Monday, August 22, 2005

Mommy Guilt At Its Finest

I have found that while on my continual quest for the Holy Grail - in this case, a MUCH better job - I have tended to develop a little appetite. This, in and of itself, is a bad thing since it's almost midnight. However, I have found myself responding to the moans of "Grgzzzzrrrrrrrrg" coming from my gut. Over the years, I have come to translate that as, "FEED ME, SEYMOUR!" Tonight my stomach was protesting more than usual. We had leftovers for dinner, but Sloppy Joe Mac is a serious heartburn contenderfor me, thus, I went light on dinner.

The talking in my belly began shortly after 9. I attempted to soothe the beast within with a smidgeon of the fudge that PC and I brought home from Michigan. It worked...for about 3 minutes. I had to run around and pick up LargeBoy from a friend's house, then took a bath (no, not a soak, sadly, but a bath because I still can't get my stitches wet), then I came in and started the never ending job hunt. My stomach has not stopped complaining since.

Suddenly, this little file folder in my mind remembered that when PC and I went grocery shopping, the 10 for $10 sale included Cheetohs! I held my breath on my way to the kitchen and prayed that the children would have left me at least 4 or 5 Cheetohs! When I got there, I was terribly relieved to see the can. Of course, in this house, that could mean that ...oh, no use going there, it's kind of like putting the empty ice cube container back in the freezer. Anyway, I found the can of my cheesey cheetah choosing not only with cheetohs still remaining, but...this will be a shocker, so be sure to be seated...UNOPENED!!! Did I do the right thing and offer some to my children...ohhhh Noooooo. Nothing of the sort. I grabbed my fake Spade purse and used it as a shield in order to escape with my Cheetohs. Thankfully, LargeBoy and Girl, when they didn't have their eyes stuck to the television, were beating each other...much easier to sneak past.

Oh, I was doing great. No guilt, perfect heist and escape...yet, everytime I heard a sound on the stairs, I would have to hide the chips. Ok, maybe hoarde is a better word. As I took the last bite (I left 1/2 the can, mind you - I have Self Control), I realized that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing and, besides, even if the children had walked in the room and didn't see the can of Cheetohs that I have buried behind the latest reading material, I think the orange fingers and Cheetoh mouth would have given me away!

All I have to say is, guilt or no guilt, I finally got to some of the grocery snacks before the children demolished them! That absolves me from any and all mommy guilt that I may come in contact with during this Cheetoh crisis!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OK...I can see it now....Mommy falls asleep...passes out, you might say with a half opened...not a vodka bottle, but a CHEETOS can!!Oh the shame, the humiliation....the aplications to the Jerry Springer show....wait a minute, we are talking about a non-healthy snack. I think it is the duty of all mothers to eat those snacks before your children can be filled with those useless calories...overloads of sugar or say nothing of the yellow stained fingers that might get them sent to the principal's office. No guilt here, Mommy. Milly says, the more snacks you take before your children...the better it is for them. I feel the same way when I empty the ice cream carton...only helping Filly's diet. The best part of being a female is our ability to rationalize! You go to excess....SAVE YOUR CHILDREN. Leave the apples and green beans for them. Don't sneak downstairs at night and snitch the lima beans....then, you would HAVE to feel guilty.

Good night, and please remain guiltless. xx Milly