When Did Sunday Become Everyone ELSE'S Day?

I miss Sundays.  Waking to the smell of sausage, bacon, & eggs, going to church with my grandparents...the day was ours, as a family, to do as we pleased.  If we didn't feel like doing the church thing, we'd sleep as late as we wanted.   Sunday was the day for family...large dinners, family parties, dinner with our own little family; as an adult, Sunday was a day for me to have dinner with my mother, relaxing, letting the kids run around, having fun just enjoying the day and spending time together.  If we weren't spending the day with extended family, perhaps we were with friends, perhaps we were doing house work, perhaps we were just lounging on the sofa, or playing in the park with our children.  We don't spend our Sunday's like that any longer.  Sadly, we don't "own" our Sundays anymore.

Once upon a time, there were no infringements on spending family time together on Sundays, unless it was by another family member celebrating - with the family, or if it was by our own choice to spend our Sunday with friends.  We used to be able to schedule our Sundays- or not schedule and be spontaneous; now our schedule is provided for us.

 Girl plays sports for school and is also a member of one of our village's traveling softball teams.  Typically, during the week, there are multiple practices and games, with the weekends reserved for an early morning practice or a late evening game, though some are smack in the middle of the afternoon.  We just got Girl's practice schedule for softball.  She'll practice three weeknights, once on Saturday and TWICE on Sunday...TWICE,not just once.  They were considerate enough to at least not start the first Sunday practice until 12:45 so that we can still go to church (or sleep to recover from the rest of the week).  She will have tournaments almost every week during the summer  - to the point where we had to schedule her graduation party 6 months in advance to avoid conflicting with a tournament...but that goes with the territory of playing on a competitive traveling team.  It's the twice on Sunday that's killing me.

Personally, I think practicing at all on Sunday is wrong, but I also understand that, as a traveling team, they do not have access to a regular practice space and have to take what they can get.  I'm willing to work with that.  My daughter is an athlete, and incredibly intelligent to boot.  I'd like for her to be able to go to college with a little bit of help from a scholarship, so I'm willing to make the sacrifices...but TWICE on Sunday?  12:45 - 2:30, 4:00 - 6:30....Time for the family comes when?  Time for the rest of the family to do anything comes when?  Time to spend time with OTHER family members comes when?  Nope, not during the rest of the week, there is practice then, too.

 
SmallBoy is in Cub Scouts.  We have our big giant pack meetings one Thursday evening a month.  This typically conflicts with SmallBoy's OT, but the Scoutmaster is aware of this and is totally fine with us being a tad late.  Flexibility.  Wonderful!  Our individual outings as a den, though, are typically held every other Sunday afternoon at 2 or 3:00.  Again with the Sunday.  Mind you, SmallBoy loves scouts and our leader is phenomenal, plans amazing activities for our boys (they're learning how to rapell for their next hike), and the boys get a LOT out of each meeting...but SUNDAY? 

 
This week, SmallBoy is starting in an instructional basketball league at school for our 4th graders to get them ready for next year when they really play organized basketball.  I'll give you one guess when it is....YEP.  Right on the nose.  Sunday...sometimes at noon, sometimes at 1:30, sometimes at 3:30.  Again, Sunday's the only time they can get the gym for practice, so I understand, but this is getting a little much.

I sound like I'm complaining quite a bit, but when did my family's time get turned over to everyone else without my permission?  I'd like to say,

"No, my child isn't going to be there for practice (or meeting or game) because it's Sunday, and that's the ONE day that we get to spend as a family doing family things,"

but then the coach's response would be,

"Ok fine.  Then Girl/SmallBoy won't get the opportunity to play,"

or the scout leader would say,

"Ok, but then SmallBoy won't be eligible to receive the badge for this particular activity."

My children attend a Catholic school.  Within the last couple of years, they instituted a rule, due to parents' complaints about Sunday practices, that no sports - practice or game - could begin before noon on Sunday, to allow families the chance to at least attend mass together.  The coaches obliged.  Practice starts at noon, with players required to arrive 15minutes prior.  Go figure. 11:46 is late. 

So we're stuck at the mercy of everyone else.  I feel bad because I get so upset by this and, unfortunately, the kids feel it because it is their activity (that I want them involved in) that is causing this massive upheaval.

I won't ever pull Girl from sports, she loves them, she excels at them, and she has scholarship potential.  I won't pull SmallBoy from Scouts or sports. He loves them, he needs both to help him learn the social pieces that are so difficult for those with Asperger's and autism.

I'm calling out to you for advice, for words of wisdom, for lessons learned by experience...is it worth it to say something to the coaches, or just suck it up?  Should I keep the kids from doing the things they love because we, as a family, don't have any time together (bear in mind that we rarely eat dinner as a family during the week either)?  Should I petition for a 4-day work week so that we can have ONE DAY, a measley 24-hours without having to do anything with/for anyone else but my family.  Yeah, pipe dreams.  What do YOU have to say? 

 

I've Been Meaning to Write...

...but life just keeps happening around me and not leaving much time to breathe. I've been meaning to write about the things that have been coming home in SmallBoy's notebook, good & bad. I've been meaning to write about Girl's latest round of injuries (none due to her insane sports schedule, believe it or not). I've been meaning to write about LargeBoy's first "big purchase," and I don't count the iPod, since that was gift money. I've been meaning to write about the new paint job in the house so that we can jack up the equity and hopefully get a good re-finance rate. I've been meaning to write about how North Country is just crashing onto the scene. I've been meaning to write about SmallBoy's sleepover, when his bestest bud, PQ, stayed, and how the whole social thing played out. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK....I've had a lot to write about, but no time. When I manage to find the time, either someone else is on the computer, I'm insanely busy at work, or my laptop is busy crashing for the 10th time in 4hrs (no virus, it just hates me).

Let's start with SmallBoy, though, since he's the important one in this whole posting. I've mentioned before what great success we're having with the notebook that we're using to communicate between school and home. It's been helping all of us - SmallBoy, the teachers, and us, of course, to keep track of SmallBoy's comings and goings, send suggestions back to the teachers, send notes from J the Fabulous OT, etc... I've made smaller, one page, mini-notebooks for the teachers that he sees for the specials - music, art, Spanish, computer, library, gym. It truly is an amazing tool and I can't believe it took so long for me to pick up on it.

Every once in a while, though, I seem to be unprepared when the notebook comes home saying that SmallBoy had a bad day, even less prepared when he's had an awful day, and just dumbfounded when he's had an atrocious day. Why? Don't know. Last week, after having just a terrible week or so prior, due to schedules, Ex being a schmuck, SmallBoy feeling under the weather and just down on himself in general, the notebook came home and I was prepared. All week I had read about the difficulties that he had been having and sending the notebook back the next day with my tips and bits of SmallBoy wisdom. I didn't expect this entry to be any different than the rest, but was hopeful for something good. HA. I wish I could quote it verbatim, but I don't have it in front of me, but the premise was this: the teachers were chatting and thought that perhaps SmallBoy could also have ODD (for those of you not in the land of abbreviations, learning disabilities, and spectrum disorders, who just happen to be popping by for the first time, ODD is short for Oppostional Defiant Disorder). She asked if this is part of Asperger's, if it is something completely separate, etc. I've gotta tell you, I had that same, WTF moment that I had the first time the school suggested that there was something "wrong" with my child.

ASD, yes, maybe even a little ADHD when his engine gets really revved, but ODD???? Knowing now, from experience and learning, what I didn't know back then, I tried to push out the immediate reaction and attempted to look at it from the teacher's perspective, and consider everything that's been going on with SmallBoy. He's been melting down more frequently in class, especially when he has to make corrections or is overloaded on directions, etc...He's been not "showing respect" to the teachers in the school by speaking to them as he would a friend or a brother & sister when he disagrees with them. He's been melting even further if the teacher gets a little frustrated when he tries to leave the room during the middle of an assignment or classroom project because he's melting down. He's being loud and vocal in his objections to things. He's getting up from his seat and moving around more frequently. He's JUST NOT getting it with some of his assignments and getting upset by that.

Ok, I could see some of his behaviors mimicking those of ODD, but these behaviors are not exhibited outside of the school, and if they are, we understand why he's doing what he's doing and act appropriately, in ways, I suppose, they can't (or won't) at school. Don't get me wrong, I'm not speaking against the school or the teachers, I adore them, they're doing a wonderful job, and were it not for the notebook going back and forth, this situation could have gotten MUCH worse. I knew, again from the experience and scads of books that I've read, that ODD was NOT what we were looking at. The teachers happen to be with SmallBoy for some of the things that set him off the most - FRUSTRATION: due to comprehension issues with reading, due to not knowing how to handle his own disappointment, due to not being able to self-manage a meltdown, due to not being able to sit still, due to his need to be perfect to be "accepted," (gee, I'm pretty sure that I know from whence THIS came, Ex's lack of acceptance of him because in his eyes, SmallBoy is less than perfect?).

I wanted to be certain that I wasn't seeing this with the eyes of denial, as I did initially with the "something's wrong, we need you to have SmallBoy evaluated by the school district," conversation, so when we went to OT that night, I talked to J about the teachers' thoughts. She completely disagreed with the idea of ODD, but agreed with me, that yes, indeed, the teachers are with him for most of the things that will "set him off." She offered suggestions to the teachers, (ie: visual directions on the board in addition to oral directions to the class, allowing him to leave the classroom to a predetermined spot in order to self-manage a meltdown with the caveat that he must ask permission first, and a few more which I'll expand on in another post), and to us on helping SmallBoy learn more self-management techniques.

I am very pleased to report that since this "conversation," things have been better for him. Granted, he's still forgetting assignments, still having outbursts, etc, but he's learning to manage them MUCH better. One such instance happened just last week at an all-school mass. It was a LONG service and, in addition to the homily, there was an additional speaker. A 45-minute long mass is difficult on ANY child his age, especially when expected to act in a "proper" manner, but put this on an ASD-er, and then add an extra 15minutes for a speaker and the scene is set for trouble. Well, our SmallBoy, bored off his rocker with this ridiculously long service, let it be known that the speaker was taking WAAAAAAAAAYY too long! Everyone, of course, turned around to look and, instead of freaking because now everyone was staring, he used that moment of embarrassment (or the "oh-shit-moment"), to self-mange and compose himself. I have to applaud him for that! Since then, he's been fantastic! I'm SO proud of him.

To finish off his "lovely" week, SmallBoy had his "bestest bud" sleep over on Friday night. PQ is SmallBoy's rock and helps keep him on an even keel. He's a truly wonderful kid, we adore him! SmallBoy, as excited as he was about this sleepover, was off in SmallBoy Land. Oh yes, the boys definitely played together for quite a while, but when SmallBoy got bored, that was that. He would go off in another room and hole up with his GameBoy. PQ tried, I tried, PC tried...we all tried to get him to participate in fun things with us but all he wanted was his GameBoy. Perhaps this was his release for all of the stress from the week, because normally, he will come out of SmallBoy Land to hang with PQ and his buds, especially if it's on his turf. Not this time. He'd come out if he felt like it, or if they were playing the Game Cube, but other than that, it was a battle.

The next morning started off very well, the boys got up and played and were happy as clams. They discussed going out in the snow, since we had TONS of it outside. They played video games until I told them to stop. Yeah. That's when it got a little hairy, again. I asked them if they'd like to come and help me make breakfast, to which they both boisterously agreed. They wanted scrambled eggs, and we were going to make biscuits - something quick and easy, and something fun and tactile. I made the eggs and had the boys do the biscuits. Well, this time, SmallBoy was so upset with me for making him come and participate and turn off his game, that even the sensory that he loves so much of handmixing the biscuit dough and squishing it and getting it all over his fingers, was just way too much, but we got it done. It was time to roll and cut. I figured this would be fun, and it was. Each boy took turns rolling out the dough and using the glass to cut the biscuits. We got the biscuits out of the oven just in time for PQ's mom to arrive. We sent them on their way with half a dozen steaming biscuits fresh from the oven and all was well. SmallBoy, after PQ left, was totally bummed that his bestest bud was gone. Though I see this on a regular basis, I'm constantly amazed by the fact that, though SmallBoy wanted more to play with his GameBoy or Game Cube independently, and only interacted with PQ minimally, that he missed him so much when he was gone. What are friends for, though, right?

Ahhhh, m'ijita, my wittew goowah, Girl, in all her glory has managed to injure herself not once, but twice in different parts of her body over 4-day span. This used to be a regular occurence when she was little; we had a pool going on the block to see how many times in one summer she could skin her knees - no, seriously, we did. This time was beyond knee-skinning, however. This time, she was going for something big like "contusions" (she's rather fond of those). That's my Girl!

It all started on Friday at Mission Day, the school fair that benefits the Ursuline Sisters Mission. This is a big deal at school, and, being in 8th grade, it was her last one. She went all out. She won the "sacred" goldfish (long standing tradition - ring toss game, I think), and won a white cake, with chocolate frosting, topped in snow caps candies!! YUMMO!!!!! As the storm on Tuesday had dropped quite a heavy blanket of white fluffy snow upon us (not to mentione dropped the temperature quite a bit), the ground, as you can imagine, was quite frozen. Girl, SmallBoy, & Snood were getting a ride from Snood's father and, on her way to the car, she slipped. In the process of falling, she dropped the cake (which was saved by Snood's father, who would never let anything bad happen to chocolate), and tried to stop herself with one arm while attempting not to drop the goldfish bags. Let's just say the goldfish was in one piece.

(Update: I am now starting day 2 of this post) I was hopeful, when she called me at work and told me she fell, that she had just banged up her funny bone, because we all know what a sting that leaves. Those hopes were dashed when she delivered the next line, "Well, I can't really move it, and my arm is hanging funny." Thankfully I was at the end of my work day, so I bypassed my workout and went straight home to don my Dr. Mom hat. Her arm was definitely hanging funny, but I'm fairly certain that was due to the gigantic swelling of her elbow. She was able to bend it up and touch her shoulder, with pain, mind you, but she could do it. That pretty much quelled any worries I had about it being broken, but you never can tell. I thought about taking her for "just-in-case" x-rays, but they would have been fruitless with all of the swelling. Instead I plied her full of Ibuprofen and the heat/ice treatment and just made her rest. I kept her home from softball practices all weekend, and, thankfully, there wasn't much in the way of basketball. Within a couple of days, the swelling, and the pain, had gone...

...just in time for the 8th grade ski trip. Yep. I said "ski trip." This was a MUCH anticipated trip that had already been cancelled once due to the freezing temps with an even more freezing -30degree windchill. Fortunately, the two week span allowed the sun to awaken from its winter slumber and force its way out from behind the dreary gray winter clouds to warm the earth, or at least out little part of it, to a beautiful 35degrees. The ground was covered with many more inches of snow due to a massive snow storm earlier in the week (see pic at right), and the kids were more than willing to get up at the crack of dawn on their day off to hop on the bus at 6:30 in the morning. They skied all day, somewhere up in Wisconsin or Michigan and finally called around 8:30 that night to say they were almost home, exhausted, but exhilirated. When I spoke with Girl, I asked how the trip was. Her answer, "Well, mom, the first two hours were great, but I hurt my ankle and spent the rest of the day in the lodge. I'll tell you about it when I get home."

My immediate thought went to how lucky she was that she hadn't broken her elbow a few days back, and that I hoped we weren't tempting fate. After hobbling through the door with PC & ET, we did the ibuprofen heat/ice thing (again) while we listened to her tale of woe. The story began with her all so brief lesson on the bunny hill. She quickly ascended through the ranks and graduated from her 20minute course with flying colors. Next she moved on to the beginner hill, which she conquered with ease. Feeling bold, as she is want to do, she took to the intermediate hill. She was cruising along, and was almost to the bottom when IT happened: her ski fell off. Thankfully, she was pretty much at the bottom and was preparing to stop anyway. Unfortunately, the lack of ski left her a little out of control and as she tried to stop, she tumbled into a woman who had already finished the hill. If someone had a video camera, this would have made perfect fodder for AFV, as, after Girl fell into the woman, a classmate came down the hill and fell onto them. I'm not going to get into how rude and uncaring the ski patrol guy was because that's another story, but we'll just leave it at the fact that he was a very incondsiderate jerk who told my daughter that he could have her thrown in jail for being out of control on the ski hill...even the woman she fell onto was defending her.

ANYWAY, of course she did something in the fall to injure herself. We're still not quite certain what it is, but she wasn't swollen this time. Perhaps x-rays would have been helpful, but, nah. We think that she pulled a ligament or something. Thankfully, some pain spray and a couple of really hot baths helped to work this out and she was back at basketball practice the next night. Wearing the Smart Mom hat this time, I intercepted one of the coaches who, thankfully, had already heard the story, and let him know that she was insisting on practicing, but not to let her run. She's fine now, just home with the flu, or something normal like that, now.

LargeBoy - my child is growing up on me. Many moons ago, he played the cello and has since abandoned it for the bass guitar. He is quite accomplished in his songwriting (and novel writing), and has also taken up the acoustic guitar. Taking after his mother and step-dad, he and his buddies are working together to write music (I'm beaming with pride). LargeBoy's had a few issues with his bass, as it's old - I bought it used for him in 2002. It finally cashed out on him last weekend while he was at his friend's house writing. He called me and said, "Mom, is it ok if I buy a new bass? I've got the money, and I've already called the store and they've got one for $500, one for just over $200, and a couple for $99. I'm not even thinking about the $99 ones and I can't afford the $500 one. So, since I have the money saved up, can I go buy it?" We had a conversation about what he was saving the money for, originally - and is still saving for, an Outward Bound trip, and came to the conclusion that, well, it's his money, and he can spend it as he chooses; that he won't be going on the Outward Bound trip for at least another year or two, and that gives him time to save up again. For the most part, just the fact that he called me to ask my permission to make a major purchase, even though it was with his own money, showed me how incredibly responsible he's getting. He'll have no problem saving up the money for his trip! I'm so proud.

I was hoping to have the pictures of the new paint job that we did up already, but they're still in my camera and my laptop is just being stupid, so I haven't loaded them, but I promise I'll try real soon. The colors are fab!

Finally, the band is just bursting out into the world right now. This is keeping us oh so busy, and we're loving it. We've been writing, recording, promoting and haven't had a whole heck of a lot of time to do much else. We put together a demo of a few of the songs we've written, and a couple of cover tunes, and made a fabulous, professional looking insert for it....just tickles me pink. This is so much more than we ever got done with the previous band - and North Country's only been together since January, really. We've received airtime on a few internet stations, including the Susie Doo & Mandy Too Show on Thursdays 1:00 on HomeGrown Radio. Next week we'll be doing a live interview on the airwaves between 5 & 7 CST. See the widget in my sidebar for more info. I'm blanking on the station's .com, but I'll have that and post it ASAP. AND, if you haven't already, click on the little box off to the side here, to listen to our originals. We're extremely pleased with them. The most recent, Pick the Tune, was written by our bass player on Feb. 12, recorded on Feb. 13, and given to his wife as a Valentine's gift the next day. Click here to find out when and where you can hear and see North Country. I can't begin to tell you how incredibly exciting this is!

In the meantime, since I've "talked" your ear off, I'll post this and go back to doing my day job (since I'm sitting at my desk in my office on company time).

Family of 5 Autistic Children on Extreme Home Makeover

I read this through my myspace site and wanted to share it with you.

Also, thanks so much to the outpouring to my previous post. Cherie was quite thrilled by all of the responses and support from the community. You can check in on her blog to follow the progress of the IEP, as it was rescheduled (which seems to be the way IEPs go). I'm so very proud to call all of you my friends.

Now, check out the bulletin below!

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: AUTISM CONNECTIONS
Date: Feb 13, 2007 3:38 PM

Family With Five Kids With Autism: Extreme Home Makeover Feb. 18

Next Episode: Sunday, February 18, 8/6c "O'Donnell Family"

The only documented family in the U.S. with five autistic children will receive a much needed home. Country music star Trace Adkins performs at a benefit for the family. Click here for more info: Family of Five Autistic Children on Extreme Home Makeover

No School, North Country, New Things

I have a love/hate relationship with the kids' days off from school. It makes my mornings SO much easier when, in my rush to get off to work, I don't have to stop mid-routine and wake up one, then the other, then another (repeatedly). Then again, Girl wants to go shopping, LargeBoy has school....what to do with SmallBoy? Granted, he's 10, and, were he NT, he could probably stay home by himself, but I don't think I'd be too comfortable with that ~ a dilemma with which working parents grapple each time the school calendar bolds those two words: NO SCHOOL.

Today we worked out a compromise, Girl didn't leave to go shopping until almost noon, and PC was going to be home around 3. I work 7minutes away, so I can get home in an emergency. We briefed him on what was going on. He's been home alone for 1/2hr/45 minute stints before, when he gets home from school and his brother and/or sister haven't arrived yet. He's fine. He gets up in the morning WELL before we're ready to and is able to occupy himself, although, it's usually with the TV, the computer, or video games...but the point is, he's able. I called a few times to check on him, but he never answers the phone which, I suppose, is for the best. He's fine. I'll be more fine when I get home.

Saturday night the new band, North Country, made its debut. I will have to admit that, although I attempted, and probably pulled off, an air of calm and don't-worry-be-happy, I was PETRIFIED....not because I wasn't confident in the band, I knew they'd rock, but because it was a first. I took for granted the comfort that comes with knowing where everything's going to fall, how people will interact on stage, what people have come to expect of the band...but it was fine. We had a few glitches, but whatever we encountered, we overcame and laughed off, especially our double - time song, Redneck Women (Alvin & the Chipmunks Style). We had a riot, though. I absolutely cannot wait to do it again. These people are so talented and so professional, and we were all right here under each others' noses.

I also had the good fortune to meet fellow autism blogger, Wade and his daughter, L, who had the great timing to be in town over the weekend. I can't tell you how cool it was to finally meet him (THANX FOR COMING - and staying longer than you had planned!) It was really nice to finally put a face, and a voice, to the amazing, "discussion - inspiring" posts over at Injecting Sense. I gotta tell ya, he's really cool! You gotta meet him!

In addition to the band, there are a lot of new things going on in our life, but I'll speak to the most important - that being the Not-So-SmallBoy. He spent Saturday night with my mom (GR), because Girl & LargeBoy were at Ex's. SmallBoy has a great time when he's there, he has a place to chill, sans all the distractions that our house and our schedules and our lives have to offer. Just SmallBoy & GR. When he got home, his engine was nice and regulated, as were mine & PC's, but, of course, as the afternoon rolled on and things got back to "normal," everyone's engines revved up high and we all got a little irritable.

SmallBoy ended up in his room cooling off/arguing with me over his GameBoy until I told him he had to clean his room. That, as you would expect, was met with a great big, "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!" As we sat and talked together, I explained to him that I did not expect this Herculean task to be done all in one session, and made him a list of what he needed to do - Lists are beautiful things! After a few more trips up the stairs by PC & me, and some gentle prodding, the task got done. We had also turned on some of his Listening Therapy music (btw - the frequencies still play on the boom box the way they do in the headphones). His engine came WAY back down. I went up at 9 to check on him and he was, for the most part, done with the list I had written for him. Of course there is still some work, I called it "fine tuning," to be done, but he had finished what I had set for him. Dressed in his blue fuzzy sports robe and his boxer shorts, he was ready to come back down stairs and join us, but stopped before he did so. We are keeping Snood for a few days while her parents are out of town, so SmallBoy has an extra sister, and he knows that, even though she is at our house so much that she is practically another one of our family, she is still a guest. He stopped and said to me, "Mom, I need to put my clothes back on. We have Snood here and I can't go downstairs in my robe & sleep shorts." COOOOOOOL!

We have been trying, for a LONG time, to get him to grasp the concept of being dressed appropriately when we have guests, even when it's bedtime. He would always come down in his tighty whities when he was getting ready for bed, or if he got up first (which he usually does). This time, though...it was as though something clicked. TaDA!

I'm going to try and write more again, but we're making some huge decisions in our life right now and they're wracking my nerves a bit, but hey, that'll be something to write about, won't it. Tonight, though, I don't think I'll get to it. My goal is to get the DAMN TREE DOWN! Yes, my Christmas tree is still up. I just haven't had time to get to it. It's never an easy thing, and it's never even close to as much fun and festive as putting it up. One year our tree was up til Valentine's Day (and beyond~~~sorry, my brain was invaded by the spirit of Buzz Lightyear). It WILL come down tonight. We actually discussed putting a drop of superglue on each ornament and just carrying it out to the garage...LOLOLOLOL. We also thought of telling people that yes, in fact, we had already taken our tree down, but that we looked at our calendar and saw that we have no time between now and next Christmas to put it up again, so, the only logical time to put the tree of for Christmas 2007 was, well, now.

I need coffee....anyone have coffee???????

Is This Week Over Yet?

Lord, what a stressful week it's been! No basketball to be running around for, but just a whole bunch of stuff piling up at one time creating tension beyond belief. The posts below (yesterday, Wednesday) describe the stress the whole Santa thing has placed, not only on SmallBoy, but on the rest of us...and here, I thought I was doing a GOOD, POSITIVE thing. My computer at home decided to, quite literally, take a dump. Just shuts down, all my memory is taken up...YO! JH! I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!! Thankfully, I managed to save all - most - of my pictures before that happened. I didn't get them cleared out of the computer to see if it was memory thing, but at least I have them saved this time.

To add on to that, we're trying to get all of the Christmas things going, purchased, wrapped, YIKES - craziness all in its own right. Then there are all of the things that go along with the holidays: school programs, parties for this group, that group, and the other group, secret santa, our own family traditions - Cookie Day. You know, of course that trying to cram all of these activities into just a few short weeks, on top of all of the OTHER things that are already on the schedule, creates massive havoc and more stress. (Kyra, I really think your solstice idea is a great one. Too much with Christmas. I can't find the link to the post, but if you want to read Kyra's solstice post, click on her link, then go look in Nov. 2006 for the "Lanterns" post).

Last night was the school's annual Christmas program. The 1st-3rd graders sing, the orchestras (varying age groups 1 - 8) play. SmallBoy was not in the concert this year since he's in 4th grade and does not, YET, play an instrument (viola or violin for Christmas), but Girl played her last Christmas program (Hopefully I'll be able to post some pics for you later - or tomorrow). It was lovely. We had no OT yesterday since J the Fabulous OT was sick, so I was quite relieved when SmallBoy said he wanted to stay home and have some "brother time" with LargeBoy (I know, that sounds awful, but I know you all understand). Tonight we run to get a Secret Santa gift for Girl's Girl Scout Christmas Party, which is tonight, because we haven't been free to do it any OTHER time. Tomorrow, I THINK, all we have is Girl's game and taking LargeBoy shopping and driving. Sunday, though...is insane.

Sunday - our annual Cookie Day. This has been a tradition in my family for, probably 25-30 years. As many of us are available, and we are a LARGE family on my mother's side, get together for a day of baking, decorating, and eating cookie dough (yes, we're bad). Everyone brings a batch or two of their favorite cookie dough and we make gobs and gobs of cookies - all day! I made it a point to not be singing at mass this weekend so that I can get there early and maximize cookie baking & decorating. This will be the first weekend in about 7 that I haven't had to cantor mass. Well, as it turns out, Girl's string quartet is playing at a breakfast for the parish that morning. Granted, it's only 45minutes, but she won't be done and ready to roll until about 11:00, but then we don't get to mom's and in the swing of things til 11:15/11:30.

In the middle of all of this, SmallBoy has a scout meeting. 2:00. Smack in the middle of the day. Sunday meetings usually run about 2 hours. I thought about having him miss the meeting since he's been looking so forward to cookie day, but after talking to his den leader, who knows SmallBoy very well, we decided that it would be best if SmallBoy goes to the meeting. The boys will be earning a badge, practicing a skit that they'll be performing at the Scout Christmas party on Thursday night, having a uniform inspection (guess what I'm doing tonight - sewing badges, UGH! Laura, how fast can you do this for me - LOL), and doing something else that requires his presence. Cookie day can be a bit overwhelming, though, so it's probably a good thing for SmallBoy to take a break in the middle of the day and go hang out at Scouts with PC, more bonding time for them, too. I just worry that SmallBoy will be spending the entire time at scouts thinking about what he might possibly be missing at Cookie Day - will all the good cookies be decorated already? will all the good decorations be used up already? will somebody take home (or worse, eat) the cookie that I decorated especially for me? JUST a little much for me. I suppose, though, that if I dwell on it, he probably will, too. So, I won't. I'll just trust that I'm making the right decision.

After all of that is said and done, we go back home, take showers, make lunches, pack backpacks, go to bed and start the next week all over again. I think I need a glass of wine (or a cup of coffee) now.

New Band & Stuff

Last night we met, again, with JG and another gentleman to work on forming ANOTHER band, to supplement what we're doing with Code West. We're looking to play a LOT and a similar, yet different form of music. Hoping a lot of good will come out of this. Tonight, we're going to start recording one or two things and get them sent out and ready to be put up on North Country's myspace. We'll be doing some bluesy rock, a little bit of jazz-ish kinda stuff, and, well, having a grand old time doing it. What I really like is that everyone is willing to do what we have to in order to get moving and start out from the gate running! It seems that everyone has the same ideas on how and what we want to do, and three of our 5 already have some originals written!!!

Oh, I should plug: If you're around on December 23, Code West will be playing at the Pioneer Tap in Forest Park. Click on our myspace for more info. I know, I know, it's the night before The Night Before Christmas. Hopefully by then, you'll have everything done and will be ready to go out and relax before the holiday chaos. Or, if you're like me, you'll need a break from the fact that you're STILL not done. SO, if you're around, come on out! It'll be a blast.

Kids - yes, kids! I'm feeling particularly old today. Girl went to school with LargeBoy today for a shadow day. For those of you not familiar (and I certainly wasn't until very recently), the shadowing day is a day when 8th graders can visit the high school and follow a student around to get a feel for the school, the classes, the structure, the enormity of the school compared to the school they came from. She is shadowing her step-sister, not LargeBoy, because neither of them thought that would be "cool."

I think this is a wonderful process. I have no idea if this was around when I was going into high school, oh so many years ago. If it was, it certainly wasn't something that was brought to everyone's attention as it is now. So, this morning, on our runs, we dropped of TWO children at the high school. THAT was our "shadowing" - getting a feel for how it's going to be with two high school children. EEEEEK!

SmallBoy will be the last one at his school - from our family, that is. I thought he might be worried about not having his sister there anymore, but he was totally gung-ho about the idea. I believe he said something along the lines of, "Yes! Girl won't be there anymore!" It was kind of funny.

What's nice about that, though, is that it's giving us a good feel for how HE feels about his independence. This year began the walking home alone in preparation for next year. I didn't think he's be ready to be on his own next year, but apparently, that's not going to be an issue.

He IS having difficulty, though, with the revelation about Santa. I got a note yesterday in his communication book from his teacher saying that he had had a great day overall, but that he's having a very hard time not sharing his "Santa Secret," and could we please discuss this with him. I was surprised, yet not surprised. I thought that, being in 4th grade, he would be one of the last kids to know. I found out in 1st grade. So I was very surprised when the teacher's note came in. I'm not nearly as surprised, however, that he feels this need to share his new found knowledge with everyone he can. It gives him a feeling of confidence that he knows something that not necessarily everyone else does.

We expressed to him how incredibly important it was to keep this secret to himself, because there are many kids older, his age, and younger, who don't know yet. We told him that it was up to their parents to determine when was the right time to let them in on the secret. To help remind him, and deter him from blurting it out, we gave him a little something from our dishwasher project (something else he's fascinated with) to keep in his pocket during the school day. We told him that whenever he felt like telling someone about Santa, that he could reach in his pocket and hold this bolt-y thing or that he could take out the bolt-y thing and talk to the kids about THAT instead of about Santa. He laughed. He thought we were totally silly, but at least this way, he won't be perseverating on the fact that, "I can't tell I can't tell I can't...oh I GOTTA TELL!"

If anyone has any other wonderful ideas on how to dissuade the sharing of the secret identity of the Jolly Red One, I'd LOVE to hear them!

So, Really, it's Saturday?

Wow...having yesterday off of work really threw me for a loop. I keep thinking it' Sunday and that I'm forgetting to do something. Nope. Stayed up late last night and woke up thinking it was Sunday. Thankfully not, because I have so many things I have to do tomorrow, that the day will be gone as soon as I get out of bed. Today, though, is catching up with friends day.

I've been trying to get to all of YOU to catch up, but I've been fighting my family for computer time. If I don't get to you today, though, I'll there soon. I had to take Girl to basketball practice this morning, so while she was there, I worked on popped around the internet. Marti, thank you for your comment to yesterday's post. I relayed to SmallBoy what you said and put it in comparison to other kids on the spectrum and he was delighted that he is able to do something that is difficult for many others like him. It made him feel SO much better about himself.

I just hung up with my Girlfriend, with whom I haven't gotten much time to chat. We are both so busy now, that we see each other in passing more than anything. This is the Girlfriend who hopped in the handbasket with me on the ride through Hell and back again. This Girlfriend was the only person, outside of my mother and my sister (and now PC) to know my deepest darkest secret. We were always in touch before, commiserating, crying, propping the other up, hand holding, supporting our kids through it all. Now, we're both insanely busy (and crazy) moms. Our chances to talk are in the hall at parent-teacher conferences (remind me to post on that, k?), in the grocery store, or if we're at something involving our LargeBoys. It was SO nice to sit and chat for a few minutes today. We both have birthdays this month, so we're going to make it a point to get together for that. She told me that some of one of her clients is a school that works with kids on the spectrum and, that, just by learning what she has from me & SmallBoy, that she's been able to use that knowledge to better serve her clients. That was truly wonderful. This particular Girlfriend also falls into the categorization of PHENOMENAL mom (though she'll argue with me about that). I have to share with you one of her House Rules - and she had many and all of the kids that came through her house KNEW her rules. This one is my favorite, though, and now is used in my house when roughhousing gets a little out of control, "Mrs. Girlfriend is NOT going to the emergency room today!" Smoochies, Doll!

Continuing on the catching up with friends road, our friends K&J called us up and invited us, and the kids (they're slightly crazy and sadistic...tee hee hee) out to dinner tonight. We miss them TONS and they are two of our dearest friends. We only live a matter of blocks from each other, but getting all of our work schedules to allow us free time all at the same time is incredibly difficult. Since K left her job where I work for a new (and MUCH better paying) job, she's working funky hours. When we all do get together though, it's always a rip roaring good time. We are looking very forward to this. The best part about going out with these friends is that they get SmallBoy. They will not have any issues or notions about what going out to dinner is like with a child on the spectrum. To them, SmallBoy is just SmallBoy. I'm very excited about dinner. I'll start prepping SmallBoy in a bit. Right now he's on his way down to start his laundry - yes, he's doing his LAUNDRY- by HIMSELF!

Well, it's been nice catching up with you, but it's freezing in my kitchen and my Love is on his way upstairs for a nap. Think I'll go join him.

A Little Too Close for Comfort

As I'm sitting and relaxing with my family, after a long few days of cleaning and cooking for the pentultimate family event, it just dawned on me that it was 10:55pm and that I hadn't posted today. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!! It was a LONG day, filled with church, family, food, and squirrels...Lord had I the time to tell you everything, but I don't, so I'll just give you snippets.

The long day really started over the when we embarked on the project of getting the house "ready" for the party on Friday. I've felt like shit for about 4 or 5 days, so I haven't been assisting much in the preparatinon stage of the event...granted, I planned, invited, made lists, assigned foods, etc..., but the actual physical cleaning and getting ready, I've sat on my ass. I still can't reach the top of my inhale. I'm still convinced that its part cold and part anxiety over my finances.

Today, though, we had the big giganto party. The Expando-Family was invited starting at 2pm. This party was not just for my children, but any one on my side of the family with a birthday in the last quarter of the year...and in my family, every quarter is FULL of birthdays! But wait...there's more! PC, ET, & I stayed up very late last night. We were ripping up carpet, cleaning, and preparing food. Just as we were getting ready to present our boarding passes for our seats on the slumber flight, we were all rudely awakened from our bliss by a Princess displaying the international sign for choking. Thank God for her fast acting and quick thinking, and amazingly calm father. He realized that she was choking (on a large Lemon Head) and gave her the Heimlich maneuver as soon as he figured out what was going on. Needless to say, we were all on a bit of an adrenaline high after that. There was no way we could go to bed at that point, especially after being scared out of our wits! Thankfully, our sweet little girl was ok and I made it a point to offer up thanks at church this morning that I don't normally offer up.

Speaking of church, it was SmallBoy's first time singing with the youth choir. I can't begin to explain to you the pride, but all of you, I'm certain, know what I'm talking about. But to be watching your ASD child, completely apart from you, in an environment where he is forced to hold it together, where he MUST follow the music and the director and the format for the mass...it was truly incredible. I had to fight to keep the tears from rolling down my face. Yes, I was extremely proud, just like any other parent there, but unlike any of the other parents, I had an additional element of "WOW", as well as pride. He did SO great!

Came home, had lots of family over, lots of food, we're all ready to explode, had a wonderful time. Girl & SmallBoy are in bed, LargeBoy is in the shower, PC & ET are on the couch "watching" TV and I'm here....

Oh..........Yes, you want to know about the squirrel! Well...now THIS is a funny one. In the middle of the party, the phone rang and it was my FIL, he hadn't been able to attend the party, so we just thought he was calling to check in. Turns out, he was calling to tell us that there was a squirrel loose in the house, running around, knocking over precious glasses, lamps, etc....HOLY ACORNS, BATMAN! PC, ET, and I thought that perhaps, if FIL really wanted the squirrel to give up that he should corner it and give it a lecture of his choosing. Then again, we also created, in our imaginations, the picture of my FIL giving up the chase and being reclined on the sofa watching the game while Mr. Squirrel sat on HIS big comfy leather chair. Teee Heee....

Well kids, I've got a few more good posts up my sleeves for this week, but the alarm will be going off entirely too soon in the morning. I'd best get my boys situated and to bed. Nighty Night!

Fake it Til You Make it

I had this elaborate plan for today's posting all about how I'm struggling with this whole idea of moving: if it's even a financially viable option (since I owe SO many people SO much money), if it's the best thing for the kids, how much grief we may or may not get from Ex, and if we get grief, will it take so long to resolve that we lose any house we make an offer on, will we be able to sell our house, will we be able to sell our house for enough money to pay off some of the debts we have AND make a downpayment on a house, can we..., will there be..., how will...

Yes, it was a lovely post. I'll probably post it tomorrow, maybe today, doubtful, but maybe. Why, on day 3 of NaBloPoMo am I wussing on a short post like this instead of such a deep, thought provoking, multiple comment provoking post? Cuz I don't feel good. In the words that I emailed to my mother this mornin, "I'n sick." Yes, that says "I'n" cuz that's how I said it when I was a wittew goowah. My head hurts, my tummy hurts, my eyes burn, I feel like a got hit, not by a mack truck, but by a caravan of mack trucks. I haven't been sick in a while, and I have a feeling that this, too, shall pass. But I just feel like crap, and I don't want to waste a really good post on a crappy feeling day - it will NOT be well written at all, and will probably just end up a stream of ramblings.

Oh, but I must add, PM, if you didn't see the Halloween post 2 below this one, LargeBoy had a WONDERFUL time and thanks you profusely for supplying him with bagel dogs. He loves them and I just haven't bought them in forever. Thanks for your insights, too. They will be a real live point when I mange to get the post written that I would have written today had I not felt like total and complete shit.

Thank you all for reading today. Drop by again later, perhaps I'll feel re-energized and post that post after all. Perhaps not, so drop by tomorrow too.

The First Day

Today is day one of NaBloPoMo. Since I haven't figured out how to load Yoda into my side bar, I will keep posting him every day as my first picture! Conveniently I have something to write about today. I have some Halloweeny pics. Let's start with Girl.



She and her friends were taking on the 80's (anyone recognize that outfit?). The original idea was to go as jazzercisers. So, Monday night, we attempted to make BIG hair. For once, Girl had the WRONG hair. She was looking through my high school yearbook for 80's hair and kept asking why So-&-So's hair did this and could I give her DJ Tanner bangs (from "Full House). I told her that all of those people had layered hair - with many layers, shorter and all the way around. I taught her about the rule of big hair, though - When in doubt, apply hairspray. Her plan was to "do the do" as a practice, take a picture, download it to the computer, email it to her friend's house and to be able to use it as a guide to prepare her costume.

I didn't see her before trick-or-treating, as she went right to her friend T's house after school to get in costume, and didn't get home until 9ish - well after the costume had been worn well and loved well, so this pic is post t-or-t'ing. Ultimately, it was a Flashdance costume. She found her "clothes" at the Salvation Army store - BAD 80's sweatshirt that she took a scissors to and gave it the Flashdance flair, and a funky robe-ish sweater with tight ribbed sleeves that she cut to turn into legwarmers. UGH...just the thought makes me quiver.

The girls froze because, of course, even though it was about 40degrees at night, they didn't wear COATS!, didn't bag as much candy as they had hoped, but hell, if you don't stay out for the full 3.5hrs alotted (3:30 - 7), then you're not going to get what you wanted - and even less if it's cold out, cuz no one wants to stand outside passing out candy on a freezing cold Chicago night. However, she and her friends managed to bag a pizza dinner from T's mom! Good thinking!



LargeBoy went to a friend's right after school also. I didn't think that he'd go out, actually. When he was 11 or 12 yrs old, he and his friends had gone out trick or treating together on a block that was having a block party - 2 blocks from our house, at the time. As he and another one of his friends split to go home, LargeBoy turned right and his friend crossed the street. LargeBoy got thrown up a fence, punched in the face by a child and adult, got his candy swiped, and since then, hasn't gone out again for Halloween. He's never lost his taste for Halloween, it's the favored holiday in our house, which is good. He's always been more than happy to sit on the porch and be the Candy Man. This year, he went out with his good friend J - one of my favorites of his friends, had a great time just hanging out, and came home by 8:00. Good kid that LargeBoy. Oh, and by the way, Potato Man is LargeBoy's contribution to his "costume". He lived in our refrigerator and got kind of scary looking.



The Not-So-SmallBoy...ah, my little love. He was a Ninja-DUH! Don't you know that ALL ninjas wear sweatshirts under their body armor? It truly was cold, but that wasn't going to stop him. No way. His line last night was "Trick-or-treat for the Ninja!" He had a blast. We went out between 5 & 5:30 while the sun was still out and did our block and the next block over. Surprisingly, there were a decent number of people home. By the time we got back to our house where PC was manning the door, we were FROZEN. We opted to stay in and eat pizza while we warmed up before heading over to our old block to trick-or-treat at the houses of those we spent 10years with.

We love to go over there. Nothing special as far as candy and, usually, only half of the block participates. My previous next door neighbor, though, has a thing for Halloween. Every year, he seals off his porch and front yard while the Halloween Muse takes hold of him. Each year his creation is even bigger than the last. He always involves his two skeletons - full size, mind you. In addition, he strings up voice activated bats that fly around at the first sound they "hear". What's great about them is that he hangs them high enough, strung tree to tree, so that when it's dark out and the unsuspecting trick-or-treater (or parent) comes walking by gawking at his creation, they don't see the bats until it's too late!

We wondered what L would create this year. In the past he's done The Grateful Dead - which was pretty cool, the debates with Kerry & W (only what was really cool was that he made their names something skeletal and spooky, but so that you knew who they were), one year was the Cubs & Sox - again, in skeleton. This year, and dork me didn't take a picture, we came upon two skeletons in the front yard, decked out in the black jackets, black hats, and black shades - no, not Tommy Lee & Will Smith, no Flashy Things - these guys had keyboards & harmonicas - yes, oh yes...it was The Boo's Brothers. He even had an animated hand to make it look like one of them was actually playing the keyboard. It was very very cool. It is very apparent how much L LOVES/LIVES for Halloween!

So after visiting all the houses on that block that still had lights on and finishing our warm grown-up beverage, we headed back home. SmallBoy was perfectly content when, after counting each and every piece of candy, determined that he had 73 pieces and a coupon for the karate studio down the street (run by our neighbors). I'm actually surprised that he had that much stuff...but it's the karate coupon that was a total score!

Punkins....It's really hard to take a good pic of these guys with no flash...the light just blurrs automatically. Bummer, but you get the gist....PC's pumpkin, the one on the left, is posted in the post below, the one in the middle is the one that LargeBoy impaled with the butcher knife, and the one in the on the right is the one that Girl & Snood carved...

I hope you all had a wonderful, and warmer, Halloween, and aren't suffering too much of a candy hangover from all of the candy when, on the Required Parental Safety Inspection, you deemed unsafe (and devoured for yourself) - Guilty. I can't wait to stop by and see all of YOUR pictures!

Preparing for Halloweenies!

Halloween is only a few days off and Girl has no costume, and we JUST picked out SmallBoy's. We drove all over creation and out to BFE for pumpkins. This year's crop was nasty. I don't know if it was just here in Illinois or across the country, but there was some nasty fungus that attacked the pumpkin crop. It was extremely difficult to find one, let alone three, that were not smushy or moldy or "hol-e-y", but we did it! Here they are!


Princess & the Not-So-SmallBoy digging out the pumpkin guts! Such fun. I'm not sure if Princess was posing, blocking the shot, or trying to show us her totally gooped up hands and forearm!


Ah...Girl & Snood, they're very rarely apart, she's like my second daughter. I think, in this picture, they were attempting to reattach Jack's eyeball with a couple of toothpicks. It was a group effort. A lot of blood and elbow grease went into this pumpkin, as Girl broke one of the tiny little carving knives that come with the pumpkin kit AND one of my steak knives!


And speaking of knives......Would you believe we actually took this one twice because he didn't look crazed enough the first time? Gotta love the LargeBoy. I really enjoy that he hasn't outgrown the fun of these kinds of holidays. He will not go out trick-or-treating (he had a bad experience a few years ago), but is more than happy to be the door guy - on the porch with all the creepy decorations, scaring the bigger kids and having fun. He LOVES to decorate, LOVES to do pumpkins...do you see the Jim Carrey in him? Oh I do!


And last, but not least, PC's pumpkin - carved and aglow with the tealight. This seemingly simple stencil design took him forever. I'm amazed at the amount of patience my lovely husband has. He had fun, we had fun and all of our pumpkins will be on display tomorrow night. Hopefully I'll be able to get a really good picture.

Oh, and Mom, I'm not doing seeds this year, but thanks for the recipe. I'll hang on to it til next year!

Remind me, in my next post, to tell you about the earthshattering event that happened this weekend. Oh, screw it, I'll tell you now. It was a weekend for the kids to be at Ex's. PC and I were attending the auction for Girl & SmallBoy's school, so I told Ex that I would need Girl to come home Saturday night and babysit. In return I would make sure she got to her softball practice on Sunday while the rest of them attended a family party. Well shut my mouth when all of a sudden, he calls back, talks to Girl and says that he'll keep SmallBoy overnight!

Now now, don't get excited, I'm certain it's not the beginning of any major breakthroughs or anything. I guess they were planning on attending a Halloween event at the zoo, so he just decided it would be "easier" on him if plans were done that way. However, I will usually hear from Girl & LargeBoy if there was any unpleasantness during the stay at their father's house. Nada. Nothing. Not even a hint of meltdown or anything....of course, I'm not pressing for information, either. But hey, it could be nothing, it could be something. Probably nothing, though. Thought I'd share.

Alright all...take lots of pictures tomorrow. I want to see! Personally, I will be wearing my pajamas to work with my fuzzy slippers. One of my absolute favorites! Perhaps ponytails too!

Confirmation Pics

It's not very often that I post a good picture of Girl - mainly because she's just so damn beautiful that I don't want her face all over the net looked at by weirdos. YOU, however, are not weirdos. You are friends & family. I'll just keep the anonymity thing up through the blog.

As I said in the post below, Girl's Confirmation was 10/21. I have some pics of Girl, the bishop, and her sponsor (who, coincidentally is Ex's divorce attorney - she's really a real estate attorney, she's the godmother of New Baby, however she is a very GOOD and very REAL person, if you know what I mean, and I applaud Girl for choosing her as her sponsor), and a great pic of the boys at the dinner...looking like they're deep in conversation after throwing back a few beers (which, of course, they did not). So, here ya go!





Yes, yes, love them love them!

Signs of Life

Hi all! I am, indeed, still alive. I've been terribly busy and just haven't had the time or the motivation to write lately.

Way back on the 11th, Meem, GR, PC & I had the opportunity to attend a lecture given by Dr. Jed Baker on Social Skills and Frustration Management in Children on the Spectrum, most specificially Asperger's. I was hoping to have been the good little student and have translated and shared all of my notes with you by now. Well, I didn't. Oops. However, I must say that, as a result, we've taken a couple of Dr. Baker's ideas and made them work for us. We now use our dry erase board to help our Not-So-Smallboy keep track of the STARS that he earns. He can earn stars by helping us out with a chore, by doing a chore, by avoiding a meltdown, by remembering all of the necessary materials for his homework, by finding a solution to a problem he's having, by getting ready for school on time, etc.... Each star is worth 5 minutes of computer or video game time (see how I killed two birds with one stone?)

So, on the board we have his stars, we let him draw and erase them. We also keep a "bank log" so that he sees #Stars = x, Time = y, so that he can easily determine how much he has available. The challenges that we've found with this system really involve his accountability once he gets ON the games: "So, SmallBoy, how long have you been playing Star Wars?"

"10 minutes."

This is when LargeBoy or Girl interject with, "Um, I don't think so. It's been more like 1/2 an hour."

Our solution was to have SmallBoy "log in" on the dry erase board when he began using his stars. Ideally, that would give HIM the visual when he argued how long he had been online or playing games on the Xbox. We would be able to say,

"SmallBoy, you logged in at 4:40. It's now 5:10. You've been playing for 30minutes. That's 6 stars."

"But...but...but...it only felt like 2 stars!"

Then we can show him the clock. He doesn't like that the time flies so quickly, but he understands better when he sees the visual. Then he reluctantly erases his stars. The BEST part, though, is that he has a constant goal. He ALWAYS wants more time, so, more often than not, he's willing to do something to earn stars. I have found that this is an extremely helpful tool when trying to get him to pull out of a meltdown...or to avoid one.

Girl made her confirmation this past Saturday. If you're familiar with the Catholic church, you know that this is one of THE LONGEST services...regular mass, but with all of the confirmands (in this case I believe there were about 60 or so) receiving the sacrament after the homily. Then everyone still has to go up for Communion. Realistically, this is about a 2hour mass. Currently, our gorgeous church is undergoing some major renovations. The confirmands were graced with the Holy Scaffolding around the altar for decorations and, in the true Catholic tradition of patience, penitence, & guilt, we were sitting on metal folding chairs because all fo the pews were being replaced. You can imagine what kinds of ASD triggers these are going to be....long mass, more-uncomfortable-than-normal seating, crowded church so no one can see, big ugly scaffolding, and a LOT of stuff going on.

So, we prepped our Not-So-SmallBoy. He didn't want to go - and anyone can understand. I mean, church, to children, is boring as a rule and he knew he was going to be sitting through a long one. So, we put the carrot in front of the proverbial horse and dangled the Stars! I offered him stars for making it through the mass (he wasn't sitting with me as I was a sponsor for S, Girl's best friend), and then we offered him stars for making it through the dinner afterwards (with Ex, New Wife, GR, Meem, Poppy, S's family in a VERY crowded and VERY LOUD restaurant - he was amazing), and then because he did SO well, PC tacked on another bonus star.

See where I'm going with this? We've found something that works for us. We also found a new trick. You know how when our darling ASD-ers get so frustrated that they "yell" back at us in response to something we say? Dr. Baker used the example of saying, "Are you yelling at me?" or "Are you raising your voice at me?" Yes, the kids are frustrated, but this helps them check HOW they're using their voices. I've only remembered to use it with SmallBoy a couple of times, but it's proven effective, as he realizes that he is, in fact, talking to us in a manner that he doesn't like and that it's because he's frustrated. That, then, helped him to realize what the problem was and voice it appropriately.

There were so many wonderful aspects of this day with Dr. Baker and I promise I will, ultimately, get all of the notes translated for you. In the meantime, I hope that my two big "breakthroughs" can be of use to YOU! I'll post some pics from Girl's confirmation soon (she looked so beautiful - and she took my Grandmother's name as her confirmation name).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GOO-WAH ("Girl" in cute baby talk)

...because when she's being cute that's how she says it. She'll kill me for posting this pic, but I love it! I have more to post later from Sunday night at GR's (we baked again), but this is her happy birthday post. 14 today. This morning she woke up to her birthday sign, which I had made with markers and nail polish (I'll take a picture of her room so you can understand), cranked up "You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile," from Annie, and danced around the living room like when she was little, then put on "I Think About You," by Colin Raye (HER song from when she really was a baby goo-wah) and was happy as a clam. PC stopped to get her a mocha (her favorite), but they took so long this morning, that she had to put it in the fridge for later, and then they took off to school with a million angel food cupcakes for class treats, and a cake pan of angel food cake for treats at her soccer game. I'm hoping for rain so that the cake comes home!

Her friends threw her a surprise party on Saturday. She had NO clue and was thrilled to pieces. We had a gig, so I didn't get to experience the surprise, but I'm holding out for pictures.

To the first of my October Babies,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!

You will always be my Baby Goo-wah.

Pics from the Big 1-0 (and I'm Home Alone & SO Bad)

This is how I found my Not-So-SmallBoy yesterday morning - extremely excited about turning 10, you see....well, he WAS still asleep. He LOVES to sleep in his sensory tunnel with his covers pulled over his head. I have MANY more pictures to share with you from his big day, but I saw what a giant bite (or byte, if you will) the last monster picture post took out of my blog, so I'll only post a few. At the moment, I am HOME ALONE!!!!!! I don't think this has happened in, wow, well over a year. PC is working tonight and the kids are with Ex for a birthday dinner for SmallBoy - yeah, I know - shocked? I think he's trying to put up a front. He picked them up at 4:30 and it's almost 6, so they should be home soon. Anyway, while I have time alone, I'm being incredibly bad and eating terribly: Overly buttered noodles, lightly dusted with garlic & parmesan. Oh, who am I kidding, there's enough garlic in there to kill every vampire in Transylvania! Wait...it gets better...I'm eating while using the computer AND I'm eating it out of the pan I cooked it in!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have one hell of a stomach ache later, though. Ok, more pics!

Yesterday was my FIL's birthday also, so we went by Meem's & Poppy's to celebrate. We had pizza for dinner, since it is one of SmallBoy's absolute favorites and red velvet cake for dessert...Sal, I couldn't help but think of you! The red velvet cupcakes he took to school gave me quite a scare that night, though, when in the middle of dinner at Meem's, SmallBoy was screaming in the bathroom. He had gone in with a stomache ache, so I tore off like a bat out of hell to see what was wrong. He was complaining about the pain, said he made LOTS of #2, so I did the mom thing and took a peek to check the consistency (I know, TMI). My heart dropped to my stomach when I looked into the toilet to see blood red water staring right back at me. I returned to my senses (slightly) when I realized, DUH, that it was the dye from the cupcakes. Here's my Not-S0-SmallBoy showing off his rollerblades. He really was excited, though he moved them so fast through my attempt at capturing the moment, that when I asked him to do it again, he got a little pissed off. Oh well. He LOVES rollerblading! Thanks, GR!

OOOEEEWWWHHH - tummy's starting to hurt, perhaps I should stop eating these noodles. I think I will, but, I think I'll grab a beer to wash them down - I'm AWFUL, aren't I? And no, I haven't washed the pan yet! Hmm!

Here are SmallBoy & Poppy sharing the fun of blowing out their candles. My NSSB came home with some GREAT presents - a HUGE dinosaur puzzle, his roller blades, some really cool books, including one about wolves (he LOVES wolves), a fishing game (recommended by the fabulous OT, J), some clothes, a calendar that he can change & personalize each month with stickers and a dry erase marker (because things DO change), and a whole bunch of other great stuff - INCLUDING the still-to-be-delivered body sock that Meem & Poppy got for him. He was SO excited! What was really cool, though was his reaction to the gift from PC & me. After all of this cool stuff, I wasn't expecting much more than an "oh, gee, thanks," for our gift. We all know how HUGE it is for a child on the spectrum to make, and maintain, friendships. SmallBoy has some really key friends and a couple of them happened to be at the concert in the park that Code West put on last month. Girl and S got all the boys to line up on the stairs to the stage and took a pic. So, we had it framed and gave that to him (another ordeal, if I haven't already written about it, perhaps I'll tell you another time). His face LIT up. What I read in that face and the gigantic thank you and hug that followed, was that THIS was a gift that he would value and treasure forever. It wasn't something he would outgrow like clothes or outgrow and not want to play with like toys and games. It was a memory and a reminder that he has good friends. It will always be there for him when he's having a "nobody likes me" moment. It will make him happy. When I got home from work, the bag of gifts that we brought home was still sitting on the landing, waiting to be taken upstairs. LargeBoy said to me, "Mom, you should be very happy - yours is the only gift that made it out of the bag and into his room," and it's sitting on his desk, next to his bed, right next to the pic of him and our first dog. That made me feel so good.

I really wanted to show you a GREAT poster that Girl made for him, but it's got his name on it - something I'd rather didn't go on the blog (not like it matters, his pic is all over the place, but it would TOTALLY throw the whole pseudonym stuff for a loop. Before we left to go home, SmallBoy put together his fishing game. In OT, J used it to help with eye hand coordination and fine motor skills. I gotta tell ya...it's not an easy game. The object is to catch as many of your color fish (if your playing with more than one player). The game is motorized, going around in a circle. The fish, in turn, open their mouths for about 1 second. In that second, you have to try and "hook" the with this plastic fishing pole. It ain't easy. I found myself trying to time the opening of the mouths...LOL Here are SmallBoy and Meem's cat, Meatball...who do you think wants to catch the most fish?

Well...it's almost 6:30 and Ex hasn't brought the kids home yet. My tummy is very happy and full from my noodley badness, and my beer is still cold, and relatively full, since I've been typing away. I should probably go and wash my dishes so I feel like I accomplished SOMETHING in my time alone.

A Year (or Two) of SmallBoy

...while he's still a small boy. Tomorrow he will be 10, and no longer a "SmallBoy. Here are some pics of some of SmallBoys adventures over the last year or so...not in any order whatsoever. This picture is from Friday night - 6 boys between ages 9 & 10. Video games. Much hyperactivity. Thankfully, one of the boys got him a flag football set, so we went to the park down the block and played mud flag football - in the dark!

These pics are from Cub Scout outings. The one in the orange shirt is from an afternoon we spent helping the boys learn orienteering - or, how to not get lost. They were given a compass and coordinates and told to find things. The were also given an object in the distance and taught to find the degrees/measurements. The one in the uniform was from the Rain Gutter Regata. The boys got to build boats and send them down a rain gutter (in a race), with the only steam coming from the scout's lungs!

Dozin' with the Dinos was another event at the Field Museum. The Cub Scouts got to take over the entire museum and spend the night! We had a BLAST! H-O-S-E Limbo Time! Here we are at my mom's house on one very very hot day in June. SmallBoy thought it would be fun to play Hose Limbo. We did. Then, LargeBoy, my mother (GR), and SmallBoy turned the hose on us! SmallBoy hanging upside down on the machine at OT. Among all of his favorite things to do, this is at the top of his list. He LOVES this machine. J makes him use his upper body strength and lower body strength to bring himself back to a horizontal position, and then a vertical upright position.

Hot summer day with his watermelon. I think this was in July - before the days of the melted candle!

Scooter boy and Cookie Boy - I think the cookie one was from 2yrs ago at our family cookie baking day. Scooter Boy was just this summer through the park near our house.