Monday, November 06, 2006


Saturday, I believe, I began a post on what it's like being married to a twin. We were getting ready for the giganto party and I didn't have much time to post, not to mention that I felt like CRAP. Still do today, didn't sleep much last night thanks to the middle of the night leaf collecting and scraping by the village (wtf?) and the dog's incredible discomfort (another post, soon to follow). I think I finally fell asleep around 4:45; my alarm goes off at 6:00. Yeah. I'm back at work today, desperately fighting to stay awake, so I figured now was as good a time as any to post.

So, what's it like being married to a twin? It is a very unique experience, I must say. First off, I have a built in brother - which is really cool. Second, I've learned to understand the freaky twin things they do, and have noticed myself starting to display those same traits. I've also learned that when going out in public with the two of them, I'm screwed.

I always wanted a brother. I tried like crazy to convince my mom that she needed to "get me" an older brother. I loved being the oldest, but I wanted an older brother. Well, ET's a few years younger than me, but he's still a fantastic brother. He and PC do the same goofy things that siblings do, only much more extreme. From what I've heard, and this was all "before my time," they also fought like siblings do...only much more extreme. They've had times when they've beaten the snot out of each other. The worst I ever did was lock my sister in a closet so she wouldn't rat on me for having a boy over...well, I suppose THAT secret's out now, isn't it? They are both headstrong, and when they talk, argue, carry on an intense conversation, whatever, they're BOTH right and they're BOTH wrong. It's really quite crazy.

Ok, when people get married, they usually inherit a sibling, right? So sure, I got the brother. Oh no, it's not that simple. Let me explain further about the freaky twin thing. If you've ever known twins, you've probably experienced the finishing of each other's sentences, the difficulty with phone voices, the pranks. Oh yes, I've done that with these two. They finish each other's sentences, yes, but usually when they're in conversation with someone else - me, for example. One will start to tell me about a place they visited and the other will jump in with the rest of the sentence...then the first one has to finish the thought before starting a completely different tangent. They'll both be talking about the same thing at the same time, yet the conversation ends up going in different directions. My head starts to spin, because I don't know to whom I should be paying attention. One of the other freaky twin things that the do is when one of them tells you something and then, not five minutes later, the other will either come into the room and tell you the same thing, or will call and tell you the same thing. Even my kids have commented on this one! They have been known, to, without discussing it, buy similar clothing - and then, go as far as wear the same clothing (without planning it) when we go out. SCARY....

Wait, it gets weirder still....This has really only been since PC's cut his hair, but every once in a while it would happen when it was longer. Even though PC and ET are identical, it's quite easy to tell the difference between the two. PC's got great cheeks and big eyes, and is much taller than ET. ET has slanty eyes, is shorter, and no cheeks - ok, less cheeks I suppose I should say. I've never ever had difficulty telling them apart physically. One morning, though, I woke up and rolled over and almost screamed. As I gazed at the head on the pillow, my eyes looked, tried to process that this person laying there looking exactly like ET was, in fact, my husband, PC. Really, it was. It was just that the way PC had slept that night, his hair was all mussed up and pushed around and he looked JUST like ET. It was a temporary freak out and I recovered quickly, but DAMN was it weird.

Then there are the jokes. I wonder, really, how much I should post...but of course, you won't really know these guys if I don't tell all, now will you? They have been known to pull sibling pranks on each other - dousing the one guy with a glass of ice water thrown over the shower curtain, locking the other one outside buck naked in the middle of winter, telling girls that his brother much prefers know, simple things. Harmless things. Well, this past Friday the 13th, the kids were with Ex, SmallBoy must have been in bed, and ET was staying over for whatever reason. The three of us were hanging out, drinking beer, and having a Supernatural-a-thon (if you've never seen that show, it on the WB -oops, the CW Thursday nights at 8CST -we never miss it!). I had to break the seal and got up to go to the Little Girls' Room. OF COURSE, I lock the door behind me. I made that mistake ONCE, once. Not really paying much attention to Frick & Frack in the other room, I noticed that it had gotten pretty quiet, but I just figured they had paused the DVD until I came back and were busy drinking their beer or had gone out for a smoke. Innocently, I did what I needed to do and came out of the bathroom to find a horrific, yet absolutely freaking hysterical sight (I'm having a vague memory of posting this already, tell me if this is a repeat): When you exit my bathroom, you are steps away from the living room and can see the sofa. I saw my husband's bare leg draped very sexy like over the arm of the sofa. As I rounded the corner, I realized he was totally naked. Without turning my attention the the other end of the sofa, I knew...I just felt it. Curiosity, though, won over common sense, and I looked. Just as I suspected. Naked as the day he was born - at the other end of my sofa, was ET. I didn't know WHAT to do. I turned around, left the room, and laughed SO hard that I fell over onto the floor, cried for about 15minutes because I was laughing SO hysterically. It took forever to recover from this. Damn was it funny, though.

Some people would have found that totally offensive and repulsive. That's the difference when you're married to really are "married" to both of them. It's just weird that way. No, we're not talking polygamy or anything like that. My husband is my husband and I love him more than life itself. It's just when you have these two who are SO similar, yet so totally different that it just gets weird. Going out in public...oh that's horrifying. I go along so that I'm not ditched and so that I can spend time with my husband without taking away quality twin time (yet another fine line). It's quite an experience. If we go to a bar and sit anywhere other than a round table, I'm out of the conversation OR I'm slammed in between the two of them and am on the receiving end of the jokes, crap, and two conversations going on at the same time - one in each ear. If I let them sit together and sit next to PC, well, then, I was never in the conversation to begin with.

Some of this just sounds awful and you may be thinking to yourself, "Why, MG? Why? Doesn't this make you crazy?" I would honestly have to say, no. It doesn't. These two are two of the best guys I know. I don't know that I would say it's easy, but it's definitely a rewarding experience and one that, no matter how many words I write here, you MUST experience yourself to truly understand what I'm saying. Ok, well, back to work. If I get a chance, I'll post again later, but Girl's basketball season starts tonight! Home Opener! Maybe I'll have some pics for you tomorrow (if she ever slows down long enough for me to snap a picture!).

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