Wednesday, January 04, 2006

I've Got The Urge Again....

I'm getting that horrible urge again. The one that I get every now and then, now that my children are grown-ish, well,out of diapers and relatively self-reliant and able to babysit each other. This urge creeps up on me, when I least suspect it, when I'm at my most vulnerable, when I'm feeling like I need something MORE in my life. I look back and think, "Wow, my life seems to be complete, whole, almost perfect. Wait! I said 'almost'. That means something's missing."

This is such a hard urge to fight, yet, at the same time, due to my finances and not being able to take major time off of work and throw myself further into the abyss of debt in which I've already got one leg and another up to the knee, makes no sense to act upon. By the same token, though, making this HUGE sacrifice could, ultimately, futher where we are as a family. It could better our financial status.

Oh SHAME ON YOU!!!!!! That is NOT the urge about which I am writing. WhatEVER gave you THAT idea? No, you big sillies. I want to go back to school. I wanted to teach. I wanted to teach special Ed. Now I'd like to expand on that and take that out a bit farther where I can help MORE kids...I'd LOVE to go back to school and get a degree in psychology (and, ultimately, a doctorate). I'd like to use my experience and the knowledge that I would gain going back to school to help children, adults, families who are dealing with the spectrum, with other disabilities, perhaps, ultimately becoming an advocate for them. At my age, though, I'll be dead - or at least close to retirement age - before I ever finish that up. You see, for me to finish any kind of a degree in a reasonable time frame, I need to go back to school full time. Since I never finished, I barely have my core classes done, let alone a degree (LOLOLOLOL)! Unfortunately, that means I need to not work during the day...that would be a problem.

That's when it really bothers me...that I'm really at a plateau in my life. I CAN go back to school to further our family and our finances AND to be doing what I WANT in my life, but I can't afford to take the time off of work AND take on school loans to go back to I guess I'm relegated to where I am and to be happy with it. At least , at my job, I'm learning the things I need to help SmallBoy when the Asperger's starts to affect his learning.

Hey, thanks for listening. I needed to get that out. I was looking at colleges yesterday, in my area, trying to figure out how to make all of this know, working 40 hrs/wk, going to school fulltime, and still having time to spend with my family...and that's not even considering all of the OTHER stuff I have to do. I'm so glad to have all of you to listen!!!! Oh, btw, check out the post below and go meet Hal, Linda, Amber, & Beau - new to our blogging family!


Roni said...

If you can, look at moving jobs to a college. Most of them offer free tuition to workers after a year or so. *wink*

Felicity said...

Returning to the world of acaddemia is one of my favorite fantasies. It pops up every time I have gotten my life into a nice smooth routine. Oh, wait! Let's shake things up! Get indebt, go to school!

Laura said...

Hey - my grandmother went back to school when she was 45. My mother got her law degree when she was 47. I am going back to get my master's now at age 34. It is completely possible. Also, there are TONS of on-line programs where you wouldn't ever have to sit in a classroom. Psychology is one of the big ones that is offered online. (I say this because I finished my BA online, taking care of 2 toddlers at home.)

Plus, you could probably very easily do any internships/practicums at the school you are at. They would probably be thrilled to help you out once they learn what you want to do.

Don't give up the dream! And you know, I do get that "baby lust" every now and then, actually. Thank goodness I don't have a uterus anymore, or I would probably still consider it...

mommyguilt said...

Thanks, Laura -

Between all of you - my dear friends, I am now seriously doing some research. I'm cracking up at the "baby lust" also hits every so often,simply because I'd love to share something extra with my husband, but, it just isn't practical - AND, the urge has NEVER hit as hard as it did when I had Girl and SmallBoy.

Love you ladies!!!

Kristina Chew said...

You'll get there, girl. Though remember, being a mom has been my best education ever.

We all have doctorates in that great discipine--Momology.

Melissa P. said...

As a mother of two autistic sons 11 and 9, I understand your desires.
As for teaching, how about an online college?
I have quite a few friends doing this with work now.
Best wishes!

Eileen said...

I get the urge too....To go back to school that is. You have already been a great teacher to many of us, so I know you will make a great one! I say just do it! Try to go that on-line route for now.

By the way, my brother and his wife just had a baby girl two days ago and sent pictures from California through e-mail to me this morning and it kinda made me wish for a moment when I saw my new little nieces face. The feeling past pretty quickly though. It's getting much easier not to think about another.

mommyguilt said...

Melissa - thanks for stopping in. Do you have a site we can come visit you?

To all of you: Thanks for your support - as ALWAYS!!!! With Sal's direction & guidance, I've been able to begin the search for legit online schools. I have found the one that she recommended (except that it's in NY, so out of state tuition), and found what I'm looking for. Of course, I will continue to comparison shop, but the first step has been taken!

Juggling Mother said...

It's a dilemma (isn't everything). I'm seriously considering doing the teaching degree everyone told me to do 10 years ago, once the kids are all at school, but here in the UK I'd get £6k ($10k ish) to train for the year. Which isn't as much as my PT wages, but is something.

Don't you have any correspondance courses you could do? Our Open University runs teaching & special ed courses. You have to do the stuff in a school, but all the theory is in your own time, so you could keep some work on.

Or, just think of it as investing in your future. Spend to save and all that:-)