Motherly Bragging

Hi all...I have a bit of motherly bragging to do about Girl.

Each year, as the final art project of the year, the eigth graders are required to replicate a masterpiece by a famous artist. Girl chose a piece by Salvador Dali, entitled, "Mae West as an Apartment." A few pieces were entered into a contest with other schools throughougt the Chicago and suburban area. I am very proud to say that her painting was awarded 2nd place, with other classmates also placing in the top 6.

Girl's piece, as well as all of the eigth grade class, is eligible to receive the school's masterpiece award. If she wins, the school will keep her masterpiece and hang it in the halls of the school for posterity. She would receive a replica of her masterpiece to keep.

As usual, we are incredibly proud of her.

When Did Sunday Become Everyone ELSE'S Day?

I miss Sundays.  Waking to the smell of sausage, bacon, & eggs, going to church with my grandparents...the day was ours, as a family, to do as we pleased.  If we didn't feel like doing the church thing, we'd sleep as late as we wanted.   Sunday was the day for family...large dinners, family parties, dinner with our own little family; as an adult, Sunday was a day for me to have dinner with my mother, relaxing, letting the kids run around, having fun just enjoying the day and spending time together.  If we weren't spending the day with extended family, perhaps we were with friends, perhaps we were doing house work, perhaps we were just lounging on the sofa, or playing in the park with our children.  We don't spend our Sunday's like that any longer.  Sadly, we don't "own" our Sundays anymore.

Once upon a time, there were no infringements on spending family time together on Sundays, unless it was by another family member celebrating - with the family, or if it was by our own choice to spend our Sunday with friends.  We used to be able to schedule our Sundays- or not schedule and be spontaneous; now our schedule is provided for us.

 Girl plays sports for school and is also a member of one of our village's traveling softball teams.  Typically, during the week, there are multiple practices and games, with the weekends reserved for an early morning practice or a late evening game, though some are smack in the middle of the afternoon.  We just got Girl's practice schedule for softball.  She'll practice three weeknights, once on Saturday and TWICE on Sunday...TWICE,not just once.  They were considerate enough to at least not start the first Sunday practice until 12:45 so that we can still go to church (or sleep to recover from the rest of the week).  She will have tournaments almost every week during the summer  - to the point where we had to schedule her graduation party 6 months in advance to avoid conflicting with a tournament...but that goes with the territory of playing on a competitive traveling team.  It's the twice on Sunday that's killing me.

Personally, I think practicing at all on Sunday is wrong, but I also understand that, as a traveling team, they do not have access to a regular practice space and have to take what they can get.  I'm willing to work with that.  My daughter is an athlete, and incredibly intelligent to boot.  I'd like for her to be able to go to college with a little bit of help from a scholarship, so I'm willing to make the sacrifices...but TWICE on Sunday?  12:45 - 2:30, 4:00 - 6:30....Time for the family comes when?  Time for the rest of the family to do anything comes when?  Time to spend time with OTHER family members comes when?  Nope, not during the rest of the week, there is practice then, too.

 
SmallBoy is in Cub Scouts.  We have our big giant pack meetings one Thursday evening a month.  This typically conflicts with SmallBoy's OT, but the Scoutmaster is aware of this and is totally fine with us being a tad late.  Flexibility.  Wonderful!  Our individual outings as a den, though, are typically held every other Sunday afternoon at 2 or 3:00.  Again with the Sunday.  Mind you, SmallBoy loves scouts and our leader is phenomenal, plans amazing activities for our boys (they're learning how to rapell for their next hike), and the boys get a LOT out of each meeting...but SUNDAY? 

 
This week, SmallBoy is starting in an instructional basketball league at school for our 4th graders to get them ready for next year when they really play organized basketball.  I'll give you one guess when it is....YEP.  Right on the nose.  Sunday...sometimes at noon, sometimes at 1:30, sometimes at 3:30.  Again, Sunday's the only time they can get the gym for practice, so I understand, but this is getting a little much.

I sound like I'm complaining quite a bit, but when did my family's time get turned over to everyone else without my permission?  I'd like to say,

"No, my child isn't going to be there for practice (or meeting or game) because it's Sunday, and that's the ONE day that we get to spend as a family doing family things,"

but then the coach's response would be,

"Ok fine.  Then Girl/SmallBoy won't get the opportunity to play,"

or the scout leader would say,

"Ok, but then SmallBoy won't be eligible to receive the badge for this particular activity."

My children attend a Catholic school.  Within the last couple of years, they instituted a rule, due to parents' complaints about Sunday practices, that no sports - practice or game - could begin before noon on Sunday, to allow families the chance to at least attend mass together.  The coaches obliged.  Practice starts at noon, with players required to arrive 15minutes prior.  Go figure. 11:46 is late. 

So we're stuck at the mercy of everyone else.  I feel bad because I get so upset by this and, unfortunately, the kids feel it because it is their activity (that I want them involved in) that is causing this massive upheaval.

I won't ever pull Girl from sports, she loves them, she excels at them, and she has scholarship potential.  I won't pull SmallBoy from Scouts or sports. He loves them, he needs both to help him learn the social pieces that are so difficult for those with Asperger's and autism.

I'm calling out to you for advice, for words of wisdom, for lessons learned by experience...is it worth it to say something to the coaches, or just suck it up?  Should I keep the kids from doing the things they love because we, as a family, don't have any time together (bear in mind that we rarely eat dinner as a family during the week either)?  Should I petition for a 4-day work week so that we can have ONE DAY, a measley 24-hours without having to do anything with/for anyone else but my family.  Yeah, pipe dreams.  What do YOU have to say? 

 

'Tis the Reason for the Blog

According to the Washington Post Article, posted yesterday, March 20, our "Mommy Time" with our children has increased since the 1960's from 10hrs/wk to 14hrs/wk....That is supposed to somehow ease our mommy guilt. I'm not certain I agree. Read the article and then we'll finish this story.

Mommy Guilt
by Washington Post
3/20/2007
For all the rush of modern life, recent research suggests that mothers are actually doing a better job than they may think, at least by historical standards.According to a University of Maryland study, today's mothers spend more hours focused on their children than their own mothers did 40 years ago, often imagined as the golden era of June Cleaver, television's ever-cheerful, cookie-baking mom.In 1965, mothers spent 10.2 hours a week tending primarily to their children -- feeding them, reading with them or playing games, for example -- according to the study's analysis of detailed time diaries kept by thousands of Americans. That number dipped in the 1970s and 1980s, rose in the 1990s and now is higher than ever, at nearly 14.1 hours a week.

This is especially striking because it is at odds with how today's mothers view their own lives: Roughly half of those interviewed said they did not have enough time with their children.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/

The last sentence says it all. Think about it: 14.1 hours spent with our children in a 7 day time period??? That just doesn't add up to me. I spend tremendous amounts of time with my children - almost all of my waking hours when I'm not at work, and that still doesn't feel like enough. We have sports, scouts, therapies, extra time spent at home on projects, studying with my children, at-home occupational therapy that WE do with our son. All of these things take a heck of a lot more time in the week than 14.1 hours, but I, personally, don't feel like it's cutting it. Hence the title of the blog.

I'm taken aback at the stats from the 60's, though. We thought June Cleaver was the bomb! Donna Reed - I mean, who wouldn't want those mothers? They were always there at the ready, cookies baking, dinner ready, blah blah blah, and some of those images make the feminist in me cringe, but still....how did all of THAT time only amount to 10 hours a week?

I would give almost anything to be able to stay at home with my children. I've said it before, I'm not a working mom by choice, but by necessity. If I was able to stay home, my GOD - I'd be able to spend so much more time with my children - or so it may seem. But really, would I?

All three of my children are in school. LargeBoy is a sophomore and is very independent. When he is home from school or not with his friends, he's usually hanging in his room with his iPod - either playing his guitar or bass, playing video games, or working on his next book idea (I wanted to say "novel," because they truly are "novels"). Girl is in 8th grade and quite the social butterfly. When she's not at school or with her friends, she's either at a sporting event - practicing or participating (in which case I'm there, but not WITH her), at a rehearsal for drama club, at a student council meeting, studying, on the computer, practicing the viola, or planning the next social event. SmallBoy, I will admit, gets a lot more of my time. I do most everything with him, but still, when he's not with me, he's playing video games or drawing - two of his favorite things. Would I really be spending more than 14.1 hours a week with them were I a stay at home mom? I don't know.

I suppose, when you look at the big picture, it does boil down to a few short hours per week. And no, that does nothing to ease my mind and make me feel less Mommy Guilt. I'd love to hear your comments & feedback.

Can They DO This?

"They" being the legal system, the special ed teacher, the school. I found this through the myspace site that I write on and was just floored. Can they REALLY do this?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Evelyn Burgo
Patricia Genders

6-Year-Old Autistic Boy Charged with Assault II
WHO: Evelyn Burgo
WHAT: Disabled child charged with Assault II for jumping on teacher
WHEN: February 26, 2007
WHERE: Kailua-Kona, Big Island, Hawaii
WHY: Child attacked special education teacher after repeated warnings from mother of his violent nature

On Monday, February 26, a 6-year-old autistic boy was read his rights and charged with Assault II for jumping on his special education teacher. This arrest was made when he and his mother went to pick up some files at the Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Police Department.

This same special education teacher took out a Temporary Restraining Order against this student and his mother.

Ho'okena School, as well as the teacher and the District Superintendent are well aware of this child's violent outbursts. In the past, he was moved out of a summer school class because he attacked other students. Prior to jumping on his teacher, he was removed from his current classroom because the staff was worried he would hurt himself or others, and kept him in time- out from 10:55 a.m. until his mother picked him up at 2:00 p.m. The school has been asked repeatedly to at the very least provide a one-on-one aide that is trained in the art of dealing with autistic children, or move him to a school for autistic children.

Even with all of this, the school contends they can handle him. All the testing says that this child is at a pre-K level. But he should be at a first grade level.

His mother, Evelyn Burgo, says: "I am at a loss as to what to do. I feel my son needs help, not punishment, and he needs it now, as the window of opportunity to help him is running out.

Many people have told me that I need take this to the media to finally get the help we need, and that is what I hope to do. I have done everything the school has asked and tried to work with them, to no avail. Now, here I am with a disabled 6-year-old with Assault II charges against him.

We are filing for a Fair Hearing. But I understand this will take months and my child is not being educated nor is the school providing any help with his education, even though they know neither he nor I are able to go on school grounds because of the temporary restraining order."

What can Mom do? Anyone? Forgive my ignorance, but wouldn't this be something for which the special ed teacher would be prepared, especially working with kids on the spectrum? I'm appalled.

I've Been Meaning to Write...

...but life just keeps happening around me and not leaving much time to breathe. I've been meaning to write about the things that have been coming home in SmallBoy's notebook, good & bad. I've been meaning to write about Girl's latest round of injuries (none due to her insane sports schedule, believe it or not). I've been meaning to write about LargeBoy's first "big purchase," and I don't count the iPod, since that was gift money. I've been meaning to write about the new paint job in the house so that we can jack up the equity and hopefully get a good re-finance rate. I've been meaning to write about how North Country is just crashing onto the scene. I've been meaning to write about SmallBoy's sleepover, when his bestest bud, PQ, stayed, and how the whole social thing played out. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK....I've had a lot to write about, but no time. When I manage to find the time, either someone else is on the computer, I'm insanely busy at work, or my laptop is busy crashing for the 10th time in 4hrs (no virus, it just hates me).

Let's start with SmallBoy, though, since he's the important one in this whole posting. I've mentioned before what great success we're having with the notebook that we're using to communicate between school and home. It's been helping all of us - SmallBoy, the teachers, and us, of course, to keep track of SmallBoy's comings and goings, send suggestions back to the teachers, send notes from J the Fabulous OT, etc... I've made smaller, one page, mini-notebooks for the teachers that he sees for the specials - music, art, Spanish, computer, library, gym. It truly is an amazing tool and I can't believe it took so long for me to pick up on it.

Every once in a while, though, I seem to be unprepared when the notebook comes home saying that SmallBoy had a bad day, even less prepared when he's had an awful day, and just dumbfounded when he's had an atrocious day. Why? Don't know. Last week, after having just a terrible week or so prior, due to schedules, Ex being a schmuck, SmallBoy feeling under the weather and just down on himself in general, the notebook came home and I was prepared. All week I had read about the difficulties that he had been having and sending the notebook back the next day with my tips and bits of SmallBoy wisdom. I didn't expect this entry to be any different than the rest, but was hopeful for something good. HA. I wish I could quote it verbatim, but I don't have it in front of me, but the premise was this: the teachers were chatting and thought that perhaps SmallBoy could also have ODD (for those of you not in the land of abbreviations, learning disabilities, and spectrum disorders, who just happen to be popping by for the first time, ODD is short for Oppostional Defiant Disorder). She asked if this is part of Asperger's, if it is something completely separate, etc. I've gotta tell you, I had that same, WTF moment that I had the first time the school suggested that there was something "wrong" with my child.

ASD, yes, maybe even a little ADHD when his engine gets really revved, but ODD???? Knowing now, from experience and learning, what I didn't know back then, I tried to push out the immediate reaction and attempted to look at it from the teacher's perspective, and consider everything that's been going on with SmallBoy. He's been melting down more frequently in class, especially when he has to make corrections or is overloaded on directions, etc...He's been not "showing respect" to the teachers in the school by speaking to them as he would a friend or a brother & sister when he disagrees with them. He's been melting even further if the teacher gets a little frustrated when he tries to leave the room during the middle of an assignment or classroom project because he's melting down. He's being loud and vocal in his objections to things. He's getting up from his seat and moving around more frequently. He's JUST NOT getting it with some of his assignments and getting upset by that.

Ok, I could see some of his behaviors mimicking those of ODD, but these behaviors are not exhibited outside of the school, and if they are, we understand why he's doing what he's doing and act appropriately, in ways, I suppose, they can't (or won't) at school. Don't get me wrong, I'm not speaking against the school or the teachers, I adore them, they're doing a wonderful job, and were it not for the notebook going back and forth, this situation could have gotten MUCH worse. I knew, again from the experience and scads of books that I've read, that ODD was NOT what we were looking at. The teachers happen to be with SmallBoy for some of the things that set him off the most - FRUSTRATION: due to comprehension issues with reading, due to not knowing how to handle his own disappointment, due to not being able to self-manage a meltdown, due to not being able to sit still, due to his need to be perfect to be "accepted," (gee, I'm pretty sure that I know from whence THIS came, Ex's lack of acceptance of him because in his eyes, SmallBoy is less than perfect?).

I wanted to be certain that I wasn't seeing this with the eyes of denial, as I did initially with the "something's wrong, we need you to have SmallBoy evaluated by the school district," conversation, so when we went to OT that night, I talked to J about the teachers' thoughts. She completely disagreed with the idea of ODD, but agreed with me, that yes, indeed, the teachers are with him for most of the things that will "set him off." She offered suggestions to the teachers, (ie: visual directions on the board in addition to oral directions to the class, allowing him to leave the classroom to a predetermined spot in order to self-manage a meltdown with the caveat that he must ask permission first, and a few more which I'll expand on in another post), and to us on helping SmallBoy learn more self-management techniques.

I am very pleased to report that since this "conversation," things have been better for him. Granted, he's still forgetting assignments, still having outbursts, etc, but he's learning to manage them MUCH better. One such instance happened just last week at an all-school mass. It was a LONG service and, in addition to the homily, there was an additional speaker. A 45-minute long mass is difficult on ANY child his age, especially when expected to act in a "proper" manner, but put this on an ASD-er, and then add an extra 15minutes for a speaker and the scene is set for trouble. Well, our SmallBoy, bored off his rocker with this ridiculously long service, let it be known that the speaker was taking WAAAAAAAAAYY too long! Everyone, of course, turned around to look and, instead of freaking because now everyone was staring, he used that moment of embarrassment (or the "oh-shit-moment"), to self-mange and compose himself. I have to applaud him for that! Since then, he's been fantastic! I'm SO proud of him.

To finish off his "lovely" week, SmallBoy had his "bestest bud" sleep over on Friday night. PQ is SmallBoy's rock and helps keep him on an even keel. He's a truly wonderful kid, we adore him! SmallBoy, as excited as he was about this sleepover, was off in SmallBoy Land. Oh yes, the boys definitely played together for quite a while, but when SmallBoy got bored, that was that. He would go off in another room and hole up with his GameBoy. PQ tried, I tried, PC tried...we all tried to get him to participate in fun things with us but all he wanted was his GameBoy. Perhaps this was his release for all of the stress from the week, because normally, he will come out of SmallBoy Land to hang with PQ and his buds, especially if it's on his turf. Not this time. He'd come out if he felt like it, or if they were playing the Game Cube, but other than that, it was a battle.

The next morning started off very well, the boys got up and played and were happy as clams. They discussed going out in the snow, since we had TONS of it outside. They played video games until I told them to stop. Yeah. That's when it got a little hairy, again. I asked them if they'd like to come and help me make breakfast, to which they both boisterously agreed. They wanted scrambled eggs, and we were going to make biscuits - something quick and easy, and something fun and tactile. I made the eggs and had the boys do the biscuits. Well, this time, SmallBoy was so upset with me for making him come and participate and turn off his game, that even the sensory that he loves so much of handmixing the biscuit dough and squishing it and getting it all over his fingers, was just way too much, but we got it done. It was time to roll and cut. I figured this would be fun, and it was. Each boy took turns rolling out the dough and using the glass to cut the biscuits. We got the biscuits out of the oven just in time for PQ's mom to arrive. We sent them on their way with half a dozen steaming biscuits fresh from the oven and all was well. SmallBoy, after PQ left, was totally bummed that his bestest bud was gone. Though I see this on a regular basis, I'm constantly amazed by the fact that, though SmallBoy wanted more to play with his GameBoy or Game Cube independently, and only interacted with PQ minimally, that he missed him so much when he was gone. What are friends for, though, right?

Ahhhh, m'ijita, my wittew goowah, Girl, in all her glory has managed to injure herself not once, but twice in different parts of her body over 4-day span. This used to be a regular occurence when she was little; we had a pool going on the block to see how many times in one summer she could skin her knees - no, seriously, we did. This time was beyond knee-skinning, however. This time, she was going for something big like "contusions" (she's rather fond of those). That's my Girl!

It all started on Friday at Mission Day, the school fair that benefits the Ursuline Sisters Mission. This is a big deal at school, and, being in 8th grade, it was her last one. She went all out. She won the "sacred" goldfish (long standing tradition - ring toss game, I think), and won a white cake, with chocolate frosting, topped in snow caps candies!! YUMMO!!!!! As the storm on Tuesday had dropped quite a heavy blanket of white fluffy snow upon us (not to mentione dropped the temperature quite a bit), the ground, as you can imagine, was quite frozen. Girl, SmallBoy, & Snood were getting a ride from Snood's father and, on her way to the car, she slipped. In the process of falling, she dropped the cake (which was saved by Snood's father, who would never let anything bad happen to chocolate), and tried to stop herself with one arm while attempting not to drop the goldfish bags. Let's just say the goldfish was in one piece.

(Update: I am now starting day 2 of this post) I was hopeful, when she called me at work and told me she fell, that she had just banged up her funny bone, because we all know what a sting that leaves. Those hopes were dashed when she delivered the next line, "Well, I can't really move it, and my arm is hanging funny." Thankfully I was at the end of my work day, so I bypassed my workout and went straight home to don my Dr. Mom hat. Her arm was definitely hanging funny, but I'm fairly certain that was due to the gigantic swelling of her elbow. She was able to bend it up and touch her shoulder, with pain, mind you, but she could do it. That pretty much quelled any worries I had about it being broken, but you never can tell. I thought about taking her for "just-in-case" x-rays, but they would have been fruitless with all of the swelling. Instead I plied her full of Ibuprofen and the heat/ice treatment and just made her rest. I kept her home from softball practices all weekend, and, thankfully, there wasn't much in the way of basketball. Within a couple of days, the swelling, and the pain, had gone...

...just in time for the 8th grade ski trip. Yep. I said "ski trip." This was a MUCH anticipated trip that had already been cancelled once due to the freezing temps with an even more freezing -30degree windchill. Fortunately, the two week span allowed the sun to awaken from its winter slumber and force its way out from behind the dreary gray winter clouds to warm the earth, or at least out little part of it, to a beautiful 35degrees. The ground was covered with many more inches of snow due to a massive snow storm earlier in the week (see pic at right), and the kids were more than willing to get up at the crack of dawn on their day off to hop on the bus at 6:30 in the morning. They skied all day, somewhere up in Wisconsin or Michigan and finally called around 8:30 that night to say they were almost home, exhausted, but exhilirated. When I spoke with Girl, I asked how the trip was. Her answer, "Well, mom, the first two hours were great, but I hurt my ankle and spent the rest of the day in the lodge. I'll tell you about it when I get home."

My immediate thought went to how lucky she was that she hadn't broken her elbow a few days back, and that I hoped we weren't tempting fate. After hobbling through the door with PC & ET, we did the ibuprofen heat/ice thing (again) while we listened to her tale of woe. The story began with her all so brief lesson on the bunny hill. She quickly ascended through the ranks and graduated from her 20minute course with flying colors. Next she moved on to the beginner hill, which she conquered with ease. Feeling bold, as she is want to do, she took to the intermediate hill. She was cruising along, and was almost to the bottom when IT happened: her ski fell off. Thankfully, she was pretty much at the bottom and was preparing to stop anyway. Unfortunately, the lack of ski left her a little out of control and as she tried to stop, she tumbled into a woman who had already finished the hill. If someone had a video camera, this would have made perfect fodder for AFV, as, after Girl fell into the woman, a classmate came down the hill and fell onto them. I'm not going to get into how rude and uncaring the ski patrol guy was because that's another story, but we'll just leave it at the fact that he was a very incondsiderate jerk who told my daughter that he could have her thrown in jail for being out of control on the ski hill...even the woman she fell onto was defending her.

ANYWAY, of course she did something in the fall to injure herself. We're still not quite certain what it is, but she wasn't swollen this time. Perhaps x-rays would have been helpful, but, nah. We think that she pulled a ligament or something. Thankfully, some pain spray and a couple of really hot baths helped to work this out and she was back at basketball practice the next night. Wearing the Smart Mom hat this time, I intercepted one of the coaches who, thankfully, had already heard the story, and let him know that she was insisting on practicing, but not to let her run. She's fine now, just home with the flu, or something normal like that, now.

LargeBoy - my child is growing up on me. Many moons ago, he played the cello and has since abandoned it for the bass guitar. He is quite accomplished in his songwriting (and novel writing), and has also taken up the acoustic guitar. Taking after his mother and step-dad, he and his buddies are working together to write music (I'm beaming with pride). LargeBoy's had a few issues with his bass, as it's old - I bought it used for him in 2002. It finally cashed out on him last weekend while he was at his friend's house writing. He called me and said, "Mom, is it ok if I buy a new bass? I've got the money, and I've already called the store and they've got one for $500, one for just over $200, and a couple for $99. I'm not even thinking about the $99 ones and I can't afford the $500 one. So, since I have the money saved up, can I go buy it?" We had a conversation about what he was saving the money for, originally - and is still saving for, an Outward Bound trip, and came to the conclusion that, well, it's his money, and he can spend it as he chooses; that he won't be going on the Outward Bound trip for at least another year or two, and that gives him time to save up again. For the most part, just the fact that he called me to ask my permission to make a major purchase, even though it was with his own money, showed me how incredibly responsible he's getting. He'll have no problem saving up the money for his trip! I'm so proud.

I was hoping to have the pictures of the new paint job that we did up already, but they're still in my camera and my laptop is just being stupid, so I haven't loaded them, but I promise I'll try real soon. The colors are fab!

Finally, the band is just bursting out into the world right now. This is keeping us oh so busy, and we're loving it. We've been writing, recording, promoting and haven't had a whole heck of a lot of time to do much else. We put together a demo of a few of the songs we've written, and a couple of cover tunes, and made a fabulous, professional looking insert for it....just tickles me pink. This is so much more than we ever got done with the previous band - and North Country's only been together since January, really. We've received airtime on a few internet stations, including the Susie Doo & Mandy Too Show on Thursdays 1:00 on HomeGrown Radio. Next week we'll be doing a live interview on the airwaves between 5 & 7 CST. See the widget in my sidebar for more info. I'm blanking on the station's .com, but I'll have that and post it ASAP. AND, if you haven't already, click on the little box off to the side here, to listen to our originals. We're extremely pleased with them. The most recent, Pick the Tune, was written by our bass player on Feb. 12, recorded on Feb. 13, and given to his wife as a Valentine's gift the next day. Click here to find out when and where you can hear and see North Country. I can't begin to tell you how incredibly exciting this is!

In the meantime, since I've "talked" your ear off, I'll post this and go back to doing my day job (since I'm sitting at my desk in my office on company time).

For A Friend in Need

Hi my favorite sources of support and sanity! I have a friend from my myspace site, Cherie, who is in need of some advice. She lives in Ontario Canada and has a sweet little 4/5 y/o boy named Aidan. He's on the spectrum. Mom is making no headway with the schools and is pleading for advice and suggestions. I'm reposting one of her myspace blogs here and asking for your comments and ideas which I will, then forward on to her (unless, of course you have a myspace account - then you can reply directly to her myspace blog).

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 8:02 PM

It all begins... I knew the day was comign but didn't expect this...

This is going to be a long blog, so grab a cup of tea and sit back. So this is where things are at: Aidan attends nursery school three mornings a week for two hours at a time. During this time the nursery school has a schedule and Aidan has done really well in learning how to do all of these activites and transition from one to the next without much difficulty. The children have 30 minutes of free time a day and during this time Aidan is given about 5 activities to do. Even if he hates the activity he iss till forced to do it. This is something I was not aware of, and it was also not shared with me until today that Aidan was literally having meltdowns after he was being forced to do these things i.e. a puzzle. So Friday afternoon their is a case conference regarding Aidan being held at his nursery school. At this time his preschool resource witll be there. (This person goes into the nursery school and works one on one with Aidan once a week, and gives the nursery school directions on ways to help Aidan etc... p.s. might I add this woman has been working with Aidan for 1 year now and has done no training with autism...) Aidans SLP (Speech Language Pathologist) will be attending to give the nursery school different suggestions on how to promote communications with Aidan and activities etc. to keep him using speech. (This SLP has only seen Aidan 3 times and that has been once a month and nothing hands on has happened with her. So I have demanded more one on one speech therapy with Aidan once a week, instead of this once a month for an hour crap.) All nursery school staff will be present (3 of them) They are great ... really! I swear to god they are all Mary Poppins. Always happy and cheerful... kinda makes me sick haha.... no really they are great. Anyhow... Aidan SSAH worker (Special Services At Home.... same a s Respite just more hours and she does what I need her to with Aidan. Currently we get about 12-15 hours a week, and we have been concentrating on socializing Aidan out in public, swimming and any activity I feel he needs help with i.e. crafts, task completion activities...etc.) Of course I will be there as well. I guess I am having a bit of a bitch fit right now, because Aidans Preschool Resource worker has a horrible habit of trying to run the show. It's like she assumes I cannot do it. Trust me, this mamma can more than handle it... infact it is always me giving the sugegstions or getting the tools... I am his advocate. Now I am silly to even say this because we all do this so you know... but these people just don't get it sometimes. It is important to point out that the Preschool Resource works with all children from all different areas... NOT specifically children with Autism... infact on her caseload,...she has maybe 2 out of 50 that have autism. Ya seriously. She also has not educated herself with autism, learning tools or ways to help Aidan so she in turn isn't able to give those suggestions and advice needed to the nursery school because she doesn't have the training to do it. to me it seems like she is using all methods to teach Aidan... sorta seems like treating a broken leg with a bandaid... She just doesn't have the training necessary. Also being as this is a rural area 2400 people... my options of switching her is pretty limited. So the preschool resourse phones me at home today to say, "I think we need to video tape Aidan, and send that video in to have him re-evaluated for IBI / ABA" Ok... now in Ontario, Canada only those children who are on the severe end of the spectrum even qualify and Aidan was diagnosed as being mild. Aidan also is past the stages of IBI / ABA and the entire PECS program because he is so verbal, he makes requests, he knows his ABC's, 1-20, Colours and is able to put a few 2-3 word combinations together. Aidan was seen and assessed by a child psycomotrist (who only deals with autisitc children). I phoned her today as she is the one that the Preschool Rescource wants to haev the video tape sent to. She was as angry and appauled by the suggestion as I am. She said, "Cherie, no matter how many times this child is assessed... he will never be severe... and he defiantly will not benefit from IBI / ABA because he is past that... the skills taught using IBI / ABA ... He already has those skills." It seems like Aidans Preschool Resource is seeing IBI / ABA as the be all end all therapy to cure this child and that is just not the case. She drives me crazy. I have had to limit her time around me because she seriously makes me want to beat her. I realize that a large portion of her clients parents, ... do not know who to contact or what services to access. A lot also are not really great parents and lack skills, like the ability to do laundry, wash a floor or cook. These are all areas I do NOT need help in. This she knows. So back to the Nursery School and Preschool Resource. So I am being told when Aidna is at the nursery school that they are having a hard time transitioning him from one task to the next and that he is having meltdowns, or it is taking two of them to physically move him to the next activity. What are your thoughts??? I am thinking... 1) He isn't getting enough 1 on 1 2) He is being given to many options and is overwhlemed 3) Aidan is being forced to do activities he hates (don't get me wrong of course he has to be pushed and forced to try new things but is in necesssary every morning that he is there??) 4) 3 mornings in a row Aidan has cried when I have dropped him off... this is something that he never did before... why is he doing this??? Again we have a meeting Friday so any imput you could give me or suggestions... hit me with them, because I want him to continue at the nursery school but I also want everyone else to get it together and put some emphasis on Aidan and the fact that he does have autism..... nott hat autism is everything but he does have it. Ok... what has worked for you guys??? I feel lost... Gees I hope this makes sense... lol

I know you guys are full of resources & suggestions. This is what I wrote in response:

Hey Cherie -
First, I want to applaud you for YOUR restraint for not beating the crap out of that woman! Secondly, I also blog at MommyGuilt with a group of wonderful parents of kids on the spectrum. These people are from around the globe, from different population sizes, different school systems, etc... I urge you to also pop over there and start reading and checking out their blogs. A couple of bloggers you should check out are Kristina, whose Charlie is more towards the severe end of the spectrum, andKyra, whose 5 y/o "Fluffy" has Asperger's. Both are fountains of knowledge on programs, schools, resources, helpers, etc. Pick their brains and tell them I sent you.

Extremely important:-YES, YOU are Aidan's advocate! You know what strategies work best with him. Try to, without seeming on the defensive, push this to the teachers, perhaps by writing a "manual" or an "about me" from Aidan - I'd be happy to send you a couple of the ones we did for SmallBoy. Also, very important, especially if the school staff seems to feel the need to take charge of the meeting and push you off to the side. See if the psychomotorist is available to either attend the meeting, in person or via conference call.

In answer to your questions:
1) He isn't getting enough 1 on 1 - Probably not, but from the way it sounds, it's because the school, as we all say, doesn't "get it." They need education from YOU on the best things to do for Aidan.
2) He is being given to many options and is overwhlemed - Absolutely. I hate to use this analogy, but it might be the simplest for the teachers to understand....it's like when your computer is taking too long to process your commands and then overloads because you keep pushing the buttons over and over trying to make it respond...Same theory in play here.
3) Aidan is being forced to do activities he hates (don't get me wrong of course he has to be pushed and forced to try new things but is in necesssary every morning that he is there??) - No, it's not necessary, especially at his age. If they could choose, say , one activity a week to have him work on and let the other ones slide for that week, then perhaps he could slowly be worked into them. Also, if the teachers help him do the activity in a "fun" way....in a way that they are doing it together, that sometimes helps. Look into RDI (Relationship Development Intervention). That sounds like the track that you guys should be doing, particularly if he's well past ABA and is verbal.4) 3 mornings in a row Aidan has cried when I have dropped him off... this is something that he never did before... why is he doing this??? - It could be a number of things: stress, anxiety in anticipation of being made to do something he doesn't want to or doesn't understand.

Oh and back to the meltdowns: If those teachers had any clue, they'd understand that he's in nursery school and he's on the spectrum....of COURSE he's going to have meltdowns. What you need to do now is find a plan to help him work his way out of the meltdowns, either on his own or with their assistance.

Check out my MommyGuilt blog and get in touch with some of the wonderful people on there. They'll give you some guidance and some suggestions. They're great great people.

She needs your suggestions. Thanks guys!

The Notebook

No, not the movie, sillies, I'm referring to the communication notebook between home and teacher. I have spoken about it before and how helpful it has been. I encourage all of you, especially if you have difficult time getting information from the teachers/school - for whatever reason - to encourage its use. We don't have it mandated by an IEP plan, we just do it because we don't always have time to chat on the phone each day. Mrs. M writes to me each day, just a blurb or so if it's easy, and a bit longer if it's been a rough one, then I respond with what we've done in response to her entry, and add in if he's having a high/low engine morning, what might have happened at home since coming home from school, if he's frustrated over homework, if he's not feeling well, etc...you get the idea. It's an invaluable tool for us.

The notebook is not without its downside, however. Ocassionally, SmallBoy, having had a particularly rough day, will go through the notebook and scratch out (with pencil...LOL) what the teacher had written in the hopes that I won't read it. He'll also forget the notebook - although, I've decided that's not always intentional since he has difficulty remembering to bring home lots of things. Other times, I'll send it back and it won't get to Mrs. M. What particularly gets me, though, are the times when we've had a week of "Great day today," and "Wow! SmallBoy worked himself out of a meltdown and had a fantastic day," and then get one that says how he got upset and refused help and melted because he couldn't understand the assignment, but wouldn't listen when the teacher explained....

I know, we all have them and they're so much fewer and farther between, but it's like we had finally picked up speed and then SLAM!, right into the wall. We work through them, we write our stories, have our discussions, and all comes out in the wash. It seems though, that I have a much more difficult time getting past these than does SmallBoy. I suppose it could be that I see the progress and the great reports and I get this motherly feeling and, perhaps, false sense of security that all is now on the right track to be right with the world and then, when it comes to a halt - or at least a temporary slow-down, it throws MY rhythm off. Perhaps it is because there are SO many other stressors in my life right now - ok, well only a couple, but they're pretty big stressors. Perhaps it is time, like J The Fabulous OT told us last night, that SmallBoy learns how to deal with these things on his own for times when we can't be there to help him out or when no one around him is really quite sure what to say or do to help him when he's so far gone in one of his meltdowns. Perhaps I need to let go. Perhaps I need to start my own notebook to SmallBoy:

2/2/07: Mom had a rough day today. Making lots of phone calls about stuff that gets me frustrated. Had a minor meltdown, but took a big breathe and focused and pulled out of it.

Hey, you know? That sounds like good idea - then HE has some idea of what WE are going through and HE can write back to us:

2/2/07: How about a squish, Mom? Will that bring your engine back to just right? My engine was too high today and it needs to come back to just right, too. Had a good time at the volleyball game (teachers v 8th graders), but had a bad time in Social Studies, or something to that effect. Ya think?

I'd love your feedback on this Parent/Child Communication Notebook idea.

"You Must Respect My Authoritah!"

For those of you who abhor South Park and all of its content, I apologize, but considering the post, I think that was a very appropriate opening line. For those of you who LOVE South Park, you'll understand. For those of you asking, "Just what the HELL is she talking about," well, just keep reading.

At the beginning of 2nd quarter, we started sending "the notebook" to and from school - the Communication Notebook. It's been a lifesaver for both PC & me and for SmallBoy's teachers. It has become something that we NEED...I need that notebook when I get home to find out what happened during the day; Mrs. M needs the notebook first thing in the morning to find out how he's doing, where SmallBoy's engine is, and how his spirits are, if he's having issues with homework, behavior, whatever.

The end of last week and beginning of this week were great. The only thing the notebook said was, "Great day today," or "Another GREAT day." I was SO excited, we were on a roll after coming out of a slump that, I believe was fueled by the bug that was visiting our house, anxiety about a test, and the stress around the house of trying to be in 12 places at once. The last couple of days, however, the notebook has said, "Great morning, but this afternoon at the all-school assembly, SmallBoy got upset when not picked by the presenter for an audience participant. Ms. B (the principal - also a lifesaver), had to take him out into the hallway and calm him. After the assembly, he joined us back in class." Yesterday, I ran into Mrs. M after work, we occasionally cross paths where we exercise....she decompressing from a day with high strung students, including SmallBoy, and me decompressing from a day with high strung students, a totally silly corporate system, and getting re-fueled to go home to SmallBoy and to play cab driver to all of Girl's sports (it's playoffs this week). Mrs. M said to me yesterday, "We had a FANTASTIC afternoon, but the morning was terrible. He's having a problem with being disprespectful."

I wanted to be surprised and say, "NO, not MY SmallBoy. He knows better. He has been taught to respect those in authority roles," but I knew that what comes out of an ASD mouth can VERY easily be taken as disprespectful, though it is not. Angry outburst, inability to pre-censor and think twice to rephrase and change the tone of voice....yeah, that can very easily be taken as disrespect.

I guess what happened was that Ms. R, the Social Studies teacher, had given them homework for that night, and SmallBoy wanted to do it right then and there. She told him that it was HOMEwork to be done at HOME. He was not satisfied and asked if he could go out in the hall and do it. She stressed to him, again, that this was classtime to work on the lesson, not homework time. I guess he then got extremely upset and threw a marker across the room out of frustration, and proceeded to have a bit of a tantrum.

We had a little talk when I got home last night. SmallBoy was very aware that what he had done was not appropriate for the classroom. I applauded him for being able to tell me WHY he had gotten upset (and identifying that he was, in fact, upset - AND SORRY). I asked him why he had behaved the way he had and he told me, simply, "Mom, I wanted to do my homework then, not later and I got angry when I couldn't get my way."

WOW!!He told me that he was angry and WHY he got angry. I was so happy I wanted to hug him and tell him how awesome it was that he did that, but it was time for me to play the bad cop. "SmallBoy, who is in charge at school?"
"The teachers and the other grown ups."
"SmallBoy, when you're at school, does anyone else get their way by throwing things, yelling, or having tantrums?"
"No."
"Does anyone else yell at the teacher?"
"No."
"SmallBoy, what did we just learn?"
"That the teachers are in charge, not me."

What a wonderful insight. Let's just hope that he remembered that past 8:00 this morning and then, was able to find that tidbit in the file cabinet of the Asperger's mind. I think this is something that should, perhaps, be a social story, or, at the very least, written on a notecard inside of his folder or desk.

Comments, suggestions, ideas? Anyone have a bottle of Pinot Noir?

Back to School, Big Block of Wood Day Arrives, and SO Much More

Everyone goes back to school today! WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I'm having very mixed emotions about it - ecstatic because life now returns to some sense of our chaotic normalcy, making things more structured for our SmallBoy, yet distressed, saddened, disappointed because now things get crazy, SmallBoy might begin stressing again, more demands on our time (like there aren't too many already), but you know...today is the first day of back to school, yes, but it's one day closer to summer vacation!

SmallBoy's Party
Break went out with a bang, and a with feeling of perpetual motion. I don't recall sleeping very much this weekend either, and not for many really good reasons. Friday night, SmallBoy had his end of break sleepover with his friends. It went very well. SmallBoy was just happy that they had "ulimited" video game time. What they didn't realize was that we would periodically interrupt video time to do something else. Not too many meltdowns, not too much of "SmallBoy's rules only," and NO couch jumping! I think there was actually a time when they were all quiet. Sleep did not come easy Friday not, but, surprisingly, the four 9 & 10 yr old boys were not the reason, granted they were awake. The young college sophomore who lives next door to us was also having an end of break party. Loud, yet courteous, TONS of people, yet very polite, but loud - more the music and the talking outside. Our houses are so close that I could look out my window and feel like I'm in the room with them. The boys didn't sleep much either, but I think that was more due to the fact that I had forgotten to send the video game systems with LargeBoy when he went to bed.

For Christmas, we had given SmallBoy two games which he became familiar with while at OT, Tricky Fingers and Rush Hour Deluxe. Both games use problem solving and small motor skills (Tricky Fingers takes Small motor down to fine motor, though). Tricky Fingers consists of two square (ish) boxes filled with colored marbles. The bottom of each box has holes the size of the marbles. The object of the game is to manipulate the marbles with your fingers to create the pattern shown on a game card. What's spectacular about this game is that it can be played alone, or, in two different ways as a challenge - both players using the same card or each with his own. We pulled this game out as the kids were gathering their belongings and waiting to be picked up. It took a while, but once I got them interested in how "cool" this was, they were happy to turn off the video games to come and check it out.

The other game, Rush Hour (we have the Deluxe version), takes "puzzle" to a new level. The game is a grid of squares, "gridlock" cards at varying levels of skill, and plastic vehicles. The vehicles are placed on the grid according to the pattern on the card. The object is to clear a path so that the main car (in the regular version it's an ice cream truck, in ours it is a shiny red car) can make its way off of the gameboard. This game makes you think - the cars cannot be picked up and moved, nor can they turn - they can only move along the line of the grid upon which they rest. I have managed to get through the beginner stage with relative ease, and moved on somewhat successfully to the intermediate stage, while LargeBoy sat down and completed all 15 of the Grand Master skill level cards. SmallBoy LOVES this game, and loves to come and help me out of my "jams" too. It takes the whole Temple Grandin theory of thinking in pictures to a new level. I sort of saw that this game would definitely be one that would involve the visual-ness that our ASD'ers so often use, but it wasn't until I was stuck on a puzzle last night and LargeBoy enlightened me with "Well, Mom, you sort of have to think of it as a picture and work backwards from there," that it clicked and the lightbulb switched on. I HIGHLY recommend these games! They'll be good for the kids, but trust me, you'll find yourself drawn to them.

New Band
Saturday afternoon we finally had the opportunity to rehearse as a full band: PC, ET, Joey Pinks, Dreverb, and me. We had done a couple of mini-rehearsals with Joey Pinks so that the guitars would be on the same track before we went into a full rehearsal, so it wasn't a totally foreign thing, and for one, we had ET there banging on some congas (in lieu of a full drum kit). Saturday afternoon though, we gathered in the basement with all of us, all of our equipment, and amps, and we sounded, not like a band playing together for the very first time, but like a band that was ready to roll. We just gelled and it all came together: the personalities, the talent, the outlook on what we each wanted to do and where we wanted to go with the music. It was fantastic. We topped the night off by going to hear Joey Pinks play in one of his other bands (he's very, well, busy). Phenomenal!

Happiness
We were all completely wiped out by late Saturday afternoon, between SmallBoy's lack-of-sleep over party, the party next door, and rehearsal, that when we returned home from rehearsal, all of us just needed to crash. PC went to take ET back home and SmallBoy was craving some snuggle/squeeze time, not to mention that he was dead tired, too. LargeBoy was on the couch playing video games so SmallBoy and I snuggled up, also on the sofa, smushing Largeboy into a corner. We snuggled and relaxed. Before I knew it, my sweet angel was asleep. My arm was dead asleep underneath him and my neck was kinked badly from the awkward way that I was laying, but I was so content. The combination of SmallBoy's "sleep breathing" and his little heart just beating away made it feel like he was purring. It's been a long time since he's fallen asleep on me like that - without being sick and suffering through an asthma attack. This was pure bliss. I was so content, and having such the "happy mommy" moment, that I forgot all about the dead limb and the krick in the neck, and dozed off right along side him. Peaceful.

Big Block of Wood Day
Sunday, the day designated as the day of rest, the final day of winter break for the kids, the day that's meant to be the one on which you either sit around and do nothing, or you cram in everything that you didn't get done during the rest of the week. We spent Sunday running non-stop. Girl had softball practice, now mandatory, from 11:30 - 12:45 at one of the local private high schools' gyms, SmallBoy had to be at school by 12:30 for the official weigh-in for the Pinewood Derby, and then Girl had to be back at our gym by 12:45 for a basketball game against the rivals from the rich suburb to our immediate west. It was sheer insanity, but we made it work. The only other thing we had to juggle was how to be at SmallBoy's derby and and Girl's game at the same time.

The Pinewood Derby runs by Den, starting with the youngest, the Tiger Scouts. SmallBoy's den, Weebelos I, is the second oldest, so they run second to last. The race, that was supposed to begin at 1:00, finally got underway at 1:45 after all of the rules and all of the admonishments for "stepping across, or crossing the plane of, THE LINE with any body part were laid out, and where the scouts were allowed to sit and where they were not allowed to even breathe near (given of course by Mr. Former Cub Master - you know, the one who said and did those mean things to SmallBoy at camp). Girl's game started at 1:30. While the race got underway, I bolted down to the gym to watch the 2nd quarter of her game, as it was clear that SmallBoy's den would not be running for a while. The girls were playing the team that everyone wants to beat. They played them and lost over break, once before break, and will play them again for the final home game of the regular season - which is our big spirit night. When I arrived, we were down by 9 with 3minutes left in the half. All of a sudden, one of our girls hits 2 three pointers and then hits a jumper with a foul. She missed her free throws, but suddenly, at the half, we were only down by one point, there was hope. I bolted back down to the derby, filled in the other parents who were also trying to do double duty (there are a lot of them at our school), and sent PC back to the gym. At 2:15, SmallBoy's den still wasn't close to running, so I talked to him and to a couple of the dads and went back down to the gym. Sadly, the girls ended up losing, but they played their butts off.

FINALLY it was time for our den. PC and SmallBoy had this nervous energy just exuding from them while I tried desperately to conceal - and manage - my anxiety pangs as I strategized in my head, and with PC about how we were going to handle the meltdown if he lost, crashed, or didn't make it to the finish line. First three boys raced. There was a wreck, it was beautiful, every one laughed and the race was re-run. Then it was SmallBoy's heet. We inhaled, 3 - 2 - 1...car one pulls away, car two comes up from behind, car three rolls to a stop on the straightaway, that was ours. We watched as SmallBoy's frustration level went up and he put on his mad face (and it's a doozy). I said to him, "SmallBoy, BREATHE! BREATHE!" And he did. He was pissed off, but he was ok.

Phew, round one done. Two more heets and it was our turn again. I prayed, promised God I would sing 7:30am mass for the rest of my life, inhaled and watched the whole scenario play out again, only this time, our car was in a different lane. Still stopped on the straightaway. I guess God knew that I had no intention of doing a year 7:30 masses. Again, "SmallBoy, BREATHE! The frustration rose even higher, and it was MUCH more difficult for him to manage his impending meltdown, but he did it. The leaders told us that we could make repairs to our car if needed. In our case, it was the tire. It hadn't cracked, it hadn't fallen off, it wasn't wobbly; no, it was something about the physical tire itself. It needed to be changed, but there was not enough time. PC and SmallBoy worked together to see if they could do ANYTHING AT ALL to make the car at least cross the finish line in the final run. If you look closely at the pic, you can even see SmallBoy is smiling.

Third run, different lane, same result. "WHAT?! I DON'T GET IT!" Oh, he was SO NOT a happy camper. I followed up with more directions to breathe, which he did. We was SO mad, but he did it, he pulled himself out of it and went on to cheer on his friends, including Dreverb's son, who was also racing that day, and, whom he had met for the first "official" time yesterday. As stressful as the race was for all of us, I was incredibly pleased to see that all of the prep work that we had done with SmallBoy and, invariably, with ourselves, paid off. I would definitely call it a success.

MaizeyCat Sunflower
Those of you who are at least my age might have some kind of a flashback to the words, "Klondike Cat Alwaaaays gets his mouse!" Anyone? Anyone? Klondike Cat, as I remember, was one of the cartoons on The Underdog Show. He was tormented by the mouse, Savoir Faire and his classic howl of escape, "Savoir Faire eees everywhere!" This phrase has been running through my head since yesterday when my lovely OCF FINALLY caught and killed the mouse. We had to take it away from her because she was planning on having it for a snack. Now, I know that cats eat mice all the time, but this was just to gross for words, so we decided to nip it in the bud. Once we had all settled from our mouse-capades, Maizey appears with ANOTHER mouse in her clutches. This one was just a little baby and I was having some serious mommy issues, but I quickly got past them. Sadly, we were a tad too late in taking it from her, and she'd already begun to partake of the mouse. We were only able to throw out half of it, the other somewhere in cat-land. I think, I hope, that the other mice have learned from this, but I am so glad to know that IF they get in, I've got a damn good mouser. See how happy and contended she is in this pic. All curled up like a little fluffball. Good Girl Maizecat.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia
And before I leave you, after this LONG post, I wanted to introduce you to the newest daily post, at least for the next two weeks or so. SmallBoy received a Chia Pet - Garfield - for Christmas. We started his seeds on New Years Day and applied them on 1/2. The other day, we decided that we would start tracking its growth on a daily basis - it really IS amazing how this works and how quickly it grows. I leave you with yesterday's pic and the one from the day before. Tomorrow, I'll post today's picture. If nothing else, it's something fun to start the new year!
Saturday's Chia - 1/6/07. Girl is fascinated with the Chia and is obsessed with touching it - think it's a sensory issue? Nah, just Girl, she's silly that way!
Sunday's Chia - 1/7/07 - See! Look at this progress, it's amazing. Hours, maybe 4, later, it had already gotten a bit fuller. I've always joked about Chia's, but it's really kind of fascinating, and SmallBoy's totally getting into it, too, which is truly the best part!

Update: Girl stayed home with the flu today. I was going to send her to school - she's been headache-y for about 24hrs, couldn't sleep last night, but she's tough. I knew she'd be able to hang in. Then she hurled. Needless to say, she's home, on the couch today, watching movie after movie after movie, extending her break by a day (but what a crappy way to get an extra day - YUCK!)

Remember When I Said...

...that I felt weird for writing about nothing Asperger's related? Well last night was meltdown extraordinaire. As is usual for us, we had a busy night. It was only two things, OT & Scouts, but they started almost as soon as we walked in the door from workat 5:00, and lasted until about 9:00. In the door, grab a piece of pizza, change out of work pants & shoes (no time to find a new shirt), and head off to OT.

We had a blast at OT, even PC & I got into the act. J the Fabulous OT had SmallBoy working on a crib mattress set on top of some foam rollers. He had to maneuver his way back and forth taking an item out of a bag on one side of him, using his arm muscles and his balance to pull himself, via rope, to a bucket on the other side to deposit the item. It was a lot of work for him, trust me, I tried it. We are fortunate enough to have a wonderful OT who lets us take part in the activities so that we can get a feel for what he's doing in order to replicate or duplicate as close as possible, those actions, activities, exercises at home. As SmallBoy's had OT off and on for the last month, he was ready to roll. His engine was way high, and he needed this session desperately - not to mention that we were going to a scout meeting right after OT. He worked hard, he was focused on the task at hand and he did a great job. We are so proud of him! She helped SmallBoy to bring his engine down to a nice moderated level. He did a lot of balancing for the vestibular, and a lot of upper body work to work on his muscle tone. His focus today was unreal. She had him up in the lycra layers and was having him use clothespins to attach some of the toys to each side of the layers. Every time he fell, she told him he would have to do sit ups or pushups. Well, he was concentrating so hard on the task at hand, that we could see his legs shaking. He was ready. He was calm, he was focused, and his engine had come down just below a regular, moderate level. I expected it to go back up at scouts, so a little below "just right" was just fine with me.

OT was over at 6:15 and Scouts started at 7. This meant that we didn't have to rush from one to the other, since OT and Scouts are, literally, a 2minute ride away. We had brought SmallBoy's scout uniform to OT so that he could just change there before we left, but we still had to stop home and pick up Girl for basketball practice. This was one of the few times that she didn't have a friend also needing a ride, so when we got back to the school, it was only 6:30. Girl had no problem with that, as the boys' basketball team had a game that she could watch until her practice started. We, on the other hand, had a half an hour to kill doing a whole lot of nothing. Instead of just sitting in the car, or wasting gas by driving around, we went inside. Thankfully, the Boy Scouts were there, as the were setting up and practicing the flag ceremony for the meeting. This meeting was a combined meeting/Christmas party with the cub & boy scouts. Everything was going swimmingly. GR even came to watch the skits that each scout den was performing. SmallBoy's den did this cute scene in which each scout had a letter spelling out "Merry Christmas", starting at the "S" and working backward toward the "M", each boy saying what part of Christmas their particular letter represented. SmallBoy's "R" stood for reindeer.

The show was wonderful and, as you can see from the pic, he's not shy about using a microphone...I wonder where he gets that?. After the skits, the boys had the privilege of throwing a pie in the face of the Scout Master (the new one, the one we adore) as a reward for meeting and exceeding the popcorn sale challenge he had set for them. Everyone was in a great mood, the room was loud with happiness and anticipation and excitement. The troops received gifts, with SmallBoy's troop receiving flashlights for camping that wind up - no batteries or electricity needed. This flashlight was the downfall of our evening.

SmallBoy, after receiving his, immediately brought it to me and asked if we could open it for him. After looking at the clock and realizing this meeting only had moments left, I told him no, that I didn't want it to get lost, that the meeting was just about over and that he could have it when we got home. Ok. No problem. He ran off to play. PC was running outside and asked me if I wanted him to take it. I told him not to, because then SmallBoy might notice it missing and meltdown thinking it got lost or "stolen." I should have let him take it to the car.

I walked away for a few moments to take pictures of the newly "pied" Scout Master - he ended up wearing three cream pies, chocolate, I believe. When I walked back, GR said to me, that SmallBoy had come back, seen the flashlight package on the chair (I must have missed the bag) and walked away with it. Damn! I fought with myself, having the non-stop internal arguement as to whether I should let it slide for the next 3 minutes while we finished up the meeting, or if I should make it a point to dole out consequences for the action and risk a meltdown, thus, ruining SmallBoy's night - because no ASD meltdown is a "good" meltdown. I went with option B, and went up to SmallBoy and asked him for the flashlight back. I explained to him that I had previously told him that he could not play with it because I didn't want it getting lost or broken.

"But, Mom, all the other kids...."

"Yes, my love, I know, but the meeting is almost over and I've already told you no. Why did you take it from the bag without asking?"

"Because I wanted it and everyone else has theirs."

This was true, they were all running around like crazy, having fun, playing, SOCIALIZING. I found myself, again, arguing within my head about what the best, most practical solution would be. Again, I chose to lay down the law. I told him that he had to give me the flashlight as a consequence - of course I explained this three or four times, in language easy to understand when his engine is skyrocketting. He got angry and just started crying, baby-crying, not crying like a 10y/o - more of a WAAAAAAAAH, than anything. And he wasn't faking either. He was upset, he was angry. This went on for a good ten minutes until he finally just shut down. It's very rare that he completely shuts down on me. I didn't know what to do. I was at my wit's end, partially because I knew that we never should have gone to the meeting, because we haven't had ANY down time all week and partially because I knew that he was fried and had already been to two scout meetings this week, plus school, plus just overstressed from us being stressed.

"I'm done doing the big pack meetings. This is just too much for him, and it's too much for us. I think we'll just go to the den meetings."

That was my big pronouncement. Now, you know that's not going to happen, because he needs the socialization, he needs the recognition of getting his awards and achievement badges in front of the whole pack, he needs all of it. But I, too, was fried beyond belief. SmallBoy and I had both finally, after many weeks of holding it together - JUST barely - cracked. We were done. I wanted to cry, he was already crying. Instead, I held it together just a little bit longer to show a friend SmallBoy's sensory tunnel and body sock, and to let her son, who is ADHD, try them out. We also gave them a copy of "The Book". I wanted SmallBoy to show T how to use the sock and the tunnel, but he was angry and upset at me, still, and went and laid on the stage to sulk and be mad. Most people just thought he was tired, but when he became unresponsive to their prompts and chatter, I had to step in. It was time to go. We almost had to drag him out, because he wasn't going.

I don't think I've ever experienced that with him. This is something new, for which I was not prepared. Given the circumstances of the last couple of weeks, though, I'm not surprised. I would be more than content to not have to go to multiple places on Christmas, but you know, Christmas just wouldn't be the same without all of the hustle and bustle, now would it? So, we'll suck it up for a few more days and it will all be over. I think I'll sleep through 2007 to make up for all of the stress of the last 2 or 3 weeks though.

Pseudo-Supermum, never fear, I will de-stress!

Let's See If I Can Stay on Track Again

Last time I made myself an outline I stayed, relatively, on track. Think I can do it again? Hmmm...I want to tell you about so many things that have been going on, that I think I should make THE LIST again. Darn, my snowman's not moving. Well, you get the idea. Ok, let's see - what do I need to tell you about?
Scouts and the camping trip
SmallBoy & school (OY)
Christmas chaos
House...GRRRR
Cookie Day
EXHALE!!
I think that's it! Let's start at the top - and I don't know that these are in order at all:

SCOUTS & CAMPING
The first weekend of the month, PC & ET took SmallBoy on a campout with the scouts. The Boy Scout troop invited all of the boys in SmallBoy's age bracket (Weeblos I & II) to join them on a camping weekend. They planned on doing many activities to help the boys earn badges - and lots of them. From our den, only three other boys/dads went on the trip, as it was RIDICULOUSLY cold - my guys were brave! From the Weeblos II den, a few other father/son teams went along, including the man who, until last year, used to be the Scout Master of the whole pack and his son.

When my guys finally arrived up north in Woodstock, IL, they were ecstatic to be alive. The snow had hit two days before, but up in the rural country of the campgrounds, the roads were barely passable and they thought the certain death was imminent. As they exited the snuggly warmth of our little Honda, they were slapped across the face with the cold biting winter wind reminding them that, indeed, they were roughing it for the next 24hrs. My guys were prepared, dressed in layers and "toughness." They schlepped their gear to their cabin, geared up for the day, and headed out to meet the boy scouts of our troop. Their journey into the "arctic," as it seemed, came to a temporary screeching halt as a troop of boy scouts pulled up to the cabin, also to unload. These scouts had previously given up their reservations due to the weather and now, apparently, had changed their minds. Good, caring gentlemen that our troop are, offered to share the cabin, which had two separate floors, and plenty of room. The other troop was thrilled, and began to unpack their cars, from which they carried in at least 10 television sets, multiple video gaming systems, stereos and mp3 players - all contraband in the eyes of the scouts. Clearly this troop had no intention, whatsoever, of "scouting" for the weekend.

Giving it only a second thought, my guys continued on with their days. There wasn't much going on in the way of earning badges, but the boys were outside having fun. They did, however, hone their hunting/seeking/retrieval skills through a 3-Man Slingshot challenge. PC, ET, and another dad took frozen oranges and shot them out of a 3-Man slingshot into the deep deep snow. They scouts were instructed to follow the orange by sight, and then to listen for the thud when it hit the snow. Then, they were sent to retrieve it. Not an easy job in 2ft of snow out in the country, but they had fun. Sled hills, snow, boys - yeah, lots of fun, minimal badgework.

Unfortunately, SmallBoy got targeted by Former ScoutMaster (who is NOT a very nice man, thinks he's a drill seargent), AND Son of Former ScoutMaster. The son is a year or two older than SmallBoy, and they go to school together. This child has a reputation for harrassing other kids, pushing them around, and just being a general pain in the behind. This child also has an underlying learning disability, so, being the open minded person that I am, and not his parent, always turned a semi-blind eye to the behavior (shame on me). That is, I always turned one until now. The boys were down at the bottom of the sled hill when one scout came back up and told PC that SmallBoy was crying and he thought that SmallBoy was hurt. As it happened, this was the scout's way of indirectly ratting out Son of Former ScoutMaster who had SmallBoy face down on the ground grinding his face into the ground. PC didn't even hear him screaming until Son of Former ScoutMaster lifted his head up for a brief, oh so brief second, so that he could breath, and then promptly smushed him back into the snow. Where, oh where was Former ScoutMaster? In the cabin playing cards with some of the other fathers. Another lovely incident was when the boys were actually outside working on a badge project. SmallBoy told PC that he needed to use the bathroom. PC told him that he had to go to, and that he'd go with him. Well, Former ScoutMaster, abusing his former power and his "power" as the only leader there from our Pack, told my SmallBoy, "You're not going anywhere. You PISS IN YOUR PANTS!" First of all, NO. Second of all, NO. Thirdly, NO! You don't tell a child, especially one that doesn't belong to you, to PISS IN HIS PANTS. You don't tell MY child, with or without an accompanying adult, to PISS IN HIS PANTS. You don't tell YELL at a child on the spectrum, you don't SWEAR in front of all the other boys, you don't humiliate MY son, nor do you outrank my husban who is with my child and knows exactly how to take care of him.

The next incident was at dinner. The boys were all neatly lined in 2 lines waiting, believe it or not, quietly, for their food. Mr. Former ScoutMaster decided that he did not like this arrangement, made the executive decision to make it a single file line, then grabbed MY SON and another young boy by the scruff of the neck and told them that they had to go to the end of the line. Again, a child on the spectrum who is at the beginning of the line AND being patient and quiet is a very wonderful sight to behold. YOU DON'T MOVE HIM. Also, you don't GRAB a child, particularly a young one, and one who is behaving, by the scruff of the neck and yank him out of line. It's been a couple of weeks since this incident and I'm STILL FUMING. Later, Son of Former ScoutMaster told ET that he didn't like SmallBoy because he was stupid and an idiot. Honestly, I don't know HOW ET held himself together and didn't just go off on this kid - perhaps because, being a phenomenal father himself, ET is smart enough to know that know matter how much of a jerk someone is, particularly a child, you don't go off on them. I can't remember exactly how he responded to this boy, but it was completely in defense of SmallBoy along with a "don't you ever...."

OH, I almost forgot about the other troop with the televisions and video games. Loud boys upstairs. They stayed up, well after our troops had lights out, and played video games, loud music, furniture rearranging, jumping, you name it, until 3am. When the guys arrived home the next day and relayed the goings on to me, I was LIVID. I am not one to put up a stink to a higher-up, but this time it involved my child. That's going over the line. I got on the phone with the current fantastic ScoutMaster who has a son in SmallBoy's class, has different issues, but uses the same OT as SmallBoy, ScoutMaster who understands SmallBoy and treats him with equality, but with the little differences - and respect, that he deserves. He was livid. ET wrote an email to the Boy Scouts of America who assured us that this would be looke into. Boy do I feel like I opened a nasty can of worms. We get to spend two of the nights this week at scout outings with Former ScoutMaster and Son. Should be interesting.

SmallBoy & School
Meltdown city. Oh LORD! School's been incredibly trying these last couple of weeks. I have spoken more in the last two weeks to SmallBoy's teachers than I did all of last year. My poor guy has just been having such a difficult time. He's not been wanting to do the work, he's been complaining that it's either too easy or too hard, he's not been wanting to do the assignment as given, but his own way. He's been exploding in class and the kids, who have been SO incredible with him, are now all afraid to even speak to him for fear that he may blow up again for reasons unclear to them - and even to SmallBoy.

We all know that with a spectrum child, meltdowns can come on out of the blue, or over the smallest little thing. We also know that, odds are, it isn't the smallest little thing that causes the melt down, it just happens to be the spark on the powder keg that's been waiting to go off, filling more and more with powder - enough to fuel a HUGE explosion. I've been at my wits end, trying to hold it together and not burst into tears at the office after talking to Mrs. M. I've broken at home, only for a bit, to let a little bit out, whild trying to remain "SUPERMOM". I've lost it at home, melting on my own - venting at everyone in my house for stupid stupid things - things like, "Mom, I need posterboard tomorrow," (oh crap, she really does), things like, "Geez, will you look at the calendar?! How are we supposed to be in all of these places that require us to be there all at the same time? And HOW, if we're supposed to be in those places, are we supposed to get our holiday shopping done? Our laundry done? Our house clean? My flat tire changed? Homework done? Lunches made? Spend time as a family?" Oh my head hurts.

My poor guy has been having his own struggles and meltdowns and, without realizing what I was doing, he's been stressing out worrying about ME. My Not-So-SmallBoy has been worrying about ME. Love him to pieces. He's worrying about himself, about making friends - he's feeling the "excommunication" from the group, he's associating that with what Ex is doing to him, he's struggling with reading comprehension at school, and now he's worrying about me. What a schmuck I am. Totally unthinking sometimes, but I am so grateful to have a family that will help me see what I'm doing and where I'm going.

SmallBoy and I increased our intensity on our reading program that we're doing at home. I'm not sure if I posted on exactly what we're doing, but we're using one of the programs that we do at our center at work, and helping him learn to visualize and make pictures for everything that he's reading. This will help him to build comprehension skills in order to understand what he's reading, and to build an even greater vocabulary. We were doing it just a little bit, which, I should know better, isn't nearly enough. Now we're working on our own little deal: He works really hard and gets x amount of stars. If, by the end of the week he has earned 50stars, he gets to teach me one of his video games. This works out well for both of us because I'm teaching him, and then he'll get to teach me. It's just really really been breaking my heart to see him hurting like this.

Christmas Chaos
This should be a little shorter of a blurb. Are YOU done yet? Religious affiliation aside, everyone celebrates SOMETHING this time of year - Solstice, Hannukah, Christmas, Kwaanza - all of which involve preparation of something, joining with loved ones, sharing of something, usually, some kinds of formal ceremonies - be they at church, temple, home, etc....This year, we have Christmas parties, Christmas baking, elongated Christmas celebration, transportation of the children ON Christmas, deciding who will have them when and how they will get where on Christmas when we're not even certain what time we'll be where on Christmas. And that's just Christmas DAY! Christmas Eve, SmallBoy will sing with the youth choir at mass and I'll be the cantor, so we'll be singing together. Then we'll be having some family over and beginning a new tradition. Christmas Day, we'll do our thing in the morning, Meem & FIL's for food and gifts, then to my aunt's for more food & gifts, then home to collapse. Day AFTER Christmas, we'll spend at Dad's with KR and then bring KR home with us for 2days!!! WHOOT WHOOT!

If I live that long, I have a feeling I'll enjoy it. I haven't finished my shopping, and I still haven't shopped for my mother, my sisters, my father, my father's wife, ET - and I think I still have some stuffers to get for the stockings - OH GOD! I haven't found the stockings yet! And I have NO time this week. Tonight - Scouts/Basketball Game/Reading with SmallBoy/Passing out. Tomorrow night - basketball/Reading with SmallBoy/promoting Code West's gig for Saturday night/passing out. Wed night - Basketball, something else...you get the idea. Somewhere in the spare moments between all of these activities and the important things like sleeping, eating, bathing, and just plain dropping dead, I can find time to do all of the rest of the stuff that still has to get done - oh yeah! And I have to color my hair and find time for haircuts too! EGADS!

Dear Santa:
All I want for Christmas are a few more hours in the day and an extra day on the weekend that are reserved soley for me, that cannot be taken up by obligations for OTHER PEOPLE, other things, work, or anything that I do not care to do. I have been a very good girl this year. This gift does not involve spending any money or creating a brand new toy or video game. I would say this is a relatively simple request. Thank you for taking the time to carefully consider my Christmas wish.
Yours truly,
Me

HOUSE...GRRRRR
Saturday, in the mail, I get a letter from my mortgage company telling me that because I had a nasty little spell with paying for my house, that my escrow is so far down, they are now DOUBLING my mortgage payment, effective Feb. 1. First of all, this house is so NOT worth that amount of money each month. Secondly, if I really and truly could afford to spend that much money on my house each month, I'd live on the richy rich side of town...or at least in a larger house in the comfortable side of town. Can you say REFI????? Seriously, do mortgage companies actually think people will settle for this and just pay it? No. But I've got to do it fast, cuz Feb 1 will come up soon. I don't make that much money in a month. Seriously, I need to sell my house, but it's not ready to be sold, plus stupid Ex will put up such a stink that it would be unbearable if I tried to leave this town of "wide lawns and narrow minds," (E. Hemingway on this town in which I live).

Electrician is coming tomorrow to see what he can do to fix this awful thing. Our house is still on the original fuses and is totally stupid. Our house is sinking on one side, my stairs are falling apart, my garage is falling apart, my insurance company changed my policy and now, get this, they no longer cover any damages to the house caused by the weather - so if a tree falls on my house - nope, if we have a tornado and my house blows to Oz - nope, if we get so much snow that my roof collapses -nope. Can they DO that?????????

Cookie Day
We made scads and scads of cookies, I took scads of pictures. We baked from 10:45 until 6, propped the TV up so that we could roll and decorate cookies while watching the Bears almost blow it against Tampa. We made Grandma Rosie cookies (secret family recipe, roll out dough), butter cookies, gingerbread cookies, butternut snowballs, peanut butter kiss cookies, apricot delights, almond crescents. There were about 21-25 of us (and we were missing several people), and we rolled and decorated and spritzed and baked. I tried desperately to post a slide show of the pics, but they moved my entire blog around.

Cookie day was at my mother's house this year, we rotate every year. My mother lives across the street from a forest preserve. As we were walking up to her house, we noticed a few deer at the edge of the forest. Surprisingly, they stuck around all day. We all walked down there at one point or another over the course of the day and looked at and admired them. I believe there were five total - 2 bucks, 2 does, and a fawn. Amazingly, the bucks were not fighting. (I know, could have cropped a little better, but forgot). We arrived at around 11:15 and the last time we saw the deer outside - you could see them just by looking out of the window, was just before it got dark. I'm impressed, and surprised that they hung out that long.

These are just a smattering of our end result. We baked. A lot. Of Cookies. Somewhere in my spare time, I will bake some more, when, though, I'm not certain. To more pics from cookie day, either peek over at the sidebar, or, to see them larger, head over to my myspace blog, where the slide show is considerable larger in both height & width. I think I'm finally done with this post now. I stopped in the middle of the Christmas Chaos part, went home from work, snarfed down some food, did some reading work with SmallBoy, went to scouts, came home. It's now 10:00. I think that I may just go crack a beer (another beer) and go color my hair. Of course that means, no sleep until at least midnight, but then at least I will have THAT done! EEEEEK. Ta Ta my Friends. Sleep tight.