Friday, January 20, 2006

A Few Words About Parenting MY Child (all of OURs, actually)

"What we need in our household are cheerleaders. Lots of them. We need back-patters, snack-givers, tickle monsters, hug-snugglers and people who will take the effort via communication books, emails and comments areas to drop very sweet supportive notes.

And we’ve already got all of that and then some."

This comes from Sal's post, (I'm having trouble with the link. If it doesn't work, go to her post #92 at octoberbabies)but it pertains to each and everyone of our children. I'm finding myself looking for REALLY good, deep down to the soul, things to say to Ex when he goes on his rants about SmallBoy. I found this one to be truly impressive (thanks, Sal!). I heard another really good one while watching an episode of The West Wing last night. This came from season five, I believe when the parents of twins, not married, are discussing Dad's involvment (for those of you who watch, this is Toby & Andie). She said to him, something along the lines of:

You are either in or out of your children's lives. You can't just drop in and volunteer to be a part of their lives.

I guess I just don't understand how he could possibly NOT want to "get it". My dear friends K&J sent me this in an email:

A good word J. gave me for your ex, makes me sad that he doesn't want to make any effort to change for the sake of SmallBoy.

nescient : /nessint/ • adjective literary ignorant.
- DERIVATIVES nescience noun.
— ORIGIN from Latin nescire ‘to not know’

Yep. Right on the money. Ignorance. He has no desire to know. In his mind, if HE thinks that nothing "real" is wrong, (which there can't be, because this is HIS child) then SmallBoy must just be a bad kid who doesn't like to behave. GOD he's a moron! And Kyra, in her comment to my "AWGSBURGER's" post said:

i cannot, for the life of me, get why this man doesn't take the time to learn about his OWN SON.

Yes. He is nescient. That is the only logical explanation that I can come up with. He has no desire to learn or be educated. He would prefer to be ignorant on this subject. Yes. The other words I could use to describe him are not suitable for print, so I will just leave you to substitute words of your choice for these:

bad word, Bad Word, BAD WORD!

SmallBoy, and Girl and LargeBoy, will one day understand the deal with him, although I do believe that LargeBoy & Girl are beginning to finally see a glimpse of the big picture. Mom said all along, during the divorce, that I shouldn't worry, that he would ultimately shoot himself in the foot. I think he's already pulled the trigger.


Felicity said...

Hi Woman, One of my favorite quotes, and I've probably already said it here? is this: "Your children are either the center of your life, or they're not. The rest is commentary." (Calvin Trillin, who is actually a reporter, I think). Making your child the center of your life requires KNOWING and TRYING TO UNDERSTAND him or her.

mommyguilt said...

YOU GO GIRL!!!! Keep 'em coming! Seriously- I'm writing these down.

kyra said...

right on, christina! you are ON FIRE with mama lion passion! i admire you! and i think your last line in this is BRILLIANT. yes. he's already pulled it.

Laura said...

You know we are full of support for you. As long as you keep doing such a good job, he is going to be continually pale in comparison.

JodiTucker said...

Hello Christina,

Unfortunately, there are many more moron exs out there who are really more of a "sperm donor" type than a real father/daddy. Let me explain: I teach K-5 music at a public school in Cuyahoga Falls, OH. I have about 400 students. Part of my job is also recess and lunch duty with the students where the kids talk. Kids will tell a trusted teacher whats happening in their lives because they're kids.
This is their life. I am greatly saddened by how many guys, but some mums, are quite simply total jerks or non-existent. The stories kids have to tell are sad. Some require calls to CSB (Childrens Services). And Cuyahoga Falls is a middle-of-the-road little city, not an inner city ghetto. The best thing you can do is continue to be a great mum and as your kids age, they will ultimately see the ways they are treated by their father and see the reality of things. Sorry for the long-winded response, but you are not alone in the world of exs that are jerks. I personally am greatful to God for a good husband of almost 27 years. Keep being a great mum and wife to your hubby!!

mommyguilt said...

Thanks Jodi & Laura for your words of support. I hate that there are others out there who have to deal with this. It's just not right for the kids, but, I suppose that my family is lucky in that we have a wonderful group of people who love us and support our children. And I have a fabulous hubby who more than adores my children and is doing everything he possibly can for them.