Congrats Girl!!!!!

Girl has been practicing her viola tirelessly for the last several months - as soon as her teacher told her that she might have a shot at making IMEA this year (Illinois Music Educators Association). For those of you unfamiliar with this, it happens once a year. I did it as a vocalist in high school. One Saturday, kids from multiple schools, playing many varieties of instrument, descend on one high school to play their scales and a piece chosen at random from the practice pieces. If the student excels, he or she is then chosen to participate in the IMEA festival. The festival consists of a day-long practice followed by a concert late in the afternoon. The kicker is that the musicians don't get their music until the morning of the concert. I am so proud of her! She's been working so hard. Once her teacher told her that if she really really practiced hard and put her heart and soul into it, like she does with sports and academics, that she could play in the chamber orchestra at school, she picked up her viola and hasn't put it down - except of course to watch her favorite shows. Then, when she found out that she had a shot at IMEA this year, she buckled down and practiced ALL the time - oh wait, get this - without being told! Girl, I am so proud of you! I told you you could do it!

SmallBoy Breakthrough

One component with ASD is not being able to reach back into the mind and pull up the communication skills needed to express things properly. When this happens, especially in a situation of discontent or upset, it just raises the level of frustration and ultimately, could set off one of the mood swings that seem, sometimes, to come out of nowhere. We had a breakthrough in this particular area this weekend.

The kids were with me this weekend, but had family things going on with their Dad. Both situations required that the kids be dressed up, as they were both involving attending church. Saturday's event went fine. It was an evening event followed by a dinner. Sunday, however, was a baptism followed by a party - on one of the last remaining beautiful days. The kids were dressed up for church, but had packed a change of clothes. SmallBoy, thinking ahead, had put on a t-shirt underneath his dress shirt so that all he had to do was take off his shirt and change his pants. Unfortunately, the shirt had was wearing under the dress shirt was not really appropriate. I asked him to change it and explained why it was necessary, but he wasn't processing it AT ALL. I could see that he was getting upset, so I tried, again, to explain to him why the shirt wasn't going to be appropriate for the party, but he was just at a loss. He was visibly upset, stressed, and almost out of sync. But then he turned to me and he said, "Mom, I just can't find the words."

I cannot tell you how excited I was to hear him say that! Yes, I hate that he can't find the words, but the fact that he was able to verbalize what he needed was SO huge. SmallBoy doesn't have any verbalization issues as far as speaking is concerned, but more in actually communicating when he's stressed. This was a giant breakthrough for him and I told him. I said to him, "SmallBoy! Wow! That's great that you were able to tell me that. I know why you're upset and you probably are trying to find out how to tell me that, right?" He nodded and we continued on with our conversation until finally he was so pleased and proud that he had communicated his frustration to me, that he had forgotten WHY he was frustrated in the first place.

I told PC and he was just as excited as I was. I talked to SmallBoy later to make sure he was able to recall that situation and exactly what he had done. I asked him in what other situations he might be able to use that skill of "I can't find the words." He went back to the biting issue whene he bit the girl on the playground because he couldn't find the words to express how truly upset he was with her to the teacher (who would have stopped the incident before it got to teeth baring proportions). I had to share with you my joy and my hope!

GO SOX! GO!

How awesome is this!?!?! A pennant in Chicago! Way to go Sox!!!!!!!!!

HTMHELP!!

Take a peek over at my side bar. Notice how my "About Me" and "Mommy/Parenting Links I Like to Read" are now black-ish gray? No clue how that happened. When I was writing the post below, they were pink. When I posted it, they turned gray-ish black. Does anyone, ANYONE PLEASE, have any inkling as to how this happened and/or HOW in God's name to fix it?

My Mommy Guilt Therapy

I finally realized something and I need to share with you. It was almost like an epiphany, but not quite. Sitting at Girl's basketball game last night (more on that later), PC and I were chatting with the other parents there and catching up on summers, falls, comparing notes on our older children's new high school experiences when the conversations took a turn at the intersection of Sports and MommyGuilt. A mother, D., leaned over and inquired, "Do you ever feel like you are 'shirking your duties', so to speak, if you can't make it to every sports event that the kids play? I mean, there are SO many games and if we go to them all, we have no time with the rest of our family or for doing other things that need to get done, let alone spending time 'with me'."

It was then that the lightbulb went on! DING! Wow! What a concept! I turned to D. and replied, "You know, I used to feel just awful and have so much guilt about missing things. I've always felt it to be such a key in our children's development to be there for them as much as possible and, supporting them at their events is definitely included in that. This year, though, I think I've lightened up a little on that theory. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's HUGE for our children to have us behind them and to support them, but that doesn't mean that we need to get to every single game, especially when they play 80 games, minimum, not counting playoffs and extra tournaments, in one season." Wow! Did that just come out of MY mouth? The Queen of MommyGuilt? Holy cow! I went on to explain to D. how horrible I would feel when I had to miss something, even if there was a legitimate reason, a conflict with an activity for another of my children. I told her how it just doesn't have that hold on me anymore.

This is when your therapist looks up from the notepad and says, "Mrs. MommyGuilt, I think we've had a breakthrough!"

I Need a Prescription!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!

In case the name of the Rx is too small, it's a pill for Fukitol. Oh I SO need this today! Work bites! I'm up for my review and "raise" next week and realized that I'm almost at my salary cap (which is a pretty crappy cap, if you ask me), and then oh well....Life's a biotch! Ex makes 2x as much as me, if not more and will only shell out 32% of his income ~the legal minimum required~for child support! PC & I are working our patoots off to afford a new water heater before ours totally floods our basement, and that word-I-can't-say-cuz-my-mom-&-my-MIL-read-my-blog is getting his house sided and ALL NEW FURNITURE!!!!! Ok, really, I didn't mean to rant about that! This was supposed to be a rant about work and how exhausted I am and how little I get paid and how I try to do everything for my kids and I JUST CAN'T DO IT ALL!!!

If only this prescription could actually be filled! Oh, the money that could be made! I'd own stock in whatever company manufactured this - and then I wouldn't have to worry about that stupid salary cap!!!! This would be a lovely way to end a rough day at work or with the kids (or both!): a nice warm bath, a glass of wine and this cute little blue & white friend. Ahhhh!

I Couldn't Resist

After seeing this post at Strong Coffee, I couldn't resist posting it here. It seems to tie in to my posting about unravelling the myths of the Holiday figures.

10/4/2005 He Sees You When You're Sleeping

Jackson was telling my mom about how kids at school (he's in first grade) are saying there's no such thing as Santa Claus and that it's really the parents who put presents under the Christmas tree.

"Grandma, that can't be true because my mom and dad never stay up that late!"

This Week I Feel Really Old

(pic by Dad, hair pre-cut - my sis is the one on the right) Aside from the soccer-mom meets rockstar-mom haircut, there are two birthdays this week that are making me feel OH SO OLD. On Monday, my LargeBoy turned 15. He will drive next year - in theory. I have been a mom for a long time, yet there are days when I still go rummaging through my drawers for the operations manual, as new challenges arise. Holy cow - he's 15 YEARS OLD!!

Now, on the other hand, my sister will be turning 30 this weekend (I love you, Chica - sorry about blabbing your age, but I'm older, so I CAN!) I am older than my sister, which makes me feel REALLY incredibly old - especially when you look at the age gap between my sister and my son! Of course, my life wouldn't be the same without either of them, but LORD ALMIGHTY do they make me feel old. I suppose it could be worse, though, I could have had children later than I did and then I'd be older than I am now (upon each child's consecutive birthday), but, I was a mere toddler when I gave birth, so, I suppose that makes me only 17! HA! If only!
By the way - I still need apple pie recipes. See my post begging for them!

Inspiration

Most of you know I've been working on writing a book (hey, I've gotta quit my day job one way or the other). I've reached a really yucky spot and I'm just STUCK. As I was running through my favorite blogs this morning, I read at A Mama's Rant about Melanie Lynne Hauser's new book, Confessions of a SuperMom. I MUST have this book. While reading through Mama Rant's posting, I clicked on her link to Angela Giles Klocke's interview with the author. It was very uplifting. I think I may pick my book back up tonight and keep going. Ladies - thank you for that indirect, inadvertent shove back on track!

Don't forget I need apple pie recipes! See the post 2 below!

A Lesson in Anger and Letting Go

Check out Kristina's Post about the importance of letting go of anger to find forgiveness and peace. I'm certain that my ASD parent readers have already seen this, but I want to make sure everyone does. There is such a lesson to be learned here! Thanks Kristina for writing such a marvelous post!

Apple Pie Time

One of the fun things that we did over the weekend was to take Princess apple picking. The orchard was nicely organized and it was very easy to find what we were seeking. The people that ran the orchard were incredibly helpful and gave us their opinion of the best cooking apples in their orchard - the Ida Reds. Needless to say, we picked about 30 of those -some to give away as apples and some to cook with. I really would like to make sauce, but I remember, from my childhood, that it seemed like a complicated process, of course, that was in childhood also, so who knows. We are going to bake pie, though. I LOVE apple pie. So far, my brother-in-law's (ET) apple pie recipe has been the best I've ever had, but I'd like to try something different. I'm going to look some up online and through family recipes, but if any of you have any scrumptious recipes for apple pie to share, I'd love to hear them. Feel free to send them via the comment section and I'll post the one that we try...of course, we may try them all!

Weekend Update

Where to begin - Hair is short. I went through with it and got the cut. I still haven't quite mastered the form the stylist used when fixing my hair, but it looked like the picture below over the weekend. Until I get a good handle on it, it's going to be a combination of soccer mom meets rock star mom. It will come along, though. PC & I went back to Michigan to help Milly & FIL close up the cottage. Princess had come along for the weekend and we all had a blast. Fall up there is beautiful! I'll describe it all to you in another posting. SmallBoy had his Behavioral Therapy Friday night. His Dr. played a game with him called "The UnGame" that helped them to learn about and discuss feelings, nothing too deep, or anything, but enough to get him talking and comfortable. Oh, yes, and the WHITE SOX WON!!!! Woo-hoo!!!!

I have a lot more to write about, but for now I have to finish up here at work so I can go home. The kids are off school today for Columbus Day, but LargeBoy and Girl have things to do this afternoon, PC is working, so that means that I have to go home. Fortunately, I am working on Saturday and can make that time up, but I was SO looking forward to OT.

Things That Help

Though not at church every Sunday, I have a great deal of faith. I have to. I need someone to guide me through this ASD thing with SmallBoy. Thankfully I have a tremendously supportive family and lots of ASD moms out there to chat with, but sometimes I need a little more to go on.

Two and a half years ago when I was going through my divorce with Ex, I realized that if I was going to get through that Hell, I needed to surrender and just let things run as they would...to sort of set things in God's hands and trust that all would be ok. No, that doesn't mean I gave up the fight, it means that I stopped fighting with ME. I do the same thing with SmallBoy. I need a little more something from somewhere to get through watching my sweet little boy go through all of these struggles, knowing that he is well aware of the difference between himself and the other kids. I hate this ASD as much as any other mother dealing with it, but to get myself through sometimes, I've just got to believe that there is a reason for everything.

Apparently I inadvertently offended and terribly upset another ASD mom, for which I apologize again. My comment to her, as she was having a particularly rough go of it, was that I believe - and truly I do - that there is a reason that we were chosen to be the mothers to our ASD kids. Sure, we may not see it now, nor care to see it now. We may fight it with everything we've got, but think about it. Just the thought that my SmallBoy could have been a child to some other parents who just wouldn't understand, who would think he's just "freakish" or weird, or stupid, and wouldn't think to get him the help he needs, well, that thought breaks my heart. I'm not saying this is an easy walk through life, it sure as hell isn't that. I am saying that I believe that there is a reason that SmallBoy and I were paired up as mother and son - call it God, call it Karma, call it Fate, call it timing...whatever you will, but he's my SmallBoy and no one else's for a reason.

I hate this stupid autistic spectrum and everything that goes along with it. I hate that SmallBoy cannot do well with change. I hate that when he goes to Ex's house, like he will this weekend, he totally misbehaves - because he can't adjust to the change, and then comes home and misbehaves until he readjusts again. I cannot stand that his father doesn't understand why this happens and just says he's acting up. I hate that it's oh so hard for him to do simple things - like throw and catch and run, and make friends. I hate that I have to take him to behavioral therapy to teach him how to cope when he's frustrated or sad. I hate that I have to work to pay for all of these things....I would much rather be home taking care of him and helping him learn all of these things that he needs. I hate that he's not like the rest of the kids. But I love him dearly and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He is MY SmallBoy and I'm his mom. I can't imagine my life without him.

This is What it's Supposed to Look Like

I'm bringing these photos with me tonight to the stylist. Hopefully, my unruly hair will work to this. I'm certain that it won't look exactly like that, especially since I'm nt a blonde, but a cut similar to that with lots of layers and not necessarily as short. I think it will be fun. It's time for a change!

And For Dessert.....

I'd like a nap. PC just came by my office and met me for lunch. We walked to a nice little place near my office and both had breakfast (yep, at 1:00 in the afternoon). Two cups of coffee later, and I still need a nap. Somehow I have to make it 3 1/2 more hours! YIKES

I'm Getting My Hair Cut (or: I Caved and Watched One Tree Hill)

Yep. I sure did. Girl has these OTH parties with her friends every week during the season. The girls rotate from house to house every week, but more often than not, it was at our house. Sadly, I must say, I knew enough of the plot just from walking through the room, that I started kinda sorta watching it - not enough to get hooked, but enough that I could keep up with the girls when they were talking about it. Well, then, Girl got Season One for her birthday or for Christmas last year, and Season Two for her birthday this year. She watched last season's finale and I happened through the room in time to watch Dan get poisoned and "someone" set his office ablaze. As we watched, Girl sat with her notepad in hand writing down her list of supsects and their motives. Can you blame me, then, for plopping down in the chair with the girls when, yesterday, the long awaited season premiere was on?

I thought the girls were going to die! This was a combination study session/OTH session. Well! The White Sox/Red Sox game was on the same channel at the same time that OTH was supposed to be on. The girls couldn't handle the stress...so, would you believe, they studied? I actually quizzed them during the game. They did ok - Girl did well (we'll see how the test really went this afternoon). FINALLY the White Sox won and it was time for OTH.

No one BREATHED through the credits while they were waiting to see if Dan was included, and then there was this giggle, evil laugh, chuckle - whatever - when, indeed, he was there (like the writers would be stupid enough to kill off THE bad guy). When I first started "drama grazing" on the show, it took a while to know which characters were which. I remembered Peyton, because she had curly hair (like me). This season, she got a brand new "do". I want it! Its short (not short short, but shoulder length, which is shorter than mine - see pic on post below), and is has many fun layers and it's straight. I can do my hair straight when it's shorter. MUCH less maintenance than this curly ball of frizz. So, this morning, I hit all of the OTH websites and blogsites looking for pics of this new do. It took me all morning until I finally found a few that a) I could drag to my desktop and print and b)showed enough angles to give to a stylist.

Now, I don't normally follow the latest trends in hair cuts, but this one REALLY looks like it would work. PC told me to go for it and he is the one who least wants me to cut my hair. Of course, now his will definitely be longer than mine!!! I found the number of the place in LG that he recommended and I have an appt. for Friday night. We shall see. I AM excited, though. This will be something fun!

Check Out Karaoke Night

This post, courtesy of Andie at Life in The Ozarks is from a few weeks ago. She was in town on army business and stopped into the Kerry Piper. We finally got her up to sing, and then she took pics and posted them on her site for us. Check it out. Scroll through the entry...I would be the one in the cowboy hat. Thanks for the links, Andie! I'll post on our band site also! Who says a mother of three can't have fun?!?!?!

Date Night Last Night

After having Milly over for Girl's birthday last night, PC and I went off for our regular Tuesday Night Karaoke. I have said before, it is our designated date night. We met some good friends, Coolah & Cutie and found out they had gotten engaged the previous night. So, of course, we had to celebrate. Our friend and favorite karaoke lady, Lady B, was happy to see us, as the bar was crowded, but with sports fans watching the baseball playoffs, not with people waiting to sing. It looked to be a good turnout. Cutie got up and sang for the soundcheck and I followed (I'll have pics, soon). The game ended and none of the sports fans felt like singing, so they all boogied out and we pretty much had the place to ourselves! It was kinda fun.

After a couple of rounds (of singing, that is), I sang one of the songs that I have sort of dedicated to Girl over the years, "Wild One" by Faith Hill, and had PC call her from my cell phone and let her listen...kind of a birthday dedication. PC and a couple waitress sang the Hokey Pokey - oh you should have seen it. PC & Coolah sang a couple of Dead tunes. It was nice to see Coolah up and singing and dancing and smiling. Cutie and I talked about their wedding plans and the ring and....well, it was just a FUN night.

We got home earlier than usual, but headed straight to bed, since we were both exhausted. Unlike every other night, I couldn't sleep. I was pooped, drop dead tired. I finally managed to get to sleep and then I started waking up every fifteen or twenty minutes. GRRRRRRRRR....talk about fun and games! Then this morning I wake up to Girl's alarm clock RINGGGGGGGGGGGGING from downstairs. Yeah, I LOVE having to work at the crack of dawn. Tonight it's early to bed. I need to play catch up big time....although, I could steal Girl's present from Milly and get started on watching the third season of one of our favorite shows - nah, I'll fall asleep two minutes in like I do with everything else I watch. Ok, ok, so a hot soak, a glass of wine (oh crap, Milly and I drank it all)...ok revise....so a hot soak, a cup of hot tea, or maybe a beer, and off to snoozeville. Sounds like a plan.

Oh LORD....how could I forget - my plans will be totally thrown off tonight! Girl's favorite teeny-bopper show has the season premiere tonight which is being thrown off by the WHITE SOX game!!!!!!!!!!! She is stressing terribly over this, but I think she'll survive. The OTH-a-thon starts tonight at our house, so Lord knows what plan B is, if the Sox game takes all night. Hmm...we'll just have to see, now, won't we?

Girl's Birthday Dinner

This year we've given the kids food that they like for birthday dinner. SmallBoy was easy, burgers & hot dogs. Girl on the other hand was expensive:

Steak
absolutely evil-add-20-pounds-right-to-my-hips mashed potatoes (cheese, cream cheese, bacon, butter, more cheese)
corn on the cob, and
in lieu of cake, Girl wanted pie....French Silk.

Yep, guess what we had for an after dinner treat? Maalox! I swear by that stuff! Today it's salad for lunch and a workout - definitely a workout!

BTW, I Now Have 2 Teenagers in My House

I was going to post a headless pic of Girl, but I can't find one I like...she's beautiful, to say the least, and we love her dearly. My most difficult delivery, leaving me practically a wet noodle, and sore (moreso than a normal delivery), and sick, and....oh what does it matter?! She's my sweet Girl and she's now thirteen! YIKES!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET PEA!

Love,
Mom, PC, Boy, & SmallBoy
We LOVE YOU!!!

The Slumber Party From Hell

Yes, being a slumber party, I didn't expect much sleeping to be done. I must say, however, that I'm used to my, now 13 year old Girl's slumber parties (HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!!). We had four boys between the ages of 8 & 10, including SmallBoy. Simple enough, right? I figured that if we kept it small, that I would be able to keep control of the goings on. HA! Was I ever wrong!

The boys arrived promptly at 7 and SmallBoy was elated. He took them all on a tour of his house - he had even partially cleaned his room for this. Then it was off to video game land. I figured I'd go a little easier on my time limit since this was his party and with that many boys, there needs to be something to occupy them while preparing food, drinks, etc...I think they started with one of the Mario games, or perhaps Super Monkey Ball 2 (none of which I am coordinated to play. My skills don't extend much past Pong...ok, definitely Pac Man, but nothing beyond that). The boys were very, um, what's the word...yes, enthusiastic. There were screams and shouts and "Oh MANs" every few minutes. As we cooked the hot dogs and the tater tots, we could hear them bouncing and jumping and just being boys.

Oh, funny side note: SmallBoy really wanted pizza for his party food, but one of the boys doesn't eat cheese, so we figured hot dogs would be great fun for them. However, PC, Girl, and I REALLY REALLY wanted pizza. Oh we were so bad! PC had a pizza delivered and, instead of trying to sneak it through the room in which the boys were playing, with the smell wafting through the air, he met the delivery guy outside and walked around to the back of the house with the pizza. Yes, we were bad. We went so far as to stash the pizza box and keep watch to make sure none of the kids were coming when we had pizza in our hands. What wonderful examples we were setting! Thank God we weren't busted.

Back to the boys....While we were consuming the contraband pizza, the boys took a break from the video games and ate their hot dogs, well, sort of. Of the four, I threw out two hot dogs that were only missing one or two bites each. The tots, well, no one touched those. It may be because they were in a hurry to get back to their games or, perhaps, because I made the most God-awful mistake of being out of ketchup. They were very open to using BBQ sauce instead, but that was for the hot dogs. I guess tater tots & BBQ sauce must not be "it". Back to the video games. This time I hear jumping, like before, but the sound was a little muffled. I went back into the living room to find one boy jumping on my sofa while playing the game. I said to him, "Listen, I know that your mother doesn't let you jump on the sofa at your house. The same rule goes at our house." This was met with a wonderful little response of "So. I don't care." I was floored. If MY child had said that at someone else's house, I would have given my permission to have taken him aside and have him chewed out. That's just wrong! You don't talk to adults like that. Needless to say, the video games went off and we opened presents.

After presents, we did the cake thing. Funny thing was, we didn't have any birthday candles. We thought we did, but we must have thrown them out after the dinner on SmallBoy's actual birthday. We punted. I thought about using a votive candle, but that would have left too big a hole in his cake. Instead we settled on a dinner candle. The kids thought it was hilarious and sang the "you live in a zoo" version of Happy Birthday....ok, I confess, I started it. All of the boys thought it was hilarious and then continued on with some other ending about cartoon characters on different television channels. It was fun. We fed them cake and had a momentary break from the screaming.

Finally, after more games, more of the same "so, I don't care," remarks from another one of the boys, and an attempt at a movie, 11:00 rolled around and I decided it was time for them to crash. The boys got ready for bed - they all actually brushed their teeth, I was shocked. We pulled out the sofa bed and made them all comfy. Getting them settled was a joke. They, of course, had the giggles and were cracking themselves up. Then there was the dog. She wanted so badly to play with them and to be a part of the party, that she curled up on one boy's sleeping bag when he got up. Of course that made them scream and giggle all over again. Finally, after sitting on the stairs for a half an hour and threatening no more sleepovers, they all calmed down enough that I felt comfortable going to bed.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAH!" That's what I woke up to at 1:15 am. Yep, sure enough, the boys had snuck back out of bed and hit the video games. Having a Girl who frequently has sleepovers, I expected this. However, I forgot that these boys don't have a whole lot of sleepover experience yet, especially in the how-to-get-up-again-after-lights-out-and-wreak-havoc-without-waking-the-parents department. They were toast. Mean Mom banished the games and sent them all to bed. I think that was enough to scare them into submission for a few hours, or at least until 6:30 when we were woken up from our not-long-enough-slumber to the same screaming noises. I caved finally at about 8:00 and went downstairs.

PC headed out for donut holes for the kids and coffee for Girl, himself, and me....LargeBoy was conveniently out most of the night before and still sleeping throught this noise. As the wild beasts devoured the donut holes, I made bacon & eggs for the three of us. Well, after the feeding frenzy was over, the beasts picked up the scent of the bacon and descended on the kitchen. "We want bacon and eggs!" (OH, PM I can hear you now, trust me!) Because, and only because, I had mentioned bacon & eggs to them the night before, did I consent to feeding them another round of breakfast. This time, we were all over the food consumption though. Every few minutes, one of us would go in and make sure that they were eating. I wasn't wasting my buy one - get one free bacon on them if they weren't going to eat it. I could have made Fat Sandwiches with that (PB & Bacon on toast, hence the name). They finished the food and were finally sated. While their food settled, I had them pack up their bags and then sit down and play a board game - Simpsons Clue. As we neared the pick up time (THANK YOU, GOD - yes, I went to church yesterday and gave thanks), I sent them all outside. Well Hyper boy 1 and Hyper boy 2 took off around the block on SmallBoy's scooter while SmallBoy and Nice Calm Boy played and, eventually, set off to find them. Moms arrived and HB 1 & 2 saw them, and took off. We waited them out. They left. It was over.

Lesson learned: Next year, no sleepover party. Let him still have Nice Calm Boy over to play and even to stay over. They're really good friends and, I think, they both need each other's friendship. Next year, lay out the house rules, making sure to add in that Mom will not be taking anyone to the ER, so no one had best get hurt. All in all, though, I think it was a success and SmallBoy was happy. Despite the chaos, it was really a huge step in social interaction for SmallBoy. He did try to control a few things, but I think, as with most kids, it was his house, his games, and he wanted to make sure that everyone was clear on how to do things. He didn't make up new rules (which is HUGE), he didn't quit if he was losing, and he let the kids do as they pleased. He was happy, and that is really all that matters.

Is it Bedtime Yet?

GOD I'm tired! I can feel the bags under my eyes racing to see which one can reach my feet first. I've already had two cups of tea today and it's just doing nothing for me. I'm sitting here waiting for furniture to be delivered from one of our other offices which I, of course, have to schlep up here...two heavy ass book cases that won't fit in the freight elevator. I'm sure you're dying to know why I am so drop dead on my face tired, right?

Last night SmallBoy and I went to his first Cub Scout meeting. It was cute and he had a great time. He's already memorized the Cub Scout Law, the scout handshake and the scout motto. He's very excited. On the way home we stopped to pick up a gift for a party he will be attending early this afternoon (no school today, how nice), went home did a bit of cleaning and then he and I decided we'd best get some sleep. PC was working last night. When he works nights, I always wake up when he gets home and we sit and chat for an hour or so until he winds down enough to go to sleep. I make it a point to get to bed early on those nights, to make up for the hour or so that I'll lose when he gets home. I think last night I made it to bed by about 10:30 or so. PC got home somewhere in the neighborhood of 1:15 this morning. We chatted for a while and then he popped in a DVD so that I'd get back to sleep.

Deep into a sound sleep I woke to the terror filled screams of "MOMMMMMMMMMM! MOMMMMMMMMMMMM!" coming from LargeBoy's room in the basement. LargeBoy has a tendency to talk, walk, and sometimes scream in his sleep, but never has it been for me. I found my robe and slippers and flew, I really think I did fly, down the stairs to his room, with PC right behind me. LargeBoy was sitting up, which is typical of this, but this time he was actually awake. I asked him if he was ok, if it was a nightmare, if he wanted me to stay. He said he didn't know what happened and that it was something before a dream. He laid back down and went to sleep. PC & I went back to bed. I was rather shaken, in my worst-case-overly-active-mommy-imagination, trying to figure out what could have triggered this episode and trying to calm down, so I snuggled up deep into my bed. It was cold last night. PC had made a stop before coming to bed and had a sneezing attack...that lasted until about 5:45 this morning. It would come and go in spurts, but when he wasn't sneezing, he was congested and couldn't breathe, would be coughing or dealing with a horrible runny nose. My poor hubby! Finally I gave him some allergy medicine so that he could at least get some temporary relief and sleep for a few hours before having to get up and work the day shift today (btw - his boss is a moron for thinking working nights and then days the next day is healthy). Needless to say when the alarm went off at 6, I hit the snooze as long as humanly possible and then sucked it up and went to work. LargeBoy was fine this morning, but remembered waking up screaming last night - which is not typical of this for him.

Tonight, we have SmallBoy's first birthday party with friends. It's going to be small, only three other boys are coming. It's going to be a sleepover, which means that PC & I have to stay up until the boys go to sleep. I think it's going to be an early bedtime tonight. I'll be lucky if I can keep my eyes open until I go home from work today - to clean up and prepare for the party...YIKES!!!!

About That Family Meeting...

Yeah, you know the one that we were supposed to have earlier in the week that got rescheduled? Well, last night was insane and it just didn't happen. Girl had mud soccer and didn't get home until PC and I were getting ready to walk out the door for a Parents Alliance for Learning (PAL) meeting. Tonight, SmallBoy and I have his very first Cub Scout meeting. We've been too busy the last two years to get him involved. Now, he very much needs to do this. It is an organized way, not to mention a fun way, for him to work on his social skills. The best part is that PC or I will always be with him, so he'll be able to cue from us until he feels comfortable doing it himself. After the meeting, it's power cleaning for the sleepover party tomorrow, trip to the store for presents for an afternoon party tomorrow that SmallBoy was invited to (HOORAY!), and then some serious sleepage. I think I could use some sleepage now...I feel a sneezing fit coming on!

Laundry Sucks

Check out this post at DotMoms about the 10 Things hated most about laundry. It's hilarious!

Redecorating

I love polka dots, but I got bored. I'm still very actively seeking a new background, but I know nothing of html and RSS and all of that other mumbo jumbo, so until I figure out how to do that, we'll keep up with the blogger templates. What do you think?

To Tell or Not to Tell....

I am rewriting an old post from an old blogsite that I no longer maintain. Marti, in her blog, was discussing homework and how her ASD Child was distracted, thinking about Christmas and Santa. Her Child is a year older than SmallBoy and she, like me, has yet to touch that subject with him. I thought I would re-post this for opinions, ideas, and a general hoot. I have added a bit to it since my original post, so, if you've read it before, it's not necessarily the same thing.

To Tell or Not To Tell

When does a mother destroy, nay, CRUSH, the visions of the Bunny? Because you KNOW that once the Bunny has been ratted out, there goes Santa and the Tooth Fairy. My mother didn't have to carry the burden of disillusioning me, someone on the playground took the privilege of doing that. Mom just had to comfort her sobbing daughter and comfirm the worst...that yes, Virgina, there is NO SANTA. My youngest is 8 1/2 (now 9). SmallBoy also has some components of Asperger's Syndrome, which is somewhere on the autistic spectrum (SmallBoy, since, has been formally diagnosed). With any other child, this squashing of the Bunny would be a bit easier (not that destroying our children's fantasies was ever easy in the first place), but with SmallBoy, I'm worried about how he will take it. Compare this to telling a 3 year old who finally gets excited about the idea of Santa that you were really just making it up. Will this destroy his trust? Will he just say, "Oh," and move on with his life? Will he figure it out and link the Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the Great Red One? Will that remove the behavioral manipulation that we, as parents, use on our children: "Santa's watching. You'd best behave or you'll only get coal in your stocking."

I know that I'm very overprotective of SmallBoy, many times to the dismay of Girl and LargeBoy. I could take the direct approach and just sit him down and tell him instead of letting it happen on the playground. But then, will he turn into the child who destroys it for some other schoolmate in his innocent need to share his newfound knowledge? Woe is me!

SmallBoy will be 9 before Christmas. My family thinks that it's time we sat him down and shwed him how to read between the lines of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." What tact does a mother take, though, when breaking this kind of news? It hurts to know I'm quite possibly going to cause him pain. I know, it's not going to be this big emotional scar that lasts for the rest of his live for which he will never forgive me, but seriously...Some would say that I should liken this experience to taking a child to the pediatrician for immunizations; it hurts, but it's for the child's well-being.

He has lost most of his baby teeth by now, at least the exciting ones. I guess that letting go of the tooth fairy wouldn't be too bad. We sort of let it slip about the Easter Bunny to gauge SmallBoy's reaction, but he was somewhere in SmallBoy Land and clearly didn't hear us. I suppose we could always dress PC in a rabbit costume and just change holidays for "I Saw Mommy Kissing...." Maybe by Christmas I will have figured out some way to break his tender little heart, but not yet. Suggestions?

Update: A note from PM somehow didn't get into the comments, but her suggestion was to watch "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown". She mentioned that this particular issue is tackled very delicately within the show. I'm going to have to find mine, although I think it was sacrificed in the great VHS toss when we cleaned out the back porch. That's got to be floating around all over the place right now, with it being so close to Halloween. Thanks, PM for your suggestion!

Rescheduling...So What's New?

Thanks for the comments and suggestions for the family meeting. I had thought about a laminated job sheet too, checklists make things much easier for SmallBoy. I will be putting in these suggestions tonight...I hope....I don't think anyone would be very surprised to hear that we didn't quite get to the family meeting last night. Things are too crazy in the after school/after work/dinner/pre - rest of the night hours. Last night, Girl had soccer practice and wasn't home until about 5:30, but still in time for dinner. LargeBoy, being a teenager, was asleep when I got home. I guess he had a lousy night's sleep the night before and was playing catch up. SmallBoy was up and ready to roll, but really, we needed the whole family for the FAMILY meeting. Waiting for LargeBoy to wake up was not even in the question as after dinner we all went our separate ways again. Sheesh! So, we'll try again this evening...I don't think we have anywhere to be tonight until 7:30. PC and I are going to a meeting for parents of children with learning disabilities. Although SmallBoy isn't experiencing any LD problems right now, Asperger's does have a tendency to be linked to hyperlexia - which roughly translates into a comprehension issue, unlike dyslexia. We figured we'd head off to the meeting, meet some parents and maybe find a group of people in our immediate area to form a little "support" group...who knows! Hopefully it will be productive!

The Family Meeting

Dun dun duuuuuuun....My house is a mess. I work, PC works. We clean. The kids, not so much. The cats litterbox got trashed in the plumbing flood and decided that anything soft would suffice in its place. Well, after that all got cleaned up, some of the lovely cat pee aroma lingered in a few places. Guess what, the cats found it. So now we're on massive clean up, but PC and I are planning a family meeting to discuss this with the kids. You see, everytime something happens, we all end up crabby, the kids end up killing each other and blaming each other, but they never do anything about it. That's going to end tonight.

The words "family meeting" fill children with dread, hell, they still scare me and I'm usually on the parental end of the meeting. The feeling of, "Oh God, what did I do wrong this time," or "Geez, what are mom & dad pissed about now" is very common when the meeting is mentioned. That's why we haven't told the kids....I know, it would have been fun to make them sweat it out all day and worry and wonder, but, by the same token that would have given them time to get worried and defensive and figure out how to point whatever blame there may be at someone else. Thankfully for the kids, and for us, too, I suppose, it will be a relatively short meeting. We will go over chore lists that MUST be done. They will ask about allowance and I'll tell them, for the 8, 592nd time that I will not give them allowance when a) they don't ever do their jobs unless they're threatened with a punishment worse than death and b) PC and I don't get paid for doing any cleaning around the house...we didn't get paid for ripping up the carpeting and sanding the stairs either!

We will find job lists that are fair and will, ultimately, if followed, lead to rewards for all of them. There are some chores that won't be assigned to SmallBoy and the other two will, as usual, bet mad. SmallBoy needs direction and someone to stand over him to keep him on task, so something complicated is not worth giving to him...better to give him several short easier tasks, than one large task, or to have him assist Girl or LargeBoy in a task. Also, with his asthma, there are chores like dusting and sweeping that I won't have him do. StupidDog sheds and entire sweater's worth of dog hair/hour and the Obnoxiously Cute Furballs, well, they're cats...'nuff said.

5:00 is drawing nearer, so I should set my mind to work and make some notes for tonight's meeting and, perhaps, start the chore list. I will march in their armed and ready, confer with my partner in crime -- oops! --parenting, collaborate our thoughts, and call the meeting to order. Beware Children! While I'm thinking of it, any ideas on household tasks for Aspies that give them a sense of responsibility and teach them about helping out and following rules, but at the same time require minimal guidance? I could really use some.

Oh I Can't Even Come up With a Fun Title

Ack! My whole post is awol! I hit publish and it erased it! Boo hoo!

Back To School Night

Tonight was the annual try-to-meet-as-many-teachers-and-see-as-many-classrooms-as-you-can night. I skipped the welcome portion at church, as I've heard that same spiel for the last 9 yrs. I decided that it would be more time effective to go right into school and find SmallBoy's classroom. His desk was all neat and clean and organized; surprising for an AS child, they must have done that today. There was a packet of information from the teacher explaining expectations for the year, books they will be reading, handwriting samples, and a bunch of extraneous stuff. On top of the packet was a note from SmallBoy.

Dear Mom and dad -

I hope you like my classroom. I hope you like my desk. Third grade is great.

SmallBoy (written twice, once in cursive and once printed).

So I left him a note back saying "hi" and how much I liked how neat his desk looked and that I love him. I also came to school prepared. Knowing what I know now about SmallBoy and his AS, I armed myself with a packet of my own with information from various sites about AS. This packet was geared towards teachers and educators to give them a better idea of what to expect from SmallBoy this year and how to make his school year, and theirs, a bit easier. I walked around to each teacher that he has this year and made sure that each one had a copy of this packet. I didn't push it on them or anything, just said "Hi! I've got a SmallBoy packet for you with anything you could ever want to know about him. He was dx with AS just this past June, but you're all familiar with his quirks and differences by now. This will answer your questions and, perhaps create more. I've included my home and work phone numbers on the front, so PLEASE call me if you need any clarification." The teachers were thrilled. I do have to say that there is a wonderful group of teachers at my children's school. They are kind, caring, compassionate, and more than willing to work with parents and families to ensure the success of the students.

After Back-to-School-Night, I helped SmallBoy get packed for his weekend at Ex's and tucked him into bed. It's always hard to tuck him in on Thursday nights if it's an Ex weekend for the kids because they leave with Ex before I get home from work on Friday. But that's for another article. I kissed him goodnight, gave him his allergy meds, scratched his back and gave him our goodnight I love you routine. He, in turn, hugged me as tight as he could and told me that I was a - now hold on, I have to get a big breath here - super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super (inhale) super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super mom. I love my SmallBoy. Of course I reciprocated immediately. I have to say that the lack of showing affection towards others is one of the ASD symptoms that he does NOT display.

This mommy's got to work tomorrow morning, so I'd best get to bed. I'm sure I won't get much sleep tomorrow night after going to the scary scary movie!

Who Said it's Fall?

Well, officially it's not Fall for 2 more hours. Someone is being nice to us today? Mother Nature, perhaps? The weather predicted low to mid 70's for today and instead it's mid-high 80's. The breeze has a nice Autumn feel to it, though. The leaves that have fallen, though not many have turned, are skating across the ground as though on ice, adding the the sound of the breeze a nice Autumn sound to it. I must say, though, that even on this beautiful day, my allergies are going crazy, but it's worth it. Worth it to take in one of the last nice days for a while. Winter in this city is awfully long and gray, so days like today are to be taken advantage of.

I took a two hour lunch today and PC and I went to the park for a picnic. After being invaded by some really cranky bees, we set off on a walk about town. We walked all over and ended up at our local novelty shop where PC bought a jaw harp - perfect for our band, Code West. We played hide and seek with the hot sunshine by ducking in and out of storefronts to keep cool. Eventually, though, it found us. We sat down and rested our feet for a few minutes, as my work shoes were absolutely NOT suited for walking around town. As we were relaxing, we spied - with our little eyes - a smoothie poster in a window across the street. We made like moths to a flame and indulged ourselves in the refreshing strawberry-ness of the smoothie. Oh, you should have seen the straw! Remember those gigantic Pixie sticks that we all used to devour as kids? I swear the straw we got with our smoothie was that fat around. It was so much fun!

Tomorrow we have date night again, since the kids will be with Ex. We're planning on going to see a scary movie - I hate scary movies - and then, perhaps meeting up with ET and a few friends. Date night is SO essential. Even with three typical children of 15, 13, and 9, getting out is so crucial to a relationship. Add to that mix, 9 y/o with Asperger's and date night is a necessity...a chance to get out and be two adults again, a chance to talk without bringing up the children - to talk about each other and what's going on in our lives...absolute necessity. Date night can even be date day, especially in the Fall when the weather gets a little cooler and requires warm, snuggly clothes, when the weather is perfect for a walk through the woods to watch the changing leaves as they shed their summer wardrobe for the new fashionable colors. Fall is beautiful. I guess I'm just going to miss the summer, but as they say on the north side of our fair city, there's always next year!

Oh God! Not a Plumber!

Our house is old, built in 1922. The water pressure stinks. The downstairs toilet is still clogged after multiple bottles of draino, using the poor plunger until all of the "suck" had been sucked out of it, the upstairs toilet requires turning the water off and on to use, the spigot outside merely trickles water (my poor poor garden), and now my water heater has a steady drip - enough to keep my basement floor coated in water if the sopping & mopping is not kept up. We broke down and called the plumber. Hopefully he can get to us today, but that's incredibly doubtful since we're still waiting a return phone call.

I'm just dreading this. I keep imagining that he's going to tell us that not only does the water heater have to be replaced, but that all of our pipes are old, coated, and need to be replaced also. I am afraid. Very afraid. Of course, once he comes and fixes the ailments all will be well. I'm hoping that the crappy water pressure in the spigot outside is somehow related to what's inside so that we don't need any EXTRA work done. If it's unrelated, though, I guess I'll just be hoping for a really rainy summer next year, cuz that will involve a ton more work.

Oh this bites. Just the word "plumber" brings bad pictures and thoughts to mind. First of all, the dreaded plumber butt. EEEUUUWW!! Then there's my house being ripped apart. Then there's the thought of having to turn my water off and go for days on end without showering or doing dishes while waiting on a part. Then there's the thought that, oh GOD, what if we can only coordinate our schedules on a weekend! A plumber on a weekend?!?!?! $$$$$$$$$$ I think I'm having heart palpitations! I suppose I should just sit here calmly at my desk and not think about it. If worse comes to worse, I suppose I could take part of a day off from work...it's not like there's anything to do today or tomorrow except minor things.

I'd love to hear someone else's plumbing horror stories. Misery loves comapany. It might make me feel better.

More Blogs by Parents with ASD Children!

Oh Hooray! I am so happy to have found all of you. Is it obvious that I've had NOTHING to do at work today? In addition to MOM-NOS, I am adding Octoberbabies and My 2 Sons to the blogroll. They will also be in both the Mommy/Parenting link spot and the Asperger's/ASD link spot. Check them out & tell them MommyGuilt sent you.

Someone Who Speaks My Language

While doing my daily check of the blogs I like to read, I stopped in at DotMoms. While scrolling through their blogroll, one site, in particular caught my eye. Having a child with Asperger's and working in an office that specializes with children with severe learning disorders, I have seen "Not Otherwise Specified", or NOS on a lot of diagnoses on the Autistic spectrum. So when I saw MOM-NOS as a blog site, I knew it was something I needed to check out. As I read the post, which I've copied below (thanks MOM-NOS), I cried and cried because it reminded me so much of SmallBoy who is having his very first birthday party with friends in a couple of weeks.

Those who know and love children on this spectrum know how much of a milestone doing anything linked to the word "friends" or the concept of socialization is for these children, as making friends is incredibly, incredibly difficult for them. If you know my SmallBoy or anyone else on the spectrum, be sure to have a tissue handy when you read this. Also, please check out MOM-NOS on my blogroll. She is the only one, so far, to be listed under two categories. You can find her under the Mommy/Parenting Links and under the Asperger's Resource Links.

A friend, indeed Bud has a friend.

Clay is a boy in his Kindergarten class. We met Clay at the open house the day before school started, and since his was the name I remembered it was the one I used as we prepared for the first day of school. "And you'll play on the playground with your teacher and the other kids, like Clay..."

Every day after school we have walked from the classroom to the car at about the same time as Clay and his mom. And every day I have prompted Bud to say goodbye to Clay by name. We did this throughout Bud's two and a half years of preschool with a myriad of other children, so it never occurred to me that anything special was happening.

Bud did talk about Clay at home, though. When I asked who he liked at school he named his teacher, then his aide, then Clay. When I asked who he played with, he named his teacher, then his aide, then Clay. Last week he told me he wanted Clay to come and play at Bud's house. But I sort of thought Bud was just trying to give me the "right" answer when I asked a question.

Yesterday as we were leaving school, Bud - because he has the very sweet habit of ALWAYS telling on himself - announced "I can take it home with me!", which prompted me to frisk him and find each one of his pockets stuffed with toy fruit from the classroom. We headed back to the classroom to return the contraband, then I spent some time chatting with Bud's teacher. It was about 15 minutes later when we finally headed back to the parking lot.

As we approached I saw that Clay was sitting on the lawn by our car, and I heard him say "Mom! Here he comes!"

Clay's mom got out of the car and said to me, "Clay insisted that we couldn't leave until he said goodbye to Bud." They had waited 15 minutes, with Clay's mom wondering if we had walked to an appointment somewhere, and with Clay steadfast in his resolve to wait us out.

Bud gave Clay a high five, and they both said goodbye and climbed into their respective cars. It took every ounce of restraint I had to keep from scooping Clay up and smothering him with kisses.

Clay likes Bud. No one told him he had to. No one even suggested that he should. He just likes Bud. He likes Bud for Bud.

Bud has a friend.

Learning a New Skill

As a mother, I can do many things. I can multi-task like nobody's business, I can work, I can run a household, I can be a chauffeur, a fan, a nurse, a psychologist, a secretary, a cook (ok, well, sort of), I can sing in my band, be a den mother, an event organizer, a fixer-upper (when necessary)...you get the picture. I want to learn something else. Something not related to being a mom. Ok, so the band thing is not directly related to being a mom, but still. I want to learn to play the guitar so that I can play every once in a while in the band. Actually, there's a song that I REALLY want to learn how to play. PC, the wonderful guitar player that he is swears that it will be easy to learn, so I asked him to teach me the basics.

I gotta tell ya, the basics are HARD!!! He's teaching me on his electric guitar since the neck isn't as wide as the acoustic, which is what I ultimately want to play on, not electric. We started with a G-chord. I didn't think it possible for my fingers to stretch that far. Then we went to a C-chord. After I practiced for a while, I managed to make something that sounded like music! I was so proud of myself.

It's almost like piano lessons, though. You have to remember to keep your hand curved, even though it feels awkward, and to always keep your thumb in the right spot, and to not put too much pressure on the top finger on the chord or there won't be enough on the bottom finger. Oh, yes, and my fingers still have string indentations in them this morning. PC did say, though, that for now, practicing will be a simple thing. He said, "Just grab the guitar when you're watching the news and keep trying the positions until they don't feel awkward anymore." It will help to make it feel right, get the fingers used to stretching, and help to get the right amount of pressure on the strings...too little and the chord is wrong, too much and you mute one of the strings.

I WILL do this. I WANT to do this. SmallBoy wants to learn guitar too. They say people with Asperger's typically have wonderful musical ability. He would pick this right up. So, I promised him that perhaps for Christmas we'll get a guitar for him that's his size and I will teach him what PC teaches me....and that, in turn, will keep me practicing. I think I can do this! I even cut all of my fingernails down. I LOVE my fingernails, but, they grow so fast that if for some reason I decide not to pursue the guitar, which I won't decide, but if I do, they'll grow right back. So, seriously, do you think that a 30-something mother of three can learn to play guitar this late in life?

Happy Birthday SmallBoy!

Sorry, no pics posted for this one. Although, maybe I could post the one of him hiding behind his new rocket!!! Yes, a rocket! Seriously, what does a mother buy for an incredibly intelligent 9 year old little boy with Asperger's and a HUGE video game addiction? Certainly NOT video games. I instructed everyone to stay away from those for this birthday. I'd like to, in a few years, get him a computer - just basic, nothing fancy, not even necessarily with internet capabilities - to work on. He's so smart and with Asperger's finding something that is the right fit is key to working towards a career goal. Did you know that Bill Gates has Aspergers? I knew that Einstein did as did many other incredibly intelligent people, but I didn't know about Gates. With SmallBoys love for computers, who knows - he could be the next computer whiz.

SmallBoy had a wonderful day to celebrate his birthday. The weather was about as perfect as it could get: The sky was baby blue, with just enough clouds to make it look like a picture, the temperature warmed up to the low 80's, and there was just a slight breeze. He spent the day with his father, step-mother, Girl, step-sister, and new baby half-brother. They went into the city to go the the zoo. I guess he got a little upset that, even though it was his birthday, they didn't do everything and go everywhere that he wanted to go, but overall, the trip sounded nice. When he arrived home to me, we had planned a party for him. We have not been able to coordinate the big family party with ALL of the relatives yet, and probably won't get to it til November, but then we can incorporate Girl & LargeBoy's birthdays, too! Last night GR & Chica came over, as did MILLY & FIL, and ET, SIL & Princess. Yesterday was also FIL's birthday. The weather was sill beautiful at 6:00 in the evening, so while we finished preparing dinner, FIL took SmallBoy and Princess down to the park down the street. We barbecued burgers & dogs, ET brought a potato salad that he served from a pumpkin shell, and a to-die for apple, pear & banana salad. We had tater tots for the kiddies, cuz that's just more fun than fancy schmancy food. GR brought the birthday cake - white with confetti sprinkles inside!

Presents - The Game of Life-Spongebob style, Clue - Simpsons style, books - something from the Artemis Fowl series, Blubber by Judy Blume, Harry Potter 3, and something else I can't remember, new sheets and a new bed throw in the colors that he wants to re-decorate his room, a Rubik's cube (can you believe those are back?), and the remote control rocket from PC & me. We got FIL some motown karaoke for the cottage. There was one that had "Born To Be Wild" on it, not exactly motown. I'm dying to hear him sing it, more for the sheer hilarity of that song coming out of FIL, who is the epitome of NOT wild, at least not anymore from what I understand. We're actually thinking about making him a book for his next birthday filled with all of his lectures - we'll call it "FIL's Abbreviated Lectures". It will save him the time of having to tell PC & ET the smoking lecture on deaf ears, the you've-had-one-sip-of-an-alcoholic-beverage-you'd-better-not-be-driving lecture, the newest electrical lecture, etc....This way, whenever he feels we need some good fatherly wisdom, he can hand off the book and say, "please refer to page sixteen". What do you think, MILLY? We love our FIL....but that's for next year. If you can think of any lectures I might be missing, let me know...tee hee. We actually thought about giving him the picture of PC with his thumb on his forehead!

All in all, I think it was a lovely day with wonderful family. Happy Birthday SmallBoy!!!!! Happy Birthday FIL!!!

Monday Funny from Milly

Happy Monday! It's cold and rainy here in the Midwest, so here's a Funny to start your week with a chuckle.

For all of you mothers out there, this is SO TRUE!!!

THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
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The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
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Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
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Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
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Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
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Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
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Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
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At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.______________________________________________________

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

Team SmallBoy Update

It's been a while since I have mentioned what we are up to with SmallBoy and his Asperger's. Aside from trying desperately to pay off the neuropsychologist before she takes me to court for the remainder, I have been researching different insurance options to get his therapy and his asthma/allergy meds covered (Ex's insurance pays, but you pay forward and wait 6-8 mos to get reimbursed). I found that my plan at work covers everything that he needs and all of the physicians that we currently are with. Unfortunately I cannot enroll him until December, with a Jan. 1, '06 effective date - at which point, everything will be pre-existing. We'll get it all figured out, though.

SmallBoy has been having a really rough go of it lately. For the most part he's happy, but the fact that he is different from everyone is really starting to bother him. He is realizing that he can't remember things that all of us SHOULD remember, like rules, etc. Yesterday he compared himself to Dorey from Finding Nemo, with her short term memory loss. He knows that he is easily confused. Although not diagnosed by the ridiculously expensive neuropsych, I believe that he also has some kind of a language processing disorder. He knows that he can't always find the words or coping mechanisms that he needs to use when dealing with his frustration and that frustrates him even more.

Today we start our behavioral therapy. This is supposed to help him find coping mechanisms for his frustrations and anxieties. It is also supposed to teach him how to act in social situations, especially when he gets overloaded. He is a little nervous about discussing his feeling with a stranger, but I know the psychologist that he'll be working with. Her son went to grade school with LargeBoy, and, before I moved, she lived on the next block. I am hopeful that taking this next step will encourage him; will give him a little better feeling about himself and that he is not a bad child, nor a lost cause. I want this to help him see that even though he is different from the other kids, that doesn't mean he has to stand out from the crowd. I want this to make him feel better about himself. He is the most compassionate little boy and it hurts me so much to watch him hurting like this.

He is now in third grade. This is the age when all "class friendships" start breaking off into little cliques. This is the age when children discover that there are "different" qualities about some of the other children. This is when they start to pick on those who are different. I don't want my little boy to be bullied, but it is so hard to teach him how to fight back without being a tattletale who then, in turn, gets picked on or beat up for tattling. The last couple days have been difficult for him on the playground. I guess a group of girls were chasing him around at recess the other day and he had asked them to stop bothering him. They didn't, but recess was over anyway. Yesterday, the girls continued where they had left off. SmallBoy asked them, again, to please stop and leave him alone. The girls, being girls and innocently thinking they're doing nothing wrong, continued. SmallBoy couldn't remember what he was supposed to do in this situation (tell a teacher) and took matters into his own hands and bit one of the girls. Well, this resulted in a trip to the office, a phone call to me, an apology to the girl, and a very upset little boy. He was more upset that he didn't remember what he needed to do to handle the situation, than about being in trouble. I mean, he was definitely upset about being in trouble, but it bothered him more that he couldn't remember what he should have done.

I made him write a nice note of apology to the girl and her parents so that he would understand that he had done wrong and that he had hurt her. My son is now labeled as a "biter". Fortunately, they know SmallBoy at his school and they are all very familiar with his issues, so they work with me. SmallBoy is not a biter. He had to have been pretty frustrated with the girls and his confusion over how to solve the problem to have done that. See, that only sounds like I'm making an excuse for him. I'm not. That is just him. It is the Asperger's. People don't understand that. They say that he should know better, that he should remember how he is supposed to act in certain situations, that there is no reason he should forget the rules. Well poo-pooh on them! They're wrong and don't understand Asperger's.

Well, with that off my chest, I think I'll dive into some work now. I feel a tad better.

Two More Great Sites for You To Enjoy - I Do!

Today I discovered two wonderful new blogs that I'd like to share with you. Check them out on my blogroll or check them out here: A Mama's Rant and Writing From The Hip. I found this wonderful article, and site, thanks to Blue Grass Mama.

This is from Paul at Writing From the Hip - a refreshing look at parenting from someone with a lot more experience than the most of us!

A Bargain at Twice the Price

Our government—bless it’s heart—recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to age 18. Only $160,140 for a middle income family! Woo-hoo! Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition!

For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about “…all the money we could have banked if not for [insert your child's name here].” For others, that number might confirm their decision to remain childless.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. Thats only $8,896.66 year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. A mere $24.44 a day! Just a dollar an hour. What a bargain! Still, there are those who think the best financial advice is “Don't have children if you want to get rich."

Gong ~ong ~ong! Wrong answer.

What do your get for your $160,140?

Naming rights—first, middle, and last.
Glimpses of God every day.
Whispers from angels.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, worms, clouds, flowers and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles, playing catch and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to movies and wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee from the garage roof, for taking the training wheels off the bike, for removing a splinter, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets a treat after the game.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You have all the power to kiss a boo-boo and make it feel all better. You can scare away the monsters from under the bed. You instinctively know how to patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, go tromping through the wilderness—and love them without limits.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

You get a front row seat to history to watch the first step, first word, first day of school. "Mom, look! My first fish!" Her first bra, the first date, first time behind the wheel, the first grandchild—and then you get to hear about it all over again. "Guess what, Pee-paw. I went swimming in the deep end!"

You become immortal. A branch is added to your family tree; and if you're lucky, many more branches quickly follow.

Here’s the best part: Because of you, one day they, too, will love without counting the cost.

The Carpet is TOTALLY UP!!

As of the last carpet posting, my stairwell, top and bottom landings were carpet free, and PC and ET had removed the nasty foot-biting staples from the floor. Yesterday, PC called me at work and asked, since he was working nights, if I could come home for lunch and see the surprise he had gotten for me. He told me he didn't know if it was returnable, or if it would fit in our bedroom, and that he wanted to see my reaction to this "surprise". So, of course, I said yes. I flew out of the office at 1:00 and made it home by 1:10 to find that my surprise was a bedroom floor! A FLOOR, mind you, not a bedroom carpet! PC had pulled the carpet from up there also, and I must say, it looks FABULOUS! He cut around the heavy furniture and we'll get rid of that this weekend, but WOW! What a difference! It's like a totally different room! I love this man! Milly, can I keep him? Ooooh, or maybe next summer you and I can hit the beach with a pitcher of something yummy while he rips the carpeting up from the cottage!!!!! That would be nice!

'Tis the Season, The Sports Season, That Is

The kids are back in school and our lives are back on a very structured schedule. Awake at a certain time, home at a certain time, dinner at a certain time (give or take), bed at a certain time. Seems to make things a bit easier, huh? Nope. Just when we thought we were organized and scheduled again, along comes soccer season, the first of many many sports seasons until late next August. This schedule really only reeks havoc on our evenings and weekends, thus affecting dinner time, dinner as a family, quality of dinner, fighting for showertime, homework time, bedtime, family time on the weekends, and, ultimately wake up time.

It is nice, however, to see the children happy and running around the field using up all of that excess energy. She LOVES sports. She loves the competition and she loves all of the friends that she makes. She loves striving to be the best. I compare that to me with music. I always want to be the best that I can be when it comes to singing and she has that same drive with sports, although, I think she's a bit tougher than I am. She will play four full quarters of soccer or basketball, constantly running back and forth, and rejuvenate after water or a sports drink. She can play 7 innings of girls softball in 90 degree heat and feel no more than a nap's worth of exhaustion. She can take criticism and instruction better than I can. She lets it roll off, I let it fester.

You should have seen her play last night. She played 3 quarters and played defense all three. Not once did I see anyone get past her. She plays on her school soccer team, which is co-ed. She never backs down from a hit, a block, a fall, a boy. She takes them all and knocks them down. She will run you over if she must. Two years ago her coach was trying to motivate her to play harder (like that's really necessary) and used the negative reinforcement approach. He told her she played like a girl. Being Girl, she responded, "That's because I am." During the next quarter there was a player trying desperately to get past her. The poor opponent ended up with a concussion because Girl wasn't letting her by and flattened her. Now, don't get the wrong idea, Girl is not a brute, but if you get in her way, you're pretty much entering shark infested waters covered in blood. She doesn't mean to hurt or maim, even, but sometimes it happens. She always feels bad when she hurts someone, even if it's as minor as a trip and fall, and she always apologizes. She felt awful after giving that poor player a concussion, but she never got anymore razzing from her coach!

So back to the changing seasons of sports, crock pot, electric frypan, Market Day, and fast food dinners. I think this year we'll plan out our meals according to the sports schedule - if we have one. The school seems to find it terribly difficult to get schedules to the students before the day of the game, so parents are left changing every plan and other schedule that they have made for the family while counting on it being a game or practice -free evening. Well, we've gotten used to it. Sometimes we miss the games. I hate doing that. Even if it makes me available to do something else, like laundry or grocery shop, or do something with Small or LargeBoys, it still leaves me with MommyGuilt because I'm not there watching her do the one thing she LOVES. Until August '06, though, I'm going to have to adjust.

Once soccer is over, actually before that, we move into basketball season. With the playoffs overlapping the beginning of basketball practice, we're running around every night. As basketball season is winding to a close, volleyball practice starts up - again, more running around every night. As the school year and volleyball finish up, we're into softball tournaments every weekend until August. Keep in mind, though, that during all of these other sports, softball practice is going on indoors so that the girls are fresh for the start of the season! Hopefully with all of these sports, Girl will excel at one of them, have phenomenal grades, be socially active, and end up with a scholarship to the college of her choice. Boy wouldn't that be amazing.

I should close today by saying that all of this sacrifice is well worth it. It keeps my child(ren) extremely happy, busy, and out of trouble - and off the computer, and off the phone, and off of the video games....With all of the craziness, sports really are a good thing in our lives (God, I can't believe I just said that!)

Welcoming A New Friend

ET, PC, & I went out for chicken at Dell Rhea's Chicken Basket last night before heading off to our Tuesday night karaoke date. We stuffed ourselves silly. Corn fritters, mashed potatoes (with the skin - darn tootin'! Take that Cordon Bleu!), and the best M*&# F*@#! fried chicken this side of the Mason-Dixon line. Sorry Mom & MILLY about the French, but there truly are no other words to describe this chicken. "Mouth watering," doesn't cover it, "finger licking," is just the tip of the iceberg. I can still taste it - oh, well, that's because I just went and swiped a corn fritter out of my carry-out box that I brought to work with me today. Anyway, Dell Rhea's is famous not only for the best MF fried chicken this side of the Mason - Dixon line, but for being the last stop on historic Route 66.

PC & ET had slaved all day pulling the throngs of carpet staples out of my staircase, so we fed the kids Mac Dog (Mac-n-cheese with hot dogs), went for chicken, and then went to karaoke. We LOVE karaoke, especially at this bar and with Barb, the phenomenal karaoke babe with the even more phenomenal voice! Week to week the crowd is different at karaoke, as there are many hotels in the area, housing more business travelers than vacationers, so you never know how many people will be there any given Tuesday. There could be 30, or there could be just PC & myself, you never know. Last night was a small, but fun crowd. We met Andie, who was in on business from Arkansas. It took us a while to get her up singing, but she finally did and she was great! After talking to her for a while, I found out she is with the military and she has her own Blogger blog! She loves to take photos and use them in her blog...you should see some of them, they're awesome. Oh, wait....here's the link to her site, Life In the Ozarks. You can see them for yourself. I've added her to my blogroll so you can check it out anytime! Welcome Andie. She also took some pictures at karaoke, so maybe one of them will make it here onto my site and maybe onto my band, Code West's, site.

Andie, it was a pleasure to meet you. Come back out next time you're up this way...and thanks for the round!

The Carpet is UP!!!!

We have two cats and a yellow lab that sheds so much we could knit a sweater from her fur, one for every day of the year, and still have too much left over. We also have carpeted stairs to the second floor and a carpeted floor in our bedroom. Let me tell you, Lab hair does not like to vaccum out of carpeting. It has this attraction, almost magnetic, to the carpet and defies the suction of the vaccum. I'm convinced that as the dog sheds, her hair wraps itself around each strand in the rug individually, forming another layer on the floor. In order to get the hair out, we have to get on our hands and knees with those U-shaped wire dog brushes and scrape it out of the floor. Our indoor throw rugs have been moved to the porches because we couldn't keep them free from dog hair. SmallBoy has asthma and allergies that lead to asthma. We had two choices: Lose the dog or lose the carpet. The decision was to lose the carpet, although PC and I would have taken both of the above.

After our long day on Sunday celebrating my grandfather's birthday, we settled the kids down and set out to our task. Starting at the top of the stairs, we sliced the rug into sections thinking that would make our job a whole lot easier. We figured we'd have it knocked out in an hour or so. We started at 4:30 on a Sunday evening. Yeah, I know - never start a project that will only take an hour or so at 4:30 on a Sunday evening. We slowly pulled away the carpet, yanking it, tearing it, ripping it, forcing it from its bond with the wooden floor beneath. We encountered many more staples than we would have liked - many that ended up under fingernails or ripping legs.

A pint of lost blood later (no, I'm kidding), we finished tearing up the carpet and bringing it out to the trash. HUGE portion of this job accomplished - the stairs were a bitch! We could have paid someone to do this for us, but why? We don't have the money for it, and, even if we did, we will have a huge sense of pride in our beautiful new floors and stairs once we have completed the project. We'll answer the question, "Oh, you're floors and stairs are beautiful. Who did you use?" with, "Oh, we did it ourselves." It's a wonderful feeling.

With the promise of Dell Rhea's Chicken for dinner, PC was able to bribe his brother into coming by today and helping to pry out all of the staples from the wood. We just need to get our hands on some little sanders to fix the stairs. The wood is beautiful, but the stairs have this layer of goo on them that needs some coaxing off. My thought was Goo-gone, but it would take about 100 gallons of the stuff, plus a lot of elbow grease to remove it all and I think we'd all be too tired to actually USE the stairs. Ultimately we will strip and refinish the banisters also and match them to the stairs. I'm terribly excited about this project. The banisters will take a LONG time, though. A previous owner painted them and they are SO thick with paint that the paint is beginning to crack.

I am one of those people who likes to see the end result before beginning the project. This is going to make me crazy in the process, but little by little, the finished staircase will come shining through and we will be so proud. We'll show it off. Then we'll move on to the next project - removal of the bedroom carpet! Anyone want to help?

Monday Funny

From a very dear friend. CORK IT! Even moms have to appreciate bathroom humor now and then!

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where shitty ideas come from!!!!

Remembrance

It seems that as the years pass, people are forgetting September 11, 2001. On my street, I only saw two flags displayed - one of which was ours. I did not see any notices of memorials in the paper, nor much else to mark the day. Granted, life does go on, but it is a day that MUST be remembered, not forgotten. I am certain that those affected the most by 9/11 have not forgotten. I will not let my children forget. Heck, they didn't know what Pearl Harbor Day was until the movie came out....let's not let 9/11 be just another date on the calendar. Yes, it was tragic. It was horrific. It was awful. But we have to remember.

Our September 11, in addition to being a day of remembrance, was also a day of celebration. My entire family gathered together to celebrate my grandfather's 90th birthday. There was food, music, happiness. People took new family photos and looked at old family photos and tried hard not to chuckle at appearances 20, 30, 60, 80 years ago. There were actually 90 candles on the cake with no fire extinguisher in sight. With the help of a couple of the grandkids, including LargeBoy, he managed to blow out all 90 before the wax became a new layer on his cake. My grandfather is a candy hound and always has plenty in stock, so for his 90th birthday, he received 90 bags of candy. I think that should hold him for a while. It was a very momentous day!

Later that afternoon, and into the evening, PC and I ripped up the carpeting on my stairs. Oh it was gross. The dog hair, cat hair, and all of the dirt just from everyday traffic made this a very gritty and dusty process. With the exception of the staples in the ground, the carpeting is up. The only thing left to do now is to remove the staples, sand, and perhaps re-stain the stairs. The hardwood underneath the landing was beautiful, but the stairs were covered in a coating of goo. Another project for another day.

Throughout the day, the kids were noticing the lack of memorial around the day. So last night, after all was said and done, and SmallBoy was tucked away in bed, the four of us sat down and watched the HBO special "In Memoriam" and remembered. We watched in silence. We shed some tears and relived some of the painful memories of that day....but we refused to forget, only to remember.

There are horrible things going on in our world today - London bombings, Hurricane Katrina, Iraq, and so many more, including the things that go on everyday in third world countries unnoticed by the rest of us. Let us always remember those things so that perhaps we can all learn from them and live a better tomorrow. Let us remember those who lost their lives not knowing what was happening, and those who went in to help knowing that there was an enormous chance they would never return. Let us remember their loved ones. Let us also rejoice in the fact that we have survived, that the sky is still blue and that the sun still rises in the morning and sets in the evening. Let us remember to love each other and to keep living until we have lived all that we can - 90 would be nice, like my Gramp.