Thursday, September 08, 2005

Unnecessary MommyGuilt...but MommyGuilt, nonetheless

Girl and SmallBoy are sick today. SmallBoy was almost sent home from school yesterday, but PC took over his inhaler to get him through the last three hours. Bad Mommy sent him to school yesterday after having a fever the night before (the school has this rule about no school for 24hrs after a fever), but I popped some acetaminiphin (sp?) in him and sent him on his merry way. Foolish, foolish, woman! When I got home from work last night, I found Girl and SmallBoy miserable, hacking, and losing snot at a rate of 2 kleenex/minute for about an hour and a half. I put SmallBoy to bed early and gave Girl some of the Nighttime-Sniffling-Stuffy Head-Fever-So-You-Can-Rest-Medicine and she finally crashed about 2hours later. Neither of them went to school this morning. Thankfully PC worked nights last night and is home to be with them today, since I only have 4 available sick hours to use.
I should be happy that PC is able to be with them today so I don't have to use my last 4 sick hours (did you ever notice how moms never get to actually use their sick hours when they're sick?). I should be comforted with the knowledge that someone whom I love and trust is with them and genuinely cares about their well being and is familiar enought with SmallBoy's asthma to know what to watch for as the cold works its way through his little body. I am elated that I have that. I'm overjoyed that PC is there with them. He loves them dearly and will take good care of them. I just feel AWFUL that I can't be there. I'm the mama. My mama always took care of me when I was sick. I STILL need to be cuddled, loved, and babied when I'm sick. I need to have my hair rubbed and my back scratched (Scwahtchy, as Girl calls it), to feel better. I need someone to make me soup or jello or whatever I need. PC can do all that, I know. I want to.

Ok, so I suppose this is taking more of a selfish turn instead of a MommyGuilt turn. But I really do feel awful that I have to be here at work instead of at home, where my children need me. Oh, I know, they will be just fine, especially with PC, but there is this huge part of me that just rips apart when I can't be the one there to take care of them, to do the Scwatchy, to pick up the snot rags (ok, so that's not my favorite part), to watch The Sound of Music all afternoon while trying to get them to rest their head on my lap, so they will - maybe - sleep. Even LargeBoy likes to be taken care of when he's sick - most of the time. I suppose I should get used to not being able to be with them, though, when they're sick. Someday they will grow up and leave the nest and if I keep on them, I will turn into the mother (and MIL) from HELL. Don't want that title at all.

1 comment:

Julie said...

I know what you mean. It's never quite the same if anyone else is watching them, no matter who--it's just not mommy. I want to spoil them while I can, and when they're sick I hate having to leave.