Saturday, November 12, 2005

Therapy update

I know you're all waiting with baited breath to hear how it went tonight...ok, so, last night - it's now 2:30 in the morning.

Dr. M met with SmallBoy while we waited for Ex to get there (we were early). She chatted with him about his feelings and, it seems, that she prepped him for his weekend at his father's. When they finished, SmallBoy came out to play a feelings game with his brother and sister while PC, Ex, and I went in to meet with Dr. M. She started the session by saying "Let's talk a bit about Asperger's," with emphasis on ASperger's since Ex insists on calling it AWSperger's. She explained its ins and outs in very very simple terms. We talked about how we felt SmallBoy would grow and learn throughout his life. She referenced Bill Gates and how he has Asperger's and, hell, look where he is! We talked some more about how he is very high on the spectrum. BlahBlah Blah...we went into questions and asked about things like how we can make transitions easier for him and how he works better visually than verbally.

She opened the floor for questions and I made sure that Ex had a chance to address his issues. This, of course, took prompting from me, but I wanted to make sure that he heard from a professional, not me, what really works and all of the things that I've been saying..which are fact and that I have learned through my thousands of hours of research, but would mean shit coming from me...simply because I truly believe that Ex wants to find something wrong with my parenting. We talked about how SmallBoy hates to wash his hands or follow direction at his father's. Dr. M said, as have I, that a) it could be attributed to the typical manipulation of child of divorce pitting one house against the other and b) it could be that he's being thrown from his routine and has this feeling of jealousy or pandering for attention, even if it's negative, at Ex's house. Dr. M suggested posting a chart in the bathroom...gee, simple enough, but had I suggested it, would have been shot down...list the steps: use the bathroom, flush (which he also forgets frequently), wash hands.

Ex, I think, was still convinced that I'm not teaching him to do these things. What was awesome was that PC chimed in with, "He ALWAYS washes his hands at home. If he's come out of the bathroom too quickly after we hear the flush or the seat drop, I ask him, to make sure he's completed all of his steps in his routine, 'SmallBoy, did you remember to wash your hands?' He'll go back without even questioning or whining an do it if he hasn't." Gee...go figure. He responds better to gentle prompting or making sure his routine is complete than, "SmallBoy! Go and wash your hands! You always forget! You have to do it! It's the rule in OUR house and I don't care if you do it at home or not, that' s the rule here!" What would any Aspie respond better to!

On that same note, I made sure that Ex had a chance to bring up any questions about SmallBoy's behavior at his house. He actually said this: "It all goes back to the handwashing. You know, if people don't wash their hands, they can pass disease, and there's a large chance that he can pass on a fatal disease to the baby." I was PISSED! First of all, he wasn't NEARLY that anal about that when our children were babies. Secondly, that showed really how much he's wrapped up in this baby and, thirdly, he didn't even address the one issue that he brought up with me - that he's afraid that SmallBoy is going to hurt the baby. GRRRRRRRR!

I brought up how his showering is akin to an old Bill Cosby skit where he's giving his children the steps to take a shower: "Go in the bathroom. Turn ON the water. Take OFF your clothes. Get IN the shower. Get wet. Wash your body...USE SOAP! Rinse. Wash your hair WITH shampoo," etc...She suggested, and also for the handwashing, a laminated visual chart -like a checklist of steps. Post them in the bathrooms at our house and at ex's...make sure they pertain to everyone in the house so it doesn't seem like SmallBoy is being singled out. Hmm...makes sense, huh? Eventually it will become routine.

Somehow, I don't think that Ex took it all in. As Dr. M was speaking, I could pick out exactly the parts that he, Ex, would take out of what she was saying. I know my Ex, and I know that he will hear the negative things. I'm certain that's what he took out of all of this. We'll see. When the kids come home, I'm certain I'll get a phone call saying all of the "bad" things that SmallBoy did this weekend and that he can't possibly keep having SmallBoy over for the weekends anymore. GRRR

We talked about SO many other things that I can't remember. I'm sure I could, but right now my husband and his brother are standing in my kitchen being, well, twins...Meem, you're the only person who can truly get this, but the rest of you, just understand that my husband and his brother are really one of a kind and are such trouble (but fun trouble) when they are together. I'm losing my train of thought now, so tomorrow or maybe even Monday, when I'm more focused, I'll finish this post and make more sense. Marti - are you sure you REALLY want to be related to these two?


Juggling Mother said...

Lets hope he takes the advice home with him, even if he only heard the negative comments!

Mstr A also needs continuos reminding to follow all the steps in various routines, & equally responds extremely (I mean extremely) badly to being "told" to do it. I'm not even sure it is totally an aspie thing - it might just be a stubborn boy thing!

Shame I won't be able to get my mother along to any counclling sessions:-)

Kristina Chew said...

Thanks for referencing the Bill Cosby skit, comedy is what it's pretty much around here these days (or rather tragicomedy). Don't know you manage so many individuals, emotions, perspectives---

Moi ;) said...

Did you get to tell the doctor that Ex has said that crap? You know he didn't do it because he KNEW better, he would look like a total ass if he had.

It's BS anyway. I bet it is his gf/wife's way of just getting rid of SmallBoy. He's Whipped and desperate.

At least the next time he mentions it, you can remind him that he had the chance to bring it up with the doctor, and he didn't. So he can shut the F up.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Moi that EX HAD the chance to bring anything up....And....are you sure the other kids ALWAYS washed their hands? I can't say for sure my boys did after a certain age. I know they did when they were small...because I was there....but later? I agree with mrs. aginoth that lots of these things could be BOY things.
What a fine line...and you are such an awesome mom to be so in tune with all his moods...reactions....feelings.

OK....yes....I know what the twins!! are like. Why do you think I encourage them to stay at YOUR house...not mine!? Although, Evil twin is a pretty darn good cook!! They are truly a team...and BOTH of them adore your do I!! Love, Meem

mommyguilt said...

Yes, a FABULOUS cook. Hopefully, one day, we can monopolize upon that and become rich beyond our wildest dreams....if not that, then we'll just be fat from eating all of ET's cooking! tee hee