The Post-Mortem

I know a few of you have been waiting patiently for this follow up post. I cannot even begin to tell you how quickly my stomach stopped hurting once we got through this evening. Must be stress, as I suspected. So , no, Ex and New Wife and New Baby did NOT come to OT - gee, we saw that coming. He did, however, come to Girl's volleyball game tonight (15mins after OT ended...hmmmmmm, WE got to both). We all arrived at the gym at the same time...THAT was fun. As we're walking to the gym doors, he said to me, and this is a direct quote,

So, how was the boy's appointment?

I couldn't believe it. It was almost as though I was dealing with Homer Simpson. He's not "the boy," I wanted to scream. "He's YOUR SON!" Thank God PC was there. He gripped my arm so I didn't turn around and belt him since he had his step-daughter with him. Even I wouldn't stoop that low. I just turned, told him that it went well - we worked on balance, posture, and breathing. Then I turned and asked New Step-Daughter how her shoulder injury was (class ski trip). I was good, didn't yell and scream, but let it ride. I WILL kick his ass though. GOD I'm pissed. I really really wanted to deck him, though (if you missed it, check out the previous post).

Girl was phenomenal tonight, though...well, after her first round of setting the ball with her face and hitting the ball into the net on a spike. She really is good, though. She is just as good at volleyball as she is at basketball and softball, she was just having a goofy night. She's got a KILLER serve - if you get in the way of the ball, you WILL bruise. Unfortunately, she's got SO much power, but not a lot of control in keeping it in bounds. Fortunately, though, most of the opponents don't know that and try to hit the balls back. She had one game last year that she served aces 11 times in a row. Nah, I'm not bragging, not at all.

But here is my lovey. He's fantastic. I love all of my children with everything that I have within me. I could never love one any more than another. But SmallBoy is my lovey. How could you deny THIS cute happy face?????????????

THE Talk

My sweet little SmallBoy had lunch with his father on Saturday (while LargeBoy and Girl had spent Friday night there), and then spent a couple of hours with his father before he was returned home to me. Without prodding for information, I asked SmallBoy how his afternoon was with his dad. He told me they went to Wendy's for lunch and then presented me with a plate of cupcakes that he had made while at his dad's. As PC & I were getting ready for "the ball", I left it at that, gave him some HUGE squeezes and loves, and let him play with his brother - oh yes, that's right, LargeBoy had to come home early so that he could babysit since we had no coverage for SmallBoy since his father chose not to allow him in his home anymore.

Our weekend continued and SmallBoy had fun. We did silly things, GR & Chica took him to see the Curious George movie on Sunday and stayed for dinner. He loved it...thought it was awesome. He had a blast with his Grandma and his aunt. He said his favorite part in the movie was when George had the bunch of balloons and started floating away. I told him that was my favorite part in the book, too. The rest of the evening was nice and he even got ready for bed perfectly for me.

I went up at 9 to tuck him in like I do every night. I asked him about his weekend, like I do every Sunday night. I always do a recap with him and find out if he enjoyed it, and give him some time to decompress before going to sleep. I also asked him if he wanted to talk about his "talk" with his dad. Are you holding on to your hats/seats/fists, etc...this is what he said:

He told me that when I stop lying I can come over again.

Can you believe that crap? You don't tell ANY child that they're a liar, let alone a child on the spectrum! I could just feel the pain that must have been rushing through him. All I could do was hold him, tell him what a wondeful child was, tell him that I'm so proud of him for all of the help that he has given our new friend H & her son N (the 7 y/o Aspie I mentioned a few posts back), that he was my hero for that (oh, and did I also mention that N's father offered to take SmallBoy and N overnight anytime? Gee, a dad - also not with the mother of his child - who is willing to take on not one, but TWO Aspies at the same time!!!!!). I told him how strong he was and how much everyone loves him. I told him that he is not a liar and that sometimes we just need to learn new ways to tell the truth and that some people still don't understand that it's hard, sometimes for Aspies to find the right words to verbalize what they want to say.

I was LIVID! I went back downstairs to the couch and just cried my eyes out. I don't think I have EVER cried that hard, even after fights with Ex, after him threatening to leave me penniless and without my children (well, we know NOW that would never happen). Tonight we shall all meet again for OT, if he bothers to come this time, and for a volleyball game for Girl, again, if he bothers. It will take every ounce of restraint, and the want of keeping my dignity by not making a public scene, to keep from screaming at him and publicly flogging him for hurting my baby. Make no mistake, words will be spoken, this mama is PISSED OFF. It will also take some serious control to keep from letting PC loose on him. PC - who is NOT my child's father, who has only been around my children for a short time compared to their life with their father, PC who has taken it upon himself to learn as much as I have about Asperger's, Autism in general, Sensory issues, what it takes to help SmallBoy...PC gives a shit. He cares about my son. He would NEVER EVER EVER remove my son because he told a lie, because he didn't wash his hands before touching the baby, because he wants to touch "the forbidden toys". FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! I think I will be reminding my ex that he used to lie to his parents everyday before high school and tell them that he was going to the library to study - he went to get drunk & stoned. I think I will tell him that Girl was grounded from the computer all of last week for lying to me and blatantly defying me to my face about using a 3-way call. I think I will tell him that there were times I lied to my parents too...GEEZ.

My darling husband has just come to save me from work, so I'll hit publish now. I will keep you posted.

The Ball

Last night was our biggest event since our wedding. We attended a Ball, yes, a ball, for a non-profit organization with whom my company does some work. Our company sponsored a table and, since our director wasn't able to find any available client guests, she took the core staff. We got all fancy schmancy, took picturesbefore we left (yeah, like prom), and headed out. Free food, open bar, silent auction....LOTS of people with LOTS of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ (oh, wait, except us). We purposely didn't "pre-swipe" our credit card to make sure that we behaved and didn't bid. Sad, too, because there were some really nice things there. It was entirely too tempting. Thankfully, there was a bar on the other side of the building and another in the "important people" seating, so that we could go get drinks without having to be lured to those really pretty, and highly tempting, yet over priced things. I didn't need any of those things, though because I just bought this FABULOUS necklace and earring set from Felicity's new site (handmade, of course) AND, I have this FABULOUS necklace from Marti's site (also, handmade), so who would need anything else.


Back to the Ball. I had hoped to take lots of pictures of us all having a fabulous time, but I was too busy having a fabulous time to take pictures. I do have a funny one to share, though. You see, PC loves to be very sweet and tender and will randomly, just give me a sweet peck on the cheek, especially when we're out in public, to let me know he loves me. He ALSO loves to be obnoxious, ESPECIALLY in public, and let me know that he loves me in a more, well, let's say...primitive way. Oh yes. This was at the table either while waiting for, or immediately following dinner. I do so love my husband. Isn't he just the sweetest? Our night was lovely, we had a designated driver and everything. K & J - thanks, by the way. PC and I were discussing today that last night was the very first time someone had ever dropped us off at our house. It was kind of nice!


We truly had a lovely time, showed a great deal of restraint, spent time with great friends, and were still home by 10:30. It was rather nice (especially since my feet were screaming at me).

Living Room Updates and Our Olympic Skater

So I caved and bought a new camera...it's a pretty decent camera, we use one identical to it at work, so it's not totally foreign to me. When I got home, I decided to test it out by taking some pics of the living room progress to show to you. Girl, just happened to be watching the figure skating and wanted to "model" for us. Enjoy! She's such a dork sometimes..that's why I love her! This picture here is of the doorway from Hell - the one that K & J (and their strippers) helped us with. You can see that we've made scads of progress on it. It's pure evil. It will probably be the LAST thing that we do.


Here you see one of the doorways that we finished stripping with the heat gun(in considerably less time than the doorway fromHell). The left side of the door is completely sanded. THAT is what created the inch of sawdust on my floor and all over my wall. The right side of the door shoes the stain that some buttmonkeys decided to put 12 coats of paint over. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY??????? Clearly we still have tons of work to do on that doorway, but considering what the other doorway looks like, I think we've done some serious damage! Above, you see the crown moulding and where we took the bottom "half" of the moulding off. It looked really crappy because there was this big gap between the top and the bottom - consistently throughout the house - and dirt and dust totally collects there. So the gross brownish part that you see is really black, gray, and yucko! That, too, will have to be sanded and painted.


Ahhhhh...my Girl....what a yutz! ET did part of this window I did a little...I did the part that sort of melted the bottom of the left frame. OOOPS. But seriously, LOOK at that stain. WHY would you paint over that? UGH!@!%#&@*****Ok, done now. Camera works, pics are great.

Girl is Great! Win Us The Chocolate Cake!

Do you remember that Bill Cosby skit? I think he even worked it into a skit on the Cosby Show, too...Just substitute, "Dad is great! Give us the chocolate cake!" Here is Girl at the school's Mission Day Celebration (fund raising day for the Ursuline Mission) winning us a yummo chocolate cake! I'll post more on last night and other fun stuff in a bit, but I just found this pic and wanted to get it out there! Gee, can you guess which camera HAM she is?

Can I Take a Nap Now?

Despite having Monday off of work, I'm beat to no end. Today is my LONG day, too which bites...I work an extra 1/2hr at work on Wednesdays, then go home and pick SmallBoy up from Art Class (leaving the house about 15minutes after I walk in). Tonight.....tonight I pick up SmallBoy, then have cantor practice at church at 6:45 (I'd blow it off, but I missed the last one and this one's getting into all of the nitty gritty Lent music - woo hoo), THEN, the band is doing an open mic night at a place that's about a 20minute ride from our house. Registration starts at 7:30, so the rest of the band is getting out there ahead of us, PC is picking me up from church and we're booking out there in case we have to go on as one of the first bands. Oh, I failed to mention....since I don't have time to go home and change between cantor practice and the gig...I'm wearing my gig clothes to church....sheer shirt, big hair, CFM make-up, itty bitty jeans (because they're too tight), and heels....If I don't get hit by lightning, I'll be lucky.

AAARRGGGGHHH! Well, at least this way I can avoid all the phone calls from those out of state numbers trying to collect bills I can't pay them (which is why we need to get booked at this place we're at tonight). ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!! Update on the SmallBoy, the Ex & New Wife. J., our OT, called me at work yesterday. She asked initially if I had any further questions about the evaluation and the results that she did and had discussed with us all on Monday night. I told her I had no questions and everything made perfect sense. She said she got that feeling from us and that she also got the feeling that Ex and New Wife Just Didn't Get It. (heh heh heh - insert evil cackle here). She told me that she got the feeling that they will not continue to attend the sessions (especially since Ex made it a point to ask if it was necessary that they be at "all of these things,"), and that she would make it a point to try and have a phone conference with them at least once a month and to give them the same things, including strategies to implement at home, in writing at least once a month, if not more.

J. told me that she was amazed at WHY they have decided NOT to allow SmallBoy in their home anymore - simply because they can't determine if he's telling the truth or lying about washing his hands anymore and because he wants to touch all the baby's toys with potentially unwashed (and carrying fatal boogers) hands. She said that was absolutely unbelievable, but obviously, was trying to be professional and couldn't say that New Wife was absolutely being overly protective. She said that during the Q & A session after reviewing the results of SmallBoy's evaluation, the she had tried as best she could to steer the conversation towards New Wife and to make it as simple as she could, so that perhaps they would understand (which they didn't). She also said that she wants to see SmallBoy back visiting his father for the whole weekend as soon as possible, because by them not allowing him over, they are seriously hurting his self-image, especially since he is doing nothing wrong (these are the OT's words). She said to me that she understands and can clearly see why SmallBoy is so overloaded when he is at his father's...She asked me if he is stressed before he goes over. "Of COURSE," I answered. I told her that there is so much tension when he is at his father's that he feels it well before he gets there and during the entire course of his stay...and THAT ADDS to His OVERLOAD (causing him to meltdown and freak at his father's). J. is absolutely wonderful for SmallBoy. In only two sessions, he has become incredibly comfortable with her and has developed a level of trust also. SOOOOOO Important!

I was delighted to hear her tell me that she was so excited to see that PC and I already had so many strategies in place for SmallBoy without even having them recommended because, "Clearly he's fine at home and when he's having a rought time, [we] know how to help him." That helped to give me a HUGE boost of confidence. Truly, though, what does that say about EX and New Wife? It says they don't have a clue. J. saw that Ex & New Wife didn't get it and that New Wife was more focused on the issues of SmallBoy not always washing his hands, or lying to them (I almost pummeled her then), and trying to touch the baby's toys, and NOT on the real issues, the important issues...the ones that address HELPING SmallBoy.

J. ended the conversation by asking me if I had any other questions. I told her that, really, I had no questions, even at the meeting. I told her that the questions I asked, I had geared to be certain that Ex & New Wife understood - to clarify what J. had already explained. J said she picked up on that right away and that's why she made it a point to repeat the things that she had said time and time again. She said that's why she repeatedly stressed how important it is that they have empathy and place themselves in SmallBoy's shoes before jumping on him about doing something wrong, about how they need to try to think like he thinks in order to understand him better, to understand that even though he may lie about somethings it may be because a) he's 9 years old, b) he's afraid of getting in trouble, or c) he may just not be able to process the correct response at the time.

I'm exhausted ladies and gents. I talked to Ex last night about this weekend. Of course he isn't bringing SmallBoy over...silly me for asking. He said that he'll take SmallBoy for a couple of hours on Saturday and "talk to him" and explain to him WHY he can't come over and the conditions that he must meet in order for him to be allowed back. Like HELL HE WILL...not without me present! So, I decided that, if our appointment with his therapist holds for Friday night, I'm going to force the issue and make Ex tell him there - so that his supports will be in place and ready for the meltdown. So that his father can see the pain and get the feedback from the psychologist that he's a moron and totally doing this for the wrong reasons. Mama Bear is fightin' mad! OH OH OH...but in the same breath he asked me if there were plans for the kids the following weekend (my weekend anyway). He said to me, "Well, we talked about how we have to ease SmallBoy back into the house, right? (WRONG) Well, that's the night before my birthday and I'd like to have the kids spend the night and then take them to breakfast in the morning." I choked out, "ALL 3 Kids?" He said yes, but will be picking them up later in the evening on Sat and then returning them in time for Girl to be at church by 10:20 for choir the next morning. Can you believe the nerve? Why not take them ALL for 1 night every other weekend if he and New Wife can't handle it? Huh? I don't get it. They really just don't get it.

New Wife went as far as telling J. that she can't deal with SmallBoy and hands him off to his father who, also can't deal with him. She said that his father talks to him in an angry voice and that tends to send SmallBoy into a spiral. HELLLLOOOOOO....gee, is there a connection in that perhaps? I cannot believe that she's missing this! In the middle of all of this, Girl & LargeBoy are caught in this horrible web. They WERE totally on SmallBoy's side. They understood, they defended him, they were prepared to tell their father how wrong he was, they were ready to say, "Dad, if you ban SmallBoy from your house, then we're not coming either," LargeBoy wanted to give back the iPod that Ex bought him for Christmas (because he knows I can't afford it and wanted to show me up, but that's another post for another day). Now, they've spoken with their father who has, apparently brainswashed them. They treat SmallBoy differently now. Sometimes they're still lovey dovey with him, but other times, it's like he's a nuisance to them...just like to Ex & New Wife. They've seen me get upset after talking to their father, they've heard me talking to PC about how I will NOT let SmallBoy get hurt through this, that I KNOW he has done nothing wrong.....GRRR...so, needless to say, I'm pooped.

If anyone is in the area tonight and wants to stop by, we will be at Ballydoyle's Irish Pub on Main Street in Downers Grove (IL). We'd love to have fans there to help boost the crowd response...that certainly would help to get us booked! I'll collapse when I get home. I think there's an open bottle of merlot with my name on it.

Still Here!!!!!

HI MY LOVES!!!!!!

I'm still here, really. I've been SO busy lately. I've actually had work to do at work and, at home, we're still working on transforming the scary wallpaper room. Now that the wallpaper is down and the room painted, we decided to strip the trim and stain it. We found that, like the wallpaper, it was a BITCH to get down. We tried to use a chemical stripper. We had our dear friends K & J over to help and they brought their own stripper (ok, people, get your minds out of the gutter...that was the running joke all night...oh, wait, still is!). Between the four of us and our two strippers, we hardly got diddly squat done. Frustrated, we cleaned up and waited for next time.

Next time. Yes. Next time we remembered...DUH, we have a heat gun. OH. MY. GOD!!!! How much simpler!!! It bubbled up the twelve layers of paint and the old varnish and we just followed along with the scraper. Mind you, there are some hazzards of using a heat gun - oh, say, melting the plastic on your new window frames, burning the wood, potentially starting something, including yourself, on fire....but it's SO much easier than the chemicals! We're not even close to done. After you get the paint off, it is truly very very necessary to sand the wood down to it's natural finish. Sanding just one side of the door frame created so much sawdust in the house that we can only do this part of the project when SmallBoy (and preferably the other two kiddos) is not home. Since his father is still banning him from the house, we've been limited to when SmallBoy's had sleepovers. Thankfully, the last two weekends he has been with friends. It's going to take us a long time, but we'll get there and then our house will look beautiful.

SmallBoy update: He has started OT on Monday nights. The last two weeks were the evaluation and tonight PC, myself, Ex, New Wife, and New Baby met with the OT and listened to her results. Nothing surprised us. It was all what we had expected. She recommended vision therapy also as his visual tracking is kind of funky. Ex and New Wife were totally confused...but we're not surprised by that. They were so focused on why SmallBoy "Lies" to them when they ask him why he's touching something. I won't rant too much about that. I came home totally exhausted. But J, the OT basically told them that if they want SmallBoy to be able to adapt to all of the new things and rules and handwashing and not touching new baby's toys, etc, that he needs to be allowed back in that house and SOON. She also said that the absence from Ex's house will only serve to make SmallBoy feel like he is being punished and that, in itself, will make him more confused when he visits.

She talked to them about his need to really really feel somethings and to totally avoid feeling others....Ex and New Wife just didn't get it. Oh well. Their loss when they totally lose any love from SmallBoy, right?

Also this weekend, I met a spectacular woman, H., who has a 7 y/o undiagnosed Aspie son. She and I talked at great length, she met my SmallBoy, and saw many of the same things in him as in her son. We talked about her son, N's, sensory issues also and how sometimes she just needs to vent and talk to other people who "get it". I gave her my blog info and hopefully she'll visit. H - you're an awesome mom. N. is going to be just fine. All of my friends here will be your support net, they are truly a godsend. I promise you'll love them. They have children from all over the spectrum - some low functioning, some non verbal, some asperger's, some older, some younger, and they all have many strategies and resources that will help you. And, like you and me, they need to vent some days, too, and appreciate even a "shoulder" to cry on. Sometimes, that helps the rest of us also to realize that we are NOT alone in this. I encourage you to visit any of the sites on the right of the blog - under Mommy Links (or whatever it says). You'll love them. We're all our own little family and we would love to welcome you in. Whenever you need us, we're her.

Everyone else - I MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll try to play catch up as soon as I can - I know I'm WAYYYYYYYY behind. LOVE Y'ALL tons!

Hmmm.......

I've had this post in my head for over a week now. The inspiration came from Girl's a study guide for Girl's Social Studies test on the Revolutionary War. These particular questions struck me as VERY interesting considering our current state of affairs (state of W's Union....AAARRRRGGGGHHH)br>
25. According to the Declaration of Independence, how do people protect their basic rights?
The government

26. According to the Declaration of Independence, where does government get its power?
The people

27. According to the Declaration of Independence, what must people do if the government takes away the rights of the people?
Overthrow the government

28. In the Declaration of Independence, what were the 3 sets of wrongdoings attributed to Britain and the Parliament?
1. unjust acts from the king
2. unjust acts from parliament
3. warlike acts by the king

I just thought this very interesting. Are you seeing anything? Any similarities? Hmmmmmmmm.................

Writer's Block Activity

Ok, so today I'm playing catch-up and haven't done much in the way of posting. Instead, I stole this from Amy (thanks, Amy!).

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don’t speak often or don’t really know each other) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you’re finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON’T ACTUALLY remember about you!

Please don’t make me look like a loser here…if you read this…even a lurker…do this!!

Ok, So I Had to Do One for the Band, Too

This is just way too fun! Maybe this could be our band promo shirt:



Seriously, I LOVE IT!

THIS is REALLY FUN

You should try it. I found this thanks to Moi ;):


You can make yourself a word cloud from your blog too if you click here...they'll even make a t-shirt for you!

Fun With OT

We had our initial OT evaluation for SmallBoy yesterday. HE had a ball - got to ride on a zip line, jump on a trampoline, hit a punching bag for a good 10 minutes, run around like a knucklehead, and a whole bunch of stuff I couldn't see, AND, when we walked in, he was excited to see his friend from school there, also doing OT. We found it very informative - we being Me, PC, Ex, New Wife, and New Baby. Oh yes, they came. After arguing with me about SmallBoy and thinking that I'm lying about everything, schools, therapies, behavior at home, etc, he decided that he "should be more involved" in SmallBoy's therapies (still doesn't want him for the weekend though - I'll get into that in a bit). So yes, we were all there. I filled out the paperwork, but made sure to ask their opinions on one of the sensory questionnaires so they didn't feel like I was excluding them, and to gauge their opinions on some things - ironically, they were pretty much in agreement with PC & I on everything.

After working very intensively with SmallBoy, Jamie, the OT, came to us and discussed her preliminary observations (although he still has to go back for, oh, another 30mns to complete the eval). She said there was definite sensory integration dysfunction (NO KIDDING), a great lack of body awareness and a lack of him being aware of the space around him and how his body moves through it, balance difficulties, difficulties with midline body activities, visual tracking issues (which I should have suspected would be tied in with the eye contact thing), and a convergence/divergence insufficiency - also with his visual tracking. She said a whole mess of other things too, but I was trying to take copious notes AND hear everything she said so that Ex couldn't throw anything back at me. One very KEY thing that she said, though, was that yes, he definitely qualified for OT services, but due to his academic record being so fantastic, he would not be eligible for services through the school district. You see, she works for the school district also, so she knows these things. At that point, she and I had a dialog about the new IDEA law and the restrictions that it put on the services. This was fabulous, since just the other day, Ex accused me on the phone of lying about his ineligibility for the services because I just wanted to keep SmallBoy in his current school. It was all I could do to restrain myself from doing the "IN YOUR FACE" dance ( I did it in the kitchen with PC as a witness when we got home). The other wonderful thing that came out of this was when the OT was bringing SmallBoy back out to us and she asked him how he was feeling, perhaps expecting tired, pooped, exhausted, whatever. His response: "I feel happy." (pump fist in air with a "YES!")

He was very very excited that we will be going back. We talked about what he liked the best (the zip line), things he felt were hard for him (balance beam), and how cool it was that Jamie is really fun. THAT makes ME happy.

Let me take you back to the waiting area, though. It was interesting to say the least. At first it was a bit uncomfortable, but we managed, for SmallBoy's sake. The comfort level got a little better as we included Ex and New Wife in the survey process...which led to conversation. We talked about lots of things, and I know I'm leaving out a key piece that PC remembers and I don't, but one of the things was what can we do to make SmallBoy feel more at home when he's at Ex's. That developed into, hmm, let's see, maybe we can have things in both places for him - identical things. For example, maybe we could get him the same toothbrush at both places or the same bathtowel. Maybe he can have a set of books that he likes to read - the same at both places. Perhaps SmallBoy could bring a bunch of stuff back and forth that can't really be duplicated - like the things from home that make him comfortable - his snuggle pillow, his bear that sleeps in his bed (he doesn't sleep WITH the bear, the bear sleeps with him - get it?), things like that. Sounds like a great idea.

New Wife then asked how she can tell how much of his behaviors are attributed to the Aspergers (which she called, "the syndrome" - I suppose that's better than AWSBURGERS), and how much are attributed to him never having to do anything at his father's house before he got married (because his dad spoiled him - HA! I was lauging so hard), because his brother and sister always anticipated his needs and took care of him, and how much was attributed to him just being a 9 y/o boy. I said, well, with Asperger's it's hard to attribute anything in any particular "amounts" to anything. Blah blah blah.

After a while, the conversation turned to THE MAIN TOPIC OF CONCERN - the health of New Baby in relation to SmallBoy's handwashing and - God forbid - TOUCHING New Baby's toys (ever, not just after sneezing, coughing, or using the bathroom). She asked me what else she could do to keep him from TOUCHING the baby's toys because he (NB) will get sick if SmallBoy touches the baby's stuff, and that SmallBoy insists on touching it. Had I been thinking, I would have said, listen, New Wife, when SmallBoy was an infant, I ran a daycare in my home. There was always someone there with a cold and yes, it is hard to be constantly monitoring who has boogers, who has washed hands, who has touched the baby's stuff, etc... SmallBoy never got seriously ill because children touched his stuff or touched HIM without washing their hands. I wasn't thinking, though. I simply said, that first of all, the more they stress how off limits the toys are, the more they appeal to him. I said that if they lay off a little each time (or altogether completely), that the novelty will vanish and he will eventually ignore him. We used PC's guitars as an example...PC's guitars sit out around the house in their stands. Initially, Smallboy was fascinated by them. He touched them, knocked them off the stands, picked them up and played with them. Eventually, though, after explaining to him that he couldn't touch them and then, harping less and less, but praising him for other things, he stopped. Now he walks past them and doesn't even look at them. New Wife echoed the statement of Ex, though when she said, "Well, it's not as though I can just zip him to my side to make sure he doesn't touch any of [New Baby's] toys. I have to take care of the baby, and I'm not locking his stuff up everytime SmallBoy comes over."

AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!! Granted, New Wife works in a NICU, so she's very into things being clean and sanitary, but I think she's gotten just a little carried away with this, don't you? So as we're leaving, and SmallBoy is saying his goodbyes, he turns to his dad and asks, "Will LargeBoy & Girl only be coming over to your house this weekend?" Hmmm....I've not said anything to him about him being excluded. Wonder where he got that? I cut him off and told him that they would talk about it later, because I will NOT have him stand there and get hurt by his father while he's outside in the freezing cold after working his butt off at OT. It wasn't the time or place, either, but I was also kind of hoping that perhaps Ex and New Wife would go home and have a discussion and maybe re-think what they're doing to him. I doubt it, but we'll see.

Help, Please?

Hello my favorite network of wonderful people. I was wondering if you could be of assistance to me. Yes, back to Ex. I am trying to figure out the most simplest dumbed - down way of explaining Aspergers, Sensory processing issues, etc...and all of the reasons that kids on the spectrum act the way they do - or according to Ex, why the lying, why the tantrums, why the defiance, why the obsession with video games. I have explained it in English, in relatively simple terms. Everyone, but Ex, that is not familiar with Aspergers or ASDs got it. I need to dumb it down BIG time....like to the level of a big goof, drunk, who only thinks ONE WAY is the right way and one opinion is the right opinion. To give you an idea, he could hear from each one of you individually, regardless of your level of expertise or experience with ASD and tell you that you're wrong because it's not what his "guys" say ("guys" being whatever "experts" he consults). Anyway, what I'm picturing is a version of ASD, etc similar to the "...For Dummies" series of books. Can anyone help? Thanks, Loves!

Stewing

Hi everyone, and HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!! (THANK GOD!)

I've been very lax in writing this week, but for good reason. Obviously, I've been stewing over the crap that Ex is pulling. I've talked to the School District, the asst. principal, and SmallBoy's teacher, still awaiting a call from the principal. All have confirmed that there is no reason whatsoever for SmallBoy to be yanked and put into the public schools for services, for which he is not academically eligible (which is good...it means he's doing great...we all know THAT, duh). Now I'm just waiting to fire back. He called and left me a message on Wed saying that he was willing to "sit down and talk"; that he would tell me what he thinks and then I could tell him what I think. Hmmmmmmm.....I know that tactic. It just means that he talks first, interrupts when I talk and doesn't hear a thing, nor care about what I say. BUT, I've got the facts. Even if he choses to not believe me and go to mediation on this, even a mediator will throw his ass out telling him he's ridiculous. As for what he plans to do about his weekends with the kids, I'm fully prepared to get locked into a custody battle if necessary. My dearest friend, PM, who also is in post-divorce-stupid-ex land, informed me that 14 is the age when the kids' opinions and wants actually hold some weight in court. Well, LargeBoy is 15 and Girl is an extremely mature 13. Any guesses as to how Ex will fare in THAT arena?

My other stewing point this week, about which I've been dying to write, but have just been way too pissed, is Justice Alito - God, I cringed as I typed that. I'm still stewing, still can't write about it too coherently. Moi ;) & Roni wrote very well, though. I highly recommend stopping in and reading them if you haven't already. I can't get an exact link to Roni's, but scroll to her post entitled, "Resistance is Not Failure". Read, agree or disagree, comment, shake your head in disgust or in agreement...however you choose, but I'm still to upset to vent properly yet. I do worry greatly about our future, not just women's rights, but of the now very swayed, supposed to be unbiased, Bench that sits in judgment, and what things will be changed, modified, or never even given half a chance.

Well, it's 8:00 in the morning, I have to actually do some work today, but then is the big gig tonight for the band. Hopefully I'll remember my camera and will hand it off to those I trust to take pics - then hopefully I'll remember to load them and post for you. Happy Friday all!

My Band Plays Friday Night!!!!

Self- explanatory, huh? For those of you in, close to, coming into, or just wanna road trip to Chicago this weekend, Code West, my fabulous band is playing and I'd LOVE for you to come out. Click on the link for info and directions. We want to pack the place because it's our first officially sponsored gig - though for their corporate reasons, I can't mention the sponsor...but come out anyway! It'll be fun!