Let's See If I Can Stay on Track Again

Last time I made myself an outline I stayed, relatively, on track. Think I can do it again? Hmmm...I want to tell you about so many things that have been going on, that I think I should make THE LIST again. Darn, my snowman's not moving. Well, you get the idea. Ok, let's see - what do I need to tell you about?
Scouts and the camping trip
SmallBoy & school (OY)
Christmas chaos
House...GRRRR
Cookie Day
EXHALE!!
I think that's it! Let's start at the top - and I don't know that these are in order at all:

SCOUTS & CAMPING
The first weekend of the month, PC & ET took SmallBoy on a campout with the scouts. The Boy Scout troop invited all of the boys in SmallBoy's age bracket (Weeblos I & II) to join them on a camping weekend. They planned on doing many activities to help the boys earn badges - and lots of them. From our den, only three other boys/dads went on the trip, as it was RIDICULOUSLY cold - my guys were brave! From the Weeblos II den, a few other father/son teams went along, including the man who, until last year, used to be the Scout Master of the whole pack and his son.

When my guys finally arrived up north in Woodstock, IL, they were ecstatic to be alive. The snow had hit two days before, but up in the rural country of the campgrounds, the roads were barely passable and they thought the certain death was imminent. As they exited the snuggly warmth of our little Honda, they were slapped across the face with the cold biting winter wind reminding them that, indeed, they were roughing it for the next 24hrs. My guys were prepared, dressed in layers and "toughness." They schlepped their gear to their cabin, geared up for the day, and headed out to meet the boy scouts of our troop. Their journey into the "arctic," as it seemed, came to a temporary screeching halt as a troop of boy scouts pulled up to the cabin, also to unload. These scouts had previously given up their reservations due to the weather and now, apparently, had changed their minds. Good, caring gentlemen that our troop are, offered to share the cabin, which had two separate floors, and plenty of room. The other troop was thrilled, and began to unpack their cars, from which they carried in at least 10 television sets, multiple video gaming systems, stereos and mp3 players - all contraband in the eyes of the scouts. Clearly this troop had no intention, whatsoever, of "scouting" for the weekend.

Giving it only a second thought, my guys continued on with their days. There wasn't much going on in the way of earning badges, but the boys were outside having fun. They did, however, hone their hunting/seeking/retrieval skills through a 3-Man Slingshot challenge. PC, ET, and another dad took frozen oranges and shot them out of a 3-Man slingshot into the deep deep snow. They scouts were instructed to follow the orange by sight, and then to listen for the thud when it hit the snow. Then, they were sent to retrieve it. Not an easy job in 2ft of snow out in the country, but they had fun. Sled hills, snow, boys - yeah, lots of fun, minimal badgework.

Unfortunately, SmallBoy got targeted by Former ScoutMaster (who is NOT a very nice man, thinks he's a drill seargent), AND Son of Former ScoutMaster. The son is a year or two older than SmallBoy, and they go to school together. This child has a reputation for harrassing other kids, pushing them around, and just being a general pain in the behind. This child also has an underlying learning disability, so, being the open minded person that I am, and not his parent, always turned a semi-blind eye to the behavior (shame on me). That is, I always turned one until now. The boys were down at the bottom of the sled hill when one scout came back up and told PC that SmallBoy was crying and he thought that SmallBoy was hurt. As it happened, this was the scout's way of indirectly ratting out Son of Former ScoutMaster who had SmallBoy face down on the ground grinding his face into the ground. PC didn't even hear him screaming until Son of Former ScoutMaster lifted his head up for a brief, oh so brief second, so that he could breath, and then promptly smushed him back into the snow. Where, oh where was Former ScoutMaster? In the cabin playing cards with some of the other fathers. Another lovely incident was when the boys were actually outside working on a badge project. SmallBoy told PC that he needed to use the bathroom. PC told him that he had to go to, and that he'd go with him. Well, Former ScoutMaster, abusing his former power and his "power" as the only leader there from our Pack, told my SmallBoy, "You're not going anywhere. You PISS IN YOUR PANTS!" First of all, NO. Second of all, NO. Thirdly, NO! You don't tell a child, especially one that doesn't belong to you, to PISS IN HIS PANTS. You don't tell MY child, with or without an accompanying adult, to PISS IN HIS PANTS. You don't tell YELL at a child on the spectrum, you don't SWEAR in front of all the other boys, you don't humiliate MY son, nor do you outrank my husban who is with my child and knows exactly how to take care of him.

The next incident was at dinner. The boys were all neatly lined in 2 lines waiting, believe it or not, quietly, for their food. Mr. Former ScoutMaster decided that he did not like this arrangement, made the executive decision to make it a single file line, then grabbed MY SON and another young boy by the scruff of the neck and told them that they had to go to the end of the line. Again, a child on the spectrum who is at the beginning of the line AND being patient and quiet is a very wonderful sight to behold. YOU DON'T MOVE HIM. Also, you don't GRAB a child, particularly a young one, and one who is behaving, by the scruff of the neck and yank him out of line. It's been a couple of weeks since this incident and I'm STILL FUMING. Later, Son of Former ScoutMaster told ET that he didn't like SmallBoy because he was stupid and an idiot. Honestly, I don't know HOW ET held himself together and didn't just go off on this kid - perhaps because, being a phenomenal father himself, ET is smart enough to know that know matter how much of a jerk someone is, particularly a child, you don't go off on them. I can't remember exactly how he responded to this boy, but it was completely in defense of SmallBoy along with a "don't you ever...."

OH, I almost forgot about the other troop with the televisions and video games. Loud boys upstairs. They stayed up, well after our troops had lights out, and played video games, loud music, furniture rearranging, jumping, you name it, until 3am. When the guys arrived home the next day and relayed the goings on to me, I was LIVID. I am not one to put up a stink to a higher-up, but this time it involved my child. That's going over the line. I got on the phone with the current fantastic ScoutMaster who has a son in SmallBoy's class, has different issues, but uses the same OT as SmallBoy, ScoutMaster who understands SmallBoy and treats him with equality, but with the little differences - and respect, that he deserves. He was livid. ET wrote an email to the Boy Scouts of America who assured us that this would be looke into. Boy do I feel like I opened a nasty can of worms. We get to spend two of the nights this week at scout outings with Former ScoutMaster and Son. Should be interesting.

SmallBoy & School
Meltdown city. Oh LORD! School's been incredibly trying these last couple of weeks. I have spoken more in the last two weeks to SmallBoy's teachers than I did all of last year. My poor guy has just been having such a difficult time. He's not been wanting to do the work, he's been complaining that it's either too easy or too hard, he's not been wanting to do the assignment as given, but his own way. He's been exploding in class and the kids, who have been SO incredible with him, are now all afraid to even speak to him for fear that he may blow up again for reasons unclear to them - and even to SmallBoy.

We all know that with a spectrum child, meltdowns can come on out of the blue, or over the smallest little thing. We also know that, odds are, it isn't the smallest little thing that causes the melt down, it just happens to be the spark on the powder keg that's been waiting to go off, filling more and more with powder - enough to fuel a HUGE explosion. I've been at my wits end, trying to hold it together and not burst into tears at the office after talking to Mrs. M. I've broken at home, only for a bit, to let a little bit out, whild trying to remain "SUPERMOM". I've lost it at home, melting on my own - venting at everyone in my house for stupid stupid things - things like, "Mom, I need posterboard tomorrow," (oh crap, she really does), things like, "Geez, will you look at the calendar?! How are we supposed to be in all of these places that require us to be there all at the same time? And HOW, if we're supposed to be in those places, are we supposed to get our holiday shopping done? Our laundry done? Our house clean? My flat tire changed? Homework done? Lunches made? Spend time as a family?" Oh my head hurts.

My poor guy has been having his own struggles and meltdowns and, without realizing what I was doing, he's been stressing out worrying about ME. My Not-So-SmallBoy has been worrying about ME. Love him to pieces. He's worrying about himself, about making friends - he's feeling the "excommunication" from the group, he's associating that with what Ex is doing to him, he's struggling with reading comprehension at school, and now he's worrying about me. What a schmuck I am. Totally unthinking sometimes, but I am so grateful to have a family that will help me see what I'm doing and where I'm going.

SmallBoy and I increased our intensity on our reading program that we're doing at home. I'm not sure if I posted on exactly what we're doing, but we're using one of the programs that we do at our center at work, and helping him learn to visualize and make pictures for everything that he's reading. This will help him to build comprehension skills in order to understand what he's reading, and to build an even greater vocabulary. We were doing it just a little bit, which, I should know better, isn't nearly enough. Now we're working on our own little deal: He works really hard and gets x amount of stars. If, by the end of the week he has earned 50stars, he gets to teach me one of his video games. This works out well for both of us because I'm teaching him, and then he'll get to teach me. It's just really really been breaking my heart to see him hurting like this.

Christmas Chaos
This should be a little shorter of a blurb. Are YOU done yet? Religious affiliation aside, everyone celebrates SOMETHING this time of year - Solstice, Hannukah, Christmas, Kwaanza - all of which involve preparation of something, joining with loved ones, sharing of something, usually, some kinds of formal ceremonies - be they at church, temple, home, etc....This year, we have Christmas parties, Christmas baking, elongated Christmas celebration, transportation of the children ON Christmas, deciding who will have them when and how they will get where on Christmas when we're not even certain what time we'll be where on Christmas. And that's just Christmas DAY! Christmas Eve, SmallBoy will sing with the youth choir at mass and I'll be the cantor, so we'll be singing together. Then we'll be having some family over and beginning a new tradition. Christmas Day, we'll do our thing in the morning, Meem & FIL's for food and gifts, then to my aunt's for more food & gifts, then home to collapse. Day AFTER Christmas, we'll spend at Dad's with KR and then bring KR home with us for 2days!!! WHOOT WHOOT!

If I live that long, I have a feeling I'll enjoy it. I haven't finished my shopping, and I still haven't shopped for my mother, my sisters, my father, my father's wife, ET - and I think I still have some stuffers to get for the stockings - OH GOD! I haven't found the stockings yet! And I have NO time this week. Tonight - Scouts/Basketball Game/Reading with SmallBoy/Passing out. Tomorrow night - basketball/Reading with SmallBoy/promoting Code West's gig for Saturday night/passing out. Wed night - Basketball, something else...you get the idea. Somewhere in the spare moments between all of these activities and the important things like sleeping, eating, bathing, and just plain dropping dead, I can find time to do all of the rest of the stuff that still has to get done - oh yeah! And I have to color my hair and find time for haircuts too! EGADS!

Dear Santa:
All I want for Christmas are a few more hours in the day and an extra day on the weekend that are reserved soley for me, that cannot be taken up by obligations for OTHER PEOPLE, other things, work, or anything that I do not care to do. I have been a very good girl this year. This gift does not involve spending any money or creating a brand new toy or video game. I would say this is a relatively simple request. Thank you for taking the time to carefully consider my Christmas wish.
Yours truly,
Me

HOUSE...GRRRRR
Saturday, in the mail, I get a letter from my mortgage company telling me that because I had a nasty little spell with paying for my house, that my escrow is so far down, they are now DOUBLING my mortgage payment, effective Feb. 1. First of all, this house is so NOT worth that amount of money each month. Secondly, if I really and truly could afford to spend that much money on my house each month, I'd live on the richy rich side of town...or at least in a larger house in the comfortable side of town. Can you say REFI????? Seriously, do mortgage companies actually think people will settle for this and just pay it? No. But I've got to do it fast, cuz Feb 1 will come up soon. I don't make that much money in a month. Seriously, I need to sell my house, but it's not ready to be sold, plus stupid Ex will put up such a stink that it would be unbearable if I tried to leave this town of "wide lawns and narrow minds," (E. Hemingway on this town in which I live).

Electrician is coming tomorrow to see what he can do to fix this awful thing. Our house is still on the original fuses and is totally stupid. Our house is sinking on one side, my stairs are falling apart, my garage is falling apart, my insurance company changed my policy and now, get this, they no longer cover any damages to the house caused by the weather - so if a tree falls on my house - nope, if we have a tornado and my house blows to Oz - nope, if we get so much snow that my roof collapses -nope. Can they DO that?????????

Cookie Day
We made scads and scads of cookies, I took scads of pictures. We baked from 10:45 until 6, propped the TV up so that we could roll and decorate cookies while watching the Bears almost blow it against Tampa. We made Grandma Rosie cookies (secret family recipe, roll out dough), butter cookies, gingerbread cookies, butternut snowballs, peanut butter kiss cookies, apricot delights, almond crescents. There were about 21-25 of us (and we were missing several people), and we rolled and decorated and spritzed and baked. I tried desperately to post a slide show of the pics, but they moved my entire blog around.

Cookie day was at my mother's house this year, we rotate every year. My mother lives across the street from a forest preserve. As we were walking up to her house, we noticed a few deer at the edge of the forest. Surprisingly, they stuck around all day. We all walked down there at one point or another over the course of the day and looked at and admired them. I believe there were five total - 2 bucks, 2 does, and a fawn. Amazingly, the bucks were not fighting. (I know, could have cropped a little better, but forgot). We arrived at around 11:15 and the last time we saw the deer outside - you could see them just by looking out of the window, was just before it got dark. I'm impressed, and surprised that they hung out that long.

These are just a smattering of our end result. We baked. A lot. Of Cookies. Somewhere in my spare time, I will bake some more, when, though, I'm not certain. To more pics from cookie day, either peek over at the sidebar, or, to see them larger, head over to my myspace blog, where the slide show is considerable larger in both height & width. I think I'm finally done with this post now. I stopped in the middle of the Christmas Chaos part, went home from work, snarfed down some food, did some reading work with SmallBoy, went to scouts, came home. It's now 10:00. I think that I may just go crack a beer (another beer) and go color my hair. Of course that means, no sleep until at least midnight, but then at least I will have THAT done! EEEEEK. Ta Ta my Friends. Sleep tight.

50 Ways to Ease the Chaos

Ok, ok, so it's not 50. It's not even 5...just one. If you've been following the posts the last few days, you've seen what total insanity my week has been and is going to continue to be. You've read about how this absolute lack of structure is making my poor Not-So-SmallBoy melt, how my Girl is so overextended that she's forgetting committments, how LargeBoy is, well, LargeBoy, but a stressed LargeBoy, and how PC & I are just pulling our hair out trying to make the schedule work and keep everyone happy.

Last night was a basketball game for Girl and a meeting for me. Thankfully, both were at school. The timing, of course overlapped and it seemed like there was no way on earth that we could pull all of this off effectively. As it turned out, I left work at 4 because I had to make the bank deposit. Despite the long line at the bank, I was still home before 4:45. PC had been cooking the most divine pot roast since 1:30. SmallBoy and I made my grandmother's dumplings (I'll have pics for you tomorrow). Girl went early to her basketball game with some friends because they wanted to watch all the games prior to hers. One problem solved - we didn't have to get her to the gym 1/2 hr before game time which happened to be in the middle of my meeting. I didn't have to be at school until 7, so we still had time to sit down and eat sort of as a family.

To further maximize our time, since Girl's game was at 8:00, PC drove me to the meeting and went to do some errands. SmallBoy stayed home with LargeBoy and did the post-dinner routine. After the meeting, I walked over to the gym hoping to be on time for tip-off and to meet PC. Things seemed to be going well and running about as well as could be expected. Yeah. You know what THAT means. At 8:00, the scheduled start time, the 7th grade game had just begun the 3rd quarter. Lovely. Our Girls finally tipped off at 8:40. They fought hard, kicked some butt in the 2nd half to come behind, but just didn't have the defense (nor the offensive boards) to pull this one off. Finally, after post-game conferences and clean up, we piled back into the car at 10:00.

When we arrived home, LargeBoy informed me that his brother had gone to bed on time. We were glad to hear that, but surpised, since we could see his bedroom light on through his window when we came in from the garage. I went up to kiss him goodnight, and he was still awake, waiting for me to tuck him in and perseverating on where his Christmas list could have gone (he has to have this to his Grandma Pooh-Bear - Ex's mom by Saturday). I assured him that it was somewhere in the house and that we'd find it the next day. He finally consented to let me leave the room after tons of hugs and squeezes and squishes. I tucked him back into his sensory tunnel (something I've gone back to for his sleep since his being "off track" returned), zipped his bed tent and went back downstairs. Ahhhhhh, finally time to relax with my husband.

We hung out for a while and then headed up to bed, shortly after 12:30. Morning came entirely too quickly and it came in just the same way that the day went out - chaotic. I woke 10minutes before my alarm to Girl trying to rouse the dog. She was afraid that the dog had beaten us to the punch and decided to "go" before we could take her in for the "last doggy walk." Finally, she got up, but our hearts were all racing. Morning routine went as usual, start doing hair, stop doing hair to go wake up LargeBoy, come back upstairs to start waking SmallBoy, finish hair, get dressed, make up at work....I was on track. Then the phone rang as I was down to crunch time. It was my drummer, who is unbelievably difficult to get ahold of, calling to discuss our gig this Saturday. Yep. Schedule thrown. Rush rush rush, SmallBoy wanted no part of getting up because he was cold and, despite the darkness outside, it was still too bright. LargeBoy was running behind because he overslept AND hadn't made his lunch yet. We were now, officially running late. I still, miraculously made it to work on time, however.

Girl has a basketball game tonight. I have cantor rehearsal tonight. Of course the times that everyone has to be where they need to be overlap. I had already asked Girl to get a ride to the game and told her we would meet her there. My rehearsal is once a month and, as we're entering the Christmas season, there are a whole slew of things that get added into the mass, so missing it would not be very beneficial. After this morning, however, I called PC and told him that something had to give and that I would not be going to the game tonight. I am going to stay home and spend some time with SmallBoy. We'll do some OT work with his body sock and his pilates ball and his weighted ball and I'll let LargeBoy hog the computer and figure out my iPod (hooray, it just arrived! - I'm still taking song suggestions, btw). PC totally agreed. Instead of sending Girl off to her game, though with no one to watch her fabulousness (cuz Ex never goes if it's not at the home gym), he's going to go and watch her while I stay with SmallBoy.

I had a mixed report from the teacher yesterday, but, considering his last week or two, it was better than I had expected. Kyra, you're hitting it right on the nose about just the craziness being enough to set him running for cover and decompression with no where to turn, and there's another messed up no structure kind of week right around the corner. We'll be starting the communication notebook at school next week and PC and I will be going in to school the first week of December to present SmallBoy's book to the other 4th grade class and the teachers are inviting the parents and staff to attend (I'm SO excited! Again, Marti - God Bless YOU and Child for that!).

So here I sit blogging - at work. This is the one place, lately, where I stay put for 8hrs. The most running I do is going to the salad bar next door to get lunch. Here I will stay and enjoy my calm before returning to the chaos. At least it seems like today, though, and last night - generally, there has been some easing of the insanity. Btw, I'm still taking workout song suggestions for my iPod. Thanks a million to the ones that have come in. Smoochies!

My ONLY Chance to Post Today...

...is right this very second. I have to make the bank deposit for work today and, thus, am leaving in about 40minutes. When I get home, it's run run run run - dinner, sacrament meeting for SmallBoy, Basketball game for Girl - ok, that's only three things, but we won't be home until almost 10:00. NO SmallBoy time built in there, cuz he has to be in bed by 9:30 and is still having a terribly difficult time holding himself together at school (see two posts below - sorry, no time for linking).

It's really kind of funny because this is one of the few times, that I'm dreading leaving work. No, not because I don't want to go home, I'm DYING to see my family, but simply because of the nonstopness (like my new word?) of it all. Of course, there is a big bottle half full of breathing red wine still on the counter. Perhaps a glass of that will keep me on an even keel. I AM looking very forward to Girl's basketball game tonight. It promises to be a good one. I'll try to make mental notes and post on it tomorrow if it's a great one - AND I recharged my batteries for my camera (NOTE TO GIRL: I STILL NEED A NEW CAMERA FOR MY BIRTHDAY TO REPLACE THE ONE THAT GOT "MISPLACED" IN MICHIGAN), so I should have some pics that actually turn out.

Ok, better run, but wanted to make sure that I got my post in today. Oh, and my iPod Shuffle comes tomorrow, not today like I had originally thought, so returning to the workout place will have to wait til Thursday when I've had a chance to upload some workout tunes - anyone have any good music ideas? I can do a post on what I used from YOUR suggestions!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a Wonderful Resource YOU Are!

I promised you a post on Parent-Teacher conferences. They were pretty much what I expected except that SmallBoy has had a much more difficult time holding it together. He's having angry outbursts in class, he's melting much more frequently and reacting poorly when someone asks him what's wrong. Academically, he's doing fine. I've been doing some work with him at home, work that we do at my job (a program I HIGHLY recommend for those with decoding and/or symbol imagery and/or comprehension weaknesses) and his last reading test was beautiful. It was mainly comprehension and he scored a 97%! I must be doing something right with that.

He's having difficulty, however, doing more than the absolute bare minimum of an assignment and becoming extremely agitated if asked to put in more effort. I know that when PC, Meem, Mom (GR) & I went to the conference with Dr. Baker, he had some suggestions on this, so I'll have to look at my notes. One example, when, PC and I first noticed his resistance to doing the whole assignment was when the class had to bring in an article from the newspaper about the mid-term elections, and talk about it to the class. He and I went through the paper and looked for something shorter and something with a bit of a different twist than what we thought the rest of the class might bring in. We found a short article about how, despite the new voting "technology", there were still entirely too many glitches. Obviously, an article written in the Chicago Tribune about an election is going to require some "translation," which I did. SmallBoy, however, took that as a substitute for reading the article. He did NOT wish to read it at all. It got so ugly that I, Ms Calm Cool & Collected, told him, "Fine. If you don't wish to read it, then you will have to take the consequences when Mrs. M asks you to explain it to the class."

So, anyway, we chatted about that at conferences and Mrs. M asked us for more ideas on how to help him out of a meltdown, how to help keep him focused, how to keep the outbursts at a minimum. These have really been reaching a peak over the last few weeks and we haven't noticed them, at home, anyway, until early last week. This morning I emailed the teachers. Oh - I forgot, the other 4th grade teacher asked PC & I if we can come in and present SmallBoy's Book to HER class (Marti...WOW!). We're SO excited. Here's what I wrote to the teachers:

Good Morning Ladies -

After speaking with you both at conferences on Thursday, we proceeded to SmallBoy's occupational therapy and spoke with his OT for suggestions. She suggested that perhaps a system of reward motivators that can be carried over to home so that his rewards stay consistent and come, ultimately, from my husband and myself. You could simply use a corner of the chalkboard and make a mark of some sort, without putting his name on it, or he could keep a card on his desk to keep track. That way, he's not receiving any extra special attention/rewards that the rest of the class is not. What he earns that day could be communicated home.

The system we use at home is a star system. The number of stars he receives is equivalent to the task he performs or the task & the lack of complaining. Additionally, he will receive stars for pulling himself out of a meltdown, if he does something without being asked, if he goes out of his way to help someone, if he demonstrates superb behavior, etc.

He uses these stars in exchange for video game/computer time with each star equivalent to 5 minutes.

To help make this system transfer from school to home, and vice versa, I've taken a cue from some fellow parents with children on the spectrum. They send a notebook back and forth to school each day to create a constant communication between the parents and the teacher. For example, if SmallBoy had a great day, but melted at one point over something, you could let me know. If he had a difficult time on his homework, or had a really rough morning, I could let you know. Even better, if he had a fantastic day, or was ready to melt over something and found a way to pull himself out.... We could also communicate about the stars he had earned that day.

Another suggestion his OT had was as far as keeping him focused or bringing his engine back down to a regulated level. What she has found works for him is giving him a sour candy. This works with homework, too. I expressed to her that candy in the classroom probably was not a huge possibility, but she mentioned to me how brilliant teachers are at subtlety and that simply walking past his desk and dropping a few near him (we would be happy to supply the stash), or if he could keep some in his desk and you could cue him when you notice he needs one, "SmallBoy, what can you use to bring your engine down?" or "SmallBoy, where's your engine right now?" (something like that).

After thinking more on what a hard time he's been having lately, we realized that our multiple schedules (Cub Scouts, OT, Girl's non-stop sports, meetings, work, etc...) have finally all collided creating many nights in a row when none of us are home together for any length of time. Additionally, our dog has been growing increasingly sicker and will, in all likelihood, be put down this week, on which he's been dwelling, plus, the "off" schedule of the last week has thrown him quite a bit. We were hoping that this week would be a bit calmer, since next week is going to be a shortened week for him, too, but it's even more crazy than the last few. We've made a visual calendar of just this week, though, so that he can see what activities are going on, and for whom, and on what days. I'm hopeful that will assist in his anxiety, especially now that the rest of us have a visual and can plan some quiet SmallBoy time accordingly.

Let me know what you think about these suggestions.

Ms. R - Looking at my schedule, I am unable to get away from the office until the first week of December, as my boss is out of town at a conference this week, and then on vacation for 2wks. However, if we can schedule the 6th or 7th of December. Also, I can check with my husband for his availability and perhaps he can come in and present sooner. As in Mrs. M's class, I know that SmallBoy would appreciate being a part of the presentation, so I would like to also coordinate with Mrs. M a time when we could "borrow" SmallBoy.

Thank you so much for taking the time to spend "learning" SmallBoy, and for working so closely with us. We appreciate the fact that he has such caring teachers, and a compassionate atmosphere in which to learn and grow. Again, let me know your opinions on the suggestions and if you have any others.

Sincerely,
MG & PC

I would LOVE any other brilliant ideas or suggestions that any of YOU may have. You see where I already swiped the Communication Notebook (why haven't I been doing that all along? DUH!). You, my blog family, have been such an incredible fountain of knowledge & wisdom, and one of the many things for which I am truly thankful!

So, Really, it's Saturday?

Wow...having yesterday off of work really threw me for a loop. I keep thinking it' Sunday and that I'm forgetting to do something. Nope. Stayed up late last night and woke up thinking it was Sunday. Thankfully not, because I have so many things I have to do tomorrow, that the day will be gone as soon as I get out of bed. Today, though, is catching up with friends day.

I've been trying to get to all of YOU to catch up, but I've been fighting my family for computer time. If I don't get to you today, though, I'll there soon. I had to take Girl to basketball practice this morning, so while she was there, I worked on popped around the internet. Marti, thank you for your comment to yesterday's post. I relayed to SmallBoy what you said and put it in comparison to other kids on the spectrum and he was delighted that he is able to do something that is difficult for many others like him. It made him feel SO much better about himself.

I just hung up with my Girlfriend, with whom I haven't gotten much time to chat. We are both so busy now, that we see each other in passing more than anything. This is the Girlfriend who hopped in the handbasket with me on the ride through Hell and back again. This Girlfriend was the only person, outside of my mother and my sister (and now PC) to know my deepest darkest secret. We were always in touch before, commiserating, crying, propping the other up, hand holding, supporting our kids through it all. Now, we're both insanely busy (and crazy) moms. Our chances to talk are in the hall at parent-teacher conferences (remind me to post on that, k?), in the grocery store, or if we're at something involving our LargeBoys. It was SO nice to sit and chat for a few minutes today. We both have birthdays this month, so we're going to make it a point to get together for that. She told me that some of one of her clients is a school that works with kids on the spectrum and, that, just by learning what she has from me & SmallBoy, that she's been able to use that knowledge to better serve her clients. That was truly wonderful. This particular Girlfriend also falls into the categorization of PHENOMENAL mom (though she'll argue with me about that). I have to share with you one of her House Rules - and she had many and all of the kids that came through her house KNEW her rules. This one is my favorite, though, and now is used in my house when roughhousing gets a little out of control, "Mrs. Girlfriend is NOT going to the emergency room today!" Smoochies, Doll!

Continuing on the catching up with friends road, our friends K&J called us up and invited us, and the kids (they're slightly crazy and sadistic...tee hee hee) out to dinner tonight. We miss them TONS and they are two of our dearest friends. We only live a matter of blocks from each other, but getting all of our work schedules to allow us free time all at the same time is incredibly difficult. Since K left her job where I work for a new (and MUCH better paying) job, she's working funky hours. When we all do get together though, it's always a rip roaring good time. We are looking very forward to this. The best part about going out with these friends is that they get SmallBoy. They will not have any issues or notions about what going out to dinner is like with a child on the spectrum. To them, SmallBoy is just SmallBoy. I'm very excited about dinner. I'll start prepping SmallBoy in a bit. Right now he's on his way down to start his laundry - yes, he's doing his LAUNDRY- by HIMSELF!

Well, it's been nice catching up with you, but it's freezing in my kitchen and my Love is on his way upstairs for a nap. Think I'll go join him.

My Day Off

Today, in honor of Veteran's Day, my company - the one that is open on July 4th, but closed for every other holiday - was closed and I got to enjoy a day off with my family. Needless to say, my internal clock is all messed up thinking it's Saturday night. This morning, I woke up at 7:00, took a walk across the upstairs hall to the bathroom, went in to kiss SmallBoy and he, through his sleep, said to me, "Mom...there's no school or work today. Go back to bed," which I promptly did. And I stayed there until after 10....didn't fall back to sleep, but stayed in bed. Like this cute little pic from last weekend of SmallBoy & Princess?



PC & ET got moving and took LargeBoy out driving this morning before the weather turned yucky. LargeBoy got the experience of going from 60mph to 20mph in a few block span. He realized what a pain in the ass that is. As a reward, they took him to Nick's Burger's in Lemont for the best damn 1lb burgers on the planet (yes, 1 POUND). He ate ALL of his and was eyeballing what they were bringing home for me. No, I didn't go. I thought that having "guy time" was probably a much calmer driving environment for the LargeBoy, not too mention that, well, it was "guy time."

Snood had stayed over last night after she and Girl had worked at Parent Teacher Conferences (oh yes, I'll be posting on that too). This morning, Girl's birthday/confirmation money was burning a hole in her pocket, so she & Snood went shopping. That left SmallBoy and me. COOOOOOOOOOOOL! His birthday wishlist to the family contained basic stuff from the fitness aisle at Target or Wal-Mart that he could use for "home OT." He got some stuff, but got cash and gift cards from most everyone else. I told him that this money was not for video games, but to be used to buy him OT things. SmallBoy and I bundled up and headed to Target.

I knew, walking in, that this excursion could be a good experience or a nightmare, and I think that by taking that with me and being prepared for anything, it helped to keep me on my toes, yet calm and ready for whatever might happen. As any parent of ANY child can tell you, taking them to the store to shop for something other than toys can just be...Oh..GOd...well, you know. Add into this equation a child on the spectrum. Heh heh heh...yeah, we know what we're looking at before we even leave the house. So, yes, I was prepared for anything. Our luck started early when we managed to get "rockstar parking" - at Target - on a HOLIDAY! Would this streak continue?

I knew that our list included a weighted ball, so we opted for a cart that I let SmallBoy drive (I wish I'd have thought to have brought my camera). We also had new gym shoes on our list, so he decided we should go there first to make sure that we didn't spend all of our gift money before getting shoes. I taught him about stopping at the end of the aisles, just like crossing the street, before proceeding through the store. He did great! We found shoes. No arguments, no meltdowns. So far, so good. On we went to the fitness aisle, with SmallBoy at the "wheel."

We loaded up our cart with an 8lb weighted ball (with handles - good for Mommy to use, too), a Pilates ball like we use at OT, something else that I'm totally flaking on, and then I let him pick out something for himself for holding it together. We looked at a body length SpongeBob pillow that would be great for squishes, a couple of bean bag chairs, and a bed tent. After MUCH consideration and hemming and hawing, he opted for the bed tent...not exactly sensory oriented, but something that helps him feel like he has his own space into which he can retreat. And THEN, because he was SO spectacular and pulled himself out of a couple of meltdowns during the hemming & hawing, I let him get a game. He chose dominoes.

When we got home, LargeBoy & the big guys were still out driving and girl was still out shopping with Snood. It was still just Mom & SmallBoy. I thought briefly about hopping on the computer before the rest of the family came home and hogged it, but when I thought about the fact that I was going to post about my day off, I realized that it was only 1:00 and there wasn't quite a lot to talk about yet- except SmallBoy's incredible composure at Target. Instead, he and I went upstairs and assembled his bed tent (ooooh, ANOTHER post idea!). Now that it's done, it's totally cool. We inflated the pilates ball and attempted to work in RDI and OT into this one activity, although, I suppose the structure of our morning together was pretty RDI based. For the ball, we took turns with the foot pump. I decided that it was worth it to take a REALLY long time to inflate this ball and keep his focus on the activity without him getting bored. Yes, I did say we took turns. He did 20pumps on each foot, I did 20pumps on each foot. Yes, it took a REALLY long time, but we got it done and "stayed with me" the entire time. He's sitting on it now watching tv.

It was a couple hours later, though, that the mask finally fell off and the Not-So-SmallBoy finally crumbled. He was, initially, struggling with the "time flies when you're having fun" concept which led to a much deeper conversation. The sadness and dissatisfaction with himself surfaced. The question of, "why do I have to be like this," came up. I held back my tears, as I have grown acustomed to doing, and gave him some answer about how God made each of us different from every one else for a reason. I told him that he was made who he was and I was made who I am because that's what God wanted. Of course, this required my going into detail. I told him that he was given the gift of asperger's and I was given the gift of being his mother so that we could learn about it and help not only him, but OTHER families. I told him how many people have already learned SO much more just by the two of us blogging, by his book, about how now his book has gone to international and is enroute to Scotland (thanks again Marti & Child!) This helped, but it wasn't convincing him of anything. This really was breaking my heart. We have these conversations every once in a while, but not often enough that I worry about how the asperger's might be bringing on depression. Of course, that's why we have a psychologist, to help us with these things. Eventually, though, I talked to him about how he makes ME feel...I told him he makes me a better person, a stronger person, a smarter person, a more caring and compassionate person, and so on. I think that helped. The conversation ended after an hour with him teaching me how to do a Pokemon card battle.

After that hour, I was in dire need of a calming beverage and a hot bath. PC & ET were getting dinner started, so I started the hot water in the deep clawfoot tub, came down and poured myself a very generous glass of white wine, went back up and sank, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman style, right down into my tub (although I had no bubbles). I washed my hair and conditioned, according to Marti's beauty tips, shaved blindly (I didn't have my eyes in, and wearing glasses in a hot tub is asking for trouble). By the time I had made it back downstairs, I had calmed down, simmered down, and brought my engine WAY down, and it was eat time. They all had chicken, mashed potatoes speckled with a mean-ass habanero sauce, and green beans cooked in onions. We all noticed the heat in the potatoes upon our first bites, yet no one said anything, lest we plant that in SmallBoy's mind. HE never noticed. It wasn't until about a paragraph ago that we asked ET what he had put in the potatoes.

SmallBoy's engine is down now, and he's waiting for his turn to enter the dominoes match. I'm writing, accompanied by the requisite glass of wine, and we're taking turns grossing out the children by mentioning that we "did the deed" this morning. It's really funny how much it makes them crazy. I mean, yes, think about YOUR parents doing it. Makes you cringe and let out a big EEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWW, doesn't it? I used to try to convince myself that I was adopted so that I'd never have to imagine MY parents having sex...I mean, GROSS...EEEUUUWWW! Girl is doing the old Eddie Murphy "La La LA LA LA LA LA LA LA I'm not hearing you," trick. Needless to say, this is the running joke of the evening. SNat is coming over in a bit and we're settling in to our Saturday night - no, correction FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!!!

Somebody comment and remind me to post tomorrow. I might get too relaxed!

Stay-at -Home-Mom For a Day

It's been a LONG time since I've been a stay-at-home mom. I much preferred it to the working world. Some people prefer it the other way around. Me, no. I was born to be a stay-at-home mom. Since I divorced Ex, though, the only way I have the opportunity to stay home during the week is if my office is closed on a holiday (though not 7/4) or if one of the kids is sick - not if I'm sick, you know the mom rule of sick hours, we use them all for our kids but when we're sick, we go to work and get everyone else sick cuz we've used up all of our hours for our kids.

Long story short, I left work in the early afternoon because SmallBoy was sick. PC didn't work til later in the afternoon, so he picked him up at school when the call came in,

"Mrs. MommyGuilt, we have your SmallBoy here in the office and he's wheezing, coughing, and has some major congestion."

I wanted to drop everything and come home from work right then and there, but I knew that PC could handle it until he had to leave for work - he's such a good daddy. So at 1:00 I came home and we traded. We hung out on the couch and watched Star Wars, then decided we both really wanted to sleep since we had been up a lot the night before with the cough. It was decided that my bed was the best place to partake of our snooze. We popped in a disc of West Wing, I slimed him up with menthol rub, snuggled in, and he was soon asleep for a a short nap.

SmallBoy felt a little better after his snooze, but it was a deceitful kind of better, as we all know the witching hour for fevers and yuckiness to return is between 4:30 and 6pm. He slowed down, but ate his dinner. I thought that perhaps we were going to work our way out of this - the wheezing had stopped, the coughing had slowed significantly, especially since we finally found the inhaler, and there was no temperature in sight. I let him hang out and play on the computer for a while, since he'd been very good with staying away from it during the day. He made his lunch and was in bed 10minutes before bedtime. Cool! Success! We're all going to work/school again!

...at least that's what I thought until about 20minutes after I crawled into bed. I had gotten the call from PC that he was off of work and on his way home. I was so tired from the night before that I just couldn't wait up for him. I did my bedtime routine, put in another disc of West Wing and hunkered in for the night, sharing the bed only with the Obnoxiously Cute Furballs (OCFs). Within minutes my eyes were closed, and somewhere in the state of consciousness between deep sleep and awake, I could hear the voices of Jed Bartlett (Martin Sheen) & Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford - HUGE Cure Autism Now supporter, btw). My contentedness was harshly interrupted by a sound that I knew did not belong in my little sleepyland - the hacking and wheezing of one Not-So-SmallBoy. Inhaler, menthol, back rub, nose blowing, back to sleep and me back to bed. Twenty minutes later, as I approached the entrance way to my West Wing sleepyland, the sound echoed in my ears once again. This routine continued for 2hours at 20minute intervals...take care of cough, snuggle back to bed, start to doze, cough cough cough.

Thankfully there was another 2hr time period that he slept, but then about 2 or 2:30, it started again. We stayed home today. He needed the rest. PC is off today. I could have (read "should have") gone to work, but I'm really damn tired myself and about 2 days behind SmallBoy in the chain of the sickness - and my band plays on Saturday night...talk about timing, plus, my stomach's all messed up from all of the extra iron the doc is giving me. So, I stayed home.

I had the privilege of taking the kids to school today. I take LargeBoy everyday, but that's 45minutes before he has to be there so that I can get to work on time. Girl and SmallBoy ride with PC. I let PC sleep this morning...he's been working so hard, and I was up anyway, so what the hell, right? It was kind of fun. The hustle and bustle of everyone trying to be where the needed to be, the fight for the perfect parking place (it felt a little like the scene in Mr. Mom - "North to drop off, South to pick up.").

I pulled back up to the house, turned to lock the car and saw Girl's viola still in the back seat. She had called shotgun when I took her and her brother to school, and she put the viola in the back. Obviously, she had forgotten. I toyed, only momentarily, about teaching her a lesson in responsibility, and then the I-miss-being-a-stay-at-home-mom instinct kicked in. School officially started in 5 minutes. I could make it! Back into the car and then off I raced (no more than 25mph in a school zone, though) and got to the school just in time. As I walked into the office, they said to me,

"Oh, Girl was JUST in here calling you."

With that, she walked past and all was well. I was met with a bright and truly thankful,

"Thank you, Mommy!" (I love when my almost 14 y/o calls me 'mommy', makes me forget that she's almost 14).

She has auditions for her music festival coming up and every lesson now is a must.

Now I'm stuck with the dilemma: I'm already up, but I'm really freaking tired from no sleep last night. Everyone else is sleeping still. Should I do the mom thing and start cleaning and doing laundry or should I give in to my body to avoid getting sick and GO TO SLEEP? Sleep sounds good, but I'm not sure I can do that after 2 cups of coffee. Oh well, we'll see! Nope, decision made. My Not-So-SmallBoy is up. I'm up. We'll hang out together. I'll make bacon and eggs - oh, no eggs....oh well. Maybe we'll bake again today! GOD I wish I could stay at home again. Too bad stay at home mothers don't get paid, they would command THE single highest salaries! To SAHMs EVERYWHERE!! CHEERS!

Girl Heads to OT & My Salary Ain't Enough to Sacrifice my Kids

Girl, her best friend, S., and PC left for Michigan early this morning. Before all of that, however, she had a Girl & GR night last night with my mom. Mom picked her up from SmallBoy's OT session, so they both got to see what he does. When LargeBoy went, he was interested, but Girl, WOW - she was FLOORED. She went into his sessions and watched as SmallBoy slid down a zipline carrying one of those gigantic exercise balls between his knees until he reached a very specific point where he was to release it. She watched as he was squished under all of the cushions and marveled at how he begged to be squished over and over. She was enthralled with his journey through J's sensory tunnel, which is 3x longer than ours, and at how he was able to turn himself around within the tunnel. She watched him balance on top of an exercise ball, using his biceps to hold himself up while kicking away a ball that was swung at him on a bungee cord. She went into the other OT room (pictured) and checked out all of the equipment, saw what he does there, asked about each piece: what SmallBoy does with it, why he uses it, can she play with it? It was so exciting. It seems that each day, and with each new exposure to the World Of SmallBoy, Girl & LargeBoy understand SO much more about him.

Today, while Girl & PC are in Michigan, SmallBoy and Princess are taking a day at the zoo with Meem. He called me at work when he got up this morning to tell me how excited he was and that (are you sitting down?) he was going to make sure he got his chore du jour done right away. If that doesn't shock you enough, the chore was scooping the dog poop from the yard so that LargeBoy can mow today. Yeah. WOW! I know he'll have a great time at the zoo. Maybe the three of us - Mom & the Boys - can have a wall-sit contest tonight!

Ok, now it's time for bitching about the job again. I have said in previous posts that the company I work for deals with children with learning disorders to help to develop the sensory cognitive functioning necessary to gain the skills needed to process and use the information they are learning. Translated, we help kids learn to decode, read, comprehend, etc. To get the maximum benefit from our program, we like our students to work the program intensively, 5days a week for a half day. As you can imagine, our peak season is the summer, therefore, it is company policy that no one takes time off during the summer, to assure that all of our students receive the maximum instruction for which they registered. Unfortunately, this means, even though I'm a manager and not an instructor, I can't take a vacation with my family. Per my divorce agreement from Ex, neither of us may take the kids out of school for vacation - which means the only available time is Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring Break (and with kids in two different schools, Spring breaks usually don't coincide).

Are you screaming "THIS SUCKS!" as loudly as I am? Wait, it gets even MORE fun. One hears lots of tales of parents who never spend any time with their family because they're married to their job. Most often, those parents are bringing in six figure incomes. I'm not trying to justify the time away from their children, and in no way saying that money will take the place of family time. I'm trying to point out a huge disparity. My salary is not six figures. It's not even high five figures, not even middle of the road. I'm having a great deal of difficulty understanding how this company can justify paying their employees so little (ALL of their employees, including the semi-big wigs), yet asking them to sacrifice so much. We work on July 4 (for straight pay because our company deemed that July 4 is not a recognized holiday by our company)to benefit those who are trying to maximize their summer instruction (out of 30 students we usually end up with 2 on 7/4). In my office, I am the only employee with children. I am, therefore, the only employee with a child on the spectrum who doesn't always "get" why mom just can't go to the zoo with them.

Should it have surprised me, and unfortunately those fabulous people I love so dearly who live in my house, when I melted down yesterday at the fact that PC, Girl, & S. were going to Michigan today? Well, it did. And boy did I melt. Poor PC thought I was angry at him - probably because that's exactly how my words and tone of voice came out. I'm so sorry, My Love. I wasn't angry at any of them. I was heartbroken. Heartbroken because I couldn't do like PC & Largeboy and have some fun bonding time. Heartbroken because while they get to go off and do family things, I have to go to a job that pays me a ridiculously low amount of money, has cut off overtime, and expects me to not spend time with my children in the only time they have free.

I am THRILLED that PC is able to take the girls up there. I am ecstatic that we've been so lucky to have Michigan in our lives to escape to. I am overjoyed at the prospect that, perhaps, one day, my children will be bringing their children to this paradise. I know this all sounds trite and petty, but I really really really wanted some Mom/Girl time. She was gone for 2wks this summer with S., she'll be gone again next week with S (back to a different spot in Michigan), and then school starts. I'm trying to find time that we can get SmallBoy up there before it's too cold to go swimming in the lake - now that I've discovered that it's really really awesome. I'm trying to find time to take the kids up there as a FAMILY, even if it means I have to call in sick - but I can't.

Oh good grief, I am whining SO. I'll leave you be. If you have any ideas, other than find a new job, which I've been trying to do since last year, I'm more than open to suggestion. Am I being too selfish? SmallBoy keeps asking when he gets to go. They get home tomorrow night, probably 9:30 or 10:00. I didn't sleep more than an hour last night (and of course it was an intermittent hour between when they left this morning and my alarm went off). I'm going home, feeding the boys, taking a shower, and going to bed.