Dear Ex:

Dear Ex: You son of a motherless goat (I'm only being nice because I respect the others who read my blog). Your ignorance of your son and your absolute loathing of me and lack of acceptance that I divorced your drunk abusive ass, is doing so much damage. No, you're not hurting me. I'm an adult. I can handle myself. I am competent and I have a fantastic support network. You're not hurting me. You cut off most of my money and left me for broke, legally bound in this town with unbelievable f*cking property taxes for another 8 1/2 years because you wanted me to go broke and suffer for leaving you. You trashed my family for supporting me, for taking MY side. You forbade your family from speaking to me because you were afraid they would betray you by even understanding my side. You trashed my name in the community and harrassed my friends. But you didn't hurt me then, and you're not hurting me now.

You're hurting LargeBoy. He is feeling like he has to step up to the plate and protect his brother. You say he's lying to you and that you think it's wrong that he lies to cover for his brother. Hmm...why do you think he does that? He does that because YOU don't understand SmallBoy. He does that because YOU and New Wife think that SmallBoy is bad and he's not. He tries to protect his brother. He stands up for his brother and for his rights. LargeBoy feels stuck in the middle. He doesn't want to go over on your weekends. He says that he finds things to do so that he is not there anymore, now that you and New Wife refuse to have SmallBoy in your home. He feels wrong not visiting because you ARE his father, but he feels wrong not being here with his brother. He will stand up to anyone - except you and New Wife - and defend anything that SmallBoy does. He understands. He's done the research. He knows what Asperger's is and he knows that, unfortunately, there are people like you and New Wife who don't get it and who will ostracize anyone not like yourself. HE is suffering. HE is being hurt.

Girl is also affected by your stupidity. She feels so incredibly torn. She, despite your idiocy, feels some strange loyalty to you. She knows that what you are doing is wrong, she's told me as much. When you first started pulling this crap, she was so distressed that she actually talked to me about it. Now, she clams up. She wants to see Step-Sister. She wants to see New Brother. She's a little mommy and adores having a "big sister." She feels like she is betraying me and SmallBoy. Of course, you don't care if she does, as long as she doesn't speak of SmallBoy while he is banned from your home because you don't understand him, or as long as she doesn't defend him or "lie" for him to protect him when he IS at your home. She is probably going to be in therapy for most of her adult life because she is so emotionally wrecked by this that she can't even discuss it with ME - she's been able to discuss ANYTHING with me...except the two things that involved YOU - the divorce and how you f*cked us over with that, and the excommunication of SmallBoy from your home. SHE is in pain deep down from her head to her toes. SHE can feel the pain deep within her heart and in the pit of her soul. SHE is being hurt.

But THIS is who you're hurting the most, you brainless, uncaring, ignorant, jerk-ass, buttheaded, word I can't say because my mother will read this. You cannot even BEGIN to understand the damage that you are doing. You say you want to put him into the public schools and I tell you he's not eligible for services because his grades are FANTASTIC. You are beginning to mess with him so much, that his anger and resentment are manifesting themselves in his schoolwork. He is becoming much less organized, he's forgetting his homework, his frustration tolerance is considerable lower than it's been for the last two years before you started this bullsh*t. He is a LOT more stimmy the last few weeks - but a) you wouldn't know what that is because, according to you, "the more research you do and the more you read about it, the more bullshit they feed you," b) you would just say he's being a bad kid, oh, and c) you refuse to see him...so you WOULDN'T KNOW ANYWAY!

WE, PC &I, listen to him cry. WE listen to him say how angry he is. WE listen to him call himself stupid. comfort him. WE walk in his shoes. WE understand him. WE help him express his anger in productive ways. WE applaud him for knowing that he's angry and being able to say so. rearrange our lives for him. WE are going broke for him because we're doing everything that we possibly can to help him, with no help from you because that would mean giving me, the evil biotch of an ex-wife, more money. WE comfort him when he's watching his brother and sister leave to go to YOUR house where you won't ALLOW him because you're afraid that Asperger's is contagious and the poor New Baby might get contaminated. WE tell him how much we love him and how much he is loved and supported by SO many people, including people who read this blog.

Do you want to know WHY I don't take you to court and force you to see SmallBoy? Tough! I'm telling you anyway! I don't MAKE you see him because I know that his experience there would be a miserable one. I know that you would make him feel even worse because you'd be constantly be yelling at him, calling him a liar, making him feel totally inadequate, making him think that everyone else, especially New Baby, hold much more value to you than he does. HE is hurting. HE is suffering. HE is the one who will feel like he's being abandoned by his father.

PC has only known him since 2004. HE gets it. He loves SmallBoy. He would give his life for him. He goes to everything with him, all of his appointments, boy scout outings - cuz god forbid you actually DO something with your son. HE helps him stay on track. HE knows how to help calm him. HE knows how to help stick to a routine that makes things easier for SmallBoy. He comforts SmallBoy. HE LOVES HIM. My in-laws, in the short amount of time that SmallBoy has been in their lives, have made it a point to learn everything they can about Asperger's and other spectrum disorders. THEY understand SmallBoy. THEY knew SmallBoy better than YOU. I am certain that if you actually managed to find my blog that you would just say that I'm being a "c" (your favorite word - yes, family, he has called me that many a time), but again, I say, that doesn't bother me. It's not me. Be angry at ME all you want. You're not hurting ME!

You are hurting them. Yes, I suppose I can actually say that you are hurting me. You're hurting me by hurting MY children. I suppose that when you finally listen to the professionals tell you that Asperger's is passed through the male blood line that you'll freak out. Oh GOD - what ever would you do if New Baby turned out to be on the spectrum!?!?!?! Will you disown him, too?!?!?! Yes, it pains me to watch SmallBoy suffer. It breaks my heart to know that all of the progress we have made - and LORD KNOWS we've made HUGE strides, is being UNDONE, he is REGRESSING because of this manifestation of his anger towards you, because of his confusion about the "new system", because his routine is upset, because someone he thought was a permanent fixture in his life, even if not under the same roof, has abandoned him, because YOU and New Wife REFUSE to understand. HOW can you, in good conscience, do this to him? You obviously have no idea about the ways of the spectrum or about the children on the spectrum. You obviously have no plans to educate yourselves about this topic. It's much simpler to deny this and to blame it on behavior and to say that he's going to get the precious baby sick by...oh GOD...touching his TOYS! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! When SmallBoy was a newborn, I was still running a daycare. A & M were constantly sick, runny noses, ear infections, Hell, all three of our kids had chicken pox within the first 6 wks of me returning to babysitting after SmallBoys birth. The snotty fingers were not always washed, I never would have been able to do anything but wash hands constantly. The snotty fingers of A, M, Girl, and LargeBoy were ALWAYS all over SmallBoy's toys. Did THEY ever get deathly ill? I think not!

So, this is what I have to say, and then I leave the floor open to anyone who would like to add to this: Get your head out of your a*s, learn, understand, accept, and deal. If you can't, then you have no right whatsoever to call yourself the father of any of my children, especially SmallBoy. He is my love, and I WILL NOT allow you to hurt him any longer. Get with the program or GET LOST!

Mom, Dad, Meem, Poppy, PC, anyone want to add? Feel free...open letter to Ex.