Friday, May 26, 2006

And The Winner Is........

Not me. I placed third. Fortunately, the 2nd & 1st place winners were absolutely phenomenal and deserving of their awards. The contest was a huge exercise in trust, in stress management, and in learning lessons.

I went into last night with a poor choice of song for my vocals (had I had the Aretha Franklin version of the backing track to Son of A Preacher Man, I would have been able to breathe some more life into it, but alas - no time for what ifs), lack of preparedness (hell, I work full time and have a family to tend), and a big ol' hole where my confidence used to be, especially because I knew going into the evening that I was screwed on the song and that there was nothing I could do but give it everything I had (which by 6:00 yesterday, wasn't much). I came out devastated (oh you should have seen me - the oldest contest in ANY category bawling like one of the little kids), I came out feeling old, I came out feeling not good enough. I knew that my performance was just...UGH...I know that none of that is an issue, but I just really wanted to be mad and upset for a while. I'd like to blame the judging, but it wasn't that - my performance last night was SOOOOOOOO not worth first place, and it would have been terribly unfair to the other deserving contestants if I had won based on my previous performances and not this one (cuz they were REALLLLLY good).

My woes, sadness, and tears were all given a big reality check this morning when my boss called to see how I had done. I told her that I had come in third, and she told me that she was really proud of me, and she genuinely meant it. I've heard this same line from my family and friends too; the difference being, my boss was on her way for chemotherapy for a God-awful cancer that's tearing her apart. Talk about putting things into perspective. Yes, I may be 36 - very late in life as far as the music biz is concerned, I have a family that needs me - a little difficult to pick them all up and keep them on the road on a tour, and I have the rest of my life ahead of me. Yeah, the next few days will be tough, smiling, and telling everyone that I came in third, having my whole town, parish, and colleagues read in the paper that I didn't win as expected (even by the woman who was the head of the studio running the contest). I'll get by. I'll live another day. I'll stand with my head held high and the support and love of my family and friends. I'll go find another contest that will be more money so I can donate to Cure Autism Now and The Alzheimer's Association and my children's college fund. I'll go play with my band tomorrow night and rock the house. Life goes on.

Lots of hugs, loves and thank yous to my family and my friends who came out for me, who voted for me to get me as far as I did. PC & Girl - thank YOU for making me do this, for making me get past the fear and to just suck it up an do it. Thank you to PC, Girl, Large & SmallBoys for dealing with my freak outs, my unbelievable stress over song choices, wardrobe choices and MY meltdowns - I love you so much, I can't even put it into words. Mama - thank you for Gram, thank you for your love, your support, your push, your pep talks, your hugs. Dad - thank you for your song choice, for getting KR, for being there every single time, for your love and support and pep talks. Meem & Poppy - thanks for being there for me, for the love, for letting me be a big baby last night, for PC and all of the things you've given him to help him be such a wonderful man, for ET and raising him to be such a great guy to let me cry on his shoulder, to give me his famous pep talks. K & J - for, you know, WHATEVER! Snood, my other "daughter", thanks to you for coming to the rounds, voting for Pedro, cheering me up, and keeping me going. For YOU - my blogging buddies, thank you SO much for your support, your good vibes, your song suggestions, your comments - this stress is over, so I should have some more time to return to writing.

PC, my Love - thank you. Typed, it holds no feeling, but you know absolutely how much is there. SmallBoy - thank you for being SO incredibly patient and for your unending supply of hugs and for all of your "GO MOM!" yells. LargeBoy - thanks for your HUGE support, for your love, for your technological help, and for having so much faith in me. Girl - as you're heading off to camp this weekend, take my gratitude, my love with you. Thank you for being a cheerleader for me and for keeping PC sane after listening to all of my endless rants and freak outs. I know that I'm not saying nearly enough to all of you, but thank you most of all for believing in me and for your love.

NEXT!?!?!?!?!?!!?

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You ARE phenomenal my sweets. Getting so far with all the other responsibilities you have to deal with is nothing short of PHENOMENAL! Love you a bunch! GR

KR said...

I'd love you anyway, even if you got up there and screamed the whole song. It doesn't matter because you're my sister and I love you. I wanted to be there for you no matter the outcome, and it was worth the rush just to see my sister do what she loves and be surrounded by so much support. Stay classy, San Diego.

PC said...

Not one person can sing it and swing it like you can,girl.Bad choices and bad moments happen all the time in the music business and in life,just look at some of Mick Jaggers clothing choices! You can and will be a star of the stage one day,last night just wasn't the time to realize it.With Codewest and your family,you already are a star.To me,my love,you are the only star in the sky,and you shine for everyone else.Good job,kiddo!We love you! n-PC

A said...

My T. I am so glad I got to come last night. I had a great time. We ALL know what you are capable of, so don't sweat it. I love you and I am totally proud of you for puting yourself out there and doing the things you love to do. I love hearing you sing, so the NEXT time you make it to at least 3rd place in a contest that over 100 people in your category(old people who have great voices)tried out for..you bet your patoot I and everyone else in the front row will be there!! Love you
Your A

Astryngia said...

Not coming first in the competition doesn't actually change anything - the head of the studio is still going to be impressed. You were in it and that means seeds sown. You just never know what amazing plants will thrive there. Not winning the competition doesn't mean that talent hasn't already been spotted. I look forward to hearing about it when that 'knock on the door' comes one day in the not too distant future!!! You do indeed rock!!

standing still for once said...

Aw, dang Mama, you're still the best in my book ... NO ONE I know has ever done anything close to that. As for next ... how about learning to ride a Harley? tee hee hee

kyra said...

i say HOORAY TO YOU!!!!i very sincerely send huge congratulations to you! i wouldn't have even gotten one note in the door for ONE SECOND. you are a star in my eyes!

Moi ;) said...

Astryngia is right - they heard you and they know what you Can do! And so do You. :) You will rise and kick butt again someday!!!

Anonymous said...

You gift from God on high, this thing can bring a tear to an Ogre's eye.........
and has a time or two!
Loved, That you are!
Dab.

Anonymous said...

I was there....you were awesome! And you are such a class act...the way you handle everything in your life. I was beyond proud of you!!Just being in the finals....that's HUGE! Love you!! Meem

Laura said...

It is amazing to make it to the top 3. You are really gifted, and should be proud of that. (And I am still deeply envious you are a rock star.)

Hope to see you in June!