certainly I could say that, yes, indeed, the moon boots were from PC and me. We give gifts from Santa and gifts from us anyway, so it wouldn't have been an issue. I could have simply let the proverbial sleeping dragon lie. Nope. I knew that if I did not seize the moment, it would be lost for another year or, at least, until someone spilled the beans. I inhaled to prepare my words and, moreso, to prepare myself for the fact that my youngest child, my baby, was about to lose the last shred of childhood innocence - the fantasy that we've been playing out for the last 16 years, since LargeBoy was a small boy was about to come to its fruition. And within the long 5 second inhale, I readied myself for that reality also.

I exhaled and said to him,

"Hey, SmallBoy - how do you think I knew that you were getting moon boots for Christmas? Remember that conversation we had about my secret identity (tooth fair myth disepelled), well, I've got another one. Can you guess who?"

"No way! You're Santa, too?"

"Yep." (LONG pause to gauge reaction) "So, what do you think about that?"

"Sooooooo, you're Santa?"

"Yep. Is that ok with you?"

"Yeah. Soooooo can I still believe in Santa?"

Ahhhh, the Christmas spirit is not broken, nor lost. Face it, we all still have that Santa thing, right? I went on to explain how it's wonderful, he can still believe as long as he knows that it is the grown ups who bring the presents. He can still believe, but knowing this new secret, it's his responsibility to play along with those who don't yet know their parents' secrect identities. He was cool with that. I'm so happy. It could have been MUCH MUCH worse. Now, my biggest problem is finding him something DIFFERENT for Christmas. Anyone have any more ideas?

A Night Off - and KR's Coming to Town!

2006-12-05T09:38:00.000-08:00

We, as a family, have nothing to do tonight. Yep. That's right. NOTHING to do. No basketball, softball, driver's ed (although I should take LargeBoy out), no OT, no scouts, no dinner engagements, no rehearsals, no conferences, no NOTHIN'! I'm not quite sure what to do.

Dinner as a family sounds good, although we do try to make it a point to do that as much as possible. Sitting on our butts watching a movie sounds good, but then, what to watch - 2 movies? One that's SmallBoy appropriate until bedtime and then one that's more oriented for the rest of us after bedtime? Laundry? Cleaning? Holiday Shopping? I'm at a loss. Does anyone have any suggestions?

On another note, my littlest Sister is coming to town! I haven't seen her since the summer, and this time, we get to kidnap her for an overnight. She lives with her mom in Kentucky, so we don't get to see her as much as we'd like, but try desperately to see her as much as we can when she's in town. Given our crazy schedule, that's next to impossible. As it turns out, however, I took the week off between Christmas and New Year's to relax with the kids, go to some of Girl's basketball tournament games and to, perhaps, steal my sister. Mission accomplished! I've only got her one night, but that's better than just a few hours.

Last time KR was here, it was blistering hot outside and we taught her SmallBoy's game of Hose Limbo. Hopefully the weather won't be too much in the opposite extreme and we'll be able to take her to the sled hill down the street from our house. Perhaps we can find a new variation of limbo. I'd also like to get down to the park in the city and go skating. I haven't been skating in YEARS. KR - bring your skates! I'll let you drive! I'm certain there are a great deal of things that we can do when she's in town. I am just happy that I'll get to have her all to myself for a while - ok, well, I'll have to share her with PC and my kids, but still....I am looking SO forward to having her here! I miss her terribly.

SmallBoy's been having an ok time at school lately. The communication notebook has proven a very effective tool. Tomorrow afternoon, PC and I will be going to school to present "the book" to the other 4th grade class. After the wonderful response we got from SmallBoy's class, the other teacher asked if we'd come to her class, too!

Remind me to blog about that scouting trip. It's been on my mind, and then I forget because something else comes up.

If you haven't yet, scroll down to yesterday's posts. Yesterday was my day to check out everyone else's blogs and share their funnies & wisdom with you! Maybe in my "free" time tonight, I'll manage to get the scout trip blog posted. Enjoy your day!

While I'm on a roll -

2006-12-04T20:51:00.000-08:00

One more!

Make a snowflake online... the site sponsors are donating up to $5000 dollars to the Salvation Army based on the number of snowflakes made using their little applet.

Click Here To Create Your Own Snowflake

DO IT. :D

Stole From Bloggg

2006-12-04T16:36:00.000-08:00

Today must just be my day for thievery. I was catching up, saw this at Bloggg, and I swear, we all sat around the computer and peed our collective pants! Posting on my myspace, too! If you have wireless, I would suggest taking your laptop to the bathroom with you so you're not sitting in peed pants - because you will!

I Stole from Mamaroo

2006-12-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

I was reading Mamaroo's post about ideas for Roo for Christmas, and became inspired. I ordered moon shoes for him (oh my god, he's going to love them!). I have a feeling, however, that there may be a couple, two, three, of you who may still need ideas for him, so I will present them to you here:

Jumparoo Anti-Gravity Pogo Stick

OR

Gigaball (this is WAY too cool, and now that we have a dog/poop-less yard, he can do this!)

OR

Moon Bounce (we used to call them Hippety Hops).

I could also use one of THESE for him too - no, seriously, I could. It would be fabulous for him. Yes, Dad & FIL, I can hear you both loud and clear - Liability Liability Liability. However, it's also good for SmallBoy. If not, he could use a swingset...from which we could hang various pieces of OT equipment for him.

Games would be good, too, or fun things that he can do indoors while waiting to pass the time til the snow melts, although, THIS could be GREAT fun for winter!.

I wanted to post today about the guys' trip to scout camp on the freezing cold, snow-laden Saturday, but I've been so busy at work today trying to catch up from OUR snowday, that it's not 2:45 and I've been writing this post on and off since 7:30 this morning. EEEEEEEEEEK! Basketball game and potential confrontation with ex tonight, but I'll have my PC with me to protect me.

Ok, back to work I go. Chat with ya later!

Normal Life, Again.

2006-12-03T15:01:00.000-08:00

The boys are home from their trip, I'll post some more about that tomorrow. The trip was given mixed reviews. Right now, all that matters is that they're home, safe & warm. PC is exhausted and is taking a nap. I know it's late, but he needed the sleep. I won't let him sleep much longer, though, or he won't be able to sleep tonight.

Heading out in the cold, in PC's nice warm car that doesn't have a terminally flat tire or a whine in the engine, to take Girl off to softball practice at the high school - gotta love softball in the freezing cold of winter - oh! NO! it's STILL autumn! GEEZ O PETES! Kyra, when's Solstice again? The 20th? 21st?

SmallBoy is in the living room using up his stars on some video games, LargeBoy's in the shower, and Girl's getting ready for softball. Thought I'd take this opportunity to SEIZE the computer before I lose it to the powers that be - no, that would be my kids.

Well, off I go. Slugging my coffee and finding my snow boots! Chat with you tomorrow! Happy Sunday. OH, wait...look what I found on this site. I found lots of great things and ordered a TON of stuff, but THIS one struck me. Perhaps I'll put it on SmallBoy's coat if his father ever sees him again. I LOVE it! I think it might, at the very least make a statement. Might not necessarily be effective in sending the message that it intends, because Ex is too pigheaded to understand, but it will get the message to others! Ok, really now, going to put on my snow boots and coat. Layers are the key here! Lots and lots of layers!

What a Weird Day

2006-12-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

...oh, btw, if you notice that a word is missing a "d", it's because my "d" key is being stupid. I'm convinced that it's either the result of teenagers eating at the keyboard, although I've done the turn over and pound on the back thing, or that they've just plain damaged that key. I'm going to start charging them a fee to use this computer. I still don't have it paid off and they've managed to trash it. I suppose, though, that is the way with teenagers.

Back to the post. Today has been a rather interesting day. PC, ET, and SmallBoy left this morning to go camping with the scouts. The town where their campsite is located is up north, near the Wisconsin border and got SOCKED with snow the other day. They WILL be staying indoors, but their cabin is heated only by a wood burning stove. Being scouts, you just know that they will have been outdoors from the moment the exited the comfort and luxury of the nice, snuggly warm car.

They went prepared, though. They had a very explicit packing list and directions on dressing in layers - and bringing tons of socks. Long underwear, layers, coats, boots, hats, gloves in tow, the guys hit the road. They haven't come home, so that's a good sign. I was worried that they might end up returning home this evening if the cold got to be too much for SmallBoy - because once he wraps his mind around the fact that he's cold, he stays cold and perseverates on that to NO end. I bet they're having a blast, though.

PC is so wonderful for going on this trip with our Not-so-SmallBoy. He's never really had this much time alone with SmallBoy without ME, so this will be a great opporutnity for the two of them to form an even greater bond than they already share. I'm missing them desperately, but I know how good this is for me. (This "d" thing is really starting to piss me off.) I feel so comfortable in the knowledge that my bug is in such good, loving, hands. He is with someone who knows him like he knows himself, sometimes I think PC has a better handle on SmallBoy than I. He'll know what to do if a meltdown is imminent. He'll know what to do to avert a meltdown. He'll know what to do to continually encourage SmallBoy.

ET brought to the trip, not only his experience as an Outward Bound alum, but his love for SmallBoy. He, too, in the short time that he's known my son, has grown to love him - also unconditionally. He knows what to do, how to handle situations that might arise. He also, on this trip, will have the opportunity to use his expertise with Outward Bound to help explain to SmallBoy WHY so many rules have to be enforced when camping, why this, why that...simple things that most of us would take for granted. I am SO glad that both of these wonderful guys are with my son today.

Which means - it's me, LargeBoy, and Girl. Weird. PC and I will have been married for all of 2yrs come New Year's Eve, but it feels like forever since it's just been me and the kids, not to mention how long it's been since I've been with just Girl and LargeBoy witOUT SmallBoy. Very, very strange.

This morning, Girl had placement exams for math & science for high school, and wrapping gifts for underprivileged kids with an order of nuns today. I went with Meem, FIL, and Punkie to the auction where Meem's art was on the block. Talk about exciting. It was an amazing experience and, I must say that we left there celebrating! It was truly exhilirating. I don't know how we didn't squeal with delight every time the bids were raised, and how we didn't just leap with joy out of our seats when the gavel fell. Oh! It was WONDERFULLY exciting. We followed the auction with a celebratory lunch (thanx, Meem & FIL!), and then went to our respective homes to enjoy the rest of the day.

When I arrived home, LargeBoy was up, and Girl was still out. I had grand plans for this afternoon. Laundry, intense cleaning, sweeping up all of the remaining globs of dog hair, washing everyone's bed linens, FINDING my bedroom...you know, all the fun stuff. The stuff that I have absolutely NO time to do on any other day because there are always too many oter things that MUST be done.

I sat on the sofa, LargeBoy in the comfy blue chair, and he asked me if I wanted to play one of his video games with him. I SUCK at today's advanced technology. If I can't just move a joystick and hit the red fire button, or roll the ball to get my blaster to blow up a centipede, an asteroid, or a space invader, it's just entirely too much for me an I can't do it. Well, LargeBoy convinced me that I could, in fact, o this. It only involved MOST of the controller, instead of ALL of the controller. I said ok, and I loved it. I still suck at it, but I had great fun. It's not often that I get to play with him anymore. Seriously, how many 16yr olds sit down and acutally PLAY with their mothers?

After my ass-whooping at the game, I decided that it was finally time to do some of those things that I never get to do when we have a house full of other places to be and places to go...and then I nodded off for about two hours on the couch. I was able to justify this, however, because it IS something that I never get to do, unless it's the end of the night and we're watching a movie.

Tonight, LargeBoy is out with his friends, and we're having a girls' night. Girl is having Snood and her friend TR stay over night. We've decided that we'll probably watch a movie and play a board game later, and that I'll hide the computer so they're not messaging all of their other friends all night long. We've already been bad and ordered really greasy, cheesey pizza, and now the girls are in Girl's room decorating her doors. I'll have to remember to send you pics. She puts quotes all over her bedroom doors. It's really quite cool. If we ever move, I'll have to be sure we take the doors with.

Yesterday was pretty chaotic given that it was a snow day. PC and ET were out gathering all of the stuff that they needed for the trip, Girl was at the sled hill with the rest of the school, and SmallBoy went out in the snow to play. He wanted to build a snowman, but was convinced that it was entirely too difficult and that someone should do it FOR him. Well, you know THAT didn't happen. But he ended up having a blast anyway. The picture was taken during the brief 15seconds that the sun chose to come out and blind us with its glare off of the snow.

I sang last night at the house walk. Kristina, Laura, thank you for your fabulous ideas. It went very well. The house was decorated beautifully and I think I only had to repeat one or two songs. It was a lovely evening. When I got home, after freezing on the way back to my car, we stayed up for another couple of hours. PC, ET, LargeBoy and I played a game of dominoes while waiting for SNat to come over to hang for a bit. Exhausted (and out of beer) we crashed at around 2 or so.

Tonight, we will crash MUCH earlier, or at least I will. I know that Becky's friend, TR has to boogie out relatively early in the morning, and I have to cantor 11:00 mass. SmallBoy was supposed to be singing with the choirsters tomorrow morning, which is how I coordinated the mass I was going to sing, but he won't be back from camping by then, and if he is, I'll bet he'll be wanting to shower and sleep.

Well, the girls are getting loud, so I should probably go do the "mom thing".

Snow Day

2006-12-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday! I am HOME today! After waking up at an ungodly hour and assessing the threat of the inclement weather (ok, CRAPPY weather), and the sleet and rain and yuck this morning, topped with the winter storm warning and a couple of the schools in the area closing (ones that NEVER close), my regional director and I made the decision to close the office today. So, I get a snow day.

To my surprise, the Archdiocese of Chicago closed all of the parochial schools - grammar and high schools, but our local public school district followed the lead of the Chicago Public Schools and did NOT close. What did this mean for OUR family? It meant that Girl, SmallBoy, PC, and I got a very rare snow day, and that LargeBoy had to go to school. Currently, Girl is out doing the sled hill thing with all of her friends. Our house is situated less than half a block from the hill, so, therefore, the MommyGuilt Ski Lodge is open for business. PC is out stocking up on warm clothing and accessories for the overnight with the scouts tomorrow night, so right now, I'm enjoying having my SmallBoy all to myself.

This morning, PC drove LargeBoy to school so that he didn't have to walk 2miles in the snow and biting sleety/snowy wind. Me? I went back to sleep. Yeah, right. I made coffee, and snuggled up back on the sofa to watch MORE coverage of the storm. We had thunder and lightning with this stuff - VERY bizarre. Girl woke up shortly thereafter and we watched the morning news together - something usually reserved for PC, since I'm always gone by the time the news comes on. It was a nice little time with my Girl. Apparently, I drifted back to sleep on the sofa and woke up shortly after 9. From then on, our day has been non stop - although I did JUST now (it's after 12N) get dressed and straighten my hair.

PC will be back soon with warm camping stuff in tow, and with ET. I was hired to sing carols at a Holiday House Walk this evening (3hrs - I don't think I know 3hrs worth of carols...gonna have to do every verse in English & Latin (Kristina, how many Christmas songs can you translate by 6:00 CST? Kidding.), so while I'm out, the boy reign supreme. Girl will be at a friend's house tonight and I will be the only estrogen vessel to pass through the house. Hopefully, she'll sleep well - high school placement exams in the morning.

The guys leave in the morning and I will be hanging out with Meem and a couple of her friends as we go and watch an auction in which she has a piece of artwork on the block. To see it, click here, scroll down to the picture of the football player. Click on the pic to find out it's info and to, potentially, bid if you're so inclined.

I gotta say, I'm missing NaBloPoMo. I know I won't be feeling the pressure to post every day, but I can tell you that I'll at least feel the URGE to post every day. Well, SmallBoy is snuggled up in front of a movie, the house is still just him and me, so I will end here and go hang with my bug.

Finally - Girl's Award

2006-11-30T07:07:00.000-08:00

I know that I had promised to write yesterday about my fabulous dauther and her fabulous award, but I needed to write about the dog and get that out of my system. Thanks, everyone, for all of your kind words. If you haven't had a chance, go and check out SmallBoy's comments. They're so dear. He definitely understood, and felt sadness, yet compassion.

Compassion for others - that was one of the qualities listed about Girl when she was being presented with her award. Let me pull the quote from the school's website (of course, I wrote the text and she's MORTIFIED by the pic I sent the school - so I'll give you a different one.):

On November 28, Girl was the recipient of the Optimist Award, which is presented by the Optimist Club of [Our Village]. Mr. S represented [Girl's] School and presented her with the award at the Optimist Luncheon.

Girl was recognized for her pleasant outlook, her loyalty to her friends, her team spirit, and her compassion towards others. The Award also commends school and community service. Girl participates in Girl Scouts, is an altar server and currently serves as Student Council Activities Director. Congratulations, Girl!

I'm SO proud! She deserves it. Her character speaks for itself, and if you've ever met her, you'll agree. She's hardworking, she's giving - to the point of overextension, sometimes, she's compassionate, she's generous and selfless. I am SO glad to have her as my daughter. I am so blessed.

Great job, m'ija. Te amo!

Oh, wow! I just realized it's the last day of NaBloPoMo. That went fast. I'll miss my little yoda. Maybe I'll figure out how to get him permanently in my side bar so I don't miss him til next year. Kyra, Laura, did I see you two chatting about NaDecWriMo? Give me dish - especially since it's November 30! Is this something REAL? Do I dare? I've been kinda having fun making sure I write (it's my reason to "get" the computer from the rest of my family!)

Untitled

2006-11-29T13:30:00.000-08:00

I'm really not certain how to post this. We had to put our dog, Ella, who we affectionately call SmElla (cuz she stinks), down today. She was our "replacement dog," if you will. We had put our 11 y/o yellow lab, Buck, down about a year before we got her. My sister worked with someone who knew someone who was moving and going to put down his two labs if he couldn't find a home for them. Well, I had finally gotten past my I'm-Not-Getting-Another-Dog-Because-I've-Got-A-GORGEOUS-Garden stage, and was getting the cravings again (dog, NOT baby). I caved, and Ella became a member of our family; let me rephrase that You-you became a member of our family. We renamed her. Her sister's name was Me-Me (not Mimi). Yeah. Awful.

She was pretty high strung, as is typical of yellow labs. We were told she was 3yrs old. We were just so excited to have a dog again, that we figured she'd outgrow the hyperactivity, like our other yellow lab did. She did pretty ok at staying out of the garden because she didn't like to be outside more than to do what a dog needs to do outside. She much preferred the inside and some would call her an attention whore - to the point of obnoxious. But we loved her.

She was the elephant in the china shop. Labs have a tail that can clear a coffee table just by walking past it at the same time the tail wags....but that would be all the time. Even up til this morning, when she was in so much pain, the tail never stopped. No, it didn't wag as much or with as much enthusiasm, but it wagged. A Lot.

I thought that telling SmallBoy what was happening was hugely important. He's 10yrs old, it's not like I could just make up some BS story, and it's important that he is learning about the tough things in life, and dealing with sadness and acceptance. I was forthright with him. I told him that Ella was sick and in a lot of pain and that we would be taking her in to the vet this week. He asked if she was going to the vet so that she could die. It was with the sweetest innocence. I told him that she was old, and in a lot of pain. That she had to keep chewing at her pain so much, that she would make herself bleed. He knew that, he knew why she had been in a cone since summer. He's seen the bloodied sofa cushions and saw, every night and every time we left the house, that we piled chairs, ottomans, speakers, whatever we could, on top of the sofas to keep her off of them because, even with the cone on, she still managed to get to some part of her rear quarters.

I felt awful when we talked. He asked, "Mommy, is the doctor going to kill her?" And it truly was innocent, not accusatory in any way. I replied with, "Sweetie, the doctor knows that we can't do anything to make her better and that she needs to be relieved from her pain. The doctors will help her to die gently so that she doesn't hurt anymore." Then, knowing how incredibly literal Aspies are, I felt it necessary to add, "That's just the way it is with animals. Not people." He made his peace with it, said his good-byes and was ok. He should be getting home from school right now to a house now ruled by the cats - ok, so they always ruled, but you get my drift. I hope he is able to pull upon that memory and remember that he understood why this was necessary.

PC brought home her chain. I'll let SmallBoy keep it. LargeBoy has Buck's chain. We will all miss her. She was a good dog who loved EVERYONE, and loved to be loved. She was faithful, loyal, and everything a dog should be. Rest in peace, Ella B.

Here We Go 'Round The Mulberry Bush

2006-11-28T12:08:00.000-08:00

Guess what! I know you've missed them. It's time, once again, to rant about Ex. Oh yes, he has returned from the hole in which he's been hiding. I thought that perhaps he was coming around a bit. No, no, I'd never expect a complete turn around, change of heart, thinking how smart I was to leave him because he was a total and complete ass, that would be WAY too much to wish for in one lifetime. I just thought that maybe he had finally backed off and was maybe, kinda sorta considering, just maybe seeing SmallBoy again and was going to leave us alone.

Boy, was I wrong. I give to you an abridged version of my journal post - only because if I rewrite it, I will get so worked up about it that I'll probably explode here in my office. My desk is glass, it wouldn't be a pretty sight. PM, Girlfriend, let's do that chat thing again soon. I'll fire you off an email in a bit. Ok, so here it is:

Journal Entry

On Saturday, Ex called and asked me if I had claimed the kids on my 2005 tax returns. I told him that I would have to check them and get back in touch with him. That was not a satisfactory answer for him and he demanded that I answer him immediately. I told him that was impossible. His response, then, was the beginning of the tirade that has been whirling itself into a storm with hurricane force winds since.

He began by stating that he checked the divorce agreement and that I was only entitled to claim one of the children, SmallBoy, specifically, as a deduction. I told him that since the agreement was modified at the end of the two years following the divorce, as per the agreement, that I was now entitled to all three children. He said he would need to consult “his accountant” further. He said to me that he would not be paying any of the fines or penalties for this, because “his accountant” told him it was my fault.

I remained calm and told him that I would not be doing anything until I found my returns and, that, if it turns out that, indeed, it is my responsibility, I would take care of paying out whatever was necessary. He, then, changed gears and calmly said to me, “Well, no one has to do anything, you don’t have to pay me anything. We just have to write an addendum to the IRS explaining the situation.” Fine. I was satisfied with that. That would mean that whether or not this was my error or his, this was the end of that and all would be settled.

Nope. I heard nothing from him on Sunday, but yesterday, he called and left a message on my cell phone saying that he, again, had consulted his attorney and that I needed to get this taken care of as soon as possible, because this was going to be amounting heavy fines and late fees, which he has no intention of paying. He said that he had checked the divorce agreement and that according to [it] he has the right to claim LargeBoy & Girl, and I get SmallBoy.

I knew exactly to where he was referring. I went and looked back at my documentation and found the exact paragraph where it says, basically, that while I was receiving unallocated support and maintenance, upon which I was paying taxes since it was unallocated, he was correct in his interpretation I also looked further down the page to where it stated that upon termination of the unallocated support and maintenance, that we would review the allocation of the right to claim which child(ren).

I then referred to the document that we signed, drawn up by HIS attorney, in January of 2005, and entered into court stating that he was no longer paying me unallocated support and maintenance, but a considerably smaller amount in child support – NOT unallocated. This was when the number of children we claim was changed.

He screamed that he never signed such a document and he disputed its validity and told me that it was all bullshit and I was making up lies. I told him that I was looking at his signature on the agreement that HE worked out with HIS attorney. He left it with “Well, this isn’t the end of that. I never signed that. Was [my terrible attorney for the divorce] in on this crap?” I told him no. This document was written up by HIS attorney, worked up with HIM and that all I did was read it and sign it. He hung up on me.

When the phone rang 3 minutes later, he made no mention of the fact that he had been incorrect about anything. He just hammered into me that, in fact, [the agreement] said that “upon termination of unallocated maintenance and child support payments”…He said to me that he checked with his attorney, who, I might add, is the godmother of the new baby, and that I was wrong. He said that indeed the unallocated maintenance had been terminated, but not the child support. That as long as it said “child support” and not “support”, that I was wrong, he was right.

I tried to calmly explained the error of his ways and that it was for maintenance and child support; it was one LUMP sum that I received. It was not designated, allocated, as one thing or the other. The term encompassed both the maintenance AND the child support. The termination of that meant that he was no longer paying me an unallocated sum of money each week and was now paying strictly child support – that the money I received each week was, in fact, allocated as child support.

He still didn’t get it. He said that was bullshit, that his attorney told him that as long as he is paying child support the tax agreement is in effect, that the paragraph about the effects upon termination of the unallocated maintenance and child support said “child support,”….he kept hammering away on this. He was not getting the picture that when he no longer is required to pay child support that it won’t matter who claims the children, because neither of us will be.

The conversation began to get incredibly ugly at this point. He made some serious threats against me (not physical, but serious) if I did not pay him immediately, because he refused to pay the penalties and fines. He said he was proceeding with actions immediately and calling his accountant. He said that he refused to let me get away with this “kind of bullshit,” because I’m just trying to “squeeze more money than I deserve” out of him.

Ok, readers, exhale here, take a new breathe, and hold....

I reminded him that what he pays for child support is barely enough to cover one child’s expenses, let alone three – and one who needs extra "services". He, of course, defaulted to, “Hey, I pay the minimum that the law says I have to pay and that’s 32%. That’s what YOU get. If you’re so poor and broke, then how come you went to the Rolling Stones concert? How could you afford those tickets? Huh? Where did you get the money for those? Did you use the money I give you for the kids?”

I didn’t justify him by defending anything or arguing. That was back in January. He must have been stewing over that for a LONG time. I could have thrown back that he goes on vacations all the time, sends the kids to concerts, built a deck on his house and re-sided his house. I could have asked where he gets all that money. I could have alerted him to the fact that I am entitled to part of his wife’s salary in addition, but I didn’t. I stayed cool.

Not getting the rise out of me that he wanted, he played the tax fraud card again. He told me I was committing tax fraud AND violating the divorce agreement. I was done. I couldn’t keep biting my tongue. I also had to fight for SmallBoy. The gloves were off, but I was classy about it. I reminded him that at the time of the divorce he made almost three times as much money as I did, and I’m only seeing a tiny bit of it. I reminded him that when we renegotiated the figures, I didn’t fight, though I should have, for more child support. He, of course, said that didn’t matter, that he has to work overtime to get that extra money and I’m not entitled to his overtime anyway. I said that he makes more per hour than I do, quite a bit more, to be exact. I advised him that I was married to him long enough to know that he gets a raise every June and that amounts to a lot more than when we divorced. He said it didn’t matter, that I wasn’t getting any of it.

I also reminded him that HE was violating the divorce agreement by not taking SmallBoy. I didn’t delve any further into all of the emotional damage he is causing his son, the emotional abuse and abandonment. He bullied me, threatened me, attempted to blackmail me into removing the “emotional abuse” grounds out of our divorce agreement. Back to SmallBoy. He said he checked with his “experts,” and he was doing nothing wrong. I didn’t take it anywhere, because that’s an argument for another time. My guess is that he talked to someone who is not familiar with what’s going on, nor with SmallBoy, and said that he felt SmallBoy was a danger to New (almost 18mos old) Baby, and that person, being totally ignorant of the situation, said that he was perfectly within his limits. This is the same man who has made no attempts, nor desires to make any attempts, to become educated about Asperger’s Syndrome and other ASDs. The same man who refuses to come to OT sessions, that our OT saw at the bar down the street after our OT session when she went to go get some food. The same man who doesn’t know his son because he won’t spend any time with him. The same man who told his son that he can’t come back over to his house until he stops Being a LIAR.

I finished the conversation with, “Ok, write up the information, the fees, where things need to go and give it to me.” I did not say that I was going to pay it. I have every intention of being armed and ready with an attorney. I may pay it forward so that we don’t have to worry about it, but then go back into court and get this taken care of once and for all. I’m done. Mama Bear has to fight for her cubs, and I’ll be damned if we get stuck because he refuses to take care of the children.

His sole objective is to leave me broke as punishment for divorcing him. He never once considers the children. Just SMALLBOY alone is not covered by what he gives me per week. He refuses to pay for high school fees and costs because, “it’s not in the agreement.” He doesn’t help pay any of the incidentals – field trips, donations to school for out of uniform days, donations to the teachers’ gift funds, anything for the cub scouts (SmallBoy couldn’t go to camp last year because we couldn’t afford it), donations to the Christmas Angels programs in which both Girl & SmallBoy are required to participate for their classrooms, mandatory fund raising programs at the school. He also insists that Girl play sports, softball included, yet refuses to pay any portion of the overwhelming fees because, “it’s not in the agreement, and therefore, I don’t have to.”

I’m getting entirely too worked up at the moment, so I’m going to end this entry. However, I know that this is not over and we will be hearing more from Ex on this subject.

Ok, Dad, unclench your fists. PM, let's chat. Mom, exhale. Meem, FIL - I applaud you both for having raised such a wonderful man as PC. He truly deserves to be called a real dad. I know how much my children love him.

Anyone else have any thoughts or just your basic comment of "What a F#*!%ng A**%&!#"? I am going to have a very productive workout this afternoon and put "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera on terminal repeat:

After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
Cause if it wasnt for all that you tried to do, I wouldnt know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
Cause it
[Chorus:]
Makes me that much stonger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for makin me a fighter

So, now I want you to go to yesterday's post, look at the pics and have a great laugh! Look forward to another post, probably tomorrow, though, about Girl's award. GO GIRL!

Hi, Moo!!!

2006-11-27T10:58:00.000-08:00

I want to send a HUGE hello out to Moo - I believe Meem said you're in CA? I'm so happy to know I've got another reader out there.

Moo, I'm sure Meem has bragged about her LargeBoy, Girl, & SmallBoy, and I'm sure she's shown you, or emailed you pictures, but I doubt she has any like these:

We did these with this hysterical photo program that came on my mother's new laptop. We had such a scream doing them. I'm only in two or three near the end, but you really can't tell it's me. In one, though, it's a dark black background with a blue scratch effect - you CAN tell my glasses are on! There's another kind of Andy Warhol - ish at the very end that's SmallBoy & me. The rest are the kids with each other, and then the kids & PC. MUCH fun was had with this! Mom, we're stealing your laptop!

I Had an Epiphany

2006-11-26T17:14:00.000-08:00

Just when I was at a loss for something to post and actually considering just posting something, ANYTHING just to get today's post done, it was time for SmallBoy to shower. This is the boy who, a year ago, we couldn't keep OUT of the shower. He loves to take baths now, but has been giving us much more resistance to taking a shower. Tonight, we insisted on the shower. He was dirty from lots of playing, dirt, the mud that's been brought about by the weird, yet beautiful weather we've been having inChicago. His hair STUNK. No way was I having him sit in the tub, wash himself, then wash his hair in the water that now contained all the yuck that was on his body. It was a tough one, not ugly, just tough, but ultimately, he agreed to the shower.

We've discovered lately that SmallBoy, when he bathes, be it in the tub or in the shower, never completely washes his hair. In fact, it is rare that he even does more than just rinse the back of it with water. HELLOOOOOOOOO! DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he's not getting ALL of his hair, then what are the odds that he's WASHING his hair completely, or, for that matter, at all.

Armed with this new found knowledge, PC and I discussed a couple of options, none of which we liked, especially since he is 10 years old.
Option 1: Tell him to make sure he washes his hair and do the smell test when he gets out. Pass = carry on, fail = get undressed and go back and do it again.
Option 2: Go in and wash it for him.
Option 3: Stand in the bathroom and watch him do it.

Pros to all three options: Only one - we know his hair got clean. Cons: Let's start at Option 1. Most kids would be pretty pissed off if, after they were out, dried, and dressed, they were told to go back and do it again. Ask an ASD child to go back and do this. The only thing PC and I could see coming out of this option was a mound of stress and frustration for all of us. Option 2: He's 10yrs old and old enough to be mortified by his mother washing his hair for him. Option 3: Same as option 2, but at least this time he'd be doing it himself. We settled on option 3.

I went in and walked him through it. As he was wetting his hair, I noticed that he, again, only got the back of his head and the back of the top of his head wet. I directed him to close his eyes, lean his head back like he was looking at the ceiling, and step back into the water. This took a number of tries before he would do it. He wanted to look down and let the water roll forward (all while standing with his back to the water - I tried having him face forward, but that didn't fly). Once he got his hair wet, I made sure he used a decent amount of shampoo, but not so much that would create a lather that, for him, would take a while to rinse. I observed that his washing pattern was the same as his wetting pattern - back and top of the back. I instructed him, as I had with the wetting of the head, to get the front and the sides. As he lathered, he put his head down and ran his hands forward, thus creating a runoff of soap. It was here that the light bulb clicked on!

SmallBoy did not want to get soap in his eyes. He'd had a bad experience with that once and I can't blame him for getting upset and trying to avoid that situation again. I carefully walked him through a good rinse and then, when I was satisfied, I left him to his privacy.

I shared my epiphany with PC who immediately chimed in, "Well, let's get him some swim goggles! Yes, I married a genius. Now, the question remains - where can I find swim goggles in the winter? Before I ran out and started the impossible, I wanted to share that shining moment of clarity with each of you. Tomorrow, I should have some pics to share.

Another Day

2006-11-25T10:12:00.000-08:00

I hope each of you is still enjoying this long weekend. It feels much more like Sunday than Saturday, but I certainly will not argue with the calendar. I quite enjoy the fact that there is still one more day to do all of the things that I still have yet to accomplish (everything). I have scads and scads of laundry to do, leftovers to retrieve, dishes to do...and the list goes on. I did not work out this morning like I'd promised myself I would, but Girl, PC, & I did take a nice brisk walk this morning; granted, it was to the local coffee shop and a quick stroll around our arts district, but a walk nonetheless.

As much as we try to sleep in on the weekends, that plan is usually thwarted by one thing or another. Today, nothing was standing in the way of spending some quality time snuggled up with my favorite pillow and my favorite man. I could sleep til 2 if I wanted. Well, apparently my internal clock had other plans. I was up. Early. Not insanely early, mind you, and still considerably later than I have to wake up tomorrow or the rest of the week, but too early for my last day to sleep in. Once we got moving and went for our walk, though, we were motivated for the rest of the day.

It's only a little after noon now and we've accomplished our major goal for today. Retrieving the Christmas decorations, starting to decorate inside, and assembling the tree and testing the lights. Unfortunately, with the tree, comes the elevated stress levels as we try to figure out branch goes where, and which boy end plugs into what girl end of the lights, and why a strand in the middle of the tree doesn't work, and WHERE THE HELL are we going to put the furniture that lives where the tree goes (it's not like we've got a big house). See the corner to the right of the window? That's where the tree lives. It means taking out the end table and lamp, sliding the loveseat down all the way to the wine cabinet, thus displacing PC's guitars. It means pushing the sofa all the way to the door so that when it opens the person sitting on it gets hit with the door. We'd put it on the opposite side of the room, but we have a baby grand piano and moving it is just not an option. SO, the tree lives in the same corner every year.

SmallBoy stayed at GR's last night and had a sleepover (he called her and asked, too! He LOVES SmallBoy & GR nights). Knowing the amount that the stress level gets raised on tree assembling day, we realized that putting it together today would be the best thing to do. With SmallBoy not here, he wouldn't be absorbing any of that tension. MARVELOUS thinking! Tomorrow, with SmallBoy, we will decorate (around softball practice, though). He only stays interested in the decorating for a little while, but there's no way that I will decorate the tree without my bug.

Girl, aka She-Who-Is-All-About-Christmas, began singing Christmas music in July -when we went through that God awful heat wave that melted my candles (or was that August). She was having a difficult time getting into the spirit today - ok, not a difficult time getting into the spirit, but having difficulty thinking that it's really time to be decorating, since it's, again, in the mid - 50's today. Next week, though, TOTALLY different story. ICE BOX! The guys are supposed to go on a camp out with the scouts next weekend, too...indoors, of course, but heated only by a wooden stove. Yeah, that should be a real adventure for my little Aspie who perseverates on how cold he is...once he finally gets cold,that is.

We've got basketball in a few hours, followed by dinner at my mother's, so I should probably get a move on and, well, you know, shower. Happy Leftovers to you all!

The Day After

2006-11-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

Did you get up and shop at the crack of dawn? I sure didn't. We stayed at Meem & FIL's last night until very late and got home around midnight. Was way too tired this morning to get up and go deal with throngs of people on a mission to get the new playstation or whatever the new game is, and really didn't feel like fighting my way through the parents trying to get the last new Elmo. I slept. I slept off my dinner. We PIGGED last night and it was so fabulous. Here are just a few pics of what we had, mostly prepared by ET (check out his catering site):

After dinner we played charades while we let our food digest in preparation for the dessert/birthday pie. We split up the family and had a blast. Girl played with Meem, MH and GA, and I think Snat came in and eventually joined them. Our team was PC, ET, Princess, SmallBoy, me, and eventually FIL popped in to help SmallBoy out with a clue.

(MH asking "Why are you playing? The dishes aren't done yet?" - they were, we knocked 'em out right after dinner)

We really had a blast. After charades, we had birthday/pumpkin pie and played Apples to Apples ( I HIGHLY recommend that game. It's hysterical and they even make a Jr. version).

This morning, no, I didn't go shopping. Girl had to be at basketball practice at noon, so I stayed in bed til 11:something-or-other, straightened my hair enough to pull back into something resembling a ponytail, dropped her off at the gym, and then went and worked my ass off at Curves.

We were going to put up the Christmas decorations today, at least the outside ones since it's almost 60degrees today (TOTALLY RARE), but opted not to. Girl is over at Snood's, LargeBoy is out with friends, and SmallBoy is going to GR's for a sleepover tonight. PC and I will, kinda sorta have some alone time. So, I got part of one of my birthday wishes - SOME time alone with my husband AND we didn't hear the smoking lecture at ALL last night.

Hope you all have enjoy the rest of your long weekend!

It's Official. I'm Another Year Older

2006-11-23T10:01:00.000-08:00

Oh, yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all have a wonderful wonderful day! This morning, before going with ex, the kids made me breakfast in bed - scrambled eggs on buttered toast, covered in a slice of cheese (nice and yummy in my tummy), coffee, and tension tamer tea. Delish! The kids gave me the Carrie Underwood CD, and Chocolat. From my dearest PC, the 7th season, and final, season, of West Wing.

The kids are gone now. If you missed a post in between, ex so graciously decided that he could drop them off at Meem's house. So now, PC and I are hanging out. We just finished watch the Macy's Parade (I hate typing the "M" word, it's blasphemy in Chicago), and we're now settling down to watch the dog show and prepare for our day. We'll head over to Meem's around 3:00 or 3:30 to lend a hand and give ET a hand in the kitchen (marvelous chef, btw - check out his catering business). I still have last night's make up on, I'm half in my pj's and have dressed for the day, unshowered, and still kinda sleepy and lazy. It feels GREAT. But I'm older now, right, so since it's my bday, I'm allowed.

Thought I'd share with you a mini clip from Girl's game last night. They won, of course:

Note at the end: She's not the girl that fell...Girl is still standing under the basket. Like her skills ( I refuse to write it with one "l" and a "z")?

Today I am thankful for so many things: my family, my friends like you, all of those who are finding ways to help support and educate about ASD, the fact that it's a sunny day with a forecast of mid to upper 50's. I wish each and every one of you a wonderful Thanksgiving day!

I'm Stumped

2006-11-22T09:20:00.000-08:00

Last night while I was posting for yesterday, I had tons and tons of ideas for todays post. Now, I'm at a loss. I think I was so intent on staying on track for the big gigantic post that I wasn't about to stop and write down my ideas, lest I change tangents mid-post. So, in the meantime, while I'm wracking my brain for ideas and reading YOUR posts, go back and read my two posts from yesterday and then look at the slide show post from our weekend.

Anyone Need a Caterer?

2006-11-21T19:22:00.000-08:00

If you're anywhere even close to Chicago and you are looking for someone to just do the damn cooking for you for something special - party, party, gathering, party, etc...I STRONGLY urge you to check out Paper Street Catering. This is ET's Catering business. Is he a good cook? Well, HELLOOOOOOO - why do you think I gained 10lbs and have to go work out again?

Stranger Things Have Happened

2006-11-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

- Dentist
- Ex
- Workout
- Hair Tip
- Birthday list
See, I've got so much I want to talk about today that I had to post myself a mini-outline to keep myself on track. I wonder if it will work. Can't wait to re-read when I get to the end and see - it's kind of like playing telephone. Ok - here goes:

Dentist: If you read yesterday's rant about Ex, your up to speed on this whole scheduling crap. If not, here's the scoop: Got a call at about 9:15 Sunday night from Ex telling me that "he forgot" that he had scheduled a dentist appt for the kids for Monday at 4, throwing everything up in the air, schedules, prepping SmallBoy - you know the IMPORTANT things.

SmallBoy, of course, found this info out after he had already gone to bed, had trouble sleeping, stressed about it all day at school, having stomach aches and "itchies". MoronMan - yep.

Anyway, I got home and then the kids arrived sporting nice clean bright teeth and brand new toothbrushes. SmallBoy was THRILLED - NO CAVITIES. That, in and of itself is amazing since toothbrushing is a battle, let alone PROPER toothbrushing. Instead of doing the tray flouride or the rinse & spit flouride that makes all three of my kids either gag or hurl, he did a new paint-on flouride. That seemed to over MUCH better. SmallBoy's engine was at a pretty regular level and he was in a fabulous mood. By bedtime, he was ready to roll, climbed in, told me that he was glad that the dentist day was over, and went to sleep.

I wonder if all of the oral sensory stimulation he got at the dentist was actually a good thing. I was worried that it would be too much, but when I sat back and thought about it last night, it seemed that just the opposite had occured. All of that sensory input in an area where he least gets it and most needs it....amazing. Perhaps we should make a daily appt with the dentist - ok, weekly, it's just down the street from J the Fabulous OT. Ok, maybe I'm going a little overboard, but WOW.

Ex: The wonderful report from the dentist was just the first surprise of the evening. After the children all came bounding in with their smiles and toothbrushes, Girl told me that Ex needed directions to Meem's house so that he could drop off the kids on Thursday. (STOP. PAUSE. PICK JAW UP FROM FLOOR.) I really don't know what made him decide to do this, especially after his attitude on Sunday night, but I'm not going to question it. The only reason that makes sense to me is that he's looking at this as an "I won" moment. Hence, he still gets the kids, even on my birthday, because they'd rather be with HIS family. Yeah, see how TOTALLY mature that is? Either way, I will also be giving thanks on Thursday that SmallBoy is having a blast with his cousins and not bored sitting at home until we get ready to go to Meem's.

What his pea brain doesn't realize is that I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for the kids. Having THEM be happy is a wonderful birthday present!

Workout: I have recently started to workout again on a regular basis...ok, so not regular yet, as I've only been back for 3 workouts, but you know what I mean. I worked out Thursday and Friday, skipped Saturday morning, but, if you think about it, got a very INTENSE cardio workout at the gig Saturday night, worked out again yesterday and am going again tonight. I'm excited, got my iPod loaded with some good tunes and I'm ready to get my tone back, dammit!

Funny story, though. The way that Curves is set up is a circular, well, circuit. It alternates, machine, cardio station, machine, cardio station, etc...you spend 30seconds in each station, go around the circuit twice and in 30minutes you've completed a rigorous workout. Last night, I was all pumped up, got there a bit early, before the after work crowd, and jumped into the circle. Cardio first, then leg presses, then cardi-oooooooohhhhhhHHHHHH.

One of the things that I like to do on the cardio station, which is just a raised cushioned board, is the Flashdance thing - you know, how she worked out in her bare feet up and down up and down on her feet faster and faster, and "Maniac" was playing. Come on, you know. So, anyway, I do that and it really REALLy works my butt and my calves and thighs. Yesterday, I stared to get moving with this and my ass just SCREAMED at me, "OH YOU BITCH!" It hurt. LORD did it hurt. So, I turned up my iPod and did it harder. The words that were running through my head started with the letters "m-f", "S", "G-D!" Of COURSE I kept going. I knew that I was working the right muscles. No Pain, no gain. By the end of the workout all was well, and my buttocks had forgiven me. Hopefully they will foregive me enough to allow some room in the back of my gig jeans.

Hair Tip: I've got nothing on Marti's tips, but I'd like to add one. Not often do I let you guys see pics of me with my hair in it's natural state - curly. I DESPISE my curls. I love OTHER PEOPLE's curls, but I hate mine. Why? Because they have a mind of their own and refuse to work with me, whatsoever. They are evil and they must be stopped. And so, I fry them and straighten them out, which then leads to my hair punishing me by drying and breaking. Bad deal, huh?

Our bass player in our band is dating this woman with THE MOST beautiful curls I've seen (next to Marti's of course). At our gig Saturday, she looked fabulous, and so, I was compelled to ask her her secret. It's definitely not one I'd ever heard before. After washing, rinsing, conditioning, and repeating, oh yes, and getting out, turn your head upside down and dry, not with your terry cloth towels, but with - are you ready for this? - PAPER towels. You will use a lot of them, but it's SO worth the cost of buying extra rolls for the bathroom.

The reasoning behind paper vs terry cloth is that the terry cloth pulls out the curls. Obviously I never knew this or I would have started pulling out my curls as soon as I could hold the towel. The paper towels, remove the wetness, not the curl. Starting underneath - well, that makes perfect sense, because what part of your hair gets the wettest and is least exposed to the air to dry. Yep, underneath.

I tried this little tip last night. It worked. I let my hair airdry, as anyone with curls will tell you to do (unless you don't have time, in which case you use a diffuser and a cool-ish setting on the blowdryer). And get this....I had GOOD curls. When I woke up this morning, I STILL had good curls. I only had to do some minor wet & scrunch to revive the areas that I had slept on and was ready to go. The front of my hair is another story completely. My hair is so short there when it curls up, that I can't do anything with it, yet it's long enough that if I don't do SOMETHING, it does the Napoleon Dynamite thing and just goes off to one side in a poof. As a result, I had to straighten just the base of the front section so that I could retrieve enough length to pull it back off of my forehead (and I'm way too old to be doing that with my hair). Regardless, it was a complete success. I recommend this to anyone curly hair - and a bit of non - sticky, non - heavy curl juice for some extra bounce.

Birthday List: Pumpkin Pie...no, wait, it's Thanksgiving, I'll get that anyway. A new house or someone to fix my house (all of it, not just a little bit). I'd also like someone just to come in and do all the stuff I don't have time to do - like cleaning up the dog hair, dusting, giving the bathrooms a heavy duty cleaning every once in a while - you know, all the stuff I don't have time to do because I'm so busy trying to do the necessary things that I don't have time to do. Which leads to the next thing I'd like for my birthday - MORE TIME. The Winning Lotto Ticket. My sisters. Someone to sing the 7:30 and the 9:00am masses on Sunday. TIME. ALONE. OUT. OR IN. WITH MY HUSBAND. My children. A noticeable absence of "The Smoking Lecture" at Thanksgiving (which is intended to make those who smoke quit and those who don't smoke fear the evils associated with smoking, except that it's a lecture we all have memorized). A new camera to replace the one that's still lost somewhere in Michigan. TIME WITH MY KIDS. A weekend free of having to be in 20 places all at the same time (and no, Thursday and Friday don't count). A nap. To sit on the couch Thursday morning with PC and watch the parade and the dog show - oh, no, wait - we WILL be doing that, but it's on my list every year. Yeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Those are the things at the top of my birthday list.

THIS JUST IN: Girl has been awarded the Optimists award by the Village of High Priced Everything in Which We Reside. She will receive this award, officially, next week at a luncheon at one of our historic "clubs". She was nominated by her peers, then, as a finalist had to write an essay (on what, I don't know; I just found out about the contest this afternoon when she called to tell me she had won!). Hers was chosen from the three finalists from her school. I find that pretty fabulous; this wittew goowah who has watched me go through hell and back, to the bottom of the poor box and back, and still is ever the optimist!

So, did I do it? Did I stay on track?

Read Post Below - This wouldn't add in the first time

2006-11-21T06:55:00.000-08:00

Don't worry, I've got more coming today.

Oh! It's Monday. Oh. Hooray.

2006-11-20T07:59:00.000-08:00

I'm so tired that I could just curl up here in my ridiculously uncomfortable desk chair and sleep til tomorrow. I've got pics and rants and raves for you , though, so I'd be disappointing you (and myself) if I failed to get them posted because I chose to be so completely self-centered and listen to my body and succumb to the exhaustion. I'm not sure where to start - the rant or the rave. Oh, it's been a while since I ranted about Ex, so I'll start there.

I may have posted just a tad on this earlier because it's been on my brain, but I'm not certain, so I'll start at the beginning. Since the divorce, the kids have gone with their father on Thanksgiving because, well, they have more fun playing with their cousins than hanging out with grown ups doing the family thing with my side - no offense to MY family, the cousins just didn't really hang out and do anything fun...just eat and do dishes. Now, we go to PC's family for Thanksgiving and have a blast, and the requistite smoking lecture for PC & ET, but still, we have a riot. The kids usually leave the house somewhere between 10 & 11 while PC and I catch the end of the parade on TV and then sit on the couch doing nothing except watching the dog show and drinking coffee.

This year is a little different. This year, my birthday falls on Thanksgiving. I "get" the kids for my birthday and, when it falls on Thanksgiving, I "get" them for the whole day. Well, after going around in circles with Girl and being terribly selfish, wanting to have my children ALL day on my birthday, I consented and told the kids that they could go with their father, especially since we don't usually go to Meem's house til later in the afternoon.

In the past, Ex would meet us at a McDonald's on his way back home, which was about 10mins from Meem's house. I said that this year, since I'm already letting him have the kids ON my birthday - and I'm doing that for the kids, NOT for him - that instead of meeting at the McDonald's I'd like him to drop the kids off at Meem's house, which is just 10minutes out of his way - not even out of his way. He said, "Well, I'll have to call you back on that one."

Um, hello! MORON! I have driven 45 minutes to drop the kids off at one of his sisters' houses, and an hour to drop them off at another of his sisters' houses and 45 minutes to drop them at his parents' house. It's not like he has to walk them to the door or anything - just pull up, open the door, make sure they get in the house safely, and leave. Is there a reason that this should be so complicated? That this should require "thought" and a consultation with New Wife? Truly, the reason is - well, because he would be doing something that would make MY life a little easier. OH, and did I mention that when we meet at this McDonald's every year, he is ALWAYS 30mins to an hour late? We've left our family parties to go pick up the kids and been gone, sometimes for an hour and a half.

Here, you're getting a two-fer. His other call last night was to say, "Oh, I forgot, I have dentist appts for the kids tomorrow at 4:00." Again, I say, MORON!!!!!! First of all, Girl has something she MUST attend to after school until 5. Secondly, hello!!!!!!!! - SmallBoy - you can't just DROP a dentist appointment on a child who needs to be prepared in advance, particularly for something as sensory oriented as a trip to the dentist! Not to mention that he can't just tell me less than 24 hrs that something's on the schedule for the kids and that he just "forgot" to tell me for the last 6months! So, not only did SmallBoy have to have a crash prep session for the dentist, we had to change his after school plan. Wait...it gets better - SmallBoy was ALREADY IN BED at this point. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Ok, done with that rant. I stewed enough last night about it. YesterDAY, on the other hand, was a blast! Check out the post below for some pics from the gig, and some pics of SmallBoy baking. You'll also read that I did manage to have a voice for church after singing at maximum everything at the gig the night before. After we got back from church, I posted, went to wake PC and, as I had expected, fell asleep for an hour. Not too bad, but still in desperate need of more. SmallBoy's Scout pack had an outing to a minor league or semi-pro (whatever) hockey game. This would be his very first experience with hockey and stadiums and HUGE crowds and the volume generated inside of a stadium. PC and I were prepared for anything and everything.

On the way, we stopped for hot dogs at Gene & Judes (THE best hot dogs on the planet, and, yet, they don't have a site for me to link to). Stand in line, order, snarf. As is the style of a true Chicago hot dog, there is no ketchup to be found on the premisis - which means not only no ketchup on the dog (one would be shot on sight for that), but, sadly it means no ketchup on the fries...Ah, but the beauty of the fries is that they're homemade home fries. My arteries clogged watching them being prepared, but I quickly recovered when I put the first one in my mouth. The dogs are nice and crisp viennas with the skin on them. Oh, wait....here's the best part - the dogs come with the fries AND, the fries are put ON TOP of the dogs. YUM. Ok, I'm drooling again, and all I get for lunch is a salad, so I should probably stop talking about this place!

Onward to HOCKEY!!!!!! Since we ordered tickets as a group, the scouts all received a coupon for a free hat and a free puck, and, a free hot dog & drink (just what he needed - another hot dog). We walked in the gate and turned to the left. Heh heh he...turns out our section was the first section had we gone right. I was so expecting my Not-So-SmallBoy to freak out that we had gone the wrong way, or that we were lost, but he didn't! We had been told to expect fireworks in the opening ceremonies too. Fireworks. Inside a stadium. Child on the spectrum who hates loud noises and has never ever been inside of a stadium. Guess what! He LOVED it!

The game was pretty good, for SmallBoy's first time. There were a couple of fights (and hockey would be so insanely boring without them), some awesome goals, a guy got popped in the mouth with a high stick, the game was tied at the end of regulation, so they went to OT (I have to write that out as "over time" because WE all think Occupational Therapy...LOL), and then finally ended in a shoot out - We won! SmallBoy socialized, he walked around with friends independent of us, he cheered, he yelled, he wasn't bothered by the loud noises. For a few hours, no one would have known. No one.

I forgot to tell you about scouts! PC took SmallBoy to scouts on Saturday where they refreshed on knot tying and then had to recite the Weblos Scout Oath, Law, Boy Scout Motto, and Slogan. SmallBoy studied his booty off and passed with flying colors!

Here's a bit of what we did this weekend. I couldn't get the slide show to work in this post, and I REALLY REALLY want you to see the pics, so click over to my myspace blog where I have this re-posted with pics. Let me know what you think!