Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Trickle UP Effect

I promise one of these days I'll stop griping about the stupidness of Ex (provided he stops being stupid). For now, however, I have yet another tale for you. This one involves Girl, surprisingly.

Girl is a jock. That's sort of a given. Unless she is incredibly ill - on her death bed, for example - she will NOT miss a game for anything. When her father was her basketball coach, the only excuse for missing a game was a death in the family (her own). If she was sick, she still had to be AT practice, at least sitting on the sidelines observing the drills. The same went when he was coaching LargeBoy's team. If we had a family function, well then, they went to the game or practice first and then late to the family thing. It's just the way it was. It caused a lot of conflicts, but that's the way it was.

Saturday, Girl has a playoff game. This could possibly be her last basketball game of the season. Saturday, Girl has a family party on her father's side of the family for a relative who is leaving to join the military. Both are, of course, at the same time. Ex had the nerve to call Girl yesterday and tell her that if I wasn't able to drive out to where the party is and pick her up (about an hour and a half tank of gas away) and bring her to her game that, well, she couldn't go. She will be at this family party for all of 45 minutes before she has to leave to get to the game. She was absolutely torn, because she hasn't seen her cousin much. He spent a great deal of his time living in the same building as us when the kids were little, then moved down South to live with his father during his teen years, and only recently moved back up here to live with his mom, stefather and half brothers. Now he's leaving for the Marines. Of course she'd want to see him off!

Instead of saying, Girl, how about we go to your game and then head off to the family party, which, I'm certain will still be alive and kicking and a much shorter distance from your game than from home, he said to her that she either got me to come and get her and take her to her game or she couldn't play. Now, it's not like she's a member of the team that wouldn't be missed. She is one of the starters. She is aggressive. She plays tough and doesn't give up. If the team loses on Saturday night, the season is over. They NEED Girl. It's not like they can lose and then play another game that could bring them to the finals, but in a different bracket, from which they could come from behind, as the underdog, and win the big game. Nope. If they lose, it's over. She knows she's needed and she knows she doesn't want to miss her game and her team.

She was almost in tears as she held her hand over the mouth piece of the phone (her father was still on the line and had to know right then), and asked if I could do this running around. My car is not working right and I don't want to drive it that far. PC's car is not running right and we don't want to drive it that far. We don't have the funds to get them fixed right now. But you know what? She's my daughter and I'll do anything for her. I'm not going to let him make her miss this because he can't be flexible (ahhhh, Kristina....yet another trait), and work this into the plan. Yes, I'm doing the drive. I'm gritting my teeth. I'll go pick her up from my Ex-family's house, say my farewell to R., say hello to my former family, take my daughter and go cheer my lungs out for her. When her team wins, PC and I will be there to celebrate with her and share in her joy! If they lose and it's over, PC and I will be there to console her with the usual consolation chocolate ice cream. WE will be there for her.


Pseudo Supermum said...

The moral of this sad tale is that sometimes, men just don't get it. Some get it more often than not (and I'm not talking about sex); some sometimes get it; and some seldom do. It stands to reason that some don't get it at all. Like your ex?

See the latest story of my own SuperSpouse for an example of a man occasionally leaping to completely the wrong conclusion. Ocarina-Kid "cut his foot", did he? No way, no how!

Right now, I hope your ailing car gets you to the game - and back - without causing you a murmur of anxiety! And I hope Girl's team wins!

mommyguilt said...

Thanks P.S.! I'm on my way over.

Felicity said...

huhm. all I can do is shake my head in amazement at the breadth of Ex's stupidity and selfishness.

Cheryl said...

A lovely saying over here - It all comes out in the wash.

All it means is that if you bode your time, the truth comes out all on its own.

In a silver lining sort of way I am so glad that Girl will become another defender of Smallboy instead of being 'bought' by dad; that she'll see well enough (poor girl) what he's like.

mommyguilt said...

Thanks, sunshine. Yes, it will ALL come out in the wash! She's learning, she just hates talking about it. I think the reality of it kills her.

Laura said...

It takes a very special sort of person to use their children against each other and against their other parent. By special I mean jerky, but you get the message I'm sure.