Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Familial Inspiration (or WARNING: PMS)

After reading, and commenting on, Marti's post on the curative qualites of Tollhouse Cookies for PMS, I decided to share with you MY newest cure for's been quite successful at my house.

When I went in for my annual, my doctor looked at my now "late 30's" age and decided that it was time to {GULP} start to ease my body towards menopause by changing the birth control pill that I take. The advantage - 3 day periods after 6months, perhaps NO period after a year...OK!!!!!!! Works for ME! Who the hell's gonna argue with NO PERIOD! God, the money that will save on "supplies", PMS meds, wine - ok, we won't cut out the wine... The disadvantage - my body has to go through a Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde transition as it readjusts itself to the chaning hormone levels. Ok, I thought, I've gone through pregnancy 3times, and I've had my period for ...UGH...I don't even want to think about how many years, but I figured this would be a cake walk.

HA! After the first month, which, by the way, was particularly stressful over all, my family was BEGGING for the previous occupant of my body to return. My poor husband had NO idea who I was. This entity that hijacked my body was having meltdowns equivalent to the ones had by SmallBoy - and there wasn't a DAMN thing I could do, except wait it out, until we hit a new cycle and all was well once more. I promised I would call the doc and see what we could do. Well, things got crazy once more, planning for back to school, things breaking around the house, water issues in the basement, crap with Ex, you know...the usual, only moreso. Never managed to call the doc.

Once again, my body was possessed by the PMS Demon. I should tell you that normally, the worst I get during PMS is stinking drunk once or twice because wine works SO much better (and faster) than waiting for advil, tylenol, or Midol, hell, or even Naprocyn, to kick in. So, I drink wine to numb the pain of the cramps until the alternate medication kicks in - but most times, in lieu of the alternate medication. The worst side effect being a nasty wine hangover in the morning. No biggy. This go 'round..Uh-uh, no way jose! The cramps last longer, are 10x as strong, and I'm still a raving bitch (which I wasn't before!) What makes it worse, is that I'm fully aware of my behavior and my meltdowns and, like I said before, I can't do a damn thing. ... although maybe this time I should try SmallBoy's sensory tunnel!

After last month, I got on the phone and made an immediate call to my doc.

ME: "Hi. Dr. D tried me on this new pill and told me to call her immediately if it was disagreeing with me and I wanted to switch back."

"Ma'am," (God, I hate being "ma'am"ed) "how long have you been taking this particular pill?"

ME: "I just finished my second month."

NURSE: "Well, you need to go 3 months in order for your body to adjust. We can't change you now. Give us a call back next month if there's still a need to change."

Well, you can imagine my family's reaction when I relayed this call to them. We decided, then, instead of dreading the next month of PMS, that we'd start making light of it IMMEDIATELY. THIS is how we did it:

This is posted in the kitchen for all to see, including me. We've been playing games rotating in others' names for who is the "bestest," but it's been doing well. According to the little pill pack, today should begin a week of head eating. Instead, I think I'll follow Marti's advice and make some Toll House Cookies and just keep reminding my family that they will be my midnight snack should the choose to cross me for the next week and a half.


KR said...

Wish NSSB a belated Happy Birthday for me and give him lots of hugs!! Love and miss you all.

Lora said...

You are the BESTEST and I wish you luck for the next week and month. Before my complete hysterectomy I had endometriosis and it was wine that helped me the most too because the pain was so severe.So, I understand where you're coming from. I love that you all have such a great sense of humor about the PMS and the biting off of heads, hee hee. Love to you all and HUGS~ p.s. you should be getting that book this weekend, I sent it priority. Hope you have a great day!

Laura said...

I am truly a big fan of the no period thing. My hysterectomy was not the most enjoyable experience, but I would take its hellish recovery over still enduring monthly pain and suffering any day. I am also in search of good hot flash medication options, etc. I will let you know how it goes as I experiment with them!

Although I do believe that wine would probably work just fine. As long as you have chocolate covered pretzels to eat with them. (Yum - salty, crunchy and chocolate-y!)

mommyguilt said...

MMMmmmmmmmmmmm....salt & chocolate! Think I might have to make some GORP this weekend! (with M&M's of course)

Kristina Chew said...

This post is pretty BESTEST at making me laugh --- I never had PMS until after I had Charlie. And he definitely reacts to my "reactions." Chocolate and wine....